


Prolonging The Inevitable

by Lotzofcanary



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Original Character(s), Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2019-10-15 02:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 100,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17520242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotzofcanary/pseuds/Lotzofcanary
Summary: Aaron Sidles little sister turns up in Vegas. What will this mean for Aaron and the rest of the night team rated Mature for later chapters Will be Cath/Sara I promise.Set through Seasons 1 to 9 of CSI this will, in the end, be a Sara Catherine piece with a few bumps along the was. A few Buffy and Supernatural references along the way.





	1. Called In

**Author's Note:**

> This is my baby has taken me a while to finish this and has been a real labour of love. I'm super excited to share this though and as it is mostly compleat apart from a few last minute rewrites I should be able to get it out to you fairly quickly, well-assuming anyone wants to read it.

"Sidle!" Aaron's voice sounded groggy to his own ears as he answered his phone. He silently groaned to himself at his own stupidity for not turning his mobile off and disconnecting his landline. Then again he had been so tired when he had finally gotten home earlier that he was surprised he had made it to bed and not just passed out in the living room or even his car.

Now though that extra couple of minutes looked like they would have been well as he fought to open his eyes and listen to whoever was on the other end of the phone. It had to be work related though he guessed he couldn't think of anyone else who would feel the need to talk to him at this time of the night.

"Aaron."

Aaron instantly recognised the voice on the other end of the phone there was no mistaking Grissom's voice even when he was as tired as he was. 'At least he had the decency to sound sorry.' sighing Aaron ran his free hand over his face pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes stung and he was sure that there was a headache brewing deep in his skull all in all this wasn't the way he had seen his night going.

"You do realise that it is the middle of the night on my first night off in what feels like a very long time?" Aaron questioned his boss, trying not to sound as pissed of as he felt. He knew Grissom wouldn't call him lightly but still, he also knew the older man was well aware of just how much overtime Aaron had put in to get a result on his last case.

"I'm sorry Aaron it was never my intention to call you in tonight but I need you to come to my scene." Aaron sat up paying a little more attention to what his boss was saying there was something hidden just below the surface of what had just been said Aaron could hear it in the supervisor's voice. It gave him a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach one he really didn't like and he knew that no matter how tired he was feeling there was no way he would be able to do anything else tonight till he knew what was going on With Grissom.

"Griss, it's my night off. I pulled two doubles in two nights. I need sleep, no matter what people might think about my magic powers." Ok, so he knew he was going to be getting out of bed and heading off into the night didn't mean he was going quietly.

"I know, and I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't very important."

"Important, Griss, bugs are important to you," Aaron smirked, "Where are you?" Aaron asked, pulling out a pen from the drawer in his bedside table and taking notes on the pad he always kept by his bed.

OO

checking the clock on his bedside table Aaron ran the numbers in his head calculating the time it would take to have a quick shower a cup of coffee and drive to the address he had just been given he knew he could probably shave a few minutes of his time if he went without the coffee but then he knew there was also no way he was making through without the caffeine though he wasn't sure it was going to help a headache that was trying to get his attention.

"Give me 40 minutes." Aaron hung up before Grissom could make any further comment on the amount of time Aaron was allowing himself. he tossed his mobile on the bedside table closing his eyes and resting his head in his hands. He knew that if he didn't get moving that very minute he was going to struggle but his limbs really weren't playing ball. Opening his eyes he caught sight of the picture on his bedside table, Aaron gazed at it for a moment his eyes taking every detail before he reached out picking it up, running his fingers over the face of the brunette behind the glass. 'Where are you girl?' Aaron sighed as he put the picture back carefully where it had been before. With one last look at it, he pushed himself off the bed stretching his tired limbs before heading to the bathroom. Setting the shower he let it run for a moment not wanting to set into a cold shower no matter how much it might help to wake him up. he turned from the shower stall stripping off first his t-shirt and then boxers placing them in the dirty wash he glanced in the mirror instantly regretting it not liking the face that looked back one bit. He looked tired the bags under his eyes making him look so much older than he was his hair a mess and the two days of stubble makes look even more untidy. He ran his hands through his hair and once again closed his eyes, Why oh why hadn't he shut his phone of he was sure that no matter how bad he looked now he would have been able to handle it after a good night's sleep.

deciding the water had reached an acceptable level, he stepped under the spray closing his eyes and leaning his head back letting the spray hit his face. Turning from spay he let it hit his back working out some of the stress still in his tired muscles. Double shifts were killers; two in a row pushed even his high level of physical tolerance.

Forty-five minutes and two cups of coffee later Aaron pulled up at the address he had been given. It hadn't been too hard to find, after all, all he had had to do in the end was to follow the flashing lights. He sometimes wondered why they gave each other exact directions to their crime scenes when all they had to do was follow the circus. With one last look of himself in the rearview mirror, Aaron got out of the Denali and headed to the trunk to pull out his vest and kit. Locking the car, he headed towards the yellow tape. Nodding a hello to a couple of officers, Aaron headed towards Brass.

"Hey, Brass." Aaron smiled in the direction of the homicide detective and was a little perplexed when Brass moved to block his entrance to the crime scene.

"Sorry Aaron," Aaron noted that the detective did actually look sorry for whatever was going on which only made things more confusing. "I can't let you into the scene why don't you find Grissom and he'll explain."

Aaron dropped his kit and sighed. He'd been dragged out of bed on his night off so he could come down and do Grissom a favour. So what the hell was going on?

"Where is Griss?"

Without another word Brass pointed Aaron in the direction of the stoic night shift supervisor and then wandered back over to the scene. Aaron turned in the direction he had been shown and was surprised to see Grissom wasn't working the scene either. He was sitting against the trunk on his own van looking rather lost. Deciding that was never a good look on his boss, he wandered over slowly trying to figure out what the hell could be going on.

"Look I know you're the boss and all but you call me up on a rear night off to come to meet you out here and I'm told I can't enter the crime scene. I really hope that there's a good reason for this."

Grissom turned in Aaron direction when he heard the young man, though it wasn't Grissom who answered. It was the voice of a young woman, a voice Aaron had been dying to hear for a long time.

"Hey don't get all irritated with Griss. I asked for you to be here."

Aaron whirled around so fast at the sound of her voice, he nearly toppled over. Steadying himself, he was faced with a sight he could have well lived the rest of his life without seeing, his sister, his baby sister in handcuffs.

"Sar'" Aaron was convinced for a moment he was seeing things he had been working hard and he was tired it wasn't out of the realms of possibility that he was still asleep and this was all some sick dream. After a moment or two he was forced to admit that she was really there, and this was real life. he closed the distance between them in an instant all he wanted to do was pull her into a hug; he was stopped short by one of the uniformed officers he had greeted on his way in.

"Sorry Aaron, she's a suspect in a homicide and has potential evidence on her."

"She's my sister!" Aaron snapped.

"You know all about preserving the evidence." The other officer told him, recycling a line Aaron himself had used many times.

"It's ok, Az." Sara tried to reassure her older brother.

"Far from ok," Aaron told her, seething as he pointed his finger in her face, "I hate you so much right now." he snapped out so close to strangling her right there on the spot and solving everyone's problems. when people said little sisters could be a pain they had never met his sister she wasn't a pain she was agony.

OO

Catherine willows pulled her truck to a stop just behind what she recognised as Aaron's and exited just in time to see Aaron pointing angrily at a young woman, Catherine could only guess was their suspect by the way she was cuffed. Catherine Couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips as she witnessed the scene in front of her she couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the woman in cuffs too, Catherine herself knew what it was like to be on the wrong end of Aaron Sidle's temper, though Catherine herself could give as good as she got and she was never in chains while doing so.

Shaking it off she concentrated on the matter at hand which was what the hell was she doing here when there were two capable CSI's already here. She had been pulled off a double homicide with Warrick to come to work this case. All she had been told by Grissom when they had spoken, was that neither he nor Aaron could objectively work this case and she was beginning to see why. She headed over to where Grissom was trying and failing to calm Aaron down. The two men had the back of Grissom's truck open and were using it as a makeshift seat.

"Months, Griss and then she turns up like this."

As Catherine neared the side of the truck, she could hear what the two men were saying.

"I know Aaron and I know you've been worried but you're not helping anyone right now. You need to calm down and talk to her."

'Like that's gonna happen.' Catherine thought to herself as she cleared her throat, alerting the others to her presence.

"Ah, Cath. Thank you for coming."

"No problem Griss. You are the boss after all." Catherine smirked. "Where do you want me?"

Getting up from his seat next to Aaron, Grissom stepped in front of Catherine.

"Should I just go on and process the house."

"No," Grissom told her, taking off his glasses and wiping them on the sleeve of his shirt. "I'd very much like it if you would process the suspect first."

With the word suspect, a snort of disgust came from the back of the van and Catherine had to suppress a smile, whoever this young woman was she had well and truly wound up Aaron.

"I'll just get on with it then," Catherine told him. Motioning with her head in the direction of the van; indicating that maybe Grissom should go and talk to Aaron again. She was dying to find out just what was going on and who this woman was that meant that neither Aaron nor Grissom could work this case. She realised though that she would find out soon enough now though this was her case and she would need any information that would help her solve it and that included who the girl in cuff was and what she was to Aaron because it was clear whether he liked it or not right now Aaron knew the girl.

"If you would wait for me I would very much appreciate it," Grissom told her, turning back to Aaron.

"You call me from my scene with Warrick and bring me here you could at least let me process the way I want Grissom what's going on?"

"I'll explain what I can." He reassured her, continuing on his walk back towards Aaron. They spoke for a few moments, Grissom turned once to point in Catherine's general direction. Feeling a little self-conscious Catherine turned towards the house. Catching her first glimpse of the suspect, who was talking and joking with one of the officers. What was going on today? Grissom really was going to have some explaining to do on this one.

A gentle hand on her shoulder brought her out of her silent musing. "Shall we?" Grissom tried to smile; even though it wasn't a real smile, it looked far too forced and she wondered why he had even tried.

"If I'm going to work this case I'm going to need to know why you and Aaron can't and whether Aaron is going to be a problem he looks like he's going to lose the plot and any moment"

"Aaron and I both have a personal interest in this case," Grissom told Catherine as they walked over to where the brunette stood.

"And what would that be?" Catherine asked, still not quite getting what was going on.

"Well, Catherine Willows I'd like you to meet Sara Sidle... Aaron's sister."


	2. Little Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sparks fly as Catherine and Sara Interact for the first time.

"Huh!" Catherine's reply was less than elegant but then again up until this point Catherine had no idea that Aaron had a sister; but what did she know about Aaron really.  
“I’m assuming you didn’t know he has a little sister,” Sara smirked at Catherine and all Catherine wanted to do was wipe that smirk off of her face. She wasn’t sure how she wanted to do that though and it shocked her. Something about the brunette in handcuffs in front of her was so infuriatingly cocky and she wanted to kiss her and slap her in equal measure. Something about her was so familiar and she could only guess that it was because she was Aaron’s sister, there was something else in that smile though so God damn sure of her self it reminded her of Eddie and she wasn’t going to have anything like that in her life again.   
“I can only guess that he’s decided that you’re nothing to brag about given your current predicament,” Catherine told her with a shake of her head.   
"Griss, is he really pissed at me? He has never got in my face like that before." Sara asked turning slightly from Catherine she had bigger fish to fry right now. She was more than a little concerned she had never seen her brother that angry at her and it scared her more than being in handcuffs.  
Grissom was well aware that Sara had always been a handful for Aaron, he could also tell from spending time with the both of them that Sara loved her brother more than anything in this world.  
"He's been worried about you Sara, in truth we both have." It wasn’t a lie Grissom only ever had the information Aaron shared with him to go on and there had seemed to be a lack of that lately.   
"I know but I had to go away." Sara sighed she sometimes wished she was just a regular girl of her age just out of college with getting a good job was all she had to worry about.   
"Yes well you may have had to but he hasn't heard from you since Sunnydale. Then you turn up here like this."  
"I didn't do this...You believe me right." Sara asked fear seeping in her voice for the first time since this whole thing had started.  
Grissom reached up, cupping the young woman's cheek. He was adamant in his own mind of all the things this young woman might be, a killer was not one of them.  
"I know it's funny but in this job, I've learned not to put much stock into what people say. It's the evidence that never lies. I know though that you're not a killer."  
"Thank you, Griss."  
Sara leaned into the touch a little, closing her eyes. Catherine who had stood by quietly decided that this was a good a time as any to speak up.  
"Well as touching as this is I still have a Job to do." Catherine pointed out to them both. She didn’t like the fact that this young woman had her best friend eating out of the palm of her hand. She wanted to put it down to the fact that this woman had managed to turn things totally off kilter just by being here, something that Catherine herself loved to do, but she had a sinking feeling it was going to be much more than that.  
"Ah yes, introductions. Catherine Willows, CSI level 3, I would like you to meet Sara Sidle, an honour student and dear friend."  
"And my wayward, little sister."  
Both Catherine and Grissom turned at the sound of Aaron's voice.  
"Come to shout at me some more," Sara grumbled.  
"No, though god knows I should. I mean where the hell have you been? One phone call would have been all it took to stop me going out of my mind."  
"I wanted to. I knew you'd be upset and it was killing me but you know the rules.” Rules that had been ingrained in her for what felt like so long now following them was easier than breathing sometimes. Then though she looked at her brother and saw just how much it was hurting him she hated what she did and what it did to those around them closet to them. “I was definitely in no position to be questioning those rules.” She added almost as an afterthought something to soften the blow. Sara took a step towards her brother and Catherine flinched. "Oh please." Sara huffed shaking her head in Catherine's direction before stepping into Aaron's personal space laying her head on his chest. "I love you and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me." She asked him in a tiny voice.  
"I could never hate you, dumb arse. You know that."  
"Thank you," Sara whispered and Aaron leant down a little, kissing her forehead.  
Catherine was slowly seething. She really didn't care whose sister she was. Or how vulnerable she looked a moment ago when she had thought Aaron was really going to stay mad at her. Sure she looked truly scared but then again Eddie could always turn it on when he needed too.   
"As much as I hate breaking up this touching reunion until someone tells me differently, sister in chains still need to be processed. And I have a crime scene waiting to be processed also, so let's get on with this show."  
"Look, Little Bit, I've no clue what's going on here, but we'll work it out, OK. For now, though, we have to play the game and that means that Catherine has to process the scene and then you once we get you back to the station."  
"But I want you." Sara insisted in a tiny voice that squeezed Aaron's heart.  
"I know baby and I want to but I can't. If I do it, we'd be in even more trouble."  
Catherine placed her kit on the ground bending over it; she pulled the top of the silver case open picking out a pair of latex gloves, snapping them both on her hands. Deciding to process the scene before she goes near Aaron's clearly troubled sister, she pulled out her flashlight and evidence bags and started processing the scene.  
Catherine went over the whole house inch by inch. Missing anything could lead to either a guilty person getting away or someone that was innocent getting into trouble. With the person in the frame being Aaron’s sister Catherine knew she had to do her job well. She had some idea of what Aaron must have felt like being put in the situation of having to look into Warrick when Holly had died. Aaron had done his job to the best of his ability and it wasn’t his fault what he had found. Just as Catherine finished with the upstairs David arrived and she wanted to get some shots of the body in its current position before the assistant coroner touched the body.  
“I just need a couple more shots of the body in situ before you start your exam OK.”  
“No problem Catherine.” David smiled and let her work. Once she had her shots she set about taking anything she could find from the rooms downstairs and heading out back. There were signs of a fire being lit recently out the back and she took samples of what was left before heading back to the front of the house where the Sidle siblings were waiting for her. Ok, she was going to have to get used to that.   
“Done everything that I can here at the moment we need to get her back to the station.” Sara tilted her head in Sara’s direction but talking to Grissom and Aaron.   
“Can I ride with her?” Aaron didn’t care how desperate he sounded he just wanted to be close to his sister. She got into trouble here and there but the only times she had ever been in situations like this had been after their mom had killed there dad and after there foster family had been butchered. He knew she must be thinking the same things and he really didn’t want her to be alone.   
“No Aaron,” Grissom told him and although he wasn’t surprised it didn’t hurt any less to know that he was going to have to leave her.   
“I’ll be OK.” Sara tried to assure him.  
“But.”  
“I know,” She cut him off there was no point getting into this now. “But I know you’ll be waiting for me.” She told him   
“You better believe it.”  
●●●●●  
"Sar' Catherine is going to check for any evidence you might have on you. All you have to do is stand still and do as she askes." Aaron explained gently to his sister once they were back at the station and she had been booked in. He felt he needed to do something constructive to help her and as his hands were tied by the rules it was all he felt he could do. "You be gentle with her." He shot over his shoulder to Catherine.  
"Just another suspect." Catherine told Aaron turning to face Sara.  
"Hey, I'm still standing here." Sara told the bickering CSI's, hating that they were talking about her like she wasn't even there, especially hating Catherine's comment about her being just another "suspect".  
A short while later Catherine placed what she had managed to collect in her kit and clicked it shut. Pulling a swab from the pocket of her vest she headed back over to where Aaron stood with his sister.  
"Ok, I'm nearly done here all I need is a DNA swab... Oh yeah, your clothes as well."  
Catherine knew she was being a bitch and she couldn't really put her finger on why. She knew there was no real reason to collect Sara's clothes she had gotten everything she was going to get off of them but she wanted to see the young woman squirm. She just had no clue why  
"Look lady." Sara snorted "You want to get in my pants, you need to buy me dinner first. And you might get lucky after that."  
"Just open your mouth...You should have no problem with that since you can't seem to keep it shut." Catherine snapped back; not able to keep the comment from slipping out.  
Sara stood with her jaw set at a stubborn angle, lips curled into the smirk she had no idea could be the death of her at any moment as Catherine contemplated strangling her.  
Sara looking form Aaron to Catherine and with a slight nod of the head from Aaron, Sara relent, stepping forward a little she opened her mouth. Angry brown eyes met determined blue and sparks flew. Sara nearly bit down on the swab in her mouth at the intensity that met her gaze. 'She is so hot.' Sara had to stifle a laugh, she had not seen that one coming.  
"All done."  
Catherine's voice brought Sara out of her musings and down to earth with a bump. Here she was being investigated for murder by possibly the hottest woman ever.  
‘You guys owe me when I get out of here.' Sara grumbled to herself.  
"This officer will go with you to change," Catherine told Sara pointing to one of the officers milling about.  
"Do you really have to take her clothes, Cath?”  
"Here put this on after you take your clothes off." Catherine handed Sara a CSI jumpsuit, taking no notice of what Aaron had to say. “Take her to holding when she’s done.”  
"What did you find?" Grissom asked Catherine as she made her way away from them and towards the labs.   
"Who's asking?" She shot over her shoulder as Grissom jogged to catch up with her. "My boss or their friend?"  
"I don't know." Grissom sighed, sounding defeated, that caught Catherine's attention and she turned to face her boss and friend. "This is all so strange to me." He admitted dejectedly to the floor. Chancing a look up, he caught the hint of a smile on Catherine's face.  
"Well, we all know you're not a people person Gil."  
"It's not that...I just feel so..."  
Grissom was at a loss for words and Catherine had never seen him like this. "Helpless." Catherine offered with a sympathetic smile.  
"Yes."  
"Blood, a sample of a clear liquid, and fibres were found on her clothes. Which you saw me take. Got to say if we're letting the evidence speak for itself right now, it's not looking good for Sidle Jr. over there."  
"Process the body," Grissom told her sharply before turning and walking off.  
●●●●●  
"Can I see her?" Aaron stood outside the holding cells at the PD talking to Brass.  
"I can't let CSI Sidle in there." Brass told Aaron with a small amount of edge in his voice.  
"He's not going in there. Her brother is."  
Aaron handed over his ID, unhook his gun from his belt handing that over too.  
"Yeah, I better have that." Brass smiled. "You never know one minute, it's intense finger pointing at sister, next thing you know, you snap," Brass added with a twinkle in his eye, letting Aaron know he was joking.  
"What can I say? She gets under my skin every time."  
"Hey, she's family and a little sister. She was born knowing what buttons to press."   
Aaron nodded wholeheartedly at that she had seemed to know how to get under his skin since the day she was born. As he followed Jim down the corridor and into the cell where they were holding Sara right now was no different.   
"Az." Sara leapt from the cot and into her brother's arms as he entered the room.  
"At least I can hug you now." He told her, pulling her tight, burying his face in her soft tresses.  
"Yeah, this is better." She told him, snuggling deeper in his embrace as he ran a comforting hand over her back.  
Aaron pulled away after a moment so he could look into her eyes, "Though I could have lived a long fulfilling life never seeing you in prison orange and cuffed."  
"Yeah, well I can live without you yelling at me. You scared me." Sara pouted.  
"Baby." He teased leading her over to the only seat in the room.  
"Bully."  
"Wimp."  
"Thug."  
Sissy."  
"Hey, that's low." Sara smiled at her brother, knowing he really didn't mean what he said.  
"Yes, well I'm still pretty mad at you."  
"I know," Sara told him cupping his cheek. "I should have spoken to you and you have to believe I wanted to but it wasn't safe. We weren't safe and I couldn't bring you into that."  
"Sunnydale's gone." Aaron tried not to choke as he slumped back on the cot sounding defeated.   
Sara hated seeing her brother like this especially when it was her doing. He had never chosen any part of this life she had chosen it for him in a way Every time something happened to her she knew he felt it too and he had been through so much with her before they had even heard of a slayer and demons.   
"I know but that doesn't mean we live happily ever after. It just means that we're homeless."  
"So you've been working?” Aaron asked trying to get his head around what was going on.  
"Yeah and that brings us here."  
"Us? I'm really starting to not like the sound of this. Are the others around?"  
"Yes."  
"So what? You're the fall guy?" Aaron seethed.  
"They can't be seen."  
"They... she better not be involved in this.”  
"Faith is around," Sara told him quietly and she had to smile at the twitch in her brother’s eye at the mention of Faith.  
"So what? All is forgiven."  
"Pretty much. Yep."  
"No!" Aaron was adamant, getting up from his seat. "She's a killer."  
"She's messed up but then she fits in well with our little group. Look, she is what she is. And I did what I did with her, not because of her...You forgave me."  
"You're my baby sister, I love you and you were lost."  
"She was lost too."  
Aaron sighed, he wasn't winning this one, "She needs to stay away from me."  
Sara really couldn't blame Aaron for not liking Faith. He was more understanding than most brothers and he hadn't even blinked twice when she had told him she was gay. Faith though pushed even his tolerance levels. Most brothers were going to be wary of their sisters' girlfriends as it was. When said girlfriend uses you to try and kill a whole bunch of people, she supposed her brother had a right to be pissed. 'Not that simple.' Sara ran her fingers through her hair. Nearly everyone she knew had at some point done something so bad that the world at large might never forgive them. All that ever seemed to matter though was the fact that the people close to you cut you some slack. Although She had forgiven faith thought, and so had the rest of the Scooby, she had to live with the fact that maybe Aaron never would forgive Faith.  
"So will they be working on this?"  
"They freakin' better be." She sighed, getting up from her seat and started pacing around the tiny cell, running her fingers through her hair. "God I hate these places."  
Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the cool metal of the cell door. "Though, I really should be used to this."  
The tone in Sara's voice told Aaron exactly what moment she was thinking about. His mind too, wandered back to the night their foster family had died. The night he had come to pick Sara up from the Police station, to find his scared little sister curled up in the corner of an interrogation room with her court-appointed guardian. He had so badly wanted nothing more than to pull her close and tell her anything he had to so that he could get those tears to stop.  
He hadn't been allowed to and at the time it had seemed cruel and harsh to have to watch his sister like that. Since becoming a CSI he realized why it had to be that way, as any CSI on the job will tell you, the first person on the scene was the first suspect. His sister though had looked lost and small in the spare clothes she had been given because hers had been covered in blood, because of that image alone, he couldn't forgive their treatment of her. As a CSI, he could understand but as her big brother, he couldn't forgive them.  
Sara jumped a little as the hatch on the door opened and The officer that had arrested her face appeared.   
“We’re ready for her in interrogation.” Brass told Aaron.   
“You can stay with me right I don’t need a lawyer or anything like that but I want you there.”   
“Jim?”   
“Yeah that’s OK by me you can’t say anything though your just support.”   
●●●●●  
As Catherine made her way to the interview room to talk to her suspect, she caught a glimpse of Grissom in the viewing room as she went to move past.  
"Gil?" She questioned as she entered the room.  
"Ah Catherine, how are things going for you?" He enquired, not sure he wanted to know. He had told Aaron and Sara, that there was no way she could be a killer but deep down he knew the evidence didn't lie, no matter what people did.  
"I've got Greg and Hodges working on a few things and I left some prints with Mandy. That place was pretty clean though, most of the evidence I collected came from her." Catherine informed him pointing at the face looking at them through the mirror. She couldn't stop staring at the look on Sara's face, it seemed lost and haunted and as much as Catherine was trying to deny the fact that this woman was getting to her, she couldn't stop looking at her and wondering what the hell put that haunted and lost look on her face. 'Just another murder suspect. Get over it, Catherine!'  
"I take it you've come to talk to her?"  
"Yes, the labs are still working so I just want to get her side of things for now I mean she was found in a house she has no connection to with a dead body. Plus I’ve had the pleasure of reading her file it makes for interesting reading, to say the least. Griss' have you seen it?”   
Grissom chuckled at that and Catherine raised an eyebrow in his direction. "It's just that I doubt that she'll get rattled by you throwing her past misdemeanours in her face."  
"No, well this doesn't read like a fairy tale."  
"No, I wouldn't think for one second that it did."  
"You really don't sound that surprised."  
"No, as you now Know, I've known them both for a while and I've listened to Aaron moan both at and about Sara, so I know what a handful she can be. I also know that there is no one in this world that Aaron loves more and I feel the same is true for Sara. She is also one of the kindest, warm, loyal, and clever people you would ever wish to meet."  
"Even smart people can kill." Catherine injected leaving the room.  
●●●●●  
"Aaron." Catherine threw a nonchalant greeting towards the younger CSI.  
"Cath." Aaron's reply was guarded and Sara snapped her eyes to her brother. He tried to reassure her with a small smile. "Sar, come sit down, little bit."  
"Yes, sir." Sara mock saluted, moving from the mirror to sit in the seat next to Aaron.  
"Don't push your luck girl," Aaron warned her, not able to keep the grin from his face. Catherine watched the interplay between the siblings and felt oddly warmed. Placing the files she was carrying on the table in front of her, Catherine waited for Sara to sit down before she started. Sara spoke though before Catherine had a chance.  
"So let me guess, you have nothing so far, not enough time since we got back from the crime scene. So you have come to try and wear me down."  
"Sara." Aaron's said in warning.  
"No, it's a smart point." Catherine couldn't help but smile.  
"So." Sara started leaning back in her chair. "I take it that you have my whole history there in that brown folder and after reading, you what? Think you can get in my head."  
"Sara." There was an exasperated edge to Aaron's voice. Sometimes he really did just want to throw his hands up in the air where Sara was concerned.  
"No, we're all cool," Sara told him holding her hands up in surrender. Standing up she headed back over to the mirror. Looking at herself she tried to smooth down her unruly hair, all she seemed to manage to do was make it stand up more.  
"I just want to ask you a couple of questions really Sara.”  
“Oh, I bet you do bet there burning you up all those questions, let me save you the trouble asking though and just tell you no comment.” Sara smiled that smug smile and Catherine flicked her eyes to the ceiling.  
“So if I was to ask you what you were doing here in Vegas, how you ended up in that house, or how you’re connected to the dead body we found you with the answer would be…”  
“No comment, well done you guessed it.”  
“It really doesn’t matter as a scientist I don’t need you to say anything if you are hiding something I will find it. What are you smiling at?”   
“Just well you’re really cute when you're mad.” Sara’s smile only grew as Catherine rolled her eyes at her. “Plus I really don’t like your chances at finding a link between me and anyone that might or might not have lived in that very random house I found my self in tonight.”  
“If you didn’t do anything then explain it to me and we can clear all this up.”  
Aaron sat regarding his sister and the reality of the situation hit him she really couldn’t say a word about any of it. If she told the truth they would think she was mad in fact at times even after seeing everything he had seen, in his time living in Sunnydale he still thought she was a little mad. She also couldn’t lie because she would probably be caught out and that would just make things even worse for her. All she could do was wait and hope that the good guys showed up before she was Indicted.   
“No Comment.”  
“Ok if that’s really how you want to play it, it would look much better on you if you cooperate.” Catherine tried even though she knew she was going to get nowhere with this right now. She had no idea why if this young woman was adamant that she had done nothing no comment was all she had to offer. Catherine had to admit it was very frustrating for her suspect to just sit there and parrot no comment at her. Though it was something she had seen more than once in her time as a CSI something about the way it was being thrown at her now accompanied by that smug little grin that Sara seemed to have plastered on her face, it was really getting under her skin.   
●●●●●  
"Got something good, I hope," Catherine told Greg as she marched into the DNA lab after he paged her.  
"Hello to you too, I'm fine, thank you. And no, I'm not behind with everything else since a rush was put on your case, thanks for asking.  
"Good then." Catherine bit back, folding her arms across her chest throwing him a death glare. Greg swallowed tightly hoping that parts of his body didn't shrivel up and die.  
"So, down to business." When all he got from Catherine was another glare, he handed over her DNA results; wondering what or who had foolishly set off hurricane Catherine.  
"No match, you have got to be kidding with me, right."  
"No, I ran it twice to make sure, the blood found on her was not hers or your vic's.”  
"The Clear liquid, it doesn't mention it here.”  
"No, because it wasn't a human substance, so it's with Hodges."  
"Ok," Catherine said, turning to make her way out of the room.  
"What's she like."  
Greg's question stopped Catherine in her tracks. "Who?" She asked him with a puzzled expression on her face. "Oh, the sister." She answered her own question, realising that word of what had happened must be making its way around the lab.  
"You're probably the wrong person to ask." Greg shook his head turning back to his work. "You probably hate her already just for being Aaron's sister."  
Catherine hadn't bothered to answer Greg. 'Because he was right.' That annoying little voice told her. She sighed once again realising that she had been doing that a lot since her shift had started. She didn't hate Aaron's sister, far from it and Aaron was an amazing young man and anyone would be proud to call him a friend. Trouble was, it hadn't started off so good between them, what, with Aaron coming to investigate Warrick. Their friendship, if it could be called that, had started badly and since then it had been hard to get to know Aaron. 'The others seem to have done it' Damn that inner voice.  
She headed to trace hoping that this case wouldn't get any more complicated. Not only was she investigating the sister of a colleague, but she also now knew Sara was lying to them. All she could hope for was that Hodge, the kiss arse, would have something to help her solve this complicated case.  
"So Hodge, wow me."  
"If only I could."

"What?" Catherine asked irritated.  
"Well, so far all I've got some totally unidentifiable woody splinters, A water sample that is just that, water, and nothing more and some woollen fibres that are Persian green from a sweater 100% wool. No match to the clothes that your suspect was wearing though, I don’t have your victims clothes yet still waiting for them to come up.”  
Grabbing the sheet from Hodges, she headed to the Break-room, in desperate need of coffee. This case was seriously beginning to really get to her. Sara was lying to them and Catherine now knew that for sure. Trouble was, the evidence wasn't conclusive, a smart lawyer could easily point out that Sara could have gotten blood on herself at any point tonight. 'Does it even matter to me that I could be sending Aaron's sister to jail?' She shook her head. 'I'm just following the evidence.'  
Deep down she knew it was much more than that. She was sure that if Sara went away, then she wouldn't have to deal with the conflicting feelings she got whenever she was around the younger woman. But still, that was no reason to send someone to jail.  
"So we pulled in mini Sidle." Warrick had been standing in the doorway of the Break-room for a couple of moments watching a very tense Catherine play with her cup. "Add to that, the fact that I've been warned that you're on the warpath and I'm thinking you need to talk."  
"I have nothing to say... It's just a case."  
"Just a case huh...Well, Aaron's a friend, at least he's my friend and I sure as hell wouldn't like to be the one who had to investigate his sister."  
"No, you wouldn't. Especially if you had to deal with that arrogant sister of his.”  
"Oh... So you like." Warrick joked, the last thing he expected was to see tears appearing in Catherine's eyes. "Hey girl what's going on with you?" Warrick asked, his green eyes filling with concern as he pulled Catherine in for a hug.  
"I can't tell which way is up 'Rick. I know how I felt when Aaron first came here and was looking into you. I hated him for that but I don't want to see him hurt...But if I find anything on Sara, Aaron will be hurt and I'll be the bad guy...But if she's guilty then she deserves this...And..."  
"And..." Warrick pushed gently when she paused.  
"She's beautiful and funny in a very weird way and if I had met her under any other circumstances and she smirked at me like that I'd so want to kiss her. She does damn sure of her self though and she’s just up there like all this is an inconvenience and she reminds me of Eddie and that's a very scary thought, Nothing good came from Eddie and I save from Lindsey. I’m never going to do anything so self-destructive again I can’t I won't for Lindsey’s sake."  
"You like her."  
"I'm screwed up, I know but once this is all over then I’m praying I will never have to see her again."  
●●●●●  
Catherine took her time to walk from the Break-room to the Coroner's office. She needed time to try and put a lid on what was going on with her. 'Help if you'd take the time to work it out.' That little voice was really beginning to piss her off, no matter how right it was. So she took this chance to take it all in. In the end, it was pretty simple, she found the main suspect in there homicide and Aaron's little sister very hot. 'Wow girl, you need to get out more and you aren't that desperate...yet.' She laughed at herself.  
"No way this attraction is going to amount to anything." She told herself out loud, hoping it might sink in.   
"So Doc what do we have." She threw the friendly greeting at the grey hair coroner as she walked into the autopsy room.  
"Hey, Catherine, lovely to see you once again."  
"You to doc, so what we got."  
"Well, we've got some fibres off of him which have already gone to trace. There was something under his nails which we took out and his clothes have been sent to the labs. You probably past them on your way over here. Any ID yet?"  
"Yeah, his name's Christopher Addison 32 and a pit boss at the Rampart."  
"So what? A robbery went very wrong?"  
"Well if that's so, it really doesn't fit our suspect. I've got a feeling motive is going to be harder to come by on this one."  
"I hear the suspect is a friend of Aaron's?"  
"His sister."

"Ah... So am I to assume that he's pretty upset right now?"  
"No, he's actually really calm but then Sara's told him she's innocent. So that makes it OK for him."  
"You don't think so."  
"No, it's just something, I can't put my finger on... So cause of death."  
Dr Albert Robbins may have spent most of his time with the dead but that didn't mean he missed the small signs that the living could give out and he knew when Catherine Willows changed the subject, you didn't change it back.  
"Well if it wasn't for the massive hole in his chest, he would be in fine health." Doc quipped but with one stern look from Catherine he soon carried on. "He bled out from a single puncher wound to his upper chest just under his heart. He would have bled out and would have died almost instantly. I'm putting TOD at around five and a half hours ago. "  
Catherine looked at her watch. "So, give or take that would be around eight last night."  
"Yeah, roughly."  
"I'm so going to get a headache for this."  
"Does that cause a problem?"  
"Oh, only another one."  
Catherine headed out of the coroners office flipping her phone open and dialling Brass. This case was getting to her. Sara’s no comments made no sense at all right now the evidence would support her more right now if she said she had nothing to do with killing their Vic Sara would have been covered in blood if she had killed their Vic there just wasn’t enough time from TOD to Sara being found at the scene for her to have gotten changed and to have put the clothes somewhere that they hadn’t looked yet. Also, there's the small fact that their Vic had taken a good scratch at whoever had attacked him and under close inspection, there was not a scratch on Sara's body. A body that Catherine couldn’t help but notice that Sara looked after very well even as she had tried hard not to.   
"Brass." Jim cut to the chase on the other end of the phone.  
"I need to talk to her again as soon as possible she’s jerking us around for some reason.”   
"I'm going to assume you mean Sidle Jr."  
"Yep, get her into the intergeneration room again," Catherine ordered, slamming her phone shut. She was at a loss as to why Sara was being so difficult about all of this if for no other reason than the fact that she was hurting Aaron surly.  
●●●●●  
"I don’t know why we're doing this again, Ms Willows?" Sara sighed. “Unless you just want to talk to me because you like the sound of my voice or something, I see nothing different to the last time I sat here saying no comment.”  
"Sar', please stop it." Aaron tried to get his sister to stop.  
"Stop what?" Sara questioned, "She's the one going over and over the same thing."  
"Look, why don't you help yourself. We know you're not telling us what really happened." Brass tried to keep this thing on track.  
"Yeah, really? You know that how?" Sara wanted to know. She really did feel like an ass, they were nice people. She had to keep playing the game, she had been taught over the years. A good demon hunter had to just hold out till the cavalry rode in.  
"Well... for one thing the evidence doesn't match a damn thing you've been telling us."  
"Well, I’m not telling you anything but either way that's not my fault...It's your evidence, figure it out."  
"You were not alone in that house. You really couldn't have been, so do us all a favour and tell us who you're covering for. I mean what is the point...they can't have been a very good friend if they're out there and you're in here facing life in jail." Catherine was pretty sure that insulting the friendship that had gotten her into this chair might push her button; so she tried very hard not to show her disappointment when Sara shot her that grin again.  
"Lady, you are not the first person to try that trick and I bet you won't be the last. But I'm pretty sure though you're gonna be the best looking by a mile."  
Sara was convinced that the only thing that saved her from a slap; was the fact that Catherine was momentarily distracted by her pager.  
"I need to get this," Catherine told them angrily while standing up to leave.

●●●●●  
"Catherine."  
Aaron's voice stopped her in her tracks as she went to find the nearest phone to answer Hodges page. "What." Catherine snapped Aaron's sister was doing her head in the last thing she needed at that moment was Aaron going off on one two.  
"I need to ask you something."  
"Make it quick." She told him as she turned to face him, placing her hands on her hips.  
"Why are you letting her get to you? We've been in situations like this before. Is it because she's my sister?"  
"I don't know what you mean," Catherine told him trying to hold Aaron's gaze but failing. She was worried that he would see right through her.  
"Well for what it's worth, I'm sorry. She's not always like this but this seems to be bringing out the worst in her." Aaron smirked and Catherine realised that It looked a lot better on Sara.   
"You must find yourself apologizing for her a lot," Catherine said turning to leave.  
"No actually,...I spend most of my time thankful she'd my sister."  
●●●●●  
The only place Catherine could find a spare phone had been in Brass's office. Taking a moment to close her eyes as she sank into the chair she tried to work out some of the stress in her overworked muscles. Catherine bolted upright the moment the imaginary fingers working her shoulders became Sara's, there was no way she was letting that little daydream play out.  
Picking up the phone she dialled and waited for Hodges answer.  
"Thank you." Catherine greeted a bemused Hodges when her call was finally answered. He would never know how thankful she was that he had gotten her out of that room.  
"I haven't told you anything yet, so I'd hold that 'thank you' if I were you."  
"Not good news, is it?"  
"Well, that depends. If your suspect is part undetermined reptilian, then I have great news for you."  
"Oh she's slimy but I don't think she's a reptilian."  
Musing on this new piece of information, Catherine made her way back to the interrogation room. Moments after stepping in the room there was a firm knock. The door opened to reveal two men dressed in black suits.  
"About time." Sara sighed and the taller of the two, a sandy-haired brown eyed man broke out into a warm smile.  
"Everything comes to she who waits, Sidle." He smiled before pulling out his ID. "Agent Riley Finn, Home Land Security, this is Agent Mitchell."  
"Well agents.. what can we do for you?"  
"We will be taking over the Addison case."  
"On whose authority?" Catherine demanded.  
"That would be the President Ma'am. So my superiors would really appreciate it if all the files and tests you have been handed over to my men so we can act swiftly on this."  
"I'm going to make a call," Catherine told them, rushing from the room while Brass took a closer look at the paperwork Riley had presented.  
"I assume everything is OK, here Sidle."  
"No... do you know how long I've had to take this shit? What took so long?"  
"Aw, Lighten up, we got here ASAP." Cameron Mitchell smiled.  
"Well, I suppose it wasn't all bad. We got to bond, right Az?" Sara teased and then smiled at the look on her brother's face.  
"I hate you all." Aaron grumbled but did not complain as first Riley than Cameron pulled him into a 'manly' hug.


	3. Staying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Catherine accept the offered apology as Sara tries to make up for her behaviour? Sara gets an offer to stay in Vegas will she take it or decide to stay with her friend?

“We should get you out of here before they find something else to hold you on.” Aaron smiled at his sister as they stopped by the locker room on there way out. “Like being a totally annoying human being.”  
“I,” Sara paused what could she say she was a very annoying human when she needed to be and she had needed to be in the last few hours. “Can’t say anything to that.” Sara shrugged. “Can we just put that behind us now?”   
“I don’t know can we?”  
“What?”   
“Well come on I’m guessing that you won’t be hanging around for long. So I’ll be back to square one not knowing where you are what you’re doing or even if you’re alive.”  
“Az can we please fight about this later I’m tired I’m sure you are too it’s been a long few hours and I’m not even sure what day it is any more.”  
“OK, Can I at least keep you for a few hours? We can go eat and then you can shower and change at my place.”  
“That really does sound like a plan.” Sara smiled “Firstly I do have to go and see if I can apologise for my earlier behaviour to your friends. I know that I will probably leave but I know you have to stay here with these people and I don't want my actions to affect you.”  
“Well good luck with that Brass will probably be OK he’s got a daughter of his own and I think he’s dealt with worse. Catherine though isn’t my biggest fan as it is so I’m not sure she’s going to want to make nice with you.”  
“That is a shame I’d really like to play nice with her.”  
“Oh for the love of God.” Aaron sighed “No don’t even think about it!”  
●●●●●   
"Ms Willows." Sara knocked on Catherine’s office door and waited for the older woman to answer.   
Sara had left her brother in reception and he had pointed her in the direction of first Brass and then Catherine. Jim like Aaron had suggested been rather nice about the whole situation he had told her in no uncertain terms that the next time they met he wanted it to be because she was in town to visit her brother and nothing more than that. He was a good man Sara had decided and if she ever did end up spending any time in Vegas she would like to spend some time getting to know him. Her next and last stop before leaving was Catherine though by the look on the strawberry blonde's face Sara was starting to wish she'd just wrote a note.  
"Oh god. No more." Catherine groaned looking up from her paperwork to find Sara hovering in her doorway.  
"I was wondering if I could talk to you."  
"Look I have no interest in whatever you have to say." Catherine was stern in hope that Sara would not notice the blush that was creeping over her body at the mere sound of the younger woman's voice.  
"Please, it won't take long." Sara tried again  
"Wow, you really are a Sidle; look the world does not revolve around you." Catherine shook her head.  
"Look I can understand you being pissed at me in the interview room but I was hoping since that all that got cleared up, you might be willing to..."  
Sara didn't get the chance to finish her sentence as Catherine got up from her chair and rounded on her infuriated. "Cleared up? You're kidding right; just because you got a couple of smart suits to flash some paperwork doesn't make you innocent in my book."  
"So you still think that I'm a killer? That you are letting a killer out?" Sara asked clearly hurt by the fact that Catherine could think that. She wasn’t sure why yet but Catherine’s opinion was suddenly important to her and for her to say that she was as good as guilty to her stung.   
"How the hell should I know?! You weren't very open with the truth, were you?" Catherine challenged.  
"You really are something, you know that." Sara shook her head. She would not let this woman see she was hurting her.  
"I do now!" Catherine turned her back on Sara heading to her desk shifting her attention back to her paperwork, ending the conversation.  
●●●●●  
Hours had passed since Home Land Security had ridden to Sara's rescue. Here she sat drinking Coffee with the Scooby's and her brother. She had been sure that Aaron was going to try to kill Faith the moment they met up again. But silence was all Aaron had seemed to be able to muster.  
"I love you," Sara told Aaron leaning into him a little so only he could hear her. "I know I was a jerk tonight but these guys needed me to hang in there."  
"I just hate seeing that side of you."  
"I know and if it counts for anything I don't really like her, but she's so easy to be."  
"Can I just say I'm sorry for the way tonight played out?" Xander's voice took their attention from each other to the rest of the table.  
"Xander?" Aaron questioned.  
"Yeah, well the superhero that I am, managed to get himself knocked out and Sar had to haul my arse out of there."  
"Yeah Sar' thanks for staying. It means a lot that you put yourself on the line like that." Buffy told her friend reaching over the table to squeeze her hand.  
"Yeah, babe. It would have been a right pain if Buf or I had gotten hauled off by the cops." Faith told Sara, around a mouthful of pancakes.  
"Yeah, for you I bet." Sara smiled shaking her head. "Look it was nothing. Though I owe you a new sweater, Xand, had to burn yours with the demon."  
"Yeah, I like Vamp's." Willow interjected, "No messy cleanup."  
"Was you sweater green?" Aaron asked finally putting some pieces together.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Because trace of your sweater and your blood were on Sara, and it was driving Cath mad. So what was it this time?" Aaron wasn't sure he wanted to know what sort of evil roamed the streets of Las Vegas. It was bad enough knowing what people did to each other without knowing what inhumane things were out there too. But as he sat there with his sister, he felt like he had to know what she had been doing and what could very easily have killed her this time.  
"Polgara demon, most know for two protracting skewers like prongs in each wrist," Willow told him.  
"Why was it in Vegas, killing a bit boss? It has bad credit?" Aaron shook his head at his own lame joke and Sara squeezed his arm, so he would know she knew he found all this difficult but she was so pleased he was trying.  
"We're still trying to figure that out," Giles spoke for the first time. "Though there are demons all over the world, it is very rare for one to enter someone's home and kill them."  
"Will you be around for a while to figure it out?" Aaron asked Giles but he was looking at Sara. He just got his little sister back. He knew where she was and she was safe, and he wasn't ready for another stint at worrying about her.  
"Actually, no. They are having a Werewolf problem in Maine and we are needed there."  
Buffy dug her watcher in the ribs and Sara glared at him. Sara was well aware that they would not be here long but she had wanted to talk to Aaron first. She would never forget the look of hurt on his face for as long as she lived.  
"My biggest question in all of this is what part of me does the government own now, in return for this little get out of jail free card," Sara asked in a desperate bid to change the subject. She needed to talk to Aaron alone, about things they needed to say to each other, that the rest of the gang didn't need to hear.  
Riley just smiled cryptically, "Your future."  
"Ok, you're going to have to explain that one a little better. Sara shook her head.  
"As you well know the Initiative was a big fat failure."  
All the occupants at the table nodded in sync.  
"The powers that be are well aware of the problem faced daily keeping sub-T's off the streets."  
"Oh god, I'm being recruited in some sick Syfy show." Sara groaned.  
"Not quite." Cam chuckled. "A number of government agencies have agents working for them who have full security clearance and help to keep our little problem from becoming public knowledge."  
"So how does Sara fit into all this?" Giles questioned.  
"There is an opportunity for you to work right here in the crime office. By doing so you will be in a perfect position to help us if and when needed." Cam explained.  
"Work in the crime lab how? Sara asked.  
"Well, that will be up to you. There is a place being opened for you at UCLV on their forensic science BA (Hon) Major with criminology as your minor. Which would then with the right word in the right ear lead to working alongside your brother as a CSI. "  
"Not much then."  
"Well, you could be a janitor if you want."  
"How about I pass on all of those choices?" Sara shot back.  
"Sar?" Aaron questioned.  
"That's your tidy life, not mine," Sara told Aaron, excusing herself from the table.  
Aaron and Faith followed her as she walked outside, they both watched her for a moment before Faith put a hand on Sara's shoulder turning her around till they were facing each other.  
"Talk to me."  
"What's to say Faith? We both know that's not how it works for people like us."  
With that Faith closed the gap pulling Sara in a tight hug. Sara buried her head in Faith's hair. She had to smile a little, Faith still smelled of sweat and blood and that turned Sara on more than it should.  
"It could happen for you." Faith told Sara  
"So I get to run off and have a life and leave my friends alone, no."  
"Well, I'd rather leave you working than in a body bag." Faith tried a different tack.  
"I don't want to leave." Sara finally admitted.  
"You're getting soft on me Sidle." Faith smiled pulling Sara tighter. "I know I was just starting to like you too but you’d still helping just in a less life-threatening way which I can say I’m OK with I like you in one piece."  
"Hell, this is all bullshit anyway." Sara groaned in frustration.  
"Why?" Aaron spoke for the first time.  
"Well I hate to burst anyone's balloon but I did OK in high school and we all know I’m not dumb but helping the slayer in my spare time didn’t translate so well on my GPA or exam results ." Sara pointed out.  
"We have that taken care of," Riley informed them. He had been standing quietly watching them but felt it was time to speak up.  
"Taken care of... What does that mean?"  
Sara was fast developing a headache; she decided to close her eyes and squeezing the bridge of her nose.  
"Contacts."  
Sara frowned 'make that a migraine' she shook her head.  
"Yes, as we told you, we have people in all sorts of organisations and the go-ahead from the president."  
"Why is Harry Hayes so interested in me?"  
"He knew Christian."  
"Wow." Both Aaron and Sara exclaimed who would have guessed there foster dad had known the then future President.  
"You really should consider this." Sara couldn't answer she just held on tighter to Faith and closed her eyes.  
"She's going to need some time to think about this," Aaron answered for his sister.  
"Offers there till midnight," Riley told them walking away.  
●●●●●  
The drive back to Aaron's apartment had been a quiet one, everyone seemed to be taking their lead from Sara and she hadn't said a word since leaving the dinner.  
Aaron was trying not to say a word, he really didn't want to influence his sister in any way, and of course, he wanted her to stay. There was no doubt about that, in his mind if she stayed in Vegas with him she would be safe and he would know where she was. Trouble was he knew his sister too well and he knew her deep seeded feelings of duty. Leaving Buffy and the others would feel like walking away when there was still a job to be done and that would not sit well with her.  
Aaron was brought back from his musings when Buffy began to speak.  
"Well, I think you should do it," Buffy told Sara, as they all sat drinking coffee in Aaron's home.  
"Gee Buff it really is nice to know I've been such a valuable member of the team all these years." Sara pulled herself up off the floor where she had been sitting by her brother's feet, heading to the balcony.  
"No, that wasn't what I meant." Buffy sighed looking to Aaron.  
"No, but she's feeling a bit unwanted. I should guess you all keep telling her to stay. Plus I should imagine she's waiting for the other shoe to fall. Good stuff doesn't happen a lot."  
"Let me talk to her," Giles told them standing and walking to the balcony to join Sara.  
Sara didn't look up till she felt the presence of the older man at her side.  
"You draw the short straw?" Sara asked looking out over early morning Vegas.  
"Not at all, I wanted to be the one to try and talk to you."  
"Why?"  
"Quite frankly, having you stay with me were some of the best years of my life, I love you like a daughter and I don't want to see you pass up this opportunity to have a life that's not about death and blood."  
"Yeah but we all deserve that. I don't see anyone else jumping ship."  
"Is that really how you see it, as you letting us down and leaving us behind?"  
"Yes, why do I get to have a life?"  
"The players are just that, Slayers. And yes it's not a good life or the one I would've wanted for them, I would want so much more for them both but there is no more. Xander, what does he have? He lost Anya, she was his family, Willow has Kennedy but they have no other place in this world and Dawn without a doubt is better off with her sister."  
"Me?"  
"You my dear Sara are an integral part of this team, but you have a place in this world that is not about death and demons. You have a brother to look out for, you have a calling in the scientific world that you should listen to and you should at least have a try at a life that I wish the others could have. And you would not only stay here with our blessing, but you would also still be fighting the good fight just with a different hat on."  
"That wouldn't be fair; I haven't even earned my place here."  
"You have earned it twice over."  
"How can I do it? How do I live to have a normal life after living a life that has been so abnormal for so long?"  
"Well, maybe that's something he'll help you with," Giles told her motioning over his shoulder towards Aaron.  
"Will you help me?" Sara asked in a small voice, Aaron was the only person she never minded knowing she needed help.  
"Always."  
●●●●●  
“So Maine.” Sara shrugged half-heartedly kicking at the ground by the tyre as the rest of the scoobies backed off to give her and Faith a little room.  
“Yeah and wear-wolves.” Sara looked up at the excitement in Faith’s voice and had to smile at the glint in the Slayers eye.   
“Yeah, so Silver bullets and no getting bitten or scratched. You are a big enough handful as a slayer don’t add wear-wolf to the mix.”  
“Defiantly not. I knew you cared.” Faith smiled pushing Sara lightly. “I’m going to miss you.”  
“I’m going to miss you too. I know we’re not conventional but we work for us.”  
“We do, or did.” Faith corrected. “I, You have to make it work here OK. I can’t do this and leave you here if for one second I think that you’re not going to make this the best life you can OK. I want you to be happy and one day I wanted to be the person that made you happy but that’s never going to happen you’re too good for me. You can be happy here though I know that you just have to want it.”  
Sara couldn’t say anything for a moment, Faith had chocked her up. The stoic slayer wasn’t always good with words Sara knew her well knew she felt everything so deeply but just couldn’t always say that out loud. She had just managed to tell Sara more in the last few moments than she ever had. So she just pulled her close and hid her head in Faith’s neck breathing in that combination of cinnamon and sweat that just always seemed to be Faith.   
“I’m going to give it the best shot I can,” Sara assured her. “I’d never of wanted to leave you guys but if nothing more than for my brother I know I have to do this. I can’t live being the one that puts that look in his eye all the time. I don’t know what making a go of it here looks like but I know Az will help.”  
“Yeah I bet he will and he’ll be very happy to have you away from me.”  
“Oh yeah, of course, he hates you.”  
“I got the short straw.” Buffy cleared her throat just behind the two of them. “We need to move out.”  
With one last hug to all her friends, they were gone.   
●●●●●  
“And this is the DNA lab, my domain.” Sara smiled at Greg as he gave her the grand tour of the crime lab she wasn’t 100% sure she needed it she had spent so much time in the lab with her brother since she had started college. Tomorrow though was her first day working in the lab she was an assistance assistant right now but she didn’t care all that mattered to her was that she had been assured by Riley that he had had nothing to do with it she had gotten this job all on her own.   
Greg's enthusiasm was catching and more than anything she was just glad that It wasn’t Catherine or Nick doing the tour with her. Both CSI’s hated her and while she could take the disdain Nick showed her it hurt a little when Catherine looked through her like she wasn’t even there. It was crazy she knew Catherine was out of her league and she was crazy to think that it could be anything more than the annoying girl that had been arrested on her first night in town. Still, though Sara was only human and she had the hope that one day she and Catherine could at least be friends till then though it was fun every now and again to press the older woman's buttons and she seemed to be very good at it.  
“Thanks, Greg.” Sara smiled it wasn’t hard to tell at times that he liked her a lot but he was more than OK with the fact that she only dated girls and they had hit of a firm friendship where they often wing-manned for each other.   
“Think nothing of it.” He winked at her. “I’m going to enjoy this and Griss has made it clear that I can put you through your paces while your learning here.”  
“Great,” Sara rolled her eyes but smiled warmly at him. “I know I’ll be learning from a great.” she teased.  
“Who me?” Aaron asked stepping into the room and Greg took a Step back from Sara he knew better than to push his luck when Aaron was around her he was a very protective big brother.   
“Yeah, when I grow up I want to be just like you.” Sara tussled his hair she knew she was the only person that was allowed to do that sort of thing to him and she played up to her little sister role very well.   
“Any work being done in here?” Catherine asked striding into the room she was for a moment taken aback by just how happy and relaxed Sara’s smile was and just how beautiful she looked when she smiled like that. The gap between her front teeth that Sara was conscious of always made Catherine smile it was just so Sara.   
“Well, not from me.” Sara winked at her “I’m done here I don’t officially start till tomorrow and I have a date. Have fun Boys.” Sara kissed her brother on the cheek before doing the same to Greg.  
“Who’s the lucky lady?” Greg was curious.   
“Just someone from my criminal science class.” Sara smiled tilting her head at Catherine who hadn’t seemed to blink since Sara had said she was going on a date.  
“Problem?” Catherine arched an eyebrow at Sara.   
“Nope.”  
“Go enjoy your date Sar’ Catherine’s just pissed because the guy she put on death row had a stay.”  
“Ouch!” Sara winced side stepping Catherine. “Well for once that explains your foul mood.”


	4. Lindsey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing." Catherine turned to leave.   
>  "Well, thanks for stopping by," Sara smirked.  
>  Sara placed her headphone back in her ear ready to get back to her paper when identical blue eyes to the ones that had just left stared at her from the doorway. "Lindsey right?" Sara asked the little girl. " You just missed your mom she went that way, sweetie. " Sara pointed in the direction Catherine had just walked.   
>  "I know." Lindsey didn't move just continued to gaze at Sara who shifted uncomfortably in her seat so how this gaze felt a lot more intimidating from Lindsey than it ever had on Catherine. "She was being mean to you," Lindsey told her walking into the room. " She sounds like that when she talks to daddy too."
> 
> OR 
> 
> Sara meets Catherine's daughter and it leads to problems.

Sara Sat in the break room with her buds firmly in her ears head bobbing along to the beat of the music only she could hear. She read the words on the page scribbling notes in the margin and highlighting certain parts of the text. So fully engrossed in the task in front of her It took her a moment for her senses to kick in and she realised she was being watched. Glancing up She noticed Catherine watching her from the doorway of the room an unreadable look on her face. Pulling one of her earbuds out she turned her attention fully to Catherine. 

"You ok?" Sara asked tilting her head a little as she looked at Catherine.

Catherine hadn't meant to be caught watching Sara she had just gotten so caught up in the way Sara looked so intense as she did her work. 

"What are you doing? I didn't think you were working tonight." Catherine asked moving a little further into the room. She didn't like being caught just staring at Sara especially not by Sara. 

"I have a chemistry paper due in a couple of days so it's all hands on deck." Sara motioned to the papers in front of her. 

"And you're doing that here because? "

"There really is no better place to write a paper for your chem class than a forensics lab I have to say." 

"This isn't a library Sara." Catherine snapped. 

"Well, Griss said it would be fine as long as I don't distract Greg."

"Of course he did." Catherine rolled her eyes Grissom really did do anything Sara wanted and it infuriated her and she found it endearing all at once. 

"What does that mean?" Sara questioned trying not to bite. She needed to get this paper done and as fun as winding Catherine up could be it wasn't going to help in this situation. 

"Nothing." Catherine turned to leave. 

"Well, thanks for stopping by," Sara smirked.

Sara placed her headphones back in her ear ready to get back to her paper when identical blue eyes to the ones that had just left stared at her from the doorway. "Lindsey right?" Sara asked the little girl. " You just missed your mom she went that way, sweetie. " Sara pointed in the direction Catherine had just walked. 

"I know." Lindsey didn't move just continued to gaze at Sara who shifted uncomfortably in her seat somehow this gaze felt a lot more intimidating from Lindsey than it ever had on Catherine. "She was being mean to you," Lindsey told her walking into the room. " She sounds like that when she talks to daddy too."

Great Sara smiled to her self she was on about the same par with Catherine as her ex she really should just give it up now. Sara watched as Lindsey came further into the room and took a seat next to Sara. She really was the cutest little girl she had ever met she realised though that she really didn't have a lot of children to compare her to. She was Catherine's daughter though so she had pretty much hung the moon. "Are you at school?" Lindsey asked looking at the textbooks and papers in front of Sara.

"No God I miss school it was a paradise compared to college and that's saying something because my high school was like the gateway to hell." Sara couldn't help but smile as Lindsey laughed. 

"I'm in third grade," Lindsey told her turning one of Sara's books a little so she could look at it. Sara's heart melted at the face she pulled as she tried to read the words. "Do those words make sense when you're in college?"

"They're meant to but I sometimes don't think they make much sense either."

"Do you have to sit in here and stay out of trouble too?" 

"I actually think that is my soul porpoise most of the time but I'm not really very good at it. So any time you want to come to help me with that feel free."

"There you are Lind's." Warrick sighed in relief as he walked into the break room. "Your mom has been called away so I've got to make sure you meet your aunt Nancy in reception."

"Can Sara do it?"

Sara and Warrick exchanged glances not sure how to answer the little girl. Sara was sure that Catherine would see this as some sort of violation of her privacy and really didn't want to set Catherine off especially not over her daughter that did seem a line she didn't want to cross. On the other hand, Lindsey was looking at her in a way that meant Sara felt she was pretty powerless to say no to her. She was almost certain that Lindsey was already very aware that she had Sara wrapped around her little finger with a tilt of her head and a smile.   
Warrick shrugged at Sara in a manner that she clearly interpreted as it's your funeral if Catherine finds out. But he made no move to stop her as the little girl stood and held her hand out to Sara. "Please! "  
Sara stood taking her hand it felt so different having Lindsey's little hand in her own all warm and gripping on to her own as her life depended upon it. 

"Come on then munchkin." Sara smiled down at Lindsey who started to laugh again. 

"You're funny." Lindsey smiled.

•••••

"Well, you're not Warrick." Sara looked up as she could only assume was Catherine's sister Nancy walked into reception. 

"Perceptive." Sara smiled when she saw no malice in the other woman. 

"This is Sara," Lindsey rushed over to her aunt. " She's so cool. "

"Sara Sidle?" Nancy questioned. 

"The one and only."

" Funny. " Nancy looked her up and down. "I expected you to have two heads or something." 

"I hide it well." 

"Honestly though I don't know what I was expecting but you are not it. " Nancy commented as she picked up Lindsey's backpack and headed to the door giving Sara no choice but to follow her. 

"I'm assuming you haven't heard good thing's about me." Sara shrugged. 

"No nothing good really and I take it with a pinch of salt I know my sister but still I was thinking you might have a twirly moustache or something to show how evil you're meant to be."

"Sorry to disappoint you." 

"Oh don't worry I'm not the least bit disappointed." Nancy winked at Sara making her blush a little. 

"Can Sara come and have dinner with us?" Lindsey asked her aunt and Sara realised that she hasn't once let go of her hand.

"I don't think I can." Sara crouched so she was on Lindsey's level. "I have to stay here and finish my homework and wait for my brother or   
I'll be in trouble." She didn't want either Nancy or Lindsey getting in trouble with Catherine for spending too much time with her. 

"Scared of my sister." Nancy mouthed to Sara before adding, "Don't worry Lind's we will arrange a time for Sara to have dinner with us your right she's very cool."

"Told you." Lindsey beamed up at her aunt before turning to Sara hugging her taking Sara by surprise for a moment but she hugged her back after a moment. " I can't wait to come to visit mom again so I can see you. "

"I look forward to it too."

"Go jump in the car." Nancy ruffled Lindsey's hair pointing her in the direction of where she had parked. "So as far as my sisters concerned I never met you." Nancy turned to Sara once she was sure Lindsey was heading in the right direction. 

"I don't want you to lie to her!"

"Well, it's not lying if I just don't bring it up is it?"

"Not sure she's going to see it like that and I'm sure Lindsey will mention something and I wouldn't as her to lie."

"When you want to feel free to mention it to her. She doesn't seem to like you but she's not the boss of me if I want to see you again I will." 

"Wow, you really are Catherine's sister."

•••••

"Don't just stand there." Sara patted the seat next to her as Lindsey came into the break room. "What have we got today?" She asked as Lindsey put her backpack on the table in front of her next to Sara's textbooks. 

"Maths." Lindsey groaned and Sara smiled she really did love the little routine that that had gotten in to. Lindsey came by the lab as much as she could and they would sit together and do there homework. Sara was surprised that Catherine hadn't been by to rip her head off for it she guessed that she either really didn't know or for some reason, she was letting it slide. Sara really doubted the latter was a viable option and going on her interactions and what Nancy said Catherine really did hate Sara. 

"Maths yes." Sara grabbed the sheet form Lindsey and read it. "Place values, we got this kiddo." 

"I have lines to learn too there's a play coming up." Lindsey handed over her sheet with lines on. 

"Sleeping beauty do you want me to run them with you?" Sara asked. 

"Please." Lindsey beamed a smile that never failed to make Sara's heart melt. "Can you come to watch the performance too?"  
Sara had no answer to that for a moment what could she say. She would love to see Lindsey perform and it felt like an honour to Sara to be asked. She knew though that if she said yes it meant talking to Catherine and conversations with the older woman that didn't pertain to work seemed to be none existent. So she certainly didn't relish the thought of having a conversation that contained the idea of Sara and Catherine having to do something together outside of the lab. 

"I'd have to talk to your mom about that Lind's," Sara told her after a moment. Lindsey sighed looking down at the paper for a moment and Sara guessed that she didn't hold out much hope at her mom agreeing to that scenario either. " I will though and we'll see what she says ok. "

"Ok."

"Come on then let's look at this worksheet before your aunt gets here to pick you up."

They worked on Lindsey's maths Sara smiled with pride as the younger Willows managed to do the whole sheet with our much input from Sara she really was a bright child. They sat side by side in silence both working on their own assignments so Sara jumped a little as her phone went off on the table in front of her. 

'2 mins out you two ready?' Sara read the text message from Nancy and looked at her watch where had all the time gone. 

"That's Nanc," Sara poked her phone in Lindsey's face so she could see. "We better get you out there."  
Packing up Lindsey's school work in her backpack the pair heading to the parking lot. Where Nancy was already waiting when they got outside.

"You are a terrible timekeeper you know that right." Nancy smiled at Sara as she came into sight. 

" I've been told this. " Sara laughed. 

"Jump in Lind's."

"You will talk to mommy won't you?." Lindsey didn't move from the spot she was in looking up at Sara. Sara clenched and unclenched her jaw for a second looking from Lindsey's pleading eyes to Nancy's questioning ones.

"I will I promise. " Sara finally assured her turning her slightly nudging her gently towards the car. 

"So?" Nancy turned to Sara as soon as Lindsey was out of earshot. 

"She has a play coming up and she wants me to go I've told her that I have to talk to Catherine. I mean could you imagine me just turning up she'll probably explode. "

"Literally." Nancy chuckled. 

"Yeah pretty much so I'm going to have to be a grown up and talk to her about it." Sara sighed the prospect of talking to Catherine wasn’t something that she was looking forward to. 

"Do you want me to be there it might help." Nancy wanted to make this easier for Sara if she could. 

"I honestly don't think it's going to help. One shock at a time for her, I think, don't you?"

"I really have no idea why she's so against you."

"Well, I suppose I didn't really make the best first impression I was arrested and a real brat the first time I met her."

"That was a while ago now and most people seem to have put that behind them, though you can still be a total brat."

"Hey, I'm adorable."

"Get over yourself Sidle." Nancy shoved Sara gently shaking her head with mirth. "

"Wish me luck at least."

"Oh, I think you're going to need it. "

••••• 

"Yes." Catherine didn't even look up as her door knocked she was knee deep in Grissom's paperwork and she was more than a little annoyed. 

"Are you busy?" Catherine did look up at the sound of Sara's voice and tried to school her face Sara really was the last person she wanted to see right now. Sara really did bring out the worst out of her at times and she was really trying not to dump on the younger woman so much. 

"A little why!" Catherine eyes Sara suspiciously she looked guilty and that couldn't be a good thing. "Spill!"

" I need to talk to you about something. "

"Ok." Catherine was getting a sinking feeling that deepened further when Sara closed the door. "Look Sara whatever it is can we just get it over with I really do have to get this work done. What is it?"

"It's about Lindsey."

"What about her?" Catherine sat up a little straighter instantly paying attention.

"You know that she comes here after school sometimes till your sister comes to pick her up?"

"Yes, Sara I'm well aware of the arrangements I've made for my daughter." Catherine was already mad nothing her daughter did was any concern to Sara and just the fact that Sara was aware of Lindsey's movements was too much for Catherine. "What has that got to do   
with you?"

"We hang out together while she's here and she would like me to come to see her play. I thought you should know that sooner rather than later. I know how you feel about me and I'm pretty sure that it's not the information you wanted right now but I think it's time, to be honest." 

"You what!" Catherine couldn't hold on to her rage as Sara's words sank in. "You have to be kidding me right even you're not stupid enough to think I'd be ok with this." 

Sara pressed her lips together firmly and took a deep breath exhaling slowly through her nose. Biting now was really not going to help the situation or Lindsey for that matter the little girl was relying on Sara to make sure that not only could Sara come to the play but that they could carry on seeing each other after that. Although by the look on Catherine's face right then Sara was beginning to think that might be a long shot. 

"I didn't do this to spite you no matter how poorly you think of me. It's just something that happened she hangs around here a lot and so do I we just happened to be in the same place at the same time and we just really got on. She's an amazing kid Catherine though I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that." 

"No, I don't." Catherine was fuming she couldn't put her finger on what exactly had gotten to her the most but hearing Sara tell her how amazing her daughter was upset her. "And you have no right to see my daughter with our my permission! " Catherine was out of her chair and standing in front of Sara blue eyes shooting sparks of pure rage. 

"We are here at the same time it was inevitable that we would bump into each other what was I meant to do tell her not to talk to me."

"You are the grown up in that situation allegedly Sara I expect you to know better Warrick is here or Nick is here then you send her to them! You don't get to play happy families with my daughter when it suits you."

"Is that what you think I'm just going to get bored of her and let her down? How low is your opinion of me?"

"Right now you don't want to know! Look I get it it's fun right now she's all cute and looks up to you. Plus I'm sure the extra incentive of pissing me off but she's not just here for your entertainment and she needs stability and consistency in her life and you can’t offer her that.”

“stability and consistency not two words I’d always connect with you.” Sara regretted the words the moment they had left her mouth but it was too late by that point and she knew there was no taking it back by the look on Catherine’s face there was no way she was forgetting them for a while. Sara really did hate her self sometimes she opened her mouth before her brain had kicked in.

“How dare you.” Catherine took a step closer to Sara getting right in her face. Something inside her twisted at Sara’s words it hurt her deeply that Sara thought so little of her not only as a person but as a mother for as much as she wanted nothing Sara said or did to matter her opinion was something that she always paid attention to. “You have no right to judge me you know nothing about me or my life and everything I do I do for my daughter.”

“You.” Sara pushed past Catherine and further into the room she felt cornered by the door and it made her panic a little bit. “Have no right to talk to me about judging people. You have never given me a chance you have never let me show you that I’m not actually that person you first met. All you do is use that as self-justification to treat me as less of a person.”  
It was so very true and Catherine knew that but she wasn’t going to let that bother her right now. This was Sara’s doing she was the one that had gone behind her back to spend time with her daughter. That was all that mattered at the moment that was the point they were dealing with right now.

“We’re getting off point.” Catherine turned to where Sara was now standing leaning against her desk arms folded defensively. “The point is you have no right to spend time with my daughter without my permission and that I will give you over my dead body right now.”

Sara’s brain was a little quicker than her mouth thankfully this time and she managed to keep her reply of that can be arranged in her head and instead just shook her head at Catherine. 

“Hate me all you want but please don’t take it out on Lindsey. She is a good kid and she deserves better than being used to get at me.” 

“Don’t Go there.” Catherine seethed. “I will do whatever is best for Lindsey and right now I don’t think it’s you.”

“Nothing I say right now is going to change your mind is it?” 

“No, I need to talk to my daughter about this because we don’t normally keep secrets from each other and now she’s been keeping this   
from me.”

“That has nothing to do with me! At no point did I tell her not to tell you. If she didn’t then maybe you need to ask her why she didn’t”

•••••

"What did you want to talk about mommy?" Lindsey sat tentatively down next to her mom as they ate ice cream in the park. It wasn't every day that her mom managed to pick her up from school and take her to the park. The older woman always seemed to be working and although there was a little part of her that understood it was what had to happen so that they could have a good life Lindsey missed her mom a lot when she wasn't around so times like this really were a treat. 

"I had a very interesting talk with Sara about you two spending some time together and her maybe coming to see your play. " Catherine still wasn't totally sure she was ok with any of this she had carefully kept Sara on the periphery of her life and by doing that she had assumed that would mean that Sara wouldn't ever really be a part of Lindsey's life either. It would seem though the things about Sara Catherine found absolutely annoying other people found endearing and Catherine was going to have to find a way to deal with that. 

"I knew she would speak to you." Lindsey beamed with what Catherine could only describe as an equal mix of pride and joy. Catherine kept quiet for a moment and took another mouthful of her ice cream. This clearly did mean a lot to her daughter and it was going to be hard to get any further interactions between the two of them to stop without her daughter having something to say on the matter. 

"She says you two have been spending time with each other while you wait for Nancy at the lab."

"Sara helps me with my school work she's so clever mommy she's almost one of the smartest people I know, she's funny and helpful and really very kind mommy it's so good that she helps me."

Catherine couldn't help but smile at the picture of Sara that her daughter was painting. She couldn't see any of that in Sara but then again she hadn't ever taken the time she had decided Sara was trouble and had gone out of her way ever since to prove her point. She was so good at it now she sometimes wondered if she would stop even if she could. Sara seemed to give as good as she got it was a constant duel between them to see who could come out on top. 

"Why didn't you tell me though baby you know I like to know who's in your life it helps me keep you safe?" Catherine asked reaching over to gently move some hair off of her daughter's face. It was a question she realised as she gazed into her daughter's eyes, that had been bugging her since her conversation with Sara. She had her suspicions she guessed that Sara has asked her not to say anything and the thought of Sara asking her daughter to keep that from her made her very angry. 

"I'm safe with Sara mommy honestly, but I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't like it. I hear the way you talk to Sara sometimes and it's the same way you talk to daddy. I didn't want to make you even madder at Sara because I asked her to help me."

Catherine hadn't expected that at all she had never for one moment stopped to think that her own actions could have caused her daughter to keep this from her. Did she really talk to Sara with the same amount of animosity that she showed Ed? Sara could make her blood boil but even Catherine had to admit that Sara really wasn't comparable to Eddie. Sara was young and rash and that was not what she and her daughter needed. Eddie though was downright cruel and selfish most of the time and Sara Catherine was sure of all the things she thought of her she could be so many things but never that. 

"Sara didn’t ask you not to talk to me about it.”

“Of course not mommy Sara’s really not like that.” Lindsey was so adamant that Catherine wondered just what an affect Sara was having on her daughter. 

"Well I've spoken to Sara and I don't think that the two of you will be spending much time together going forward. "

"Why mommy Sara said I could see her whenever I needed." 

Of course, she did Catherine sighed. 

"Because Sara should have spoken to me about this first. We could have maybe sorted something out between us but she lied to me and went behind my back." 

"That wasn't Sara's fault I spoke to her." Lindsey stood so she was face to face with her mom. " I want to see Sara and I want her to come to see my play because she's helped me with my lines. It's not fair to make her not see me. " 

"Lindsey's I've made my decision and that's final ok Sara's out of bounds, for now, ok well talk about it again in a little while."

" Sara's my friend and you won't change that! " Lindsey was adamant as she turned and walked away from her mother.

"Lindsey come back."

" no, I don't want to you're being mean. "

Catherine got up jogging to catch up with her daughter before kneeling down in front of her placing her hands on her shoulders. 

"I know it can't seem fair right now but I make the rules for a reason and Sara broke them. I know you say it was your fault too but she’s a grown up and I expected more. "

“Can I ever see her again?”

“We will have to see how things go.”

“But I really want her to see me perform mommy it's not fair.” Catherine pulled her daughter closer as tears started to fall. “I want to go stay at Grandma’s.”

•••••

"Well, you're still alive." Nancy pulled a beer from her fridge handing it to Sara before reaching a glass from the cupboard and pouring her self a glass of wine. She smiled as Sara opened her bottle and took a swig of the contence was so weird how close she had become to Sara in such a short space of time. She didn't question it though Sara was one of those once in a lifetime friendships you were just eternally grateful for. 

"It was horrible Nanc I didn't think she would take it well but I never thought she'd take it that badly. I won't be spending time with Lindsey for a while I can tell you that much and it will take a minor mirical for me to see her play."

"That's really harsh on both you and Lindsey though she thinks the world of you and I know you do of her I don't think she's going to take it well if told she can't see you."

"In her defence, I should have just gone to her from the start rather than waiting till Lindsey forced my hand. She doesn't like me so I should have guessed she would hate me seeing her daughter so." Sara shrugged it really wasn't that unexpected that Catherine would lose her cool over this. 

"Why do you always make excuses for her?" 

"I wasn't aware that I did." Sara shrugged in a manner she hoped looked casual. She wasn't sure she was ready to share her crush on Catherine with Catherine's sister. Though she had a sinking feeling she was about to be called on it. 

"So you don't have a little crush on my sister?" Nancy questioned and found the busted look on Sara's face adorable not that she would ever tell Sara that. 

"I thought I was better at hiding it than that." Sara grimaced. She didn't really want to be a walking talking beacon when it came to her feelings for Catherine. 

"Oh don't worry I just know you a little by now and I can see the way you talk about her plus I know the effect my sister can have on someone. I'm guessing you're not going to be asking her out on a date any time soon though."

"Good God no I'm pretty much just praying it goes away soon and I don't ever have to deal with it. She'd eat me alive if I ever told her the truth."

"For what it's worth I think the two of you would make a cute couple." Nancy laughed as Sara choked on her drink. 

"Are you being serious? Because I really can't tell right now. I mean have you hit your head or something?"   
Nancy's answer was interrupted by the door.

"Saved by dinner." Sara smiled easily avoiding Nancy as she swatted at her. 

"Well go on then you're paying." Nancy smiled mischievously at Sara. 

"Yeah great." Sara grumbled as she headed to the door " come around Sara we'll celibrate you passing your midterms but you have to pay for dinner Sara. " Sara mimicked Nancy as she opened the door the words dying on her lips as she swung the door open to find Catherine stood there and not the Chinese delivery person. "Cath!" Sara really wasn't sure what else to say at that moment. " Nanc your sisters here."

"Yeah, very funny Sar' I'm not paying for your food. " Nancy came to stand next to Sara stopping in her tracks when she found Catherine there.


	5. Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nice perfume," Catherine commented as Eddie lent across her to retrieve the camera. Sara tried to block out what was becoming a full-scale fight next to her and concentrate on Lindsey. 'No wonder she gets upset by these two.' Sara thought to herself shaking her head.  
> Sara watched as Lindsey sat up on the bed ready to deliver her lines, the lines she and Sara had been working on for weeks. Sara didn't believe Eddie could have chosen a worse time to rise to Catherine's bait. He huffed and stood up violently pulling a chair out in the row in front.
> 
> Or 
> 
> Nancy and Catherine talk, Sara gets to see Lindsey's play and nothing ever goes to plan.

"Someone needs to say something this is really getting awkward right now." Sara broke the silence as the three of them just seemed to stand there and look at each other. 

"What’s going on here?" Catherine questioned as she finally stepped around Sara and into her sister's house. 

"Well, I was hoping dinner." Sara sighed walking over to where she had left her beer and taking a large swig. 

"Hey." Nancy stepped closer to Sara running her hand down the brunette's arm trying to calm her a little "You ok?"

"Peachy." Sara rolled her eyes knowing she didn't need to elaborate with Nancy. Catherine turning up was not part of the plan Sara had meant it when she said one surprise at a time for Catherine. If there was any chance that she might get to see Lindsey again it had walked out of the door around the time Catherine had walked in.

"I repeat my question what's going on here?" 

"Not what you're probably thinking that's for sure." Nancy arched a brow at the inflection in her sister's words. 

"Any other little surprises for me Sidle you planning on telling me you play bridge with my mother."

"Stop it right now. " Nancy snapped. "You do not get to come into my house and pick on Sara this is her safe space and you do not get to spoil that." 

"Nancy it's ok. " Sara didn't want the two of them fighting over her. In truth, it would just be another thing Catherine could throw in her face and she didn't want that but Sara guessed that by the look on Nancy's face that Nancy didn't like the idea of her standing up for Catherine. Sara didn't actually know which sibling scared her more at that moment. 

"Sara Sidle don't you dare ok not now." Sara held her hands up in surrender for a moment before closing the small gap between her and Nancy placing both her hands on the other woman shoulders squeezing gently. 

"I wouldn't dare you to scare me too much at times I just think you need to take a breath ok maybe we all do." Sara was mightily relieved when Nancy blew out a breath and relaxed a little bit. "Good let's all just talk this through shall we." 

"Ok ok I may have overreacted a little bit I mean it Cath though you don't get to talk to Sara like that no here ok."

"Doesn't look like I have much of a choice does it!" 

Once Sara was happy Nancy wasn't going to jump off the deep end at her sister again she left the two women sitting in uncomfortable silence as she headed to pick up Nancy's forgotten wine glass and retrieve a second glass for Catherine. Coming back she handed the glasses to the two women before offering Catherine wine. 

"Well this is domesticated isn't it." Sara rolled her eyes Catherine couldn't help her self and Nancy wasn't going to take it she could just feel it. 

"For the love of God Cath please just stop being a brat. What are you even doing here I mean aren't you meant to be spending the time with Lindsey?" 

"We were and it was going ok." Catherine sighed looking down at her glass. "She got very upset when I told her she couldn't see you any more." Catherine nodded in Sara's direction. "And she's gone to stay at mom's."

"And you're surprised because? Sara's been so good to Lind's and you're taking that away from her." 

"You knew what was going on?"

"Well, how do you think I met Sara?" Nancy questioned. 

"You never once told me either." Catherine couldn't believe what was going on right now. How on earth had Sara Sidle crept up and taken on such a huge part in her sisters and daughters life and she had never even noticed. Watching Sara interact with Nancy was frustrating Catherine too they were so at ease and obviously knew each other well enough to know what each other was thinking at certain times. 

"Of course I didn't that was never a conversation I was going to have with you. I've heard the way you talk about her and it's never positive so I wasn't going to drop that I actually think she's pretty amazing I'm to the conversation." Nancy glanced at Sara and rolled her eyes. " No time to look so smug Sidle." 

"I think you and Jerry are pretty amazing too and I'm grateful for the way you've taken me into your life." Sara leaned her head on to Nancy's shoulder and smiled when she was rewarded with a kiss on the hair. 

"And you want me to believe that there's nothing going on here?" 

"I don't care what you believe right now I know that Sara and I are friends very good friends but only friends no more no less."

Silence fell over the three of them again and Sara took the opportunity to look at Catherine for a moment. She knew that if Nancy could read her mind right now she would probably kill her but Sara couldn't help but try and put her self in Catherine's shoes at that moment to try and work out what she was thinking and how she could best help the situation that they found themselves in. She ran it all through her head, the conversation about Lindsey, Lindsey getting upset about being told she couldn't see Sara and then Catherine obviously coming here to talk to her sister about it all and then finding Sara here. Sara tried to think about how she would feel if she went to Aaron when she needed him and found him getting on so well with what she felt was the source of her problem. 

"This must feel like a total betrayal." Sara realised she'd spoken that part out loud as both sister's looked at her quizzically. "You came to unload on your sister about all of this and here I am." Sara caught Nancy's eye and even though the other woman shook her head Sara could see the understanding in her eyes. Sara placed her bottle down on the table in front of her and stood. "I'm not over the limit it's the only one I've had," Sara answered the unspoken question burning in Nancy's eyes as the brunette went for her keys and coat. 

"What's going on?" Catherine asked clearly confused by the silent interactions of the other two.

"Sara's going to go home and give you the space to do exactly what you came here to do. I just hope you're hungry." 

●●●●●

"Try to be objective," Sara whispered to Nancy as they hugged at the door. "She needs her sister so be that and not my number one fan ok." 

"I'll try," Nancy promised as she pulled away from Sara and watched her turn and walk out of the door towards her car. She stood staring at the spot Sara's car had been in long after the other woman was out of sight. She needed a moment though to steel her self for what was to come. What was going to be a relaxing night with Sara was now going to see a lot of tongue biting on her part as she tried to listen to her sister unbiasedly as Sara had asked. 

"Want a top up?" Nancy asked as she walked back in the lounge. "You can have the spare room so you may as well let your hair down a little."

"You're upset with me?" Catherine didn't need her sister to answer to know that it was true. 

"I'm upset that my sister and my best friend can't be in the same room and as much as I want to blame that all on you I know she can be a pain in the arse when she wants to be. I just don't know why you let her get to you so much?"

That was not a conversation she was having with Nancy tonight or any time in the foreseeable future either especially not now knowing how close Sara and Nancy were. She didn't think she could tell her sister that she tried so very hard to keep Sara out of her life because if she let her in for even for a second she didn't think she'd ever get her out and she wasn't ready to trust Sara like that just yet there was still too many unanswered questions about her. 

"I don't know she just presses my buttons really well."

"She gives as good as she gets." If there was one thing that Nancy was sure of it was that Sara no matter how she felt about Catherine she knew Sara well enough to know she wouldn't just take it. 

"She does, no one has ever stood toe to toe with me on a regular basis." Catherine couldn't deny that Sara's honesty if not sometimes totally annoying wasn't refreshingly different. Catherine found Sara challenged her on almost everything and although every once in a while Catherine just wanted her to say yes Catherine you're right, she realised that Sara's constant pushing kept her focused and driven. 

"I get part of this I really do. I know you didn't meet the same Sara that I know and love but you have been around her ever since she came to town. She works with the crime lab for the love of god haven't you seen under the massive act she puts on." 

"I can't say that I really want to Nanc' I really don't. Maybe we can't go off of first impressions but my gut told me Sara was trouble and I'm happy to trust my gut thanks. I don't want her in my life and I really think there are better role models for my little girl."

Nancy didn't think the tongue biting would have to start so soon. 

"I can't think of a better role model for my son I really can't and if you gave her a chance you'd see that Lindsey is lucky to have such a positive person to look up to. Look I know I'm not going to get you to change your mind right now and neither of us has had enough wine to get into all the reasons you really don't want Sara in your life." 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on Cat I'm your sister and I'm not stupid. Do your excuses sound as lame to you as they do to me? It's ok I won't push right now and you know I'm always here. My point right now though is this means so much to both Sara and Lind's and I get that we all should have been up front sooner." Nancy admitted. "Don't take the play away from them at least if you're not going to let then see each other let them have that moment please."

"I don't know Nancy." Catherine sighed she really didn't want to seem like she was backing down but after the way Lindsey had reacted then it did seem like the sensible thing to do.

"Think about it and we can talk it over as much as you want, I just know that it will mean the world to them both."

"I'll think about it."

●●●●●

Sara parked her car and cut the engine but made no move to get out. She had no idea what to expect from the next few hours. It was Lindsey's school play and she still wasn't a hundred per cent sure that she was actually meant to be there. She thought that Nancy was playing with her when she had told her that Catherine had changed her mind about Sara being allowed to attend. Sara had missed Lindsey so much since Catherine had forbidden them seeing each other so the thought of seeing her tonight even for a little bit meant so much to her. She wasn't convinced though that Catherine was really going to be ok about this. It wasn't like she could ask the older woman at the moment their interactions were limited to yes and no questions that dealt with work and work alone.   
Sara realised that she couldn't put it off any longer though. Getting out if the car she made her way to the reception of Lindsey's school her heart beating out of her chest as she laid eyes on Catherine.

"SARA!" Sara didn't have time to worry about what Catherine might or might not have to say at that moment as a blond tornado wrapped around her legs almost bowling her over.

"Lindsey." Sara beamed dropping to her knees so she was on Lindsey's level and wrapping her arms tightly around the little girl. 

"I've missed you so much." Sara could make out Lindsey's mumbled words from where the young girls head was tucked firmly into Sara's neck. 

"Missed you too Kiddo." Sara smiled pulling away from her a little so she could look at Lindsey as she spoke. "How have you been how's school going."

"Ok, I guess." Lindsey looked down for a moment. "Maths is harder without you."

"Hey." Sara cupped Lindsey's chin and tilted her head up so that she met Sara's eyes again. "You are super smart you know that and you are going to get this with or without me. Plus you have your mom she's super smart to so she can help."

"I miss you helping." 

"I know." Sara sighed and shook her head she knew this was as much her fault as anyone. "But mommy makes the rules and I don't always listen to them and this is what happens but I'm sure it won't be forever." Sara chanced a glance in Catherine's direction to find the older woman watching them closely. 

"We'll see ok I'm not making any promises," Catherine told them. Watching them together was more touching than she had ever imagined Sara could be. She had been convinced that part of the motivation for Sara was getting to annoy her, but watching her with Lindsey seeing how much she had genuinely missed Lindsey made Catherine consider another scenario, Sara actually just liked to spend time with the little girl. 

For anyone who didn't know them, they looked like the perfect happy couple watching on proudly as their daughter took the stage. Catherine sat with a video camera in hand taking in everything that was going on while Sara sat beside her beaming with pride. There was no sign of their normal volatile relationship it was as if the little girl brought out the best in them both.

"You're doing a really good job with her Cath," Sara told the older woman leaning slightly into Catherine's personal space to whisper the compliment. Any response was interrupted by the arrival of Eddie Willows, Catherine's ex-husband and Lindsey's father.  
Sara's heart sank she had been enjoying the moment. She could almost pretend that they were there together watching Lindsey.

"You're late Eddie." Catherine seethed as the rather dishevelled looking man came to a halt next to them. Catherine handed Sara the camera before turning to Eddie.

"Don't start." he shot back sitting in the empty seat on the other side of Catherine.

"You know how much this meant to Lindsey."

"Can we argue about this later?" Eddie sighed.

Sara rolled her eyes at the man. It was beyond her how such an arse hole managed to have Catherine and Lindsey in his life. Sara once again told herself that if she was ever lucky enough to have these people in her life they would never go through anything like this, she would protect them with her life.

"Latest plaything." Eddie shot an accusing glare at Sara who stood her ground. Sara had faced down bigger and more evil things than Eddie Willows. He couldn't scare her on his worst days, Sara thought before turning her attention to the stage as she recognized the narrator's prompts; they were nearing Lindsey's part.

"She's so beautiful." Eddie smiled. "Give me that." He added menacingly to Sara. She didn't put up a fight, he wasn't worth it. She just handed over the Camera.

"Nice perfume," Catherine commented as Eddie lent across her to retrieve the camera. Sara tried to block out what was becoming a full-scale fight next to her and concentrate on Lindsey. 'No wonder she gets upset by these two.' Sara thought to herself shaking her head.  
Sara watched as Lindsey sat up on the bed ready to deliver her lines, the lines she and Sara had been working on for weeks. Sara didn't believe Eddie could have chosen a worse time to rise to Catherine's bait. He huffed and stood up violently pulling a chair out in the row in front.

"Fine, is this ok?" He mocked Catherine as he sat down.

Sara watched in horror as Lindsey froze and most of the room turned to look at them.

'Yeah, no wonder these two get to her.' Sara thought as she watched Lindsey slip out off the bed and ran from the stage.

●●●●●

Lindsey sat wrapped in Sara's arms as Catherine and Eddie came towards them.

"Look I don't know who you are but you need to take your hands off of my little girl," Eddie ordered as he came level with Sara.

"Daddy."

"It's okay, Linds," Sara reassured the little girl as she stood to place Lindsey on the ground. Eddie sat in the vacated seat and Lindsey reluctantly sat next to him.

"Maybe you should go now, Sara," Catherine told her turning to the brunette.

"No." Lindsey told them emphatically, "At least she was being good back there."

"I'm sorry baby. You did well though." Catherine sighed crouching down in front of her daughter.

"Yeah, you were fine Lind's, good," Eddie told his daughter.

"Yeah, and you know what? It was just a play." Catherine tried to reason. Sara winced at Catherine's choice of words. It was more than a play for Lindsey and together they had been practising for weeks.

"No, it's not just a play. I was sleeping beauty and you guys ruined it."

"Sorry baby." Catherine tried once again she had a feeling she was going to be saying that to Lindsey for a while. She had been mad though and not all of that had been Eddies fault. No, she had been mad at herself as it had just felt so right to be there with Sara. Then Eddie had shown up late and smelling of one of his cheap tarts and Catherine had realized that Sara was more of a parent to Lindsey and she had never even noticed.

"Hey Lind’s, I know it wasn't quite what we practised but you just stole the show."

Sara's words caught Catherine of guard and she stood to see where Sara was going with this. As she stood and looked between her daughter and the Brunette Catherine realized that where ever it was going, Lindsey was probably going to like it.

"I did?"

"Yeah, no one will remember the others but Lindsey Willows Diva!" Sara smiled crouching down making sure she was on Lindsey’s level.

"Really?" Lindsey frowned for a moment thinking this over.

"Yeah, everyone will be wishing they ditched the show to make the big impact." Sara smiled down at the young blond tucking stray bangs behind her ears.

"Cool. I want to go home now." Lindsey announced looking at Sara.

"Come on then, let's go home," Catherine told the little girl.

"No mom I want to go with Sara."

Sara tried really hard to smother the smile on her face at the look of horror on Catherine's face.

"No way!" Catherine shot out before she had a chance to censor her answer.

"Please!" Lindsey whined.

"I'm sure Sara has better things to do." Catherine tried a different tack, hoping Sara would back her on this.

"Better than hanging out with Lind’s? No way."

'Should have known better.' Catherine thought to her self.

"No," Catherine stated once more.

"Fine. I want to go with dad then."

"You're sure about that?"

Catherine looked between Sara and Eddie as Lindsey nodded her assent. What had she been thinking, at least if she had let Lindsey go with Sara her safety would be guaranteed but with Eddie, she was never sure that something better might come along and he would leave Lindsey to her own device without adult supervision.

"Ok." Catherine sighed, what other choice did she have at this point. She already shot down Lindsey going with Sara and not to mention she was partly to blame for almost ruining Lindsey's night on stage. 

●●○●●

"You ok?" Sara didn't know if she was being wise talking to Catherine at all right now. She really wanted to know though Eddie was an idiot and she knew that Catherine didn't love dealing with him. 

"Not really." Catherine realised a little too late that it was Sara she was talking to and half expected the younger woman to say something snarky in response. 

"I'm sure she'll be ok." Sara lent against Catherine's car next to her and they were both quiet for a moment as they watched Lindsey and Eddie make their way through the cat park towards his car. 

"Yeah because Eddie's super reliable." Catherine turned her head to look at Sara. The brunette hadn't taken her eyes of off the girl yet and   
Catherine could see the tension in her pose and the tightness in her jaw. "You're worried too."

"Well you never speak highly of him so why wouldn't I be." Sara shrugged turning to meet Catherine's eye. She was well aware that this was the most they had said to each other since she had told her that she had been spending time with Lindsey and was waiting for Catherine to realise that too and shut down on her. 

"I never speak highly of you but I'm assured you're a really nice person." 

"Well, that's different." Sara smiled. "I've been terribly miss judged."

Catherine couldn't help but laugh at the look on Sara's face as she said the words who on earth was this woman? Why was it so hard to actually stay mad at her no matter how hard she tried. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone you laughed at some thing I said." Sara nudged Catherine slightly with a smile. 

"Shut up Sidle." Catherine shot back but her words held none of there normal spite as she smiled back at Sara.


	6. Brave or foolish?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look I said some pretty nasty things to you in the hospital, you risked your life for Lindsey's peace of mind and I should have been more grateful."
> 
> "You were right, I was reckless."
> 
> "No, you were brave." Catherine tried to reassure her, "I need to ask something of you Sara."
> 
> OR 
> 
> Lindsey is traped in a sinking car and of course Sara is there to help.

"I think I might have finally lost my mind." Sara looked up from putting some finger print powders in to the CSI field kit cases as Greg walked in to the room smiling at her.  
"Ok Greg I'll bite why have you finally gone mad?"  
"Well." Greg smiled grateful that Sara always indulged his theatrical side. ""I'm pretty sure I saw you and Catherine arrive together."   
"Not together." Sara was quick to point out "At the same time but not together." That was the last thing she needed right now. She had managed to spend a few moments this evening with out Catherine grunting one word answers at her, she was pretty sure that would come to an end if Greg started circulating the fact that they were arriving to work together.   
"That is still an improvement on the last few weeks, Sar' she's hardly spoken to you."  
"I know Greg I've been here too." Sara sighed she loved that Greg worried about her so much sometimes it could feel like she had no friends at all in the lab. Warrick was always good to her and Grissom was always there if she needed assistance, but between Catherine and Nick sometimes there was nowhere to hide.  
"So you can see why I think it's a bit strange that you two just turned up here at the same time tonight."   
"Greg!" Sara wanted to throw something at him. She really regretted getting drunk about six months ago and mentioning she had a crush on Catherine. "You know as well as I do that we both went to see Lindsey's play tonight it's common knowledge."  
"I definitely think that the Catherine from the last few weeks would have made sure that she didn't turn up with you." Sara was quiet for a moment of course Greg was right and she knew it. Plus her mind kept running to the moment she had with Catherine before they had gotten in there separate cars to come to work. Hearing Catherine laugh was amazing and being the cause of it was even better.   
A vibrating on her left hip broke her musings and she reached down to check her pager coming up blank she checked her mobile phone. Although a Strange number greeted her Sara answered any way.  
"Hello." Static and muffled breathing could be heard from the other end of the line. "Hello," Sara sighed and took the phone from her ear to check connection. "Hello." She tried once more before hanging up. "Must be a crank call." Sara shrugged at Greg.  
"They must really like your voice." Greg smiled as Sara's phone went off once again.  
"Well at least I know it's not you." Sara joked as she once again answered the phone.  
"Look I don't know who this is but I work with the police so stop playing silly games."  
The voice on the other end of the phone chilled Sara to the bone.  
"Sara." Lindsey's unmistakable voice was scared and unsure on the other end of the phone.  
"Lindsey, baby is that you."  
"Yeah."  
Sara's heart hammered in her chest at the unmistakable sound of Lindsey choking on the other end of the line.  
"Lind's baby where are you? What's going on?"  
"The car….. Daddy's car….. there's water in it."  
Forgetting what she was working on or anything else in that moment, Sara made her way from the room and found a quiet spot just outside the building.  
"Are you still in the car baby?"  
"Yeah."  
"Ok this is really important, do you know where you are?" Sara asked trying hard to keep the panic from her voice.  
"No…. please…. the water."  
"It's ok baby I'm on my way." Sara tried to reassure the little willow's as she ran to her own car. "Do you know where you were heading?"  
"H…h…hospital I think."  
"Ok." Sara was relieved to finally have something to work with. "Did you pass any of the hotels?"  
"The castle."  
"Excalibur did you see; did you see the pyramid?"  
"Yeah."  
"Ok baby I'm on my way."  
●●●●●  
Sara's knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel tight. She ran her conversation with Lindsey through her head, as she speed through the dark Vegas night. The thought of Lindsey being in trouble made her feel sick, the thought that she was there because Sara had played some part in the whole thing made her feel worse. Sara knew if anything happened to Lindsey, Catherine would never be the same again.  
She couldn't, No wouldn't let that happen. Sara was at a loss to explain quite when and how both Catherine and Lindsey had managed to get under her skin but there they were, so deep there was no way they were going to make it out. She wasn't sure she knew how she felt about it, having Lindsey as a part of her life was demanding yet totally rewarding, Catherine on the other hand was becoming a danger to her health.  
Sara swerved across a lane of traffic as she spotted Catherine's car stopped haphazardly by the side of the road near a brake in the fence by the canal. Slamming on her brakes, Sara was out of the car and sprinting to the hole before the car really stopped. She reached the side just in time to see Catherine dive under the water at the side of Eddie's partly submerged car. Sara caught sight of Lindsey still in the back of the car banging on the window.  
The sight spurred Sara on pulling her jacket off and taking one last look at the water, Sara dove in. All the air left Sara's lungs as she hit the cold murky water. Blocking the cold from her mind Sara moved on just in time to see Catherine and Lindsey break to the surface just in front of her.  
"Hey… you two… OK?" Sara asked panic and cold slurring Sara's words.  
"Yeah mommy’s got me." Lindsey told Sara hugging her mom tight.  
"Cath?"  
"Yeah I just want to get her out of here."  
"Ok, There anyone else in there."  
"No." Catherine couldn't look at her daughter as she answered the question.  
"My daddy's gone?" Lindsey asked looking up at Sara with big tears in her eyes.  
It was the look on the younger Willows face that made up Sara's mind for her. In a spur of the moment decision Sara pushed away from the car and into deeper water.  
"Sara, where the hell are you going?" Catherine called after her.  
"Get Lind's out of the water. I'll see if I can find Eddie." Sara called back.  
Catherine watched with her heart in her mouth as Sara's lanky form disappeared under the water. All she could do was pray that nothing would happen to the young lab intern. Catherine couldn't imagine not seeing Sara every day, even if all they did was fight. She had no idea what she would do if she never saw her again. 'God.' Catherine groaned to herself as she made her way to the embankment 'Aaron will kill me if anything happens to Sara, she thought, trying not to think about how she, herself would feel if anything happen to Sara.  
Pushing Lindsey onto the bank, Catherine pulled herself out of the water and collapsed on the ground next to Lindsey. Adrenalin had kept her moving from the moment she had received Lindsey's call but that was fast wearing off leaving her cold wet and tired.  
"Mommy?" Lindsey shook Catherine a little trying to get her to move.  
"Sorry baby let's get some help here shall we." Catherine tried to smile as she pulled Lindsey back in to her arms and headed to the car, trying to concentrate on keeping her daughter safe and not let fear for Sara make her do something reckless and stupid like running back into the water to pull the brunette out before making sure that Lindsey was safely put on safe ground.  
●●●●●  
With Help on its way and Lindsey safely wrapped in Catherine's extra jacket, she always kept in the trunk, Catherine made her way back over to the canal. Looking desperately for any sign of Sara coming up out off the water. For the first time in a long time Catherine find herself praying desperately to God, promising anything if he would just keep Sara safe, keep her alive. Silent tears ran down her pale cheeks, she put her hands over her mouth to hold back her sobs, not wanting to scare Lindsey with her tears because she knows that she would not be able to completely comfort her little girl if she was scared right now. She would be too busying slowly dying inside, dying to hear the brunette's husky voice and see her beautiful, challenging eyes. 'Please Sara, don't do this to me…Please don't you dare leave me.' Catherine whispered to herself desperately, not willing to believe that this is the way things ends between her and Sara.  
Forcing herself to not ran down the canal to search for Sara, reminding herself that she couldn't take the risk of leaving Lindsey without a mother and a father. That she was all that Lindsey had left now and that she needed to keep herself safe for Lindsey's sake.  
A piece of material caught her eye as she made her way over closer to canal and she bent to look at it, instantly recognizing it as the jacket Sara had been wearing that day, picking it up she pulled it to her face, instantly having Sara's scent fill her nose. Warmth and safety surrounded her and tugged at her heart 'how the hell did that happen' she wondered pressing her face deeper in the garment.  
A screeching of tires brought Catherine out of her daze and she turned as her name was called.  
"You OK?" Warrick asked her as Aaron rounded the car to check on Lindsey.  
"I'm OK." Catherine assured him pulling out of his hug so she could look at Aaron. "Aaron."  
"Yeah." He answered absently form his spot on the floor where he was checking over Lindsey.  
"Sara…." She started then stalled as words failed her, she couldn't find the right words to tell him that his beloved sister had been lost somewhere in the water for well over ten minutes.  
"What? What about Sara?" Aaron demanded walking over to where Catherine was standing. When she didn't answer him, just looked back out over the torrent of running water, Aaron paled fearing the worse. "What was she doing out here?" Aaron asked, "And why the hell is she in the water?"  
For the first time that night Catherine realized that she had no clue as to how Sara had just managed to magically turn up when she was most needed.  
"I was scared. Sara's always brave when I'm scared so I called her." Lindsey told them bursting into tears.  
●●●●●  
Why didn't Sara come back?" Lindsey asked her mom, tears in her eyes.  
Both mother and daughter had been checked and cleared by the Paramedics and now Warrick was driving them all back to the lab. No one had spoken since they had left the crash site and Lindsey was the first one to break the uneasy silence.  
Catherine had no idea what to say in the space of a few hours Lindsey had possibly lost her father and a close friend. It didn't help her that her own emotions were battling away inside her.  
Eddie had been her husband and the father of her child. He had been a mistake though and she had known that for a while the only good thing to ever come out of the whole thing was the little girl at her side. Still she felt the sadness slowly seeping in. It wasn't so much for the man she had loved or the man he had become but for the life that should have been and the life that would never be. The father that Lindsey would never know and all the moments that she herself would have to manage alone without the little support she would have gotten from him.  
Thoughts of future moments brought her mind to the young Sidle sibling. The attraction to Sara had been there from the first moment Catherine had laid eyes on Sara. It had been stronger and deeper than anything she had ever felt. Catherine had felt that alone was dangerous. After Eddie Catherine had promised herself she would be careful not only for her own sake but for the sake of her daughter. Neither of them needed more hurt and broken promises in their lives. Catherine was sure that no matter how hard Sara tried she would inevitably hurt them.  
Thoughts of Sara brought tears to Catherine's eyes, having Sara around everyday no matter in what form was OK, it would never be good to see the young woman inevitably find someone to love and build a life with but it would be a whole lot more acceptable than never seeing her again because she died trying to save Eddie.  
A gentle hand on her thigh made Catherine jump and she looked down at the hand, it took her a moment to realize that the tiny hand belonged to her daughter.  
"Sara will be ok won’t she mommy?" Lindsey asked her in a tiny voice.  
Catherine didn't trust her own voice in that moment and pulled her daughter to her resting the small blond head on her own chest.  
"She's has to be she said she would always be there for me no matter what! She promised and Sara never breaks a promise."  
"Never has." Aaron spoke for the first time since he realized that his sister was missing. "I'm the big brother but she's the one who looks out for me and you're right she has never broken a promise so if she said she's going to be there for you then she’ll do everything she can to be there, baby."  
Catherine sat listening to Aaron talk about his sister. Why couldn't he stop, he was painting a totally different picture to the one she wanted to build. The one she needed to build if she was going to keep Sara away. The warm caring kind soul that Aaron talked about wasn't what she needed to focus on. The hot headed short tempered moody young woman was easier to keep away. 'The hot headed woman you make her.' That little voice told her.  
"She said you looked after her." Lindsey told Aaron, leaning over her mom to touch his hand.   
●●●●●  
Aaron and Catherine's mobiles rang at exactly the same moment as Lindsey was being questioned. Catherine pulled out her phone and listened to the voice on the end of the phone telling her that Eddie was dead. She pulled the phone from ear and close her eyes, as if not hearing all the words would somehow make it better, or not seeing where she was would somehow make everything that has happen a dream, a terrible dream but a dream that she could wake-up from, and have Eddie alive and Sara ready to challenge her. Opening her eyes for a moment in desperate hope of the dream scenario, she felt her heart breaking all over again as she was force to accept that this was not a nightmare but a reality she would have to deal with. Closing her eyes again but this time she called on all the strength she had to find the right words, to tell her little girl her Daddy was dead. Opening her eyes, locking gaze with her little girl she realized she didn't have to because she could already see the heartbreaking knowledge in her daughter's tearful eyes. She already known her Daddy was gone.  
The sharp intake of breath at the other side of the room reminded Catherine that she was not the only one waiting on news that night. She also realized that she wanted to know how Sara was almost as much as she had needed news on Eddie. As a smile spread across Aaron's face she guessed his news had been better than hers.  
"They found Sara?" Catherine asked.  
"Yeah she's pretty banged up and out of it but she's alive. Eddie?"  
"He's not." Catherine broke down pulling her daughter in to her arms.  
●●●●●  
Sara slowly opened her eyes and then quickly clamped them shut again as the bright light assaulted her senses. She was pretty sure that she was not in her bed in Aaron's apartment; the sun didn't shine on her bed there. Sara tried hard to pieces together any bits of information that might explain the strange bed and the banging in her head.  
"EH!" she groaned as the banging in her head grew, every time she tried to think of something her head hurt more.  
"Ever try anything like that again and you will be lucky to wake up in hospital."  
Sara instantly recognized her brother's voice and it soothed her. She knew no matter what he said he was the last person who would hurt her or let her get hurt.  
"Whatever."  
Once again she tried to open her eyes and was grateful to Aaron for dropping the blind over the window.  
"Lind's" Sara asked once she was a little more comfortable. When Aaron didn't answer straight away Sara tried to sit up regretting it instantly as pain flared through her head and chest.  
"Lindsey and Catherine are both fine." Aaron told Sara as he rushed to her side. "You have badly bruised ribs and concussions so please don't move too much." Aaron half demanded half begged as he ran his fingers through her hair in a soothing motion.  
"Memories, huh!" Sara nodded at the room around them and Aaron's hand stilled on her head as their eyes met.  
"Yeah, but this time you put yourself in the hospital." Aaron sighed as he flopped down in the chair and closed his eyes.  
"Eddie?" Sara asked trying to change the subject.  
"They pulled his body out when they pulled you out."  
"He's dead."  
"Yeah."  
"How's Lind's."  
"I don't think it's sunk in yet, she keeps talking about you and how you promised to always be there for her."  
"Yeah I said I would and I have never meant anything as much as that. Though I never imagined being in a storm drain trying to pull that jerk out."  
"That's new." Aaron stated with a raise of his eyebrow.  
"What me doing something that stupid?."  
"No unfortunately that’s getting old." Aaron agreed with a sad nod of his head. "Sar you could have had been killed." Aaron couldn't keep the emotion from his voice. His voice cracked with the emotion of the day.  
"I had to try."  
"Why?"  
"After everything that happened to us it was after dad died I felt like we weren't normal. People looked at us like we were 'those children'. I didn't want that for Lind's."  
"Nothing to do with the fact that you're in love with Catherine, then?" Aaron asked and waited for a reaction, Sara laid back and closed her eyes. 'There was no way he could know.' She thought 'No way.'  
"Don't know what you mean"  
"Ok play it that way. I'll just keep waiting for you to talk to me. I'll always be here you know that."  
"I'm scared Az."  
"Of me or Catherine."  
"Of feeling like this again."  
"Doesn't always have to suck."  
"She died."  
"Cath doesn't have to. Look all I know is you could have died and that scared me to death."  
●●●●●  
Letting go of Catherine's shoulders as he manhandled her out of the interview room Aaron moved to block the door. That way if Catherine went anywhere at least it couldn't be back to assault Candice some more. Not that he really minded, he had wanted to hit Candice himself the moment she had referred to Lindsey as, 'That stupid screaming little brat.' What he didn't need though was Catherine losing her job or worse being charged because she was upset.  
"What the hell are you doing? Do you even know where you're at right now?" Aaron asked the still raging Catherine. Under normal circumstances Aaron would retreat to a safe distance once Catherine's blue touch paper had been lit. Today though was anything but normal, he needed Catherine calm and preferably out of his way.  
"I've been here longer than you…"  
"And you should know better."  
"And I wouldn't have to be here if you were doing your job properly."  
"There's a difference between me doing my job and you wanting to do it for me. You don't want to get the job done. What you want right now is revenge?"  
"What is it with you and your sister, you both seem to think you know what I want? You are going to tell me what I want?"  
"Go home, Catherine. Be with your daughter. She's the one who needs you right now."  
"You both seem to think you know what's best for Lindsey too."  
"Just leave Sar out of this; she's laid pretty banged up in a hospital bed trying to help you."  
"Eddie's dead."  
"My sister almost died so your little girl didn't lose her daddy. So don't go blaming her."  
"Well sometimes almost isn't nearly enough." Catherine said, blinded by anger and pain at everything going on around her.  
●●●●●  
"They are letting you out?"   
If they were Catherine seriously doubted the logic behind that decision. Sara really did look like she had bee in the wars and Catherine hadn’t been prepared for how much that was going to effect her. It struck her that this woman had been through hell and for what, her daughter and her piece of mind. The monster she wanted Sara to be wouldn’t do that and it only served to confuse Catherine more. Doing what she did best Catherine squared her shoulders and hid that confusion with anger.  
At Catherine's voice Sara dropped the papers she was holding.  
"Not so much as I'm letting myself out." Sara told her once again picking up the papers and turning to face Catherine.  
"Do you always have to be the tough one?" Catherine felt as if she was on solid ground now this was more like the Sara she wanted be mad at. Being reckless with her health and not thinking about how these actions would effect others.   
Sara sighed Catherine was obviously there to let of some steam, Sara was just too tired to play silly games. Aaron had already been by to tell her that he had had to close the case without finding the killer.  
"Look Cath if you're here to start round number whatever, it will have to wait because I'm really not in the mood. I hurt all over and it feels like I've lived two years in the last two days."  
"I didn't come here to fight. I came here to tell you to stay away from Lindsey from now on."   
Sara wasn’t expecting that but then then again when did Catherine ever do anything that was expected. She knew Catherine hadn’t been happy that she was seeing Lindsey and that Sara hadn’t said anything sooner but she had been hoping that she could earn the privilege back it seemed Catherine had other ideas. Sara looked at Catherine properly as she stood by the door to her hospital room. She was hugging herself tightly like she may actually fall apart at any moment and Sara new that this was effecting her more than even Catherine was ever going to admit.   
"You are kidding me right? She's going to need everyone right now." Sara knew that pushing Catherine right now was probably not the right course of action but never seeing Lindsey again wasn’t an option.   
"Not you."  
Forgetting the pain she was in Sara walked over to Catherine placing herself in the older woman's personal space.  
"Why? Why is it that no matter what I do I’m the bad guy?"  
“Because you pull stupid stunts like this and expect other people to pick up the pieces. My daughter needs stability right not not you nearly killing yourself too.”  
“I did this for her I would have done anything to save her this pain.” Catherine had to stop her self from reaching out and touching Sara’s cheek and telling her that she knew that of course she knew. Catherine couldn’t fathom how Sara could make her want to murder her and make love to her in one conversation.   
"Yet Aaron had to close the case." Catherine told her taking a step back she needed that little bit of space between her and Sara to think clearly.  
"Yeah I know Aaron told me but what does that have to do with me." Sara asked totally perplexed.  
"No one will pay for what they did to my little girl, for that I blame you."  
"Me?" Sara questioned taking a step back, they had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the time but Catherine had really hurt her this time. "You're upset Cath. You can't really mean that."  
"Don't I? All I can think of is if Aaron had been able to fully concentrate on the case and not worry about you all the time he would have found what he needed. I know he would."  
"Cath please." Sara reached out an arm to touch Catherine but the older woman pushed it away.  
"Don't you ever touch me." Catherine seethed "And if you ever come near Lindsey again it will be the last thing you ever do."  
Catherine knew her words were harsh and probably uncalled for Sara was there because she had tried to save Eddie no matter how foolish that had been. It did not alter the fact though that Catherine had been right Sara was reckless and irrationally Catherine believed that her actions had had a bearing on the outcome of the case.  
●●●●●  
Sara cut the engine and pulled the keys from the ignition but made no move to get out off the car. Lindsey had phoned her twenty minutes before and she had sounded so upset that Sara hadn't thought twice about driving straight over there. The trouble was that now she was there Catherine's warning was ringing very loudly in her ears. The last thing she wanted to do was cause mother or daughter any more pain.  
Sara's first reaction once Catherine had left had been one of anger. 'How dare she blame me for this?' Had come tumbling from her mouth as her hand had connected with the nearest wall. The more she thought about it though the more she realized that some part of Catherine was right. Although she know her brother well enough to know that once he was on a case outside influences were something he never let get in his way, her actions must have put strain on everyone.  
Running her hands through her hair, being mindful of the spot in her head that had come in contact with the wall of the storm drain she had been found in, Sara sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. Life really was much more complicated since moving to Vegas. Sara opened her eyes sensing she was being watched, the sight of Lindsey at the front door of the Willows' house pulled Sara from inaction. She moved from the car stopping only for a second to lock it.  
"Hey." Sara smiled at Lindsey dropping to her knees in front of the little girl and holding her arms open. Lindsey fell into Sara's embrace wrapping her arms around Sara's neck and holding tight. Ignoring the pain in her side Sara stood pulling Lindsey with her carrying the little girl into the house. Once they were in the living room and comfortable Sara sat Lindsey up so she could speak to her.  
"Lind's where's your Mom?"  
"In her room she's crying and I can't get her to stop." Lindsey told Sara sadly.  
"Yeah well it's been hard for Mommy too."  
"I know but I get scared when Mom cries like that." Lindsey sniffed pulling herself closer to Sara.  
"Ok baby I'm here now so no need to be scared. I'll get you back in to bed and I'll check on your Mom."  
"No!"  
If it was possible Lindsey pulled Sara closer.  
"Ok hun, what is it? I'm here, you're safe." Sara cooed rubbing the little girl's hair in much the same way Aaron rubbed hers when she was scared.  
"I can't sleep on my own." Lindsey told her in what Sara was sure was the most pitiful voice she had ever heard.  
"Why?" Sara asked though she was sure she already knew the answer. Nightmares had haunted her for years after her father died.  
"The car and the water are there when I close my eyes. I scream and I scream but no one comes and then Daddy's there but he won't help me."  
"Baby you know it's just a bad dream right, I will always come for you and so will your mom. I can understand you being scared though and I'll keep you company if you want let me just check on your mom."  
Sara made sure Lindsey was safe in her room before she made her was down the hall, she stood transfixed for a moment outside the door to Catherine's room. This was it, the Promised Land. The moment she had often thought of, walking into Catherine's bedroom had always been on her list of top ten things to do before she died. This was never the way she envisioned it though, there was normally her with Catherine and very little clothing and a hell of a lot of heavy breathing.  
Heart pounding heavy breathing and sweaty palms, Sara was anything but aroused as she stood on the cusp of Catherine's room. No, if Catherine really lost it with her she would probably be leaving here in cuffs.  
Taking one more steadying breath Sara pushed the door open a little and was relive to see Catherine laying on her side, facing away from the door, pushing the door open a little more Sara stepped in the room.  
This was the moment under normal circumstances Sara was sure she would have been taking in every single little detail of the room she was in. The colour of the walls and the smell of all those things. Not today though, Sara hardly noticed the pale cream walls as she waited with heart in her mouth for Catherine to turn and scream at her.  
"Catherine." Sara reached the edge of the bed and called out the older woman's name gently. When she got no reply she listened to the sound of breathing for a moment. Catherine's breathing was slow, even and steady and Sara took that as a sure sign that the older woman had cried herself to sleep. Watching her for a moment Sara decided that she could do nothing for Catherine but let her sleep. Pulling the duvet up a little higher to cover Catherine's shoulders, just to have something to do. Sara left the room silently praying that Catherine stayed asleep till morning.  
"Mommy's asleep." Sara told Lindsey as she made her way back in to the young girls room. "I think we should try the same."  
"Bad dreams." Lindsey pouted.  
"When I have bad dreams do you know what I do?" Sara asked slipping her shoes of and padding over to Lindsey.  
"No."  
"I get in with Aaron."  
Sara smiled a little as the girl's eyes went wide.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah and I was thinking since we both might have bad dreams tonight we could help each other out."  
"You want me to sleep with you so I can keep the bad dreams away too."  
"Yeah think you can do that."  
"Yeah." Lindsey looked up at Sara eyes bright. "Thank you."  
"Thank you." Sara smiled as she laid back pulling Lindsey with her so they could get some sleep.  
●●●●●  
Catherine was caught somewhere between blinding rage and heart stopping love at the sight of Sara wrapped up tight in Lindsey’s bed with the young trapped protectively in her arms. All the words that she had said to and about Sara over the last couple of days came back to her and she had to hold her hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that escaped. For all that she had said and done over the past few days there was Sara, in her home looking after her daughter. The night before came back to her and she remembered crying in her bed and Lindsey coming to her, all she could imagine was that some time after that Lindsey had called Sara.  
Catherine didn't blame Lindsey for reaching out to Sara in her hour of need. Catherine realized that she had been so busy trying to deal with her own emotions right or wrong she had neglected her little girl's emotional needs. She needed to make things right, she knew that, she also knew that she couldn't do that if Lindsey had the option of calling Sara every time she felt like it. She knew what she needed to do, all she needed now was the strength to get through the next couple of hours without her and Sara coming to blows.  
"Sara." Catherine shook the lab tech gently and then smiled to herself as all she got in return was incoherent mumbling from Sara. Catherine filled that away to keep for another time; Sara was just too cute for words when she was waking up. "Sar." Catherine tried again shaking Sara a little harder, this time she was rewarded by flickering eyes. Pulling out her secret weapon Catherine wafted the coffee she had made under Sara's nose.  
"Coffee." Sara cracked her eyes open at the smell and tried to shoot up at the sight of Catherine. Realizing what Sara was about to do Catherine held her hand on her chest stopping the movement motioning to a still sleeping Lindsey with her head on Sara's shoulders. Motioning to the the open door once Sara had relaxed a little, Catherine stood up, hoping Sara would follow her.  
Sara slipped gently out of Lindsey’s bed making sure not to wake the little girl she needed all the sleep she could get. Sara knew the next few days were going to be hard for her and sleeping now while she could would help. She made her way down stairs and into the kitchen taking the offered coffee. Sara closed her eyes and savoured the smell, although it wasn't Greg's special blend it wasn't the break room sludge and that was all that counted. Sara watched Catherine over the rim of her cup, trying to work out what was going on. She hadn't meant to sleep so long, all she had meant to do was stay with Lindsey while she went to sleep, so to wake up in Catherine's house with Catherine making her coffee she was sure she was in the twilight zone.  
"I'm confused." Sara wasn't aware she had said it out loud till Catherine laughed.  
"No Sara you're not still asleep or hallucinating." Catherine smiled despite herself Sara was just so cute sometimes and that made this harder.   
"I just guessed I must be or I wouldn’t still be here."  
"I can't say I'm over the moon.” Catherine sighed looking down at her own drink. “But I guess Lindsey must have called you and I know it would have been hard for you to say no to her, no matter what I had said to you."  
"She sounded so small on the phone I couldn't leave her I couldn’t leave either of you, Lind's said you were upset too."  
"Yeah well love him or not he was Lindsey's dad."  
"Yeah I know."  
"Look I said some pretty nasty things to you in the hospital, you risked your life for Lindsey's peace of mind and I should have been more grateful."  
"You were right, I was reckless."  
"No, you were brave." Catherine tried to reassure her, "I need to ask something of you Sara."  
"What?" Sara had a sinking feeling.  
"I need you to stay away from Lindsey for a while." Catherine asked and watched the play of emotions run over Sara's face. Hurt anger and then finally understanding.  
"I guess you two need some time to work things out."  
"We do."  
"I will always be there if she really needs me."  
"I know and she knows that too."  
"Can I stay to say goodbye."  
"You better, it will break her heart if you were gone without saying goodbye."  
"Thank you." Sara said sadly and with a heavy heart, she waited to say good-bye to a piece of her heart, hopping that this good-bye was not going to last long.


	7. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara looked down dubiously at the package that Catherine pushed across the desk at her. They had been good as their word and had been a lot better at being around each other when Lindsey was around but they didn't really interact without the little girl there or work to act as a buffer. So Sara had been more than a little surprised when Catherine had asked her to come to see her before she finished that day.   
> "For the love of God Sidle just open it." Catherine rolled her eyes at Sara. 
> 
> OR
> 
> Sara graduates, and could Catherine be warming up to Sara a little?

“Ok, this has to stop you have been moping around here for about a week now and as much as I love you I can’t take it anymore.” Nancy nudged Sara’s legs off of her coffee table and sat down in front of her. 

“I’m not moping or sulking or anything like that ok. It’s just been a hell of a couple of weeks is all.” Sara admitted looking up at Nancy.

“Plus you miss a little 3rd grader like part of you is missing and you can’t work out if you have a crush on someone you actually hate.”

“I don’t hate her and I really get why she’s done this, we both should have told her about it before we did. I just wish she’d talk to me rather shutting down on me like this I know we’re not friends but we could at least communicant.”

“But you are missing Lindsey?” 

“Of course I am I missing her doesn’t even seem like the right word. The first time I meet her and I realised she was Cath’s daughter the first thing I thought was shit I’m in trouble she has Catherine’s eyes but she actually uses them as a weapon. She had me wrapped around her finger from the first moment and I don’t think that’s going to stop anytime soon. I know I have to just keep off of Catherine’s radar for a while and then hopefully she will cool off and we can talk about this.”

“She was wrong to say what she said to you after Eddie died. You were dumb to get into that water I won’t disagree with her there but not because it was selfish or reckless but because I love the hell out of you and I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“You’d be ok I know that.” Sara slipped forward on the sofa so she was face to face with the other woman. “You are a survivor one of the things that I love about you.”

“Sweet talker you.” Nancy kissed Sara’s temple before pushing her back. “Never scare me like that again though ok.” 

“I’ll try not to.”

“But I’m guessing you’re not making any promises.”

The door bursting open caught them both off guard and they both turned in time to see Lindsey come through the door closely followed by Catherine. Lindsey was on Sara in an instance a squeal of delight erupted from the girl as she wrapped her arms around Sara’s neck and held her tight. Sara knew that she was going to be in so much trouble with Catherine for this but for a moment none of that mattered as the little girl's body curled into her own. Sara and Nancy exchanged glances over the little girl they both knew Catherine was going to be upset about this. Sara normally made sure she was out of the way before Lindsey was dropped off but today they had obviously lost track of the time. 

“I miss you,” Lindsey told her hugging her tighter. 

“I miss you too so so much,” Sara replied peppering kisses on Lindsey’s hair. 

“Sara, what are you doing here?” 

“Sara's been revising and we obviously lost track of time. Nancy motioned to the discarded books around Sara. “Please just don’t ok.” Nancy couldn’t stop looking at Sara this really was the biggest smile she had seen from her friend since she had gotten out of the hospital. 

“You know what I have asked right now.”

“If you mean we know the rules then yes and we have been following them for weeks now but accidents happen Cath this isn’t some grand conspiracy. Would you just stop being so damn obstinate for a moment and just look at how happy they are. ”  
Catherine was furious she had asked one thing of Sara one thing and this was how it ended up. She stood arms folded glaring at Sara. It actually took her a moment to realise that this was actually the happiest she had seen either of them since the day she had told Sara to keep her distance. 

"You have to go don't you?" Lindsey whispered to Sara not wanting to let go. 

"Yeah, we have to wait till mommy is ready for us to see each other again ok."

Lindsey pulled away shaking her head. "No." 

"It's ok baby I'm never far." Sara tried to assure her gripping her chin. Sara slipped off the sofa to stand she knew she had to leave. 

"Lindsey why don't you go put your stuff upstairs," Catherine told her daughter. "Say goodbye to Sara."

Lindsey just glared at her mom for a moment and Sara wondered if she was actually going to move. Sara knew a standoff right then would just make this whole situation worse so she nudged Lindsey with her hip. 

"Go on little bit I'll see you real soon I hope."

With one last glare at her mom, Lindsey turned to Sara. "I love you." Sara dropped to her knees in front of the little Willows.

"I love you too."

●●○●●

“I’m going to miss you being at my beck and call once you graduate.” Greg smiled as Sara passed him his next slide and went back to the notes she was taking. 

“You do know that my job for the last nearly four years hasn’t actually been to be at your beck and call.”

“I know but I think I’ve exploited you the best.” he grinned at her looking up from the microscope. 

“Sorry to interrupt this obviously meaningful conversation but can I borrow your girlfriend for a moment.” 

Sara had her back to the door but she didn’t need to turn around to know it was Catherine standing behind her she would know that voice coupled with a sarcastic comment anywhere. She rolled her eyes back and her head and stuck her tongue out to the side to mimic to Greg that she was a dead woman.   
Greg rolled his eyes and looked up at Catherine. “My girlfriend that’s funny, she’s gay though I probably still have more chance than you.” Greg clamped his mouth shut and shot Sara a desperate glance. He had been spending to much time with her she was obviously a bad influence. 

"Double funeral." Sara smiled at him and patted his arm as she headed out the door after Catherine. 

"You're a bad influence on him." Catherine shot her a glare as they walked towards her office. 

"Yeah, I think he's thinking that too right now. He was Just saying it as it is though and he has a point." Sara smiled challengingly at Catherine. 

"We need to talk." Catherine nodded towards her office. 

"I need coffee then." Sara headed in the opposite direction towards the break room there was no way she could cope with Catherine right now without caffeine.

"Do you always have to make things so difficult." Catherine shook her head.

"How Is wanting a cup of coffee difficult." Sara turned back around instantly annoyed at Catherine. "I'm assuming this conversation is something along the lines of why did I go against you and see Lindsey today?" Sara demanded. "Well as Nancy pointed out we just lost track of time. There you go conversation over!"

"I very well believe that my sister genuinely lost track of time." 

"You don't think I did though?" Sara took a step towards Catherine not actually believing Catherine was accusing her of planning it. "You think I orchestrated that earlier don't you?"

"I actually wouldn't put it past you."

"What the hell have I ever done to you for you to have such a low opinion of me?"

"You just have to be you Sidle."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean if you took a moment to actually climb down of your high horse you'd find I'm not actually the arse you think I am."

"Hey what's going on here?" 

Sara closed her eyes and tilted her head back sending out a silent prayer. There really was no mistaking Nick's Texan drawl and that just now meant double the trouble. 

"Great you want to tag him in now?" Sara was on the defensive now. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Catherine noticed the total change in Sara's demeanour as Nick approached. She couldn't say that it wasn't something she hadn't noticed before and she didn't deep down know why. 

"Come on the only person in this lab that hates me more than you is him and you two feed of each other." Sara decided that there was no point not telling the truth now. Wasnt like it was going to do any good but at least they couldn't say they never knew how she felt. 

"That's right blame us." Nick laughed not the least bit bothered by Sara's accusations. 

"Hey, Nicky leave it ok," Catherine told him stepping between them. "Go ok I'm ok and I've got this." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah go."

"Sara at no point have I encouraged Nick in any of his words or actions."

"You don't have to." Sara sighed pinching the bridge of her nose she was going to have one hell of a headache after this. "You just don't discourage him so he thinks it's ok."

"Sara I.."

"Look it doesn't matter ok forget I said anything." Sara already regretted ever starting this conversation at all. 

"I can't forget it now though can I."

To Sara's surprise Catherine didn't sound mad or indignant she sounded sorry. 

"Wait you're not going to tell me that I'm being a baby or I need to toughen up if I want to be a CSI?"

"No Sara I've seen you give as good as you get I know that's not the issue. I..." Catherine paused not sure how to explain it she couldn't very well tell Sara that she had let fear of letting Sara get too close overtake her and so somehow it had been picked up on and used to make Sara feel like she had to constantly defend her self at work.

"Doesn't matter ok." Sara put Catherine out of her misery she could see the older woman battling with something. "You know how I feel now so maybe you could keep Nick on a leash." 

"Sara about earlier, you really didn't mean to be there?" 

"No look I know this might be hard to believe but as much as I love your daughter and I miss her so much, I have so much going on right now with exams and course work and lectures I'm not sure I know which way is up mostly let alone mastermind some illegal meeting with Lindsey."

"Getting close to finals?"

"To close."

"You're worried!" It was a statement not a question and Sara wondered why the notion that she might be worried surprised Catherine so much. 

"Of course believe it or not I'm only human. I worry I'm going to let down all the people that have put so much time and effort in."

"Like your brother?"

"Like your sister."

"You two really are close aren't you?"

"She's my best friend."

"Mine too."

●●○●●

Sara sat at Catherine's kitchen table and exchange confused looks with Lindsey. All Catherine had said to Sara was she needed to talk to her it was important and couldn't be done at the lab. Intrigued by the whole thing Sara had reluctantly agreed to go to Catherine's house. Things had hit a whole new level of confusion for Sara when Lindsey had been there too. Catherine hadn't proceeded to explain anything just task her and Lindsey with setting the table for dinner.

"What's going on?" Sara mouthed to Lindsey.

"I don't know," Lindsey whispered back.

"Is she ok?" 

"I think so."

"You two don't have to whisper you know it's ok I get that this is all a bit strange for the two of you," Catherine told them as she plated up the pizza that had been delivered a few moments before. 

"Lindsey why don't you get everyone some juice," Catherine told her daughter putting the plates on the table.

"I wasn't sure if you were still a vegetarian," Catherine told Sara sitting down beside her. "So there's meaty and a vegetable."

"Vegetarian was definitely just a phase." Sara smiled and Catherine snorted with laughter. Sara was more than a little surprised that Catherine even knew she was a vegetarian for a while. 

Lindsey brought the juice back to the table and they ate in silence for a few moments before Sara couldn't take it any longer. 

"Ok, I just have to ask Cath what's going on?" Sara just had to ask. "Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining at all right now and I'm guessing the pizza's not poisoned you wouldn't risk Lindsey."

"No Sara the pizza won't kill you, I had a chance to think about some things and I know how much you two have been missing each other so I thought it was time that if only for Lindsey's sake we try and get on a little better."

"So it's ok for Sara and I to hang out with each other again?" Lindsey piped up. 

"Yeah, it's fine for you and Sara to see each other. Sara and I will have to talk about some ground rules but I won't stop you two." 

"Yes." Lindsey held her hand up to Sara for a high five. "Thank you, mommy."

"Yeah thank you Cath, that means so much to me especially right now."

"I thought it might." 

●●○●●

Sara looked down dubiously at the package that Catherine pushed across the desk at her. They had been good as their word and had been a lot better at being around each other when Lindsey was around but they didn't really interact without the little girl there or work to act as a buffer. So Sara had been more than a little surprised when Catherine had asked her to come to see her before she finished that day. 

"For the love of God Sidle just open it." Catherine rolled her eyes at Sara. 

"Yeah, I don't think you'd try and blow the lab up again so soon." Sara smiled and then ducked as Catherine's pen sailed past her head. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a really bad temper?"

"You once or twice; now open the damn box or get out of here."

"Ok, ok." Sara pulled the box closer and flipped the lid. All sarcasm and teasing fell away the moment she opened the box and saw what was inside. It was her graduation cap but it wasn't the boring blackboard that had been brought from the college no now it was neatly decorated with a yellow crime tape border and a large fingerprint in the centre with her name and her graduation date.

"Say something Sidle you're making me nervous."

Sara didn't know what to say this was territory she didn't know how to deal with. She could deal with Catherine in terms of sarcasm and animosity but really thoughtful gifts were territory they had never covered and she had never considered that they ever would till a moment ago.

"Cath I honestly don't know what to say its amazing thank you."

"Lindsey wanted to do something special for you and I knew you'd get lots of gifts but I wanted to get you something as unique as your relationship with her is. She wanted to give it to you but I didn't get it back till late and she won't see you now till after you graduate. Rumour has it that you guys are going ice skating."

"Yeah, Saturday morning before my graduation party. Will, I see you there.?" Sara wasn't sure if it was a wise move at all but the words were out of her mouth before her brain had a chance to vet them. 

"Nancy mentioned it to me said she was having it at her house."

"Yeah, she's an amazing human being who literally lets me treat her place like my own so it made sense. You are more than welcome and you can even bring your boyfriend if you want."

"Shut up Sidle." 

"What?" Sara smiled. "Is he not your boyfriend? Seriously though if you want to come then your more than welcome."

"Thank you." 

●●○●●

“You ok?” Aaron asked placing his hands on Sara’s shoulders so that she was looking at him.

“I’d ask why you were so concerned but You were at my last graduation so its no surprise really is it. 

"The way I see it is as long as no one turns in to a demon then we should be good this time, right?” 

What Aaron didn’t add or have the words for or the inclination to bring up today was the fact that the last time Sara had graduated she had lost the love of her life and for a while, he thought she was never coming back from that. 

"I would say the only demon we know isn't coming." Aaron smiled referring to Catherine. "But she has been a lot less demonic when it comes to you lately." She was so very great full to her brother for not pushing her on anything about the high school graduation right now she really wanted to try and enjoy this moment. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t get too cocky big brother Faith will be here though.”

“WHAT!”

"Apparently the whole gang wanted to come but they have things to take care of but Faith and Giles wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

"I'm really glad Giles is coming but why does Faith feel she needs to be a part of today." 

"Who's complaining my brother who doesn't like the choice of woman I sleep with or the guy who could have been eaten last time she was anything to to with me and graduation."

"Without sucking all the life out of today Sar' people died last time."

Sara knew he was right and she knew he was only worried about her but today she didn't need him going over old ground once again. She didn't want to be thinking about all the bad things that had happened before today this was a good day a day for celebrations and having Faith here was a big part of looking forward not back. 

"I know and that's something that both Faith and I have to learn to live with. Something that neither of us can do if you won't just stop this, you don't like her I get it but can't you just try and put it to one side once in a while and just be there for me?"

"I'm always here for you!" Aaron was genuinely surprised by the idea that Sara didn't think so.

"Well, today being here for me means being nice to Faith."

"Sara come on we're taking photos before it all starts." Sara turned at the voice behind her a group of girls from her class were standing looking expectantly at her. 

"Hi, Aaron." One of the other girls in the group smiled and waved at her brother and Sara just rolled her eyes at him as he nodded at her with a smile. 

"I'm coming." She turned back to Aaron for a moment. "Can I at least expect that you can be nice to Nancy for the morning."

"I actually like her, why can't you date her?"

"Don't, I mean it Aaron just don't!" She turned back to her friends effectively cutting off anything else Aaron had to say. "Come on ladies lets enjoy this."

••°••

"You sure you're ok there?" Sara was worried about leaving Faith on her own to just watch them skate. Faith had insisted more than once that she was fine with the whole thing but   
Sara felt a little guilty for dumping her friend on the sidelines while she had fun. Sara had arranged skating with Nancy and the kids before she knew Faith and Giles would be coming to town for her graduation. As much as she really wanted to just tell Nancy that she couldn't do it anymore and just spend the morning locked in Faith's hotel room getting better reacquainted she knew that wasn't fair on Lindsey or Jeremy. 

"5 by 5 Sar' honestly stop fussing." Faith leant against the wall surrounding the ice and looking up at Sara. "Believe it or not but I'm a vampire slayer I think I can survive watching you guys skate."

"I know that." Sara leant in a little closer to Faith over the wall separating them. "I know that I was just hoping to spend the morning engaged in a different kind of physical activity."

"Last night wasn't enough for you then?" Faith smiled something that Sara could only describe as a predatory smile and leant in even closer. 

"Nowhere near?" Sara closed the small gap between them melding their lips together. She felt Faith's arms wrap around her and she deepened the kiss allowing Faith's tongue access to her mouth. 

"Ok keep it PG13 you two please there are minors in the room." Nancy skated up to them stopping next to Sara. 

"Sorry." Sara apologised to Nancy pushing off the wall away from Faith, losing her balance on the ice and falling on her back. 

"Wow you really are bad at this aren't you?" Nancy smiled down at her. 

"Wow Sar' have we finally found something you can't do." Faith teased. 

"I hate you both right now," Sara told them skating clumsily away slipping on to the ice again. 

"You looked like a baby giraffe on roller skates." Jeremy laughed holding his side's, eyes leaking with mirth.

"Jeremy Flynn, stop laughing at Sara," Nancy scolded her son, "No matter how funny she looks right now," Nancy added doubling over with laughter.

"Thanks' Nanc." Sara smiled holding her hand out for Nancy to help her up. "I almost believed you meant that till you wet yourself laughing," Sara told her getting to her feet and wiping herself down.

"Sorry, Sar you just look so funny," Nancy told her laughing again.

"Yeah, Sar you look soo funny," Lindsey added helping Sara over to the hoardings at the side of the rink.

"Linds, I at least expected you to be on my side." Sara pouted a little and Lindsey just laughed harder. "Well, I think I'll just stay here for a while."

"Yeah I would if I was you; Skating really isn't your thing." Nancy winked at Sara.

"Well, not much call for it in Tamper Bay or Sunnydale for that matter." Sara pointed out. "Surfing, now surfing I can do."

"You surf." Both children asked in awe and Sara smiled, she might get out of this day with a little dignity after all.

"Yeah, Aaron taught me when I was young."

"You have to teach us." Lindsey and Jeremy chorused.

"Well, maybe sometime we could take a trip to the ocean." Nancy pointed out coming to stand next to Sara.

"Cath would have to agree," Sara said looking down at Lindsey.

"Well let's not worry about that now." Nancy smiled a little motioning to the children to go enjoy themselves a little. "So." Nancy motioned to the opposite side of the rink to where Faith was standing. "She's pretty and you two obviously seemed into each other." 

"Is there a question in there Nanc'?" 

"That obvious, "Nancy smiled. "The obvious question is how come you never mentioned Faith in that context is this a new development?"

"Faith and I no not really we have a very casual relationship have since about a year before I came to Vagus."

"Casual so she's not your girlfriend?"

Sara didn't know how to best answer that question had she ever considered Faith to be her girlfriend? They had nearly brought about the end of the world and then faced the end of the world side by side. Sara had no doubt that she was very attracted to Faith and they had become really good friends but would she ever class that as a relationship.

"No, it's actually something we have never even talked about we just are whenever we see each other and aren't when we're apart."

"I'm guessing there's a story in there somewhere and I'm guessing I'm not getting that today." Nancy leaned in a little closer to Sara letting her know that it was ok and she was there as always when Sara was ready. "That's really sad though Sara you deserve more than that you deserve someone to love you completely."

"Maybe one day but I'm not there right now and when that day does come I'm not sure it will be Faith."

"You might just surprise yourself, Sara, I think u have all the tools you need to be in a healthy committed relationship."

"Maybe I just need to find someone that doesn't make me want to run at the first sign of real commitment then don't i" 

"Maybe you've been looking in the wrong places."

"What's that meant to mean?" Sara gave Nancy a questioning glance. 

Get over yourself Sidle I didn't mean me!" Nancy shoved her playfully. She didn't want to tell her she actually meant her sister and that despite all the animosity that there had been between them that they would probably make a really good couple. "I just think when you find someone you might surprise yourself at the choice."

"Cryptic much."

"Come skate." Lindsey glided to a perfect stop in front of them bringing their conversation to a stop. 

"Sorry Linds we're coming I might need your help to actually stay on my feet though."

"That's what friends are for." Lindsey smiled holding her hand out to Sara.


	8. Decorating Faries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's about as much my girlfriend as Chris is your boyfriend." 
> 
> "There's a lot more emotion rolling of you now than Chris and I could ever hope to muster."
> 
> "Do you ever think you have some of the shit figured out and then realise you're nowhere near."
> 
> "Most days are like that these days."
> 
> "Maybe I just need to take some time away clear my head. Faith's leaving probably by the end of the day and it would be so easy right now to go too for a while."
> 
> Or 
> 
> Sara's Graduation Party and she has a lot on her mind.

"Wow, so to what do I owe this rather unexpected pleasure?" Aaron smirked, opening the door wide so Catherine could enter his home.

"I need to talk to you." Catherine smiled taking in his half-dressed form "Nice chest by the way." She added with a wink.

"Look whatever you think she did I'm pretty sure she couldn't have. She graduated yesterday and has been with your sister all day today." Aaron told her subconsciously folding his arms over his chest.

Catherine couldn't help but laugh, of course, if she came to Aaron's house and said she needed to talk to him the first thing he was going to think was that she was once again upset with Sara. The other thing that struck her was the fact that he always defended Sara even during the times when she was out of line, he had her back.

"For once I don't want to moan about your sister; although, I am here about her.

"Well, in that case, you better sit down."

Aaron directed Catherine to the couch and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee, Catherine and Sara normally gave him a headache. Once he got the coffee and he had found a t-shirt to deal with his modesty he headed to the couch to talk to Catherine.

"So?" Aaron asked and waited while Catherine gathered her thoughts. He had to wonder what the hell was going on. Catherine at his place wanting to talk about Sara but for once it seemed his little sister had been on her best behaviour.

"Today is Sara's BBQ right?"

"Yeah, Nancy was kind enough to hold it at her place."

"I know, that's why I'm here Nancy told me she was leaving setting up to you as she was keeping Sara out of the way today. I stopped by my sisters to see if you needed any help and 

I'm only mildly surprised to find nothing there. So what do you have planned for today?"

"Beer and meat," Aaron shrugged not really seeing Catherine's point.

"Very special," Catherine smiled and shook her head at him. "And just what I feared. You do realise that your sister graduated yesterday right?"

"Yeah, I do I was there front and centre because she's my sister what I do not get though is why you care so much. I know you two have been trying a little harder for Lindsey but  
what does any of that have anything to do with her graduation?"

"Because of the exact reason you just mentioned, my daughter. Her happiness is pretty much all I care about and she cares about Sara. She's been on about how special she wants today to be for Sara for a very long time. Beer and meat aren't going to cut it for her and by default, it won't cut it for Sara."

Aaron wasn't sure he believed the answer one hundred per cent. Catherine had used the same reason for Saras graduation present and although Sara had seemed to take it at face value Aaron believed that at the very least deep down in there somewhere Catherine was beginning to realise that Sara was nowhere near as bad as she had first thought. 

He'd had an interesting conversation with Nancy the day before about Sara and Catherine. Although he wasn't quite with her, on the whole, being totally into each other and need a nudge in the right direction. He knew his sister had always cared about Catherine, and that Catherine cared for Sara more than she was either willing to admit or even aware of at this point. "I mean what did you do for Sara when she graduated from high school?"

Aaron was quiet for a moment and Catherine guessed he was going somewhere he wasn't going to share with her. Not for the first time she realised that there was probably a lot more to Sara and Aaron's story that she wasn't privy to and she wondered just how bad it could be. 

"She took off to travel pretty much as soon as she graduated from high school she really didn't want to do anything to mark the occasion." 

Catherine knew she was getting the watered down version and she wasn't going to push it right now. 

"Ok, so surely even more reason to make it special now and honestly like I said Lindsey is expecting something special for Sara."

Aaron knew that there really was no point in trying to argue with Catherine especially as she had decided that this was what Lindsey would want. To be honest, when he thought about it she was probably right Sara did deserve something special today and it made him a little mad with himself that it had taken Catherine to make him see it. 

"I guess you're right and knowing you there is already a plan."

"Of course." Catherine nodded in agreement. "Ok, then my second question, what have you brought Sara with the money you collected from everyone?"

Aaron was a lot more confident in his answer to this one. He had given it a lot of thought and even run it through with Nancy to make sure that he was on the right track. She had told him that she thought Sara would love it and as much as he hated to admit it about anyone she knew Sara as well as he did in many ways. 

"Sara has been on about sky diving for as long as I seem to remember now. There's a place in the convention centre that offers sky diving so I have brought a gift certificate for her Nancy and the kids to try it out."

Catherine couldn't put her finger on the feeling that she had inside at the picture of domestic bliss that Aaron had conjured up in her head. She wanted to put it down to annoyance that Sara was such an integral part of her family and it meant that she was stuck playing nice with her for a lot longer than she had ever intended. She knew her self and she knew deep down that it was probably more a sense of regret. She had such a disjointed relationship with Sara that she felt she would never spend the sort of day with Sara that her sister was going to. 

"Good at least that sorted and for what it's worth I think it's a brilliant idea. they'll love it and I know that Sara really loves her time with Lindsey, just as much as Lindsey does with her. So now we just have to sort my sister's place out."

"Cath, it would mean a lot to her if she thought it came from you."

"I really doubt that I know she tries as hard as I do for Lindsey but I don't kid my self for one second she's that fussed if I'm even there or not. Plus I really just don't want her to know so I'd appreciate you not bringing it up. Now come on we need to go shopping."

●●●●●

"What time do we have to be at your friend's house?"

"You can call her Nancy there won't be an apocalypse." Sara joked rolling closer to Faith kissing her neck. 

"Hope not I'm rather underdressed." Faith laughed leaning into Sara's touch. "What time do we have to be there?"

"We could not go how about staying here and making our own fun," Sara suggested redoubling her attention on Faith's neck confident in the fact that she knew the other woman's body well enough to make her lose her track of thought for at least a moment. When Faith didn't answer straight away she knew she had hit the right spot. 

"You Sara Sidle are very distracting." Faith rolled them over till she had Sara pinned to the bed.

"Complaining?" Sara smirked. "And that was kind of the idea."

"We can't blow off your graduation party I mean your brother barely kept his disdain for me under wraps all day yesterday I think if we didn't turn up he'd shoot me."

"Since when did you care what Aaron thought."

"It's not only that though I didn't think I was going to get you away from playing happy families today. Now you want to blow them all off to stay in bed what's that about Sar'?"

"I know that you'll be gone in a day and I have no idea when I'll get to see you again, I've liked you being here."

"You miss me. Are you getting soft on me Sidle?" Faith questioned brushing her lips gently over Sara's. "Has all this college life sent you squishy around the edges?"

"Well, firstly you like my soft bits." Sara pulled Faith in for a searing kiss stealing the air from both of their lungs. "And just remember who left me here to get all soft."

"I left you here to be safe and have a chance at the sort of life I felt you deserved." Faith sighed. "And may I point out that it's been pretty successful if this morning was anything to go by."

"Yeah, I've only nearly died once in my time in Vegas that's got to be an improvement."

"Not what I mean and you know it. You've made friends since you got here. Some really good friends by the looks of it."

"Yeah, I'm close to Nance' and the small humans are always cool to be around. What did you want me to do sit around and miss you guys?"

"No, I just didn't realise that it would suck so much watching you grow away from me."

"Faith we couldn't get much closer than we are right now." Sara pointed out.

"I meant emotionally." Faith rolled away from Sara and sat up. "And I don't even need to be looking at you right now to say don't look at me like that."

Sara was at a loss as to understand how this conversation had gotten so out of hand. She sat on the edge of the bed next to Faith and placed her hand on the other woman's thigh. 

"It's the same for me you know that right? I come and see you guys and I suddenly question my place in the world. Basically, the moment you guys left Vegas we've all been growing apart and I didn't even really realise that till now." Sara took a deep breath trying to keep a handle on her emotions the last thing she needed right now was to break down. "This is my life now, what you saw this morning is me. I work in a crime Lab the only demons I face are the ones I carry around with me or Cath if she's in a bad mood, but she's getting better at that." Sara smiled at her own joke and smiled a little more as she thought about how much she preferred not fighting with Catherine all the time. 

"I wanted to keep you safe after everything that we've seen all the things we have done some good some very much not so good."

"We shouldn't be the ones to choose who deserves to be safe and who doesn't I don't think either of us has earnt that right. Believe me, when I say guilt makes the worst decisions ever. We do though have to live with the decisions we make and that sucked at first. I had to stay here and build a life out of the mess that was left behind last time. People here thought I killed someone or at least knew who did and was helping a killer. When I think about it like that I actually don't blame the way some people have been around me." Sara was once again whether she liked it or not thinking about Catherine. Was it actually any wonder that the older woman was dubious of Sara being around Lindsey if there was any doubt in Catherine's mind of what Sara was capable of. "I have seen and done so many things and I have no one here that I can share that with I don't get to tell anyone about all the things that keep me up at night, I don't have you guys to tell me that it's ok I just have to be the one that's its and worries that the friends I love like a family aren't going to come back next time."

"You haven't told anyone?" Faith turned a little to look at Sara.

"Of course not, " Sara snorted in disbelief at Faith. "Do you honestly think that people that haven't seen the things we have would actually believe that demons and monsters exist. I'd  
be laughed at or locked up or worse both."

"You have Aaron."

"I do you're right but he wants that all to be behind me and forgotten I'm meant to be safe and happy here in Vegas pretty much the only thing the two of you would ever agree on."

"What do we do then? Because I don't want to lose you totally."

"No one's losing anyone we might be changing but here we are still sat side by side."

"I know that for now, at some point though one if not both of us are going to want more than this. I have a feeling that for one of us wanting more than this isn't going to involve the other." 

Sara didn't know what to say to that she had pretty much said the same thing to Nancy that morning but hearing her words thrown back at her made her feel physically sick. Part of her just wanted to pack up and go with Faith and Giles when they left. Join back up with the life she knew the life that although could kill her at any moment felt a lot less complicated than the normal life everyone insisted she needed. She knew she cared enough about faith to make it work with them if not forever then for a while. 

No matter what anyone said this life she was trying to build in Vegas was going to be the death of her. She also knew that she couldn't leave now there were too many people that were counting on her and that scared her more than any demon. The thought of having a job as a CSI and also working for homeland security was scary. It felt as if she was never going to be able to be a hundred per cent honest with the people around her the people who were going to be relying on her, Catherine. 'What is wrong with you today stop thinking about Cath!' All these things were running around her head and she had put off thinking about it for as long as possible and now there was no hiding from it.

"At some point, you guys have to stop still in one place for longer than a minute."

"And when we do you'll have even more of a settled life here that I have no part in and there will be no way back by then."

"Stay then!" Sara had given the idea no thought what so ever but the moment it took form she realised she didn't hate the idea. That was probably because she knew she could predict Faiths answer.

"You know I can't," Faith slipped from the bed and on to the floor so she was kneeling between Sara's legs looking up at her. "As much as I want this for you and there is this part of me that can picture sharing this life with you I am not done with this fight I have so much wrong to put right."

"I really wish we hadn't even started this conversation." Sara sighed resting her forehead on Faith's and closed her eyes. "Can we just admit we don't know what the hell's going to happen and just enjoy the last day we have together for now?"

"Isn't that what we always do?" Faith smiled a little. "Pretty much what got us to this point."

"We don't have the answers to any of these questions so maybe we're not even asking the right questions. All I want to do is enjoy my party today and do that with you there please."

"Of course." Faith touched Sara's cheek gently. "The future isn't going anywhere is it."

●●●●●

"Wow, your friends have gone all out." Faith smiled as they pulled up outside Nancy's house to find it taped off with crime tape. "Well, I hope it's decoration and not an actual crime scene."

"There would be a police car here if it was a crime scene," Sara told her eyeing the scene in front of her. She hadn't expected much when Nancy had told her that Aaron was in charge of decorating for the party. She loved him so much but she knew him well and he didn't really have an eye for good party decor.

"Well, thank you miss CSI." Faith winked getting out of the car and ducking under the tape turning to look at Sara when she realised that the other woman wasn't following her. "What's up?" Faith questioned looking puzzled at Sara.

"Nothing, " Sara smiled getting out of the car herself and slipping under the tape. Her thoughts on the decoration of Nancy's house were better posed to Nancy. She though very much like the feeling of slipping under the crime scene tape and although this was just a prop she realised she couldn't wait to start doing it for real. 

"Good timing," Nancy called to them and they turned at the sound of her voice. "We just got back too." Sara waited for Nancy and the kids to get out of the car and catch up with them. "Who died?" Nancy smiled as she herself ducked under the crime tape and joined Sara and Faith outside her house. "What?" She looked puzzled at the two women as they smirked at each other and shook their heads. 

"Nothing," Sara assured her before bending down to pull Jeremy and Lindsey up one under each arm. She couldn't help but smile at the giggles it got from the pair. "So before we go and see what a mess these idiots have made of the backyard do you to want the presents I got you?"

"Sara." Nancy scolded. "It's your graduation you get the presents."

Sara shrugged she really didn't need an excuse to spoil these two but she had brought them gifts because she didn't want them feeling all left out today as it was her day. It was the same reason she has taken them ice skating that morning just so they knew that nothing was changing just because Sara felt everything was. 

"Presents really cool," Both Children smiled.

"Yeah well I guessed today would be about me and I didn't want you two to feel left out," Sara told them opening the trunk of her car, pulling out two gift bags. Handing one to each child, two very eager children made short work of the wrapping and pulling their gifts out, looking in wonder at Sara.

"Thanks, Sar." Jeremy beamed holding his gift in front of him.

"You're welcome, little man." Sara smiled.

"Look, mom," Jeremy beamed rushing over to his mom. "Montana Grizzlies."

"Although it did hurt me to buy it," Sara teased with a wink.

"That's where I'm going to college," Jeremy announced proudly.

"But Jerry, they don't have an NFL team."

"Not like the 49ers hey." Nancy laughed if she had a dollar for every time Sara went on about her beloved 49ers then she would be so very rich.

"Hey don't knock the 49ers." Sara glared turning to face Nancy.

"Why? You're going to glare me to death." Nancy teased bending and walking under Sara's outstretched hand.

"Nance!" Sara whined and Jeremy Lindsey and Nancy all burst out laughing. "That's it Jerry you're not keeping it." Sara smiled triumphantly as Jeremy's eyes went wide.

"Ignore her, Jeremy; she's just sad because she spent all morning on her butt in the ice."

"I love mine too." Lindsey smiled hugging Sara. "I can't believe you got me riding lessons, Mom is always saying she'll do it but we never get the time."

"Well your mom is a busy lady and she does her best for you, you know that right."

"I know that," Lindsey smiled up at Sara. "But it's still really cool that it means I get to do things with you when mommy can't do things."

"Well, I'm always going to be here when you need me kiddo you know that.

●●●●●

"I'll get us drinks." Faith kissed Sara's temple as they entered the back yard. 

"Thank you." Sara smiled looking around the back yard. Whoever had been behind the decoration of Nancy's house had really been on their game which made Sara believe that it really couldn't be her brother. There was a pretend dead body in the grass, balloons, and banners and plastic guns and police badges marked the table. 

"So the cake now that was all me but I have to say your brother has pulled the rest of it out of the bag pretty well don't you think?" Nancy took up space next to Sara that Faith had just vacated. 

"You really think my brother could have come up with this?" Sara couldn't believe for one moment Aaron had done this on his own. Especially knowing the people that he may have relied on. She loved Greg, Warrick, and even Archie but there was no way this was anything to do with any of them. "I will venture a guess that the boys probably did the donkey work but there is no way that my brother is the brain behind this." 

"Drinks." Faith placed a test tube in Sara's hand as she rejoined the group. "Very cool idea to use test tubes as shot glasses." Faith smiled clinking hers against Sara's. 

"Well working off of that theory it must have been the magic decorating fairies." 

"Fairies?" Faith wondered what she had walked back into.

"Sara doesn't believe that her brother is capable of this level of decoration."

"Well, no one knows him as well as Sara so if she thinks he didn't then he probably didn't." 

"So do I get to meet all your friends?" Faith looked around the garden at all the people that were here to see Sara today.

"Are you going to be on your best behaviour?" Sara raised an eyebrow in question. 

"I'm going to try for you." Faith assured her. 

●●●●●

"Greg has made a new friend." Sara jumped a little as Catherine's voice brought her from her thoughts. 

"Yeah, and between them, they have the mental age of Linds." Sara watched Greg and Faith talking animatedly and dreaded to think about what they were discussing. 

"What's wrong?" Catherine didn't know how but she knew that there was something wrong with Sara and for some reason all Catherine wanted today was to see Sara happy this after all was her day. 

"How do you know there's something wrong?" 

"I know you Sidle I have seen you in so many different moods over the last few years but it's us so without a doubt I know you when there is something upsetting you."

"I never knew you paid so much attention to me."

"Neither did I." Catherine smiled. "So what's up?"

"People expect me to believe that my brother came up with this today of off his own back. Cath I love my brother more than anything in this world he is my rock. He has the decorating skills of rock though and I'm suddenly meant to think he's had the vision for this. I can hear him in my head right now and beer and meat would have been his idea of a good afternoon."

Catherine had to smile Sara wasn't wrong that had been Aaron's big plan only a few hours ago. She knew Sara was smart enough to know that this probably wasn't Aaron's idea. With Nancy spending most of the morning with Sara it was a quick deduction for Sara to narrow down the list of suspects. Catherine hoped that her name wouldn't even enter Sara's mind. 

"I know I have you to thank for this by the way." 

"Why couldn't you just be happy with your afternoon did you have to read so much into it?" 

"It bugged me," Sara admitted glancing at Catherine she couldn't work out if the older woman was angry or not. 

"Why?" 

"Because I knew it had to be you and couple that with the ever so thoughtful graduation gift I suddenly don't know what to think."

"Because you don't think I'm capable of being nice?"

"Oh no, it's not that at all!" Sara was quick to point out. "I've been thinking a lot lately about the way things are and I know that as much as my brother and Nancy want to defend me sometimes I give you exactly what you need to think the worst of me. So I get why for Lindsey you might want to stop all the bickering but I really don't get why the extra effort?"

"My daughter thinks you're worth all the extra effort."

"So all of this is for Lindsey's benefit?" 

"Mostly," Catherine ran her fingers through her hair and glanced at Sara. The younger woman had gone back to looking at Greg and the young woman he was talking to. Catherine didn't know who she was all she did know was she had arrived with Sara and Sara seemed unable to take her eyes of off her for too long. Catherine watched Sara for a moment noticing a light smile tug at Sara's lips when the woman talking to Greg seemed to be animatedly debating something. "Looks important."

"Probably not knowing Faith she can make you feel very Important while actually telling you nothing."

"Your girlfriend?"

Sara let the change in conversation slide. She knew she wasn't getting any more out of Catherine right now and to push would probably end in one of there fights and today that just wasn't worth it. 

"She's about as much my girlfriend as Chris is your boyfriend." 

"There's a lot more emotion rolling of you now than Chris and I could ever hope to muster."

"Do you ever think you have some of the shit figured out and then realise you're nowhere near."

"Most days are like that these days."

"Maybe I just need to take some time away clear my head. Faith's leaving probably by the end of the day and it would be so easy right now to go too for a while."

"Leave!" Catherine really hoped that Sara would put the emotion in her voice down to anger and not fear. "You've just graduated and I know that Grissom is already looking at a CSI role for you Sara so much is happening right now why would you leave?"

"Leave is a very permanent word and I know for a fact your sister would hogtie me and drag me back if I put that word in a sentence. Plus I could live happily never seeing the look on Lind's face if I said I was leaving. I just..." Sara paused not knowing how to put the next part into words or even if she should since she was talking to Catherine and sharing their feelings wasn't something that they really did. 

Catherine didn't like the feeling inside that felt like acid eating her insides making it almost impossible to take a breath let alone think straight. Sara was thinking about leaving even if it was only for a little while and the only things keeping her from leaving for good didn't involve her. She was silly for ever thinking that Sara would stay for her but she didn't realise just how much it would hurt to know that there had been so much that happened between them that Sara really didn't give her a second thought.  
"Just thought that maybe once you graduated you'd feel different to the way you had the last few weeks and nothing has changed." 

Sara didn't answer for a moment just turned her head to look at Catherine. She didn't know how Catherine of all people could know what was going on in her head with so much ease.  
"Hey, brought you another drink." 

Sara had been lost in thought and hadn't noticed Faith approach them. Faith was right she was getting soft people didn't very often get the jump on her. 

"Thank you." Sara smiled looking up into Faith's big brown eyes. She was so lost in Faith's gaze, there always seemed to be a storm brewing in Faith's eyes, that it took her a full thirty seconds to realise that Faith and Catherine were in the same space and she so wasn't ready for that. Sara took the test tube Faith was holding out to her and down the content in one go before taking the one in Faith's other hand and downing that one too. 

"Ok, so we need more drinks." Faith raised a questioning eyebrow at Sara before placing a kiss on Sara's cheek and whispering in her ear. "You ok?"  
Sara pulled away a little and shrugged. She had no idea why her brain had chosen today of all days to not want to turn off. Though she supposed it had a lot to do with the conversation she had with Faith before they had come here. Sara didn't want to think about how much of her current mood had to do with Catherine. How much she wanted all of Catherine's actions to be down to something more than wanting to make Lindsey happy. She wondered what she would have to do to be the person Catherine just wanted to do things for. She tried to shut those thoughts down they were pointless not only was Catherine never going to be interested in her Sara new even more so on days like today that Catherine was better of that way. 

Sara stepped a little closer to Faith she was thinking too much and there was one sure fire way to stop that process and that was Faith. That was after all how they had started by being the person that each other needed to stop all the other thoughts in their head. 

"Definitely need those drinks." Sara smiled and pulled Faith in for a kiss. She noted with great disappointment that today even that couldn't turn her brain off. All she could feel was Catherine's eyes on her and they almost burnt into her skin. "I forgot my manners," Sara took a steadying breath and turn slightly to Catherine. Faith this is Catherine, Cath this is Faith." 

"It is a pleasure to finally meet Catherine Willows." Faith smile turned to a laugh as Sara elbowed her in the ribs. 

"Drinks." Sara glared. 

"Yes dear." Faith saluted with a wink heading back over to the drinks table.

"Finally meet me?" Catherine smiled as Faith walked away. 

"She's an idiot." 

"So I'm famous or is it more infamy?"

"Infamy," Sara smiled. "You're not that bad Cath."

"Not that bad, ok I'm taking that as a compliment."

"You obviously don't get many compliments if that's passable."

"I'm not short on compliments maybe just lacking sincerity."

"Oh, I don't know Chris looks very sincere." Sara nodded towards the club owner who was leaning very close to a lab tech, Sara vaguely recognised, as he was telling her something. 

"What do you have against Chris?" Catherine wanted to know Sara seemed to have a little dig whenever she could. 

"Nothing he seems just your type." 

There it was she'd done it now. She could see the fire in Catherine's eyes. She cursed herself Why the hell couldn't she think before she spoke once in a while. 

"What the hell is that meant to mean 'my type'?" Catherine asked standing up straighter looking directly at Sara. 

Sara knew she had three choices right now the truth and there was no way that they were getting into that today. Catherine didn't need to know that Sara wished that just for once Catherine would look at her and see someone worth her time. Then there was the easy way out turn this into a fight. That always worked for her when it came to avoiding almost everything with Catherine. That really wasn't an option today though not with Lindsey running excitedly around the garden without a care in the world. Sara owed her better than that and if she was being honest with her self for a moment she probably owed Catherine more than that. So it was the middle ground not the truth but hopefully enough of it to keep Catherine from killing her in front of all these people. 

"Sara!"

"I didn't mean anything by it Cath, I have eyes though and it doesn't take a CSI to realise that in the time I've known you at least you've never dated anyone that is worthy of you. It's your life and your choice though and I'm the last person to judge. God knows I've made some dubious choices over the years go ask Az he pretty much wishes Faith would fall off a cliff and he isn't subtle about that at all I had to beg him to be civil to her the last couple of days."

Sara ran her hands through her hair and hid her face in her hands. She didn't want to share that much with Catherine but once she had started she couldn't seem to stop. Sometimes fighting with Catherine was a lot easier than this it was exhausting trying to pretend she didn't feel the way she did about Catherine while Catherine was standing next to her.

"Sara."

Sara was to busy beating herself up to pay any attention to Catherine or notice the change of tone in the older woman's voice. "Sar'."  
Catherine stood in front of Sara placing her hands on Sara's shoulders. Never in her wildest dreams had she realised that Sara paid that much attention to her she was just Lindsey's mom to Sara wasn't she? "Sara come on look at me it's ok."

"Sar' you ok?" Nancy was at Sara's side in an instant she had been keeping an eye on the conversation between her sister and her best friend knowing that the two of them couldn't possibly go that long without upsetting each other. By the look of things right then it had taken a little longer than she had expected but they hadn't let her down. 

"Yeah, I'm ok. Sorry, Cath I really didn't mean anything by it."

"I know." Catherine squeezed Sara's shoulders, she really wanted to pull the younger woman into a hug and tell her not to worry about it that she was probably right and it meant so much to her that Sara even noticed. Instead, she made eye contact with her sister and posed the silent question. 'Are you as worried about Sara as me right now?' Sara was obviously in a fragile state of mind right now and that was not something Sara would normally let slip in front of everyone. When Nancy just nodded and wrapped her arm around Sara's shoulder Catherine knew she was well within her rights to be worried. 

"Sar'?" Faith came back to stand in front of Sara drink in each had looking concerned at the tension in the group in front of her. 

"I don't think alcohol is going to help right now." Catherine was not the least bit impressed by Saras 'friends' judgment. 

"Sara's a big girl now." Faith smiled at Catherine. "Sar'." 

Sara looked from the drinks in Faith's hand to Faith's face and then looked at Catherine. The concern in Catherine's eyes made up her mind. 

"Probably should get some water," Sara admitted. 

"Back pocket." Faith told her cryptically.

"Faith?"

"Trust me and check my back pocket."

Sara slipped closer to Faith and reached around her squeezing her bum quickly earning a smile from Faith before she felt her back pocket. Sara smiled as she pulled out a rather squashed bottle of water. "Isn't that the real meaning of friends with benefits?" Faith grinned and Sara shoved her gently. 

"Faith I'm going to buy you a dictionary so you can look up best behaviour." 

"You wouldn't change me for a second."

"I think your brother is a good judge of character," Catherine told Sara moving away from Sara a little now that Faith was back. 

"I guess we're equal now then." Sara smiled at her taking a swig from the water bottle. 

"Sar' there's a British guy here looking for you." Greg broke into there conversation appearing in front of them. 

"Giles." Sara beamed at the former watcher stood next to Greg. "You found us."

"Was hard to miss even for a bumbling English man."

"So." Greg looked expectantly from Sara to Giles. 

"Greg meet Mr Giles, Giles this is Greg."

"Ah, the young man your so very fond of." Giles smiled and Sara rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, Giles he never needed to know that."

"See I knew you loved me." Greg grinned he wasn't going to let this go for a while. 

"Don't let it go to your head, Greg." Sara shook her head at him. "Giles this is Nancy Flynn and Catherine Willows." Sara carried on the introductions. 

"Catherine Willows." Giles smiled looking, Catherine up and down and Sara could tell that he was making so many mental notes right now and not being the least bit subtle about it. 

"Infamous!" Catherine nudged Sara with her elbow and was glad when Sara smiled back she seemed to be doing a bit better than she was a few moments ago. 

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I need to take Faith away from you, we are needed I'm afraid."

"Really everything ok." Sara was instantly on edge worried about her friends. 

"Everyone is fine you know how delicate these things can be they would love the extra help."

"Don't worry ok." Faith stepped forward and kissed Sara's forehead. "We'll be ok." 

"We'll let you say goodbye to your friends," Nancy told Sara motioning for Catherine to follow her. Sara could tell that Nancy was itching to get her sister alone. 

Sara just nodded at Nancy not taking her eyes off of Faith. Once Catherine and Nancy were out of earshot Sara leaned into Faith looking up at Giles. 

"What's going on?" Sara asked. 

Giles nodded toward the back gate and Sara led the way it was probably a good idea if the conversation that they were about to have wasn't overheard. They slipped out of the back gate and headed towards the front of the house. "So?"

"There's a Wendigo that they have been dealing with and now Buffy has asked for back up. I don't think that it is anything to worry about though." Giles tried his best to reassure Sara. 

"Wendigo!" Faith's eyes went wide and lit up like a kid at Christmas and Sara had to smile. 

"Don't get dead you idiot." Sara hit her gently to make her point. "We can deal with the other stuff but not you being dead."

"Well, the other stuff wouldn't matter." Faith pointed out. 

"Just don't die ok." Sara was a little more serious this time.

"Well, it isn't on my to-do list ok."

"Now go before I decide to come with you guys and my brother tries to kill you himself."

"You are an adult Sar' if you want to get away and clear your head then do it and a Wendigo could be just the thing."

"Tempting as that sounds I have my own demons to face." Sara wrapped her arms around Faith pulling her closer. Somehow this really did feel like goodbye. 

"Yeah, but your demon is cute." Faith smiled kissing Sara feeling the same sense of finality. 

●●●●●

The moment Nancy saw Sara step out of the back gate she turned to her sister. 

"What happened with Sara?"

For once Catherine didn't know what to say to her sister. She knew at this point normally she would break into her Sara is the personification of evil speech and probably end up upsetting her sister. It wasn't the case though and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't do that right now. Sara worried her and she had never had cause to say that before. Ok, so she had slight concerns about Sara after their conversation about Nick that had prompted Catherine to let Sara see more of Lindsey. Today Sara had been so unSara like it scared Catherine a little. If nothing else Catherine had seen a glimpse of the woman her sister would do anything for and she was so vulnerable it was scary. 

"Honestly I don't know we were just talking she didn't seem her self but I just put that down to the occasion." Catherine sighed dejectedly. "She made some comment about Chris that I took offence to she would have normally brushed it off but today it really seemed to bother her and that's when you came over."

"What did she say?" 

"She made some comment about Chris being just my type. Why is that so funny?" Catherine looked perplexed as her sister started to laugh. 

"Well, she has a point he is very much your normal pick in the fact that he's nowhere near good enough for you."

"She said that too. From you I get it you're my sister but from Sara it through me I had no idea Sara even paid that much attention to me or my dates."

"Sara pays attention to everything nothing gets past her well," Nancy sighed thinking about how obtuse Sara was about her feelings and Catherine but Nancy was working on that. "Almost nothing gets past her so you really shouldn't be that surprised. Plus it's you Cath you're not just Lindsey's mom to Sara you do know that right?"

"Sara and I only communicate about Lindsey or work Nace, of course, I'm only Lindsey's mom." 

"Have you ever tried to talk to Sara about anything else? Plus honestly, you'd be surprised what's going on inside that head of hers sometimes."


	9. Sofia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can barely move in this dress and we haven't cleared the bathroom yet, so there it is. Don't worry I'm wearing underwear. As far as you know."
> 
> "Well I walked in at exactly the right moment didn't I." Sara's trademark lopsided grin was out in full force as she raked her eyes up Sofia's CSI issue boiler suit clad body. "If you need someone to test that theory I wholeheartedly volunteer." 
> 
> Or 
> 
> Sara Meets Sofia and they really hit it off

"Alright, already I'm up." Sara sighed sitting up and regretting it instantly. The room span and it took everything in her will power not to moan and throw up. "Where's the fire?" Sara asked rubbing her hands over her face.   
"Someone feeling a little worse for wears this morning?" Nancy smiled down at her. She had been trying to wake Sara for a few moments and it had been even harder than normal to wake the sleeping Sara. "If you maybe hadn't drank half the shot table once Catherine and Lindsey left yesterday evening."  
"Did you wake me up just to lecture me?" Sara sighed swinging her legs over the bed and letting the room settle down a little bit.   
"Hungover and grumpy you're going to be fun to be around for the next few hours." Nancy sighed. "Catherine and Aaron will be here in a little while to help tidy up after yesterday, and there's someone here to see you he said his name was Riley and you would know why."  
"Riley's here?" Sara was suddenly feeling a lot soberer than she had when she'd woken up.   
"Yeah, so I'm going to go start some coffee get dressed and come down."  
"Nance''" Sara patted the bed next to her and then held out her hand. Nancy rolled her eyes but made her way over to her bed and sat next to Sara. She smiled as Sara laid her head on her shoulder. How on earth could anyone not have a soft spot a mile wide for this woman even when she was annoying, she was unbelievably cute. "I'm sorry you've been as awesome as ever and I was a bit of a mess yesterday."  
"Dork, " Nancy teased nudging Sara's head with her shoulder. " I love you and that really is unconditional ok you can be a mess if you need to be, I'm still going to be here right next to you because you're my best friend."  
"Thank you."  
"You don't need to thank me; you do need to sort your shit out though get your head together. I spoke to Catherine yesterday she said you were thinking of going away for a while."  
"I don't know why I told her that." Sara sighed she had said so much more than she wanted to when she spoke to Catherine yesterday.  
"Because it's not true or because she's Cath and you don't want to open up to her like that." Nancy wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Sara going away or the fact that Sara had spoken to Catherine about it first. That set of alarm bells for her Sara was such a guarded person especially when it came to Catherine so for her to have been spilling her heart to Catherine then Sara’s head was not in the right place.  
"I have never had a conversation like that with Catherine my emotions were so raw yesterday and I wanted to talk to her."   
"There is nothing wrong with that Sara." Nancy tried to assure her it was ok to talk to Catherine.  
"Till she goes back to hating me."  
"She doesn't hate you she wouldn't have gone through all the trouble she did yesterday if she hated you. She was worried about you yesterday afternoon Sara."  
"She did it for Lindsey that's what she told me."   
"And you believe her?" Nancy shook her head.  
"It doesn't really matter what I believe we all know it only matters what Catherine wants."  
"Hey, I love you but she's my sister so be nice, and I know her, and she would not have pulled all the stops out that she did yesterday just to keep Lindsey happy no matter how much she loves her. Now go get dressed your friend is waiting. We will talk about the rest later."  
Sara watched Nancy leave the room but didn't move for a moment. She had forgotten that Catherine and Aaron had agreed to come back and help tidy up today she didn't relish the thought of seeing her again, and what was Riley doing here it was no coincidence that she had just graduated, and he was here.   
Deciding that there was only one way to find out Sara grabbed some joggers and a t-shirt and headed downstairs.   
"Sara, " Riley smiled as Sara came down the stairs, he was sitting in Nancy's kitchen nursing a coffee.   
"Riley, " Sara eyed him suspiciously as she took a cup of coffee from Nancy with a grateful smile. Sara nodded towards the back garden to get Riley to follow her as she moved past Nancy. There was no way that she wanted any conversation with Riley to be overheard by her best friend.  
"Wow, looks like they went all out for you here." Riley smiled looking at the fake crime scene in the backyard.   
"They did but I'm sure you didn't come all this way to talk about my graduation party did you." Sara sighed pulling out one of the patio chairs by the table. "So, come on what do I owe this pleasure I'm pretty sure it's now a social call?" Sara took a long sip of her coffee as she waited for Riley to answer she savored the tangy taste and realised she was going to need a lot more of it to get through today.   
"Well, I do want to say congratulations on graduating. It can't have been easy, but you did its Sar' and I'm proud of you." There was no hiding the sincerity on his face or the pride glowing in his eyes and Sara felt a little swell of gratitude for this man as he beamed with pride at her.  
"That actually means a lot thank you, but I'm still sure that it wasn't the only reason you turned up here."  
"You graduated, now the hard work starts. Have you been spoken to about a CSI post?"  
"No Griss hasn't spoken to me about it yet but I know there is a post there it's been mentioned by someone. I have a question though, well I have about seven but right now I really need to know if this role is in any way shape or form going to impact on my friend. He's a lab tech now but he's been doing field work and I don't want to be the reason he doesn't get to take that step. Honestly, I couldn't look him in the eye again if that was the case."  
"Greg Sanders, I believe you're talking about." Riley smiled as Sara raised an eyebrow at him.   
'How on earth did he know so much all the time?' Sara wondered.  
"I've had a conversation with the sheriff about all of this and although there's only the funding for one new CSI now there will be additional funding from our agency to make sure that there can be two of you. The rest is up to him he needs to do the hard work."  
"Riley that's, it means a lot." Sara took a moment to regard Riley over the top of her mug he really was one of the good guys. She really did wish that Buffy could have been happy with him but then again, she really wished Buffy could have been happy with Angel for that matter. "He'll do the hard work he's wanted this for a long time, and I don't want to jeopardies that."  
"The people here mean a lot to you, don't they?"  
"Of course, they do I didn't want to stay here you know that but now that I'm here I've made some amazing friends."  
"Yeah, I can see you're hard to find these days I expected you to be with your brother."   
"Nancy, " Sara smiled and looked back through the doors behind her. "She is without a doubt my best friend and I love her to bits."  
"Does she know about you about what you do."  
"Of course, not and I really want to keep it that way for as long as I can. Demons and all the other shit that comes with it doesn't belong to these people and I would like to keep it that way."  
"Fair enough, that is your choice Sidle and probably a wise one, you said you had more questions?"  
"Who do I work for?"  
"This is why you have always been one of my favorite people." He grinned. "You will be employed by the state of Nevada as a CSI and you'll have all the roles and responsibilities of anyone else as you work your way through the ranks."  
"I hear a but."  
"That's what I needed to come here and talk to you about. I have some papers you need to look at and sign."  
"That sounds very ominous I must say. What sort of papers."  
"Well like I say you work primarily for the crime lab but to do the job we want you to do you are going to need more powers from time to time."  
"So?"  
"So, I need you to come to Washington with me. I told you that we have a lot of people in a lot of different agencies that are all doing the same sort of responsibilities that you will have. That means having certain powers only being a member of our unit can afford you."   
"That really hasn't answered my question at all."  
"Sign this and we can talk more." Riley flipped open the folder he had on the table in front of him and pushed it across the table at her.   
Sara put her cup down and pulled the folder closer reading the document inside it.  
"A nondisclosure agreement! Are you kidding me?"  
"No Sara I'm deadly serious." He told her holding out a pen. "We're not in Sunnydale anymore this is important the people I work for think this is important so, please Sara."  
"Sara, "   
Sara didn't have a chance to even think about an answer to that as Lindsey's arms wrapped around her from behind. She just managed to shut the folder and slide it back to Riley.  
"Sorry." Catherine appeared behind her daughter. "She wouldn't wait as I asked." Catherine glared at the little girl.   
"It's ok." Sara smiled at Catherine pulling Lindsey into a hug. "Hey kiddo miss me."  
"Always."   
"Homeland security." Catherine came to stand next to the table looking from Sara to Riley. Sara noticed Catherine's eyes linger on the folder between them. "Should I be worried?"  
" Willows." Riley recognized her from his last time in Vegas.   
"It's ok." Sara acted before she thought and laid her hand on top of Catherine’s where it lay on the table. "He's a friend of mine just wanted to say well done for graduating."   
Catherine just looked down at Sara's hand on top of hers for a moment it was comforting so very comforting to feel Sara's hand on hers. She didn't trust the man sitting in her sisters back garden. The first time she had met him she really hadn't trusted Sara either. today though she knew she still didn't trust him she believed Sara though when she said it was ok.   
"Lindsey let’s leave Sara to talk for now." Catherine put her hand on the back of her daughter’s head.   
"I want to stay with Sara."  
"If you don't mind, she can stay Riley and I can catch up later."  
"You are so wrapped around her little finger Sidle." Catherine smiled squeezing Sara's hand before pulling it away. Sara ducked her head but couldn't hide her smile Catherine was right and they all knew it.   
●●●●●  
"You wanted to see me." Sara stood at the doorway to one of the labs and watched as Catherine studied something intensely down the lens of a microscope.   
"Sara." Catherine looked up for a second and beckoned Sara over to her moving aside so Sara could look at the microscope.   
"Hair strand with follicle intact you should be able to get DNA from that. I'm sure you didn't need me to tell you that though."  
"No, I thought you'd like to see though." Catherine smiled at Sara's frown she liked keeping Sara on her toes. "I just had an interesting conversation with Gil."  
"About?"  
"You Sara."  
"Why, I'm pretty sure I haven't pissed you off I haven't been here?"  
"Sara, I don't always want to bitch about you."  
"Nice to know." Sara smiled starting to relax a little.  
"I wanted to know when you would be out in the field with us and do you know what he told me?"  
"That I won't be going out in the field just yet because I've asked for some time off before I start here as a CSI."  
"Are you going somewhere?"   
Sara found that she couldn't meet Catherine's eye for a moment as she thought about her upcoming trip to Washington. After much discussion with Riley, she had signed the NDA and he had told her that her being a part of his Homeland security team was just a way for her to have the extra tools to do her job. It was no more than a formality and meant that she could come back and take her role as a CSI and no one ever needed to know. Sara would always know though and standing here next to Catherine she felt dishonest and she didn't like the feeling. Life had been a lot less complicated when they just didn't interact unless they had to. Sara wanted to believe that everything Catherine did was for Lindsey, but she also wanted everything Catherine did to be for her. She was a walking contradiction right now she knew it. She wanted Catherine and she wanted to not want Catherine all at once and the constant internal battle was tiring.  
Now though they had conversations about things that had nothing to do with work or Lindsey and Catherine suddenly seemed to stop leaving the room the moment Sara walked in. In fact, now Catherine asked to see her and showed her things like she had today.  
"I'm going away for a while yeah," Sara admitted after a moment. "I haven't actually told anyone yet not even Aaron."  
"Does this have anything to do with your homeland security friend?"  
"You don't like him, do you?"  
"I don't trust him."  
"Do you trust me?"  
"I'm getting there," Catherine admitted.   
"I have something to sort out and I think we both know I could use the time away."  
"But you're coming back?" Catherine abandoned all pretense she was the least bit interested in what was under the microscope.   
"I'm definitely coming back."   
"Good, now don't you dare leave without saying goodbye to Lindsey or Nancy."  
"I wouldn't dare," Sara assured her.   
●●●●●  
"So, tonight's assignments?" Catherine stuck her head around Grissom's office door. He was once again late to hand out assignments.  
"Sara." Catherine was surprised, to say the least, to see the younger woman sitting in Grissom's office. Something that was reflected by the look on her face as her eyebrows knitted together in surprise.   
"Cath." Sara smiled turning in her seat to look at the strawberry blond. "My fault we were just making sure everything was in order before I start tonight."  
"So, you're back to stay."   
"Yeah, I’m back."  
"And you're good?" Catherine could already tell that Sara looked better than she had before she had left but she really wanted to hear it from Sara.   
"I'm good thank-you Cath."  
"I was just telling Sara that tonight I want to pair her with you I do hope you two can make that work?"  
Catherine was aware of why Gill wanted to make sure that they would be ok for them to work together. Even on best behavior, Sara pushed her buttons and Gill knew that. Catherine found herself though wanting to be the one paired with Sara wanted to share in this journey with the young CSI.   
"I'm ok with that if you think you can keep up Sidle."  
"Don't worry about that my stamina is legendary." Sara smiled standing from her chair and heading to the door leaving Catherine jaw hanging behind her.   
●●●●●  
"Hey, Grego listen it's going to be ok," Sara spoke into the phone as her friend despondently relayed the rest of his day to her.   
"I don't know." She heard him sigh. "I messed up and now my replacement walked out I'm never getting any more field time."  
"Hey, stop all the quitter talk Greg. You're going to get more field time and you're never going to make that mistake, again are you?"  
"Well no that's for sure but Chandra just up and left Nicky and Warwick have some stupid bet on how long the new person will last."  
"I'm not surprised Nick can be a jerk and they are both immature when together but look we're going to get a new DNA tech and you're going to get your field time." Sara looked up at the front door as it opened. She wasn't expecting Catherine for a while yet and no one else should be coming in. Seeing Catherine come through the door she raised a questioning eyebrow at the older woman she really hadn't been expecting her home yet. Catherine dropped her keys in the bowl on the table by the door and nodded at Sara. "Grego I've got to go but listen to me get some sleep and don't over think this you are going to get a second chance at this Griss is a man of his word ok."  
"Thanks, Sara you've always got my back."  
"And I always will," Sara assured him before hanging up. "Wasn't expecting you yet." Sara shoved her mobile back into her pocket and turned to face Catherine. "Thought you had a hot date." Sara knew that there was something wrong with Catherine not only was she not expecting her to be back till morning she looked like she really wanted to cry. Sara wasn't sure what to do for the best. She knew that she couldn't in good consciousness go anywhere without at least attempting to see if Catherine was ok but on the other hand, she knew that if she didn't just walk she ran the risk of opening the box she had shoved her feelings for Catherine in and locked.   
"Change of plans." Catherine shrugged heading past Sara into the kitchen. "Greg messed up today I heard." Catherine ran some cold-water splashing some on her face before grabbing a glass and filling it up.  
"Yeah he did, and he knows it."  
"He called you to talk about it?" Catherine asked turning to face Sara resting her back against the sink.   
"Yeah he wanted to talk it through, and he knows that I'll answer my phone whenever."  
"You're a good friend," Catherine commented looking down at her water her emotions were raw tonight she needed a friend herself could Sara be that tonight at least.   
"I don't know I try my best for the people I care about its all I can do. Cath what's wrong I know there's something."  
Sara moved into the kitchen closer to Catherine the closer she got the easier it was to see the storm of emotions raging in those blue depths. Sara was throwing caution to the wind and just hoped that the lock on the metaphorical box was strong.   
"I think you might pass your proficiency before Greg at this rate. You did well today I made sure Gil knew that."  
"Thank you that's really good to know." Sara smiled taking another step closer to Catherine. "I think though that you're avoiding the question. If that's because you don't want to answer that's fine but if you want to talk about it, I'm here and I'll listen."  
"Not what we do though is it."   
"No, it's not what we do, and we never have to do it again if you don't want to, but it looks like you need someone tonight and there's no one else here."  
"I went to see Chris like I said I was, and he was making out in his office with some girl he picked up in the bar. Then I probably deserved it right he wasn't good enough after all."  
"Did you deserve that Cath of course not. He though, and I don't care what you think, was not good enough for you."   
Sara couldn't help but notice that the moment she had said he wasn't good enough for her Catherine had looked away. What Sara couldn't tell was why it surely couldn't be because Catherine herself didn't believe the words. Surely Catherine was confident enough in herself to know she was worth so much more than that. Gripping Catherine's chin gently Sara tugged till the older woman was again looking at her. "Hey, Cath I mean it he was pond scum and he's just proven that. You're going to pick yourself up and dust yourself down and get over this and then you're going to find someone who is going to treat you like you're meant to be treated."  
"Does such a person even exist?" Catherine asked placing her hand over Sara’s and turning in to the touch. "Thank you for that Sara you are actually really good at this."  
"Someone that wants to treat you the way you should be treated someone that wants to worship you I'm pretty sure that there's someone out there somewhere." Sara pulled away from Catherine and took a step back from the older woman the lock on that box wasn't as strong as she wanted it to be and she was walking a thin line.   
"Worshiped?" Catherine's voice cracked as she said the word.   
"I'm trying to make you feel better is it working?" Sara hoped her smile and the cocky wink was enough to make Catherine believe that was all she had meant by it.   
"Much better." Catherine's smile was warm but tired as she looked up at Sara.   
"Good now up to bed I'll lock up as I leave. You look exhausted."  
"Thank you, Sara, it was good of you to look after Lindsey tonight I know you could have had plans."  
"Lindsey generally is my plans Cath," Sara admitted heading into the lounge to get her jacket. "I love spending time with her she is an amazing child," Sara told her slipping her jacket on and heading to the door.   
"That is really nice to hear but a little sad you need to get out more."  
"Probably."  
●●●●●  
Catherine pressed her head a little deeper into her hands and let out a sigh. How the hell had things slipped this far out of control. She knew the little girl she loved so much was still in there but at that moment she didn't recognise her daughter. Lindsey was hitchhiking, mouthing off at her teacher and, letting her grades slip out of control. She had to concede that Eddie dying had messed with the young girl's head in a way that Catherine herself was at a loss to explain.   
"Cath," Sara calling her caught her attention and Catherine turned her head to the side to find Sara standing by the sofa two steaming cups in hand waiting for acknowledgement  
Catherine could tell just by Sara's posture she was still upset with the younger girl for the other day's stunt and it struck her not for the first time that Sara was as invested in Lindsey's wellbeing as anyone could be. She knew her daughter had missed Sara while she had been away and had seen the little girl withdrew a little, she had hoped that now Sara was back things could get back to normal so much for that thought.   
"Is this where you tell me that I handled it all wrong today?" Catherine asked once they were sat side by side. She took the coffee Sara offered her with a grateful smile. She knew it probably hadn't been some of her best parenting choices today, but she didn't need Sara to reinforce that right now.  
"Never Cath honestly if you felt that's what she needed then I'm behind you one hundred per cent I really want you to know that. I know we don't always see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I promise you that when it comes to Lindsey, I have your back totally and that's what I told her when I spoke to her. She knows that we're on the same page over this."  
"Thank you that really does mean a lot to me. I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with her but at least I know I'm not alone."  
"I feel like this might be a little bit my fault. I know she didn't want me to leave when I did and now, I feel like I'd let her down."  
"Sara, look at me, " Catherine insisted when Sara's eyes flick to the floor "I know she missed you but this is not on you Sara I know you needed to get away and I think she would have wanted you to do what you needed if she's honest."  
"She scared me yesterday," Sara admitted. "Anything could have happened to her and I'm sure I don't need to tell you that's a horrible feeling. We were looking at that pedophile all sorts of scenarios kept running through my head what if this and what if that. I probably would have marched her down to the morgue myself."  
"Scary isn't it, she knows that now though and she knows we're on the same page about things when it comes to her at least."  
"When Eddie's car went off the road and I found you guys seeing her in that amount of danger nearly stopped my heart. I couldn't breathe I couldn't think. I thought to myself though after that anything else is going to be a breeze. Then you called me yesterday and said she was picked up by the police and my mind went to some dark places. Kids are scary crazy Cath; I know she's not mine she's yours and she was Eddie's but the thought of anything happening to her scares the hell out of me."  
"She scares the hell out of me now in some instances I don't even recognise my daughter. Did you tell her she scares you when you spoke?"  
"Yeah, I told her if she keeps this up, I'll have a heart attack."  
"She told me she'd take Eddie high over me any day." Catherine sighed looking up at the ceiling tears were threatening and she didn't want to do that right now.   
"She's like her mom," Sara leaned into Catherine a little offering support if it was needed or welcome, she didn't know. "She uses words as weapons sometimes and that stings because like her mom she's good at it." Catherine snorted at the meaning behind Sara's words thinking of all the times they had used words to wound each other. "She didn't mean it though Cath you know that she loves you she's just lost right now."   
●●●●●  
"I can barely move in this dress and we haven't cleared the bathroom yet, so there it is. Don't worry I'm wearing underwear. As far as you know."  
"Well I walked in at exactly the right moment didn't I." Sara's trademark lopsided grin was out in full force as she raked her eyes up Sofia's CSI issue boiler suit clad body. "If you need someone to test that theory I wholeheartedly volunteer."   
"Sara!" Grissom was stern with her she was a CSI now and she represented the lab why couldn't she just think before she spoke. He realised that he must now know how Aaron felt most of the time.   
"It's ok Griss 'Fia knows I'm joking, you do know I'm joking right?"  
"You'll know if your mouth runs away with you." Sofia smiled heading over to the doorway where Sara was standing "I bet it's something that happens a lot."  
"Sara, what are you even doing here?" Grissom asked happy to break up whatever it was going on in front of him.   
"You annoyed Cath by giving her your speech for Ecklie. She thinks I'm the most annoying person on the planet so she's just repaying the favor by sending me up here."  
"Remind me to thank her."  
"I heard you and Cath we're friends these days." Sofia headed back into the suite and motioned for Sara to follow her so they could process the room together.   
"Not really she still thinks I'm the devil most of the time unfortunately for her Lindsey, her daughter, thinks I’m pretty amazing and even worse for her I think Lind's hung the moon."  
"So, the way to your heart is through the kid?"  
"Seems like." Sara glanced up from her camera to find Sofia watching her closely.   
"I'm going to keep that piece of information in mind."  
●●●●●  
" You really weren't joking when you said you think she hung the moon, were you?"  
"Nope, not in the slightest bit." Sara smiled at Sofia and then flicked her eyes back to where Lindsey and Jeremy were climbing a cargo net in the play area, they were in. Lindsey reached the top slightly before her cousin and beamed with pride down at Sara who gave her a massive thumbs up.  
"I have to say that as dates go this one is unique."  
"I know I'm sorry I totally forgot that I told Cath I would look after Lindsey when we spoke. I can't say no to Lind’s, but I really wanted to see you too and I felt like blowing you off wasn't really sending out the right message."  
"Honestly I don't mind I think it's kind of cute that these two means so much to you."  
"Least you don't think it's a bit creepy." Sara joked and was thankful when Sofia laughed.   
"Maybe the only thing I have any problem is that the little blond streak up there is Catherine's daughter and we both know Catherine doesn't really like me."   
"It's not really that hard to believe she's a Willows she also has a mean streak a mile wide too." Sara was quick to point out. "Plus, Catherine really doesn't like me most of the time either you get used to it. Anyway, I don't think she doesn't like you it's more she didn't trust you being on days working for Ecklie."  
"She like everyone else thought I was Ecklie's pet."  
"I never thought you were his pet." Sara was quick to point out.   
"No, you just wanted to know if I was wearing underwear." Sofia smirked.  
"Still waiting to find out." Sara smiled with a waggle of the eyebrows.  
"Sara!" Sofia laughed. "We're in a children's play area."  
"Well, you don't have to show me now." Sara teased before once again turning her eyes to her young charges. "Lind's where is your cousin?" Sara questioned when she only saw Lindsey standing by the slide.   
"On the slide," Lindsey told her and seconds later Jeremy slid into view.  
"Oh, thank God your mom would kill me if I lost you," Sara told Jeremy as he came to stand by their table.   
"No, my mom thinks your amazing if you lost me, she'd kill me for scaring you."   
"This is true she does think I'm pretty amazing." Sara ruffled the boy's hair and wrinkled her nose, "You are very sweaty."   
"I'm thirsty too." He laughed and moved out of reach as Sara tried to wipe her hand on him before reaching into her back pocket pulling out her wallet.   
"Go get yourself and your cousin a drink. Then we better get you guys back to your house." Sara watched as Jeremy happily trotted off to the counter. "Then we can actually do something less kid-friendly if you would like that."  
"I'd like that." Sofia's voice was low and her smile soft as she looked at Sara. They both jumped a little as Sofia's pager went off. "Or not." Sofia rolled her eyes shaking her head in frustration as she pulled her pager out. "It's work."   
"It's ok I get it; we can drop the kids off and I'll drive you to work if you want."   
"How about you drop me off on the way might be easier all around."  
Sara smiled as two sweaty worn out children sat quietly in the back of her car as they headed to the crime lab. It really had taken her a while to work out that if you were going to feed them all the food their parents told you not to. You had to make sure you let them run-off all the extra energy before you tried to do anything else with them. Once she had worked that out though she knew she was on to a winner. If you had told her five years ago that this would be her first choice of something to do on a day off, she would have laughed at you. As she caught Lindsey smiling at her from the back seat her heart expanded a little more with love for the little girl and she knew she would never choose anything else.   
"So, do you know why you've been called in?" Sara flicked her eyes to Sofia quickly before concentrating back on the road. The blond gazed into the foreground and for a moment Sara wondered what she was thinking about but then again after being subjected to a morning at a play area with Sara and two twelve-year-old’s she probably didn't want to know. If she got a second chance at this, she would be one very lucky lady.   
"Swing is tapped out and Catherine has asked for me to lend a hand."  
Sara flicked her eyes to the rearview mirror to look at Lindsey before she answered, "Lesser of two evils."  
"No, she knows your busy."  
They drove in relative silence the rest of the way to the crime lab. The only sounds were the occasional chatter from the children in the back.   
"You really didn't have to do this I know the Crime Lab wasn't on your way." Sofia turned in her seat a little to look at Sara as they pulled up outside the building and Sara cut the engine.   
"Least I could do." Sara shrugged a little self-consciously as she felt two pairs of eyes from the back of the car watching them. "I hope." Sara started but stopped not knowing quite what she wanted to say, 'I hope I haven't fucked this up.' Would probably have been her resounding question but there were little ears in the car.   
"Call me." Sofia slipped out of the car and smiled softly down at Sara sensing her struggle.   
"Shotgun." Any answer Sara might have had was cut out by the exuberant calls from the back seat as the two occupants battled for the right to sit up front. Jeremy had won it would seem and he dived over the central console and into the front seat smiling at Sara.  
"My car." Sara started and Jeremy and Lindsey cut her off.  
"Is a piece of art not a playground."  
"They got you good." Sofia smiled tapping the top of the car stepping back and Sara took that as her Que to leave.  
"What?" Sara asked after they had been driving for a few minutes and Jeremy just kept looking at her.   
"I like your friend."  
"I like my friend too but thank you."  
"Can she come with us again?"  
"I don't know to be honest, but I hope so if you two haven't scared her off."  
Sara smiled at him and he went back to his handheld game that he must have fished out of his backpack at some point. Sara once again glanced at Lindsey who this time evaded Sara's eye and looked out of the window. Sara's mind wandered as she drove Lindsey had been a little quiet all morning and had avoided talking to Sofia unless she had to. She wasn't sure if Sofia had noticed but Sara was very much in tune with the young girl that she knew when something was off just a little bit.   
this thought kept Sara occupied all the way back to Nancy's and by the time they pulled up at the house Sara had decided that she needed to at least see if Lindsey wanted to talk about whatever was bothering her.   
"Take your backpack to your room, Jerry," Nancy told her son once she had hugged him in way of greeting. "You too Lind's."  
"Actually, Lind's can I talk to you a moment," Sara called the blond over to her. "It's ok Jerry she'll be up in a sec." She assured him as he hesitated at the bottom of the stairs not wanting to leave his cousin. Sara loved how close they were and how they looked after each other.   
"What did I do?" Lindsey asked sitting on the sofa and looking up at Sara as she sat next to her.   
"Nothing honestly, I'm not upset with you in the slightest. I was just wondering if you wanted to talk about anything?"  
Sara didn't miss the sharp intake of breath or the fact that Lindsey snapped her eyes to the coffee table.   
"No," Lindsey said in a tiny voice that pulled at Sara's heart never once looking up.   
"Ok, " Sara sighed looking up at Nancy who just looked confused. "But when you do have the words for whatever is going on in your head I'm going to be here to listen."  
"Promise?" Lindsey looked up this time and Sara knew she was searching her for any sign she didn't mean what she was saying.   
"Promise kiddo no matter what happens I'm always going to be here to listen to you."  
"Ok." Lindsey nodded. "Can I go find Jerry?"  
"Yeah of course." Sara smiled watching Lindsey leave and rested her head on Nancy's shoulder as the other woman took a seat next to her.   
"So, what was that about?" Nancy asked taking Sara's hand in her own.   
"I'm not entirely sure and by entirely, I mean I have no clue." Sara sighed squeezing Nancy's hand. "We took them to the play palace and ran their legs off, but Lindsey has seemed of all morning."  
"Who's we?" Nancy nudged Sara with her shoulder so that Sara would sit up so she could look at her.  
"Sofia and I." Sara suddenly wondered if that was ok, she hadn't run it past either Nancy or Catherine before she had introduced Sofia to their children.   
"Oh, Sofia," Nancy raised her eyebrows suggestively and Sara shook her head laughing lightly slightly relieved that Nancy didn't seem to mind. "So, is that a thing?"  
"I'm not sure yet I like her, I like her a lot."  
"Why do I hear a but."   
"I don't know." Sara sighed running her fingers through her hair in agitation.   
"Is it Faith?" Nancy asked guessing she already knew the answer but knowing she had to let Sara herself be the one to talk about it.   
"No Faith and I spent some time together while I was away and we have decided that we should just be friends. We spend far too much time apart and see other people in that time we really aren't a healthy pairing."  
"By the sounds of it then you are free to date whoever you choose. So, what's holding you back. Sofia is nice right? As long as she treats you right there will be no complaints here so what's holding you back?"  
"You are aware I have a crush on your sister. I know this from all you’re not so subtle hints."   
"Sar' my love I worked that out about four and a half years ago. It's nice to know that you have been paying attention to my hints though."  
"I know it's crazy but somehow my life was a lot simpler when we only communicated in sarcastic comments really but now, we have conversations and sometimes they aren't even about Lindsey. I know I can't pin my hopes on one day she might like me too and I really should move on but is that fair to Sofia I partly feel like I'm using her."  
"That's not you Sara and the fact that we are having this conversation proves that. You are allowed to take a chance on someone maybe it won't work out but as long as you aren't going into this just to not be alone or just to make Catherine think twice then I think both you and Sofia will be fine."  
"I love you, Nancy Flynn."  
"Not that I ever mind hearing it but what was that in aid of?"  
"I would be less of a person without you and your guidance."   
●●●●●  
"Thank you." Sofia took the mug that was being offered to her with a grateful smile and waited for Sara to slide into the booth opposite her.  
"I should be thanking you really." Sara turned her mug back and forth in her hands watching the coffee intently.   
"Sara what for?" Sara looked up as she felt warm fingers on her hand and found questioning blue eyes looking at her.   
"Well I'm aware that taking someone you like to the play palace maybe isn't the best protocol. I know you said to call you, but I wasn't actually sure if you meant that or it was more just something to say."  
"It wasn't the most conventional date I've ever had but that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy every second of it that I got to spend with you. There were no dead bodies no vomit and the kids actually aren't that bad so I would chalk it up to a win."  
"That is really good to know." Sara looked down at her coffee again why the hell was she so nervous she had done a lot more than drink coffee in a diner with a girl before and never felt like this.  
"I'm glad you called though and as nice as the kids are, I'm glad we get to have a moment without them."   
Sara felt Sofia's hands enclose hers on her mug and looked up again into those expansive blue pools. "I think that there is something here and I would very much like to see where that can take us, but we can take that as slow as we need to while we figure it out, Sara."  
"I feel like there's something here too."  
Sara quirked an eyebrow wondering what she had said wrong when Sofia just groaned in response till, she realised that Sofia was no longer looking at her. Sara turned a little and followed the blonde's gaze. Sara couldn't help the smile that formed as she noticed Catherine walk through the door to the diner, not even seeing Nick with Warwick just behind her could dampen the smile.   
Sara was glad to see that the days of Catherine groaning at the sight of her were long gone and Catherine smiled back as she caught sight of Sara.  
"Rookie." Catherine squeezed Sara's shoulder as she slipped into the seat next to her nodding at Sofia as the boys sat next to the blond.   
"I'll take that." Sara grinned "I've had worse greetings from you. But I would like to point out that I no longer consider myself a rookie."  
"One solo case and you're getting all cocky." Warrick joked.  
"I'm not even sure it counts as a solo." Catherine smiled knowingly.   
"Hey, your exact words were 'call me if you need to talk anything through'" Sara air quoted the phrase for extra emphasis.   
"Yeah I did and I'm only teasing Sidle I really didn't mind we all need to talk it through once in a while."  
"You called Catherine?" Sofia tilted her head in thought as she spoke to Sara. Sara probably wasn't the best at always knowing when something was going on, she needed to be aware of but there was no missing the question in Sofia's eyes.   
"Yeah, she offered, and I'd be mad not to pick the brain of such an experienced CSI. Though therefore I'm only calling your sister next time."  
"Did you get a pep talk from Nance'?" Catherine chuckled she wasn’t that surprised to hear it those two were inseparable.  
"Well, you know Nance' they're very peppy pep talks."  
"Yeah, one of the many things my sister is good at. She's done a very good job on you smoothing of some of those rough edges."   
"Yeah, I mean you almost like me sometimes." Sara nudged Catherine with her shoulder.  
"Now Sidle don't get crazy."  
●●●●●  
"I think we need to talk about this."  
Sara didn't look up as Catherine spoke from the doorway of the lab, Sara was using for five minutes quiet as she filled in the paperwork from her last case. It was hard to believe right now that just over a day ago they were sat together relaxed and sharing a coffee before work. Now Sara had a thin grip on her temper, and she prayed to God that Catherine just walked away or she was likely to throw the closest thing to hand at her. "Sara"  
"We don't need to talk about anything ok." Sara didn't once look up knowing that right now out of everyone Catherine was the one person Sara shouldn't be around.   
"I really think the fact that you're locked away back here says we do."  
"Look," Sara finally looked up biting her bottom lip as she looked at Catherine trying to keep temper in check. All she wanted to do was get this day over with and go make sure her brother was ok. She was so truly worried about him that seeing him was the only thing on her mind. "I heard what he said ok and I know he was out of line. There's nothing more to say about it, he got suspended end of story. Well unless you want some sort of apology then you're well out of luck."  
"What I want is for you to maybe answer the question your brother wouldn't why is it That every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, he goes off the deep end?"  
"Maybe he does but you know what he's human and every now and again it's hard to stay objective. Would it have hurt to maybe cut him a little slack or of taken him to one side and talk to him."  
"So, this is my fault now?" Catherine stepped into the room already regretting the fact that she had come to have this conversation with Sara but as ever she had been drawn to the brunette.   
"No that's not what I'm saying I said I know he was out of line and he's been punished can you just leave it alone now leave me alone."  
Sara slammed her folder shut and tried to take a calming breath. She was feeling trapped in this tiny room which left her feeling vulnerable, which right now was not a good combination. She needed to get out of that room. She knew she needed to calm down she was on the edge of losing it totally. This was no time at all for everything to come pouring out at Catherine. She still had to work here with the older woman, and she was still Nancy’s best friend she didn’t want to put Nancy in the middle of anything like that.   
"Sara please don't walk away from me."  
Sara just ignored her she didn't know how to make Catherine understand that right now it was best all around if she just gave her five minutes to get her head straight. Heading into the Break-room with one thing in her mind, get coffee and go see Grissom and see if she could take an hour or so to and see Aaron.  
"I'm talking to you,” Catherine said as she followed Sara into the Break-room.  
"Catherine please, I’m begging you right now I can’t do this I just can’t, I need to talk to my brother and make sure he’s ok." Sara bit the inside of her cheek she really did sound desperate and she didn’t like it. Sara took a deep breath trying to keep the slim hold on her temper that she had.   
"Hey, what's going on around here?" Nick asked from the doorway of the Break-room. "Cath, what's she done?" Nick asked taking a step towards Sara and Catherine.  
And there went her slim hold on her temper oh course Nick was going to wade in here and take Catherine’s side and it just made Sara’s blood boil.   
"What have I done?" Sara exploded, turning so fast to face Nick, she nearly toppled over him. Balancing herself out almost instantly, she took a menacing step towards Nick. Who backed up till he hit a wall? "Should have known you'd take her side Nicky," Sara spat the last word with real venom. Leaning a little closer she lowered her voice. "What exactly does she do for you Nicky that calls for such loyalty?" Sara sneered.  
"You're sick" Nick raged pushing Sara hard in the chest to back her off him, Sara just smirked and stood her ground.  
"Wow... you really do have him trained well." Sara shot at Catherine with a wink.  
"You're unbelievable Sidle." Catherine seethed taking a step towards Sara  
"You two my office," Ecklie's icy fire came from the doorway.  
●●●●●  
"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?" Ecklie questioned.  
"Ask her." Sara shrugged.  
"I mean you and your insubordinate brother."  
"Oh hell, you really do have your head up your arse don't you. Two disagreements today both with her," Sara pointed directly at Catherine. "But now it's faulty Sidle genes." Sara was well aware at this point she was just talking herself into a lot more trouble, she just couldn’t stop herself she needed someone to tell her to shut up before she said something, she couldn’t take back but she wasn’t in the right company for that.   
"Very faulty," Ecklie couldn't help commenting.  
"Watch it; you don't insult my brother twice."  
"No... Well maybe if you two are so close you can join him in suspension."  
"Right now, it beats spending another minute in this lab I can't wait! "  
"Well if it's really such a hardship being here Sidle, you're suspended."  
"That's right, you're the big man. It really doesn't matter to anyone that almost from my first moment in this lab Nick has had a problem with me and never once held back on letting me know it fueled by Catherine and her dislike of me. No, she'll just pop a couple of buttons and smile a little and no one notices that she fucks up too."  
Catherine's gasp was all Sara needed to know she had gone too far, just to hammer the point home though, Ecklie uttered four words that brought Sara's world crashing down around her ears;  
"That's it, you're fired."  
Quick to hide her pain, Sara was straight back on Catherine's case.  
"Well done." She clapped sarcastically. "You must be smiling on the inside right now. You finally got what you wanted, Willows; a Sidle free CSI Lab." Sara stormed out of Ecklie’s office, determined not to let them see how much being fired affected her.   
With her mouth hanging open, Catherine watched as Sara stormed out of the room, wondering how the hell did things go straight to hell that night with the Sidle siblings.


	10. Secrets Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara's mind flashed back to years ago when Aaron had made a promise to her, 'I never want people to know.' A young Sara had told her brother one night about a year after their father had died. Somehow some kids in school had found out and that day everyone had wanted to know what it had been like.  
> 'I swear Sar' no one will ever hear any of it from me unless you say so.'
> 
> Or 
> 
> The past gets a little to close for Sara

Slipping into her office Catherine pulled the door closed needing a moment alone after everything that had happened in the last few hours. A nauseous feeling churned at her stomach when thoughts of Sara and how things had gotten out of hand so badly cascaded into her brain. Crossing the office, she slipped wearily into a chair covering her face with her hands plagued by the thoughts of all the different ways that the situation they had been in could have ended. Mostly they involved walking away from Sara when the other woman had told her repeatedly that it wasn’t the time to talk. Never being one to give up on something she wanted Catherine had persisted in her efforts wanting Sara to open up to her. She laughed bitterly the sound bouncing off the walls of the empty office. What she had wanted was them to run before they could walk their relationship really wasn’t at the level of confidants just yet and deep down she knew that. 

“Hey, Cath are you ok.” 

Looking up at the sound of her name Nick was standing in the doorway to her office watching her concern brimming in his eyes. The feeling of unease grew as she saw him, of all the people that could be standing there Nick really was one of the last people she wanted it to be. It wasn’t all his fault but the moment he had entered the fray and started to make accusations there had been very little chance of getting the situation back in hand. She knew how Sara felt about Nick and once it had been pointed out you couldn’t miss the fact that he made very little effort to hide his distrust of her. At one time it had been a shared distrust, that was before Catherine had gotten to know Sara a little better. She knew there were things that Sara didn’t talk about and whatever it was there must be a reason. Figuring that out would be part of really getting to know the mysterious brunette. 

“I’m fine.” Catherine sighed not sure what he wanted to hear after all in the last few hours Aaron had been suspended and Sara sacked. As days went this wasn’t going to hit her top ten. 

“She’s gone now Catherine you don’t have to worry about her hot-headedness anymore.” 

Catherine knew that he was trying to help the look on his face said that this was a good thing and she should be as happy to finally be free of Sara. That wasn’t the case though this felt like a nightmare one that she had played a part in. Sara hadn't wanted to talk and when it came down to it had known which buttons to push to make Catherine go from concerned to angry. The ease at which it had been managed was frightening and it just went to show how good Sara was at getting under her skin. All the moments in the past when something similar had happened came rushing to mind Sara used her words as armour to deflect people. It was obvious now that when Sara felt people were getting to close she would deflect with sarcasm and harsh words it surprised Catherine that it had taken her till very recently to see that. 

“That really doesn’t feel like a victory right now Nick it feels very much like I let her down.” 

“She was out of line and shouldn’t have ever implied that we are anything but friends.”

“No, but I should never have let it get that far. She asked me to leave her alone and I wouldn’t listen.”

“Catherine look.” 

“Nick please don’t ok I know you want to help but I’m not at the putting the flags out and chalking this down to a win stage yet. I’ll talk to you later.”

Catherine looked back down at her hands leaving no room for further interaction, there was nothing more to say to him.  
Alone again resting back in the chair Catherine seemed helpless in stopping her mind from slipping back to Sara. The nagging doubt that there might not be any coming back from this wouldn’t stop. There had to be though because there was no way that she or her daughter deserved to know what life would be like without Sara. So many great strides had been made lately in what Catherine hoped was the beginning of a friendship. She wasn’t sure when it had started to happen but Sara had been her main source of comfort for the last few months. When Lindsey had been caught hitchhiking without Sara to talk it all through with god knows what might have happened. No matter what Sara had said today Catherine wasn’t ready to give up on that just yet. 

“Catherine?”

“Greg?” 

Sighing heavily knowing now that it had been fruitless to think that there would be a minute’s piece in this lab. Looking up at Greg it was hard to meet the blond’s eye. Not wanting to see Nick had been simply because he was probably the person in the lab that was pleased with the morning's events. Greg though was a different story he and Sara had been joined at the hip from the moment they had met. He was not going to take this with the weak brush off she had given him earlier about Aaron.

“I know when we spoke you said that Aaron needed the time away from the lab and maybe you’re right. But this is Sara! She’s been sacked! Can’t you put your dislike of her aside for a while and help her.”

“Why do you assume I don’t like her?”

“Come on Cath I know not many people here take me as serious as the rest of you CSI’s but I’m not stupid. Plus, Sara is my best friend so I tend to get the blow by blow accounts of everything that goes on. We have a running joke about the fact that you must feel cursed to have the one person you dislike the most be the one person your daughter adores.”

“She thinks I hate her?” Catherine had suspected that was the case but to hear it from Greg really hammered the point home. Next to Nancy he really was her best friend and if he thought that then it came from Sara. 

“I know things have gotten a little better between the two of you, but I know she mainly believes that it's because you want Lindsey to be happy.”

“I…” Catherine paused that had thrown her why though really when you tell someone repeatedly that you tolerated them for someone else's sake it wasn’t their fault that they believed you. 

“I know you two are complicated at best but she's my friend and she loves this job.”

“I know she does and you're right I’m sure there is something we can do. You have to give me some time I need to talk to Grissom ok.”

“Please don’t let her down.”

She watched as Greg left her office and the door closed behind him. Self-pity would have to wait, pushing up from the chair and smoothing down her pants heading to the door this case wasn’t going to solve itself. A conversation with Sara was inevitable it seemed but that would have to wait till she was sure that Sara was ready to hear what needed to be said. 

•••••.

Sara sat in her car in the car park of her former employers, hands gripped tight on the steering wheel so tight if fact that her knuckles started to turn pale under the strain. After a moment she growled in anger and thumped her fist of the dashboard. Slumping back in her seat and gazing out of the window it was hard to believe how it could look like such a normal day in Vegas when everything felt like it was falling apart for her. The sun was glistening of off the windscreens of the cars in the row in front hitting her eyes and annoying her further. Reaching up to pull down her sun visor she stopped suddenly when a picture of herself and Lindsey caught her eye from the underside of the visor. Resting her head on the steering wheel Sara suddenly had no clue if she was going to get to see Lindsey any time soon. Out of order didn’t even begin to describe how badly she had treated Catherine just then. All she had wanted to do was get as far away from Catherine as possible and had known exactly which buttons to press to get Catherine to be angry with her. Nick sticking his nose into her business hadn’t helped the situation at all.

‘You can’t sit here all-day Sidle.’ Sara sighed to herself slipping her keys into the ignition pausing for a moment not sure where to go. She wanted to see her brother needed to know he was ok. He had been through a lot though and hadn’t been in a good place when he left so was finding out she had been sacked going to help that at all. Not ready for the inevitable disappointment that would come her way from him going home wasn’t top of the list. There was always Nancy’s there was nowhere she was ever more welcome that with Nance’. Nancy would always listen there was no doubt of that and there weren’t many things better than a hug from Nancy when things were looking bad. She was though Catherine’s sister and there were two problems with that scenario, the first being that it was never fair when Nance’ had to play piggy in the middle when it came to her sister and her best friend. The second being that Catherine was just as likely to want to go and talk to her sister as Sara was and running into the older woman was as enticing as pulling teeth without an anaesthetic. 

Putting her car in drive and finally putting the crime lab in her rear-view mirror Sara started the now very familiar drive to Sofia’s apartment. The gorgeous blond really should have been her first thought and she was a little mad with herself for not thinking of her before. Sofia was nothing but amazing to her and Sara knew that she would get nothing but support from till she was ready to talk. 

“Hey.” Sofia greeted Sara as she pulled the door to her apartment open. “What’s up?” She questioned at the look on Sara’s face. 

“I messed up,” Sara admitted dejectedly letting herself be pulled into Sofia’s warm embrace.

“What happened?” Sofia wanted to know as she led Sara through to the lounge and pulled the brunette down on to the sofa and back into her arms.

“Ecklie fired me.” Sara hadn’t said the words out loud since it had happened, and a fresh wave of pain hit her as the words started to sink in.

“What! Why?” Sara reluctantly pulled out of Sofia's arms as the other woman sat up to look at her properly.

“I said some pretty horrible things to Catharine and then when Ecklie called me out on it I was just rude to him too.”

“Oh, Sara.” Sofia didn’t yet know Sara as well as she wanted to but one of the first things you realised about Sara was, she used words to cover when she was hurting or scared, and she didn’t always think before she spoke in those moments.

“I know, I know I messed up.” Sara groaned turning her head to look the other way not wanting to meet Sofia’s eye. 

“Hey, look at me.” Sofia turned Sara’s head so that they were looking at each other. “I don’t care who said what I care that you’re hurting right now, and I want to help.”

“Hold me.” 

“Of course.” Sofia didn’t hesitate in pulling Sara back into her embrace. “What did Aaron say when you told him?”

“I haven’t been home yet you are the first person I’ve told it felt like you were the only person I could face right now.”

“You can always tell me anything I want to be here for you no matter what.”

“I know that’s why I felt I could come here.”

“You should talk to Aaron though I know he has his own problems right now, he’d be kicking himself if he thought you couldn’t talk to him.”

“I've let him down so much over the years I’m not an easy little sister to deal with. I really don’t want to disappoint him again he’s always been my hero, and this is how I act.”

“I don’t know Aaron that well and he and I aren’t exactly best friends, but I know without a doubt you have never let him down.”

Sara wasn’t as sure as Sofia on that fact, but she really appreciated the fact that Sofia had tried. She leaned in closer to Sofia not having the words to tell her how she felt but hoping to convey her feelings through her actions. 

“Sleep,” Sofia told her running gentle fingers through Sara’s Hair. “Sleep now you are exhausted, and Aaron isn’t going anywhere. If you are still worried about talking to him when you wake up, I will come with you if you want.”

•••••

Pulling up to the building that held the apartment she shared with Aaron Sara pulled into her parking spot and took a breath. Sofia had once again offered to come with her, but she had decided that it really was just Aaron and she needed to deal with this like a grown up. Sliding back in her seat looking up at the building wondering what was waiting for her. She didn’t know what sort of mood her brother was going to be in at all. Was he going to have it all out of his system by now and have calmed down a little and just want to talk about it? Was it going to still all be running around his head driving him wild? In which case was telling him that she had been sacked going to help him calm down at all? 

She’d calmed down considerably since Storming out of Ecklie’s office and now just kept replaying what had happened over and over in her head. She really did have a horrendous way with words once she lost her temper and today had been no exception. Realising that Catherine had probably started out just wanting to help wasn’t making her feel any better at all. Catherine had only asked for Sara to talk to her, but Sara had been far to wound up by what had happened to her brother to think about anything rationally at that time. She didn’t hold out much hope for the future now if they had been heading towards a friendship then there was probably no chance of that now.  
Feeling like if she didn’t move now, she would probably stay sat in her car in the car park all day she dragged herself out of the car. Scanning the car park for her brother's car It was a relief to see his car there, even if that relief was short-lived when she noticed Grissom's BMW was parked nearby. 'Great they can both be disappointed with me.' Sara sighed to herself. On one level she was happy that Aaron had someone there with him, but it really wasn’t what she was counting on having to talk to them both.  
She took the stairs as slowly as she could trying to keep her breathing slow and steady as she went. All she could think about was the disappointment that was waiting for her. She slipped her key into the lock and tried to enter as quietly as possible wanting to get in and get changed before she had to face them. 

"I do remember the looks. We became the kids whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

Sara’s blood ran cold as the words she could hear registered with her. Her brain couldn’t quite wrap itself around what was going on why would he be telling anyone about that? It wasn’t just his secret to tell and he had promised that they had to both be ok with people finding out. 

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behaviour."

Grissom's very scientific reply only made her want to cry. The man she looked up to almost as much as Giles now knew her deepest secret. The thought scared her to death, over the years people had found out about what had happened to them and it only ever seemed to end one of two ways. Either people found out and no matter how hard they tried it changed the way that they looked at Sara and Aaron like somehow there was something wrong with them for what their parents had done. The other outcome was pity and she somehow hated that more and for the life of her she never wanted to know which side of the line Grissom came down on. There was the odd time that someone found out and it didn’t mean a thing to them, but Sara didn't want to take that chance. 

"You wouldn't know that in our house...The fights, the yelling, trips to the hospital... I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When our mother killed our father, I found out that it wasn't."

Sara stood still for a moment caught in two minds about what to do next. Part of her wanted to slip back out of the door and pretend that she hadn’t even been there never heard any of it. The other part of her wanted to rush in there and demand to know what the hell was going on why the hell he thought it was ok to tell Grissom this now. She tried to keep control of her breathing as all her options tumbled through her head and she felt a panic attack threatening to pull her in. Taking one step and then another her feet seemed to have a mind of their own as she found her way to the lounge. For a moment the picture in front of her brought her to a halt. She could count on one hand the number of times her brother had openly cried since they had grown up. Seeing him falling apart like that hurt and for a moment she forgot she was mad at him and just wanted to pull him into a hug. Tell him that it was ok now that they had survived it and none of it could hurt them now. Grissom obviously had no idea what to do for the best to help him and seeing her brother suffer wasn’t ever fun. But then she remembered that he had broken his promise and all that hurt came bubbling back to the surface and she couldn’t bring herself to move to comfort him. 

“You promised." She almost couldn’t recognise her own voice as the pain and anger of the moment twisted it into something cold and detached.

"Sar," Aaron was out of his seat and at his sister's side in an instant, he tentatively reached out to touch her hand. 

She stiffened at his touch, steeling herself for what she was about to do. "Don't. Touch. Me... don't you ever touch me. It wasn't just your secret to tell... you promised... when we were both ready. You lied though... You lied, Az."

"It's not like that." Aaron tried to get through to her, desperate not to let this situation run away from him he knew that he could lose her right here if he wasn’t careful. 

“Why now? why him?” Sara backed away from him a little more she hated him right now and really couldn’t stand the thought of him touching her.

“He came to talk about what had happened and it just came out Sara I’m sorry I know what this meant to you.”

“No, you didn’t because if you did you wouldn’t have said anything without talking to me first.” The rational part of Sara knew she was being harsh to her brother, but that part of her brain wasn’t listening to her rational side right now and she just wanted him to hurt as much as she was.

“Sar’ please.”

"Right now Aaron I hate you, and I really wish I just didn’t have a brother," Sara saw the pain register in his eyes and she knew that she had made her point and probably gone a little too far in her words but she couldn’t worry about that now. 

"Don't say that, "Aaron begged.

"Sara, please." Grissom tried.

"Go to hell both of you," Sara seethed taking another step breathing deep trying to regain a little composure.

"Sar, we can talk about this." Aaron continued to beg.

"I never want to talk to you again, talk to Grissom... you seem to like that." Sara spat the words at him, as she walked to the door; she paused for a moment but never looked back as she walked out of the apartment.

She wandered back down the stairs in a daze; none of it could be real. She kept hoping it was all a dream that she would wake up from. Surely there was nothing in this world that would make Aaron break his promise to her. No matter how hard she tried though she couldn’t get the sound of Aaron calmly telling Grissom everything that had happened to them as children out of her head.

‘Be careful what you wish for.’ Sara thought to herself as she pulled open her car door and slid back into her car. Sitting in this very car not too long-ago Sara had wished for almost anything to get her mind off her argument with Catherine and her sacking.  
Sara's mind flashed back to years ago when Aaron had made a promise to her, 'I never want people to know.' A young Sara had told her brother one night about a year after their father had died. Somehow some kids in school had found out and that day everyone had wanted to know what it had been like.

'I swear Sar' no one will ever hear any of it from me unless you say so.'

Sara now realised that it was the promise of a young man trying to calm his little sister. Regardless of that, it was the only promise she ever needed him to keep. Others could be broken, you knew they would be even as they were being uttered... not this one though... not here in Vegas, where she wanted to leave Sara Sidle the victim long behind.  
Sara knew all the right choices to make right now they included going back up and talking to Aaron, driving to see Nancy or Sofia. She couldn’t face Aaron again right now everything felt so fresh and so raw there was no way it would end well. If she went to see Nancy, there was still the real possibility that Catherine could turn up and there was another conversation she really wasn’t ready for. Seeing Sofia right now didn’t feel right either she couldn’t no wouldn’t tell the blond what Aaron had done and she felt too much like the hurt lost little girl that Aaron had made that promise to right now to be around Sofia. All she wanted to do was forget and although she knew she would probably regret it, in the long run, Sara knew whisky was a good answer right now.

•••••.  
Catherine pulled the car to a halt in the parking lot a couple of spaces over from where Nick and Warrick had parked. Pulling her cell out of her bag she checked the display for what was possibly the hundredth time since shift had ended. It sat there mocking her with its blank display, telling her no one had called or texted. Why she expected Sara to try and contact her was a mystery, though if Sara had gone to Aaron's or Nancy's, there was the hope that one of them might phone her to see what was going on. The longer it went with her not having a clue where Sara was, the tenser she became. The idea of calling Lindsey had crossed her mind; at the last minute, she’d stopped herself from calling, realizing that it might seem a little desperate. Out of desperation, the idea of phoning Sara herself ran across her mind but she had soon clamped down on that idea. If Sara was still angry then there would be no progress made that morning, except probably set them back farther than they already were from each other.  
Snapping her phone closed Catherine slipped out of her car and cast an eye over the car park. She shook her head in total disbelief as her eyes landed on Sara’s car. Of all the places for her to run into the younger woman how on earth could it be here.  
“You ok?” Warrick asked coming to stand next to her as she seemed to stare off into the distance.  
“That’s Sara’s car.” Catherine pointed out.  
“How do you know?” Nick probed.  
“The sunshade in the back window is the one Sara had specially made for Lindsey,” Catherine told them remembering the smile on her daughter’s face when she had seen it. A smile crept on to her face as thoughts of Sara asking Lindsey a few weeks ago if she wanted to take it out of the car now. The brunette had offered to swap it out for a plain black one since Lindsey had long grown out of the fairy's etched on this one. Lindsey had been adamant that it stayed in the car because it meant so much to her that Sara had gone to so much trouble in the first place.  
“We can get out of here if you want. I’m guessing the whole point of driving us out here was not to see anyone else from the lab.” Nick’s words cut into Catherine’s thoughts and she turned further towards Sara’s car as if that silly sunshade was going to save her life right now. Wanting to see Sara had driven her all shift and suddenly having her so close made Catherine falter. What was going on in Sara’s head right now? Was this the time and the place for anything that needed to be said between them? None of that mattered leaving Sara in a bar and just turning her back on the situation was no longer an option. Especially knowing Sara probably wasn’t thinking straight after her run in with herself and Ecklie.  
“I can’t leave now,” Sara told Nick taking one last look at Sara’s car before heading into the bar.  
“Why not?” Nick and Warrick followed her. Both a little confused as to why after the shift they had just had Catherine would willingly want to go see Sara.  
“I couldn’t look my sister or my daughter in the eye if I left Sara here and something happened. Do you know what I don’t think I could look myself in the eye if something happened?”  
They entered the bar looking around and Warrick gestured to the bar where Sara sat on one of the stools with a drink in her hand.  
"Wow, she looks pissed and I don’t think it’s the whisky." Nick shook his head, as they watched Sara down her drink without even flinching.  
"Yeah...well, I would be too; if I lost the job I loved," Warrick commented, heading over to Sara.  
"Let me." Catherine stopped him with a hand to his arm. It was hard to decide who looked more surprised at her offer Warrick or Nick.  
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea not after what happened earlier. Let me go talk to her she may not react that well to you even if you two have made great strides lately" Warrick tried to reason.  
Ignoring Warrick’s comment, taking a deep breath Catherine strode over to where Sara was propping up the bar.  
"Sar’," Catherine sounded tentative even to herself as she uttered her greeting.  
Sara didn’t try to hide the groan that escaped her throat. "You're not meant to be here." She laughed humourlessly tilting her head back slightly and shaking it before turning slightly to look at Catherine.  
"I was thinking the same thing about you." Catherine smiled gently. There was something different about this Sara to the fierce one that had stormed out hours ago. Something had changed in her and now she seemed broken and tired and her words even though meant to hurt had no bite.  
"I thought," She paused letting out another bitter laugh "Scrap that... you of all people have probably noticed I don't think." Sara looked away from Catherine spinning her empty glass on the bar.  
"Don't be so hard on yourself." Catherine had never seen Sara be so disparaging about herself.  
"Oh, I don't know... I've managed to lose my job and my brother in one day... I think that is pretty fucked up even for me."  
"Aaron...? What happened with Aaron?" Catherine asked. Sara didn’t answer though just nodded in the direction of the bartender who gave Sara a smile that Catherine really didn’t like as she made her way over to the pair.  
“Same again?” The rather attractive woman (Catherine begrudgingly admitted) behind the bar asked Sara grabbing the whisky bottle.  
“Yeah, and whatever my friend here is drinking.” Sara gestured to Catherine with a slight, not of her head. Realizing that she had to step in now or this was going to get even messier God alone knew how many Sara had had to drink already. Catherine put her hand over Sara’s glass before the bartender had a chance to pour the drink.  
“I think that’s enough for one morning!” When Sara’s head whipped around in her direction Catherine expected to see the fire in Sara's eyes and was ready to fight her on this one. She wasn’t prepared for the empty stare she got.  
“Please, Cath not this morning I just can’t.”  
“What happened with Aaron?” When Sara just shook her head Catherine carried on. "Ok, why don't I get you back there and I can talk to Aaron."  
"I don't want to go back." She told Catherine firmly, standing up, and Catherine was struck first by the ice in Sara's voice when it came to talking about Aaron and then by the fact that for someone that had probably been drinking whisky for a few hours she was very steady on her feet. "I don't think I can ever go back."  
Catherine watched as Sara ran trembling hands through her hair and took a shaky breath at her admission. Guessing that Sara’s next thought would be to get out of here she stepped in front of her holding out her hand.  
“Keys.” Catherine demanded she was adamant that there was no way Sara was leaving here unless it was with her or in a cab. Sara just held her gaze for a moment Catherine glared back raising an eyebrow daring Sara to say no. After a silent moment, Sara reached into her pants pocket and pulled out her car keys. “Good call. Ok, Miss Independent where are you going to go?"  
Sara just stared at the ground, without responding.  
"Just as I thought," Catherine paused to think for a moment, she could always put Sara in her guest room but she was sure that it was too soon in the friendship she was trying to build for that. There was no way Sara was going to even entertain the idea of going back to Aaron's, with a sigh Catherine realised there was only one choice, Nancy's. At least there Catherine was sure Sara would be looked after and if she wasn't ready to talk to Catherine she knew Nancy would be there to listen. "So, if you won't go to your brother, we'll go to my sister."  
"I don't have a brother," Sara stated flatly Catherine though could see the tears forming in her eyes as she fought to keep control. Catherine’s arms moved before her brain kicked in all she wanted to do was pull Sara into a tight embrace and run a soothing hand down the younger woman's back. She wasn’t surprised when Sara took a step back from her it was far too soon for that and Catherine knew it.  
"Why are you being so nice? I'm a big jerk... I was so nasty to you." Sara was truly puzzled why would Catherine be so nice to her after everything that had happened.  
"That's ok. We are both out of line most of the time." Catherine tried to soothe her.  
"Well for what it's worth I'm sorry." Sara told her sighing closing her eyes scrubbing her hands over her face.  
“Let me drive you to my sister’s.” Catherine could see the hesitation in Sara’s eyes as she debated the idea. Catherine knew she couldn’t make Sara get in her car no matter how much it made the most sense right now.  
Sara nodded slowly there really wasn’t much of an alternative for her. Catherine had her car keys and that wasn’t an option anyway she had seen enough of the devastation that driving drunk could cause. There was a cab but the whisky was going to hit at some point and vomiting in the back of a cab wasn’t her idea of fun.  
●●●●●  
“Sorry.” Catherine had never seen or heard anything as pitiful as a now very drunk Sara slumped in her passenger seat. Sara had vomited the moment the fresh air had hit her and by the looks of her, Catherine guessed all that whisky was finally taking its toll on her. Catherine new Sara must be very drunk the younger woman had let her hold her hair and rub random soothing patterns on her back as she had thrown up.  
“You met Eddie do you think any of this is new to me?” Catherine smiled at her.  
“Well, you deserve better than that and not really a glowing recommendation if I’m being compared to Eddie.” Sara sighed closing her eyes.  
Catherine was pretty sure Sara was asleep before they even pulled out of the parking lot. Thankful for the moment of piece to pull all her thoughts together this really wasn’t the way she had seen a quiet drink with the boys ending. Taking a moment to let Sara’s last comment before falling asleep sink in properly. There wasn’t a time in her life she had ever believed anyone when they said she deserved better than Eddie. This wasn’t the first time Sara had said something along those lines and coming from the brunette it was believable. The way Sara said it with so much passion and conviction just made Catherine long for Sara to be her happily ever after. As much as Catherine had tried to deny the fact it really wasn’t hard to see Sara was so much better than her Ex-husband could have ever wished to be. She couldn’t deny being reminded of Eddie when Sara had first come to town and that had been part of the reason she had set about keeping Sara at arm's length. She had seen so much more of Sara since then seen the amazing woman that loved her daughter like she was her own who would do anything for that little girl. The amazingly loyal friend and sister and an amazing student and now CSI or Catherine remembered with a wince former CSI.  
She had to admit that if there was anything she could do or say to help Sara out with getting her job back then she would do it. It didn’t take much to work out that Sara loved her job and she wasn’t going to let her actions towards Sara to this point contribute to her losing it.  
Catherine was also thankful Sara was asleep because it gave her the opportunity to really look at her without the fear of being caught. She was beautiful all the time that much was nothing new to Catherine but seeing her like this was something different. Scanning her eyes over Sara she wanted to commit every inch of this to memory. The way Sara looked so much more peaceful when she was asleep like whatever had happened to her today couldn’t touch her right now. The way her hair fell in gentle waves around her face and over her shoulder. The way the sun shone through the window and cast Sara’s skin in an ethereal glow. This was a part of Sara she wanted all the time to one day be in the position of not being scared Sara would wake up and catch her. Wanted to be able to reach over and push the strands that had fallen on her face behind her ear and kiss her to wake her up.  
●●●●●  
Catherine pulled up outside her sister's house and cut the engine looking over at Sara. The younger woman hadn’t moved a muscle the whole drive across the city and Catherine was starting to wonder how she was going to get her out of the car if she couldn’t wake her up.  
“Sar’ you need to wake up now.” Catherine called her pushing her shoulder and was only slightly surprised when Sara didn’t move. She tried again with a little more force before realising she was getting nowhere like that and she needed help.  
Getting out of the car Catherine made her way to Nancy’s front door hoping her sister was in the mood to help her move the dead weight that was Sara.  
"Cath?" There was no missing the question in Nancy's voice as she opened the door to find her sister standing there. "The kids are already at school."  
"That's good...because there's no way I wanted them to see her in this state," Catherine told a puzzled Nancy as she motioned to Sara still passed out in her car; with a flick of her head, golden hair flowing over her face.  
"What the hell?!" Nancy asked.  
"I had nowhere else to go. I'd have taken her to mine but…" Catherine trailed off not sure how to finish that sentence.  
"I have no problem with her being here, she knows that," Nancy told Catherine following her sister down her porch steps and towards the car. “How drunk is she?” Nancy asked shaking her head at the state Sara was in. "Why the hell is she in this state?"  
"She’s been fired," Catherine told her. “And I think she’s had a fight with Aaron.”  
“Fired! Oh god Cath what happened?”  
“Question later let’s get her out of the car first.”  
Catherine watched as Nancy rounded the car to the passenger side and opened the door crouching at Sara’s feet.  
“Hey, sleepy head.” Nancy shook Sara’s legs with some force making Catherine smile she had obviously been far too gentle with her. When she got nothing, she ran her hands up Sara’s thigh before squeezing. “Get your arse up, Sidle.” Nancy shook Sara a little harder and smiled as Sara mumbled something totally incoherent but sat up none the less.” Come on there’s no way I’m carrying you!”  
Catherine watched on as Sara grumbled about it but got out of the car and closed the door behind her.  
“Spill!” Nancy demanded the moment Sara and Catherine sat on the settee. It hadn’t escaped Nancy’s attention that Sara had chosen to lay on the settee with her head on Catherine, although that wasn’t that surprising knowing that Sara would probably always have a soft spot for Catherine no matter what else happened. The bit Nancy was filing away for a conversation with her sister was the fact that instead of moving or making Sara move Catherine simply started running soothing fingers through Sara’s hair. “Catherine said you got sacked.”  
“In a nut, shell.” Sara sighed closing her eyes. It was hard for her to believe that her sacking seemed to be the least of her problems right then.  
“And Aaron?” There was a silent battle between the two of them and just when Catherine thought Sara wasn’t going to say a thing she sighed again.  
“I can’t Nance' not right now please.” Sara’s resolve finally broke and the tears fell. Catherine was ready to let her sister take the lead she wasn’t sure what to do with an overly emotional Sara, to her great surprise though Sara didn’t move she just hid her head in Catherine’s lap as she started to cry.  
Catherine and Nancy exchanged worried glances they both knew that there was no way that Sara would ever let Catherine see her cry that was just something that Sara would consider as weakness. Even with their relationship growing and changing all the time they probably weren't at the point for Sara to feel that comfortable around Catherine. She realised that Sara had seen her cry more than once and that she had never felt vulnerable in that situation.  
“I’m going to vomit,” Sara announced ending the sister's silent musings. Nancy grabbed a trash can and Sara managed to be sick mostly in it, Catherine feeling a little jealous of her sister as she held Sara’s hair this time joking about next time Jeremy was sick Sara was on double vomit duty.  
“Cath go put the kettle on,” Nancy ordered gently once Sara was feeling a little better. “You upstairs to bed.” She ordered Sara.  
“Nance’ really your sister is here.” Sara winked and Nancy threw a pillow at her which just to prove Sara was drunk it hit her square in the face.  
“In your dreams, Sidle now go and sleep it off you and I are going to talk later.”  
●●●●●  
"Well," Nancy asked the moment she stepped into her kitchen. Catherine was waiting with a cup of coffee and took a moment to sip her drink before she even looked at her sister.  
"Well what?" She finally asked not knowing where to start. It really had been a hell of a night and subsequent morning and didn’t know where or how to put that into words. If she hadn’t of been there to witness it she wouldn’t have understood how the woman that she actually wanted to kill yesterday evening for her comment about her relationship with Nick, was the same woman she was a little worried could choke on her own vomit upstairs as they drank coffee down here.  
"Catherine, what the hell's going on? It's barely nine in the morning and Sara's out of it, vomiting pure whisky, you tell me she’s been sacked and I find the most worrying part that she's here. Where's Aaron?"  
"He's my next stop." Catherine sighed, placing her mug down she ran her fingers through her hair. "As for where he is, I'm guessing he's at his apartment. There was no way she was letting me take her there though and like I said I would've taken her to mine."  
"But...?"  
"Mostly I was scared to death she'd wake up and bolt and that's the last thing I wanted." Catherine paused letting out a bitter laugh, "But then god knows what I really want." She added looking at her sister with tears in her eyes.  
Nancy crossed the kitchen pulling her sister into a hug. She had come down the stairs ready to defend Sara no matter what Catherine had to say. Suddenly found herself praying that Catherine might finally be about to admit her feelings for Sara.  
Nancy felt she had been very understanding letting her sister come to this on her own never once pushing all the times she knew her sister wasn't telling her everything. She had told Aaron more than once that these two just needed a shove in the right direction. If Catherine was finally going to admit to having feelings for Sara that might not be so hard.  
"Come on." Nancy tugged her sister to the living room and on to the couch where they sat, for a moment the only sounds were Catherine's sobs.  
"So, come on." Nancy tried to coax her sister to talk to her. "Start at the beginning."  
"I don't even know where or when it started, Nance." Catherine shook her head sitting up wiping her eyes. "It's such a mess."  
"What's a mess? What happened today?"  
"She was sacked."  
“Why though?”  
“She said something she really shouldn't have to Ecklie and he really doesn’t need an excuse to hate her. I didn’t help though I could have let it go let her walk away and calmed down long before he got involved but I had to keep pushing and then she made me so mad with something she said.”  
“I knew that mouth of hers was going to get her into trouble at some point. She can’t stop it sometimes especially if she’s hurting it’s like defence and sometimes she just needs someone to tell her to shut up but I’m guessing it was too late by that point you were just as mad as she was.”  
“I feel like I should have been able to stop it before it got to that point, Aaron had lost it with me and I wanted Sara to talk to me but she just wasn’t ready to I guess and when she pushed back I couldn’t stop either and now she’s lost her job, god it’s such a mess.”  
“I don't want to seem harsh but why do you care?" Nancy knew she was probably pushing her luck but she needed her sister to just open up to her.  
"I care because I think I'm falling in love with her!" Catherine told her sister, tilting her head up to the ceiling and closing her eyes. There it was she had finally said it out loud the thoughts that she had been trying not to even admit to herself for a few months now. She had to admit though she wasn't expecting the knowing smile that spread out on her sister’s face.


	11. Sobering up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, I have to say you look a lot less surprised than I thought you were going to," 
> 
> "Cath what sort of sister would I be If I hadn't seen this coming a mile off. I've known for a while that there was a lot more behind everything you said and did to Sara. I just really needed you to tell me because I know you and I know you would have run a mile if I had brought it up."
> 
> "I haven't been as subtle as I think then?" Catherine asked biting her lip and looking down at the cup she was holding in a vice-like grip. Playing some of her interactions with Sara over in her head, was she really that readable.
> 
> Or 
> 
> Nancy really isn't shocked by Catherine's confession and Sara has a hangover.

"Well, I have to say you look a lot less surprised than I thought you were going to," 

"Cath what sort of sister would I be If I hadn't seen this coming a mile off. I've known for a while that there was a lot more behind everything you said and did to Sara. I just really needed you to tell me because I know you and I know you would have run a mile if I had brought it up."

"I haven't been as subtle as I think then?" Catherine asked biting her lip and looking down at the cup she was holding in a vice-like grip. Playing some of her interactions with Sara over in her head, was she really that readable. 

"If you're asking me If Sara has any clue that you're crazy about her then no. She's still clinging to you just putting up with her for Lindsey's sake."

"Clinging?" Catherine thought that it was a very odd choice of words from her sister. 

Part of Nancy wanted to go upstairs and march Sara down here and make the two of them sort there shit out. These two obviously really liked each other and at this point were just hurting each other so they didn’t have to admit their feelings. She knew though that they had to come to this on their own and if she said anything right now, she would probably lose Sara forever. The brunette was going through something right now and she needed the time and space to do that. 

"You see the Sara that she wants you to see mostly confident and in control, you've maybe seen the mask slip a couple of times I know you definitely did at her graduation. But she's   
not that person all the time she's vulnerable and not always very good at asking for help. So, with you, I think yes, she's clinging to the fact you put up with her for Lindsey, so she doesn't have to ask for help."

“God, I wish she had just asked me for help yesterday. Maybe it wouldn't have come to this."

"Maybe she didn't yesterday but what do you think this morning was if not Sara letting you help her. It's not always straight forward with Sara you may think you're getting nowhere but you've actually made a huge step."

"Talking from experience I'm assuming."

"Of course, Sara and I didn't get here overnight." Nancy could probably write a book on dealing with Sara when the brunette was at her lowest. 

"I really need to work at it is that what you're telling me. Can I just point out if you had met the girl I did the night I met her you might have taken a while to warm up to her too.”   
Against all her better judgment Sara had managed to worm her way under all her defences and into her heart. If Catherine that had been set the task of investigating Sara on her first night in Vegas could see her now, she’d be very surprised to find that Sara was probably the one thing she needed most, recently. 

“You didn’t like having to let her go, did you? What did you think she had actually killed that man?” Nancy couldn’t ever imagine believing that Sara would intentionally physically hurt someone, but she knew that at one point her sister had explored that possibility. 

“The evidence was circumstantial at best, but I think she knew what happened that night and was covering for someone. If I actually thought she was someone capable of that she wouldn’t be anywhere near Lindsey or you and Jeremy. Not that it seems to matter what I think you never listen to me where she’s concerned.” She had tried so hard to make sure that her private life was no concern of Sara’s but both Nancy and Lindsey had a different idea on the subject. Not that Nancy had ever listened to her on things like that the more Catherine said don’t do something the more Nancy seemed to want to do it. 

“No, I never could see the person you described and I’m glad I took that chance because that woman asleep upstairs is so many things, but I’d say troubled not trouble.”  
Nancy sighed as she thought about the state Sara was in upstairs. There was something wrong with her day drinking and refusing to go see Aaron. Nancy just had to wait for Sara to sober up a little so she could start to get to the bottom of it all. 

“I saw too much of Eddie in her the first time I met her for my liking she had that self-assured cocky smile.”

“Yeah, I know the one.” Nancy bit her lip at the many memories of that smile. Every time Sara used it Nancy had to remind herself that she didn’t want to spoil her friendship with Sara. 

Catherine wasn’t sure she ever wanted to know where her sister's mind had just gone it was probably better for all concerned if she never did. 

“Eddie was a jerk pure and simple. Take Lindsey out of the picture and there really isn’t one thing that the man did that you could try and defend. I know Lindsey loved him but she’s no worse without him really is she. I know Sara can be an arse and she’s stubborn and hot-headed and sometimes her mouth works faster than her brain.”

Catherine had to laugh at her sister if she was trying to sell Sara to her, she really wasn’t doing the best of jobs at it at all. “She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body though and she would do anything for anyone if she could. She’s kind and so very gentle and I know without a doubt she would lay her life down to keep any of us safe and that’s more than I can say for a lot of people.”

“I know I was just so scared of my feelings for her, at first she was too young and there was the small fact that she was a suspect in the case I was investigating. She pushed all my buttons and all I could see was the negatives all the things she did wrong and all the mistakes she made and I told my self that what I felt was physical and anything more would end in tears, she would only hurt me and Lindsey but now." Catherine bit her lip as she thought about the Sara she knew now compared to the one that had sat in the interrogation room the first night they had met. "Do you know who comforted me on the night Chris cheated on me?"

"Sara, I know she told me nothing specific she didn't want to break your trust in her but she said she had spoken to you that night."

"It wasn't like I hadn't noticed that Sara can be this kind gentle person but that has never been directed at me and she was amazing. I know she was just trying to make me feel better but I believed everything she said to me. She said that there was someone out there for me that wants to worship me and I just wanted it to be her."  
Nancy looked down not sure how to reply to that statement. She knew without a doubt Sara had been talking about herself she also hadn't been on the verge of dating someone else and after their conversation the other day Nancy knew that Sara wouldn't want to do anything with Sofia in the frame.

"But that's never going to happen is it." Catherine took her sister's silence as confirmation of one or two things Sara was never going to be interested or there was someone else in Sara's life now. Catherine realised that if there was she would probably be the last to know its not like Sara would be rushing to tell her. "Are you trying not to tell me she's never going to be interested in me or that she's seeing someone so it's just a moot point?"

"I'm your sister and I love you and I'm on your side totally but." Nancy stopped short of actually saying too much. 

"I shouldn't pin my hopes on too much as I've screwed this up totally."

"Talk to her Cath she's the only person who can answer the questions you want answering."

"That's a scary thought."

"I know Cath but if it meant being happy isn't it worth it."

"I think baby steps are best for now and just be her friend."

"You have to start somewhere." Nancy nodded. She was happy that at least her sister was going to try and show Sara the real her. It was a step in the right direction if it wasn’t maybe some of the worst timing in history. 

“I Can’t just sit here and wait for her to wake up.” Catherine placed her cup down on the coffee table and stood up. They had lapsed into silence for a while both lost in their own thought of Sara and the situation they found themselves in. “I don’t really think she’s going to want to see me when she wakes up.”

“She’s going to feel like hell when she wakes up and she’s going to freak when she remembers that you were here today. I actually think she would feel a lot better if you were here to tell her that it’s all going to be ok between the two of you.”

“Nancy I can’t be here when she wakes up I hadn’t even admitted to myself that I had feelings for Sara till now really. I need to get myself together before I face Sara and say something we both regret.” Catherine felt like a caged tiger trapped and so very vulnerable. 

“So, you’re going to give up on her.” Nancy banged her own cup onto the table as she put it down. Taking a calming breath trying not to get too mad at her sister. 

“No not at all just the opposite actually I don’t want my relationship with Sara to get any worse and I know that if I say the wrong thing this morning then I’m going to set back any progress we’ve made so far. I may never be able to have the kind of relationship I want with Sara but I can have something and that’s what I’m going to hold on to.”

“Cath,” Nancy stood and moved closer to her sister by the couch. Slipping her arms around her and when Catherine didn’t complain pulled her sister into a tight embrace squeezing   
a little before she pulled away. 

“Don’t please I can’t take the pity. I know this is mostly my fault and only I can start to put it right just not today. I’m going to go solve a mystery instead.”

“You lost me.” Nancy shook her head confused. 

“I’m going to go see Aaron and try and find out why Sara is in this state. I know getting sacked was a big deal for her but I don’t think that’s the only thing that had her drinking like that.”

“Tread carefully Cath,” Nancy warned getting in between Aaron and Sara was something she wouldn’t suggest. 

“Don’t worry I’m not going to barge in there demanding answers but he must be worried about her I’m actually surprised that he hasn’t tried to call by now.”

“Oh, he knows better than that until Sara tells me otherwise I haven’t seen her.”

Catherine mulled over Nancy’s comment as she drove to Aarons apartment. If Sara wasn’t going to be comfortable with Aaron knowing where she was just yet then she wasn’t going to be the one to break her trust. No matter how much she wanted to fix things there was a right way to that and right now that was playing by Sara’s rules no matter how useless that made her feel. 

Pulling up at Aaron’s apartment Catherine cut the engine and sat for a moment trying to think of anything that could have happened between Sara heading home and ending up drunk in a bar on the other side of the City. Realising that if she was ever going to get the answers to the questions she had they weren’t going to come from her empty car. Grissom’s car caught her eye as she entered the building and all the way up the stairs she wondered if Gill had come to Aaron after his suspension or to see what had happened to Sara. 

Reaching Aaron’s door loud voices from inside caught her attention and she could make out Aaron’s voice loud and clear.

"Where is she just fine, Griss, where?... She isn't with Greg, 'Rick or Sofia. Nancy really wouldn't tell me if she was sitting next to her at the time and Sara won't answer her phone so where is she just fine?”

Catherine knew she shouldn’t be listening but the comment about Nancy made her chuckle. That was very much her sister down to a tee and Nancy herself had said that she wouldn’t tell him if he phoned. 

"I don't know," Grissom’s voice came next and although she wasn’t shocked after seeing his car downstairs the raised voices between them was something new.

"No, well until I do, I won't be calming down. I mean if anything has happened..." Catherine could hear Aaron's voice break at the end of his sentence and she guessed he must be going out of his mind with worry. She couldn't imagine the pain he must be feeling at the thought of losing his sister; his baby sister.

"Aaron, this isn't your fault."

"No, why else did she run out of here?"

Catherine knew at this point she was just guilty of full-on snooping and should knock and stop this conversation before they said something she shouldn’t hear. Knowing that was one thing bringing herself to stop was another thing entirely. 

"You have a right to confide in someone."

"As she said though, it wasn't just my secret to share. I should have spoken to her first. You haven't had to live our life Griss, trust is all we have and I broke it with you, of all people."

"Me? Do we have a problem?”

"She loves and respects you Griss and she would never have wanted you to know."

Catherine knew she had to make her presence known before she heard something she couldn’t un-hear. Well aware of the fact it had probably already happened. Aaron’s comment about his and Sara’s childhood left her with a bitter taste in her mouth when she thought about what could possibly have happened to a young Sara. 

Knocking on the door Catherine waited till the door was opened. Gill was halfway through telling her why now really wasn’t a good time as she moved past him and found Aaron sitting on his Sofa head in hands looking a little defeated. 

“No offence Catherine but this really isn’t the time for anything you have to say. Like I told Ecklie I’m not apologising so I don’t see the point in doing this.”  
Catherine smiled and shook her head a little. He really was an annoying arse at times which could only mean one thing he really was Sara’s brother, His attitude told her something else though he obviously didn’t know Sara had lost her job he would have brought that up first.

“So, you don’t want to know that Sara’s ok then?” Catherine was not disappointed by his reaction as his head snapped up and he looked at her suspiciously.

“Sara?”

“Yeah, your sister or does the renouncing go both ways?”

“Renouncing?”

Catherine smiled sadly at him she didn’t need an echo; he was obviously having a hard time wrapping his mind around what she was telling him. 

“You’re making no sense,” Aaron admitted and Catherine hadn’t seen him look that lost in a very long time. In fact, the last time she had seen this level of emotion from him was just before Sara had arrived over five years ago. Putting together the pieces she had been given at that time Aaron had no clue as to where his sister was then. It really did seem that his moods were directly linked to his relationship with his sister. Then again she was beginning to see that was just the effect Sara had on you. 

“Sara was very drunk when I got to her and there were lots of her telling me she couldn’t come back here and she didn’t have a brother. There was also lots of crying and vomit but   
I’m trying to block most of that from my mind.”

"God she's been drinking?"

"Yeah, but she's had a hell of a day," Catherine told them, in what if anything could be described as an understatement.

"Did something happen after I left?"

"You really don't know? ... Wow, you two really must have had a hell of a fight."

"What happened, Catherine?" Aaron demanded as he moved to stand directly in front of her, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that Catherine's answer was not going to be good. He felt worse about it all now. Sara had obviously come home in need of his support and all she had found was him betraying her trust. 

"She was sacked."

"What!" both men exclaimed.

"Look, long story short when she gets going she can be even more disrespectful than you. Lucky for her she's a cute drunk."

"I should go see her." Aaron was on the move in an instant grabbing his jacket.

"Not right now. I really don't think in the state she was in; you are going to bring out the best in her. Just know that she is safe." Catherine tried to stop him.

"You know her so well all of a sudden." Aaron spat sarcastically turning back to face her.

"No... You'll always have the monopoly on knowing her best. But I'd say when the woman you spend most of your time fighting with curls up in your arms and cries before puking ... You know she isn't in the right state to deal with anything today."

That took the wind out of Aaron's sails a little and he threw his jacket with venom on the floor. He stomped over to the balcony pulling the door open stepping out.

"Five years ago on this balcony, I convinced her that if she stayed here in Vegas with me she would be safe I'd look after her. God, I wish I hadn't. Where is she, Cath?" he pleaded when Catherine followed him outside. He sounded so pitiful she wanted to put him out of his misery but she knew better than that. 

"I can't tell you that." 

"With Nance’, then I take it."

"Aaron leave it, leave her. Let it rest a while... rushing in there won't change anything and it might even make it worse."

"Why the hell should I take advice on Sara from you?" Aaron scoffed at Catherine, hating the fact that the woman who was constantly at odds with Sara, was now advising him on how to deal correctly with her.

"Because I might not know Sara as well as you but I do know how a pissed off Sara is most likely to react. I can honestly say without a doubt no one has annoyed her more than me so please take my advice; when she’s that upset with you to stay away from her unless you want to make the situation worse.

"I just can't lose her she's all I have all I've ever had I know I've messed up."

"I don't expect you to tell me what happened if there's something I need to know about Sara then I want to hear it from her, but I'm taking it something happened with Gill."

"I shouldn't have said what I said to you in the lab earlier I was out of line. Griss came to see me after I was suspended he wanted to know why I was so angry."

"Well, I hope you gave him a better explanation than me."

"We talked and I told him something I promised not to tell anyone about and she walked in on that. I need to explain it to her."

"You need to let her rest trust me."

●●●●●

“Sorry did I wake you? I only wanted to leave these.” Nancy held up a bottle of water and some painkillers as she stepped further into her room. 

“No, you didn’t I just woke up,” Sara assured her patting the bed next to her and feeling instantly better as Nancy sat down and ran her fingers through her hair. 

“You need to shower and change you smell like sick.”

“Thanks,” Sara chuckled. “I guess I asked for that though. I’m surprised I’m not being told a lot worse than I smell of sick.”

She was wondering what the hell had made her think drinking that much whisky was a good idea, so she was shocked that Nancy wasn’t asking her the same thing.   
Nancy repositioned herself on the bed so that she was laying next to Sara and the brunette took it as an invitation to move closer, so she turned gingerly on to her side and snuggled closer to Nancy. 

“You know I love you and I worry when you do stupid things like this Sar, baby, what are you trying to do to yourself?"

"I don't know any more." Sara let out a pitiful sigh. "I kind of remember Cath being around. She didn't see me get sick, did she?"

"Sorry, Sar but she was the one that drove you here and stayed till you were asleep."

"God, I was crying like a baby, wasn't I?" Sara pouted hiding her head in the covers.

"She didn't seem to care," Nancy assured her pulling the covers back a little so she could see Sara.

"Is she still here... oh I bet she is just waiting to rip me a new one. I take it I still have clean clothes here. I'll just get changed and I'll get out of here."

Nancy didn't answer for a moment. She wasn't sure how to tell her Catherine had in fact left to visit Aaron.

"Ok, Nance’, spit it out. I can take it." Sara said prompted by the strange look that crossed Nancy's face after her last comment about Catherine.

"She went to talk to Aaron," Nancy said quietly, waiting for Sara's reaction to that little piece of news.

"Where's my cell?" Sara demanded in a tone Nancy had never heard Sara use with her before. Sitting up quickly Sara instantly regretted the move as the room span and for a moment nausea churned at her stomach. 

"By the bed Sar', what's up?" Nancy asked, not liking Sara's reaction.

Sara couldn't quite see the numbers on her phone but didn’t need to this was Aaron and his number was in her mussel memory she called him that much. She waited for a moment, her heart pounding as the ringing seemed to go on forever as she waited for Aaron to pick up.

"Sidle."

"Did you tell her? I swear to god if you did, we really are done." Sara demanded to know.

"Sar' Jesus! Are you ok?"

"Just tell me, what did you tell her?"

"Nothing, she left about five minutes ago."

"Good." Sara had never felt so relieved, it was bad enough having Grissom know, she never wanted Catherine to find out certain Catherine would either use it as a weapon to hurt her or look at her with pity in her eyes. 

With nothing else to say to him she just snapped her phone shut ending the call and rejecting his call as her phone started to ring the moment she hung up. That was probably the strangest conversation she had had with her brother. Was that really what she thought of him now? She had no idea anymore. She needed time to think about that...needed to be sober.

"I don't expect you to lie to him but I won't speak to him." She told Nancy when she found her looking in her direction.

"Want to talk about it?"

Sara sighed running her fingers through her hair resting her head back against the headboard. Did she want to talk about it? No of course not. There didn’t feel like a lot of other choices now though with Nancy being so understanding after Sara had been nothing but an idiot for nearly twenty-four hours straight. 

"Catherine told you I got sacked I remember that.” Sara started before reaching for the water Nancy had brought her. 

“Yeah, she just said you said something that was out of line to her and Ecklie.”

“Yeah well it may have gotten me sacked but I don’t regret a word I said to him. I shouldn’t have been so rude to Cath though. I know she just wanted to make sure I was Ok after   
Aaron got suspended. My emotions were all over the place and then Cath walks in.”

“And you wanted more than you thought you could have from her. You wanted her to be there for you wanted to tell her whatever it is that has put that haunted look in your eye and that scared you because you don’t share the big things the really dark stuff do you.”

“I hate you know me so well.” Sara couldn’t always take the way Nancy saw through her it was unnerving and made her feel like there was nowhere to hide. 

“You said whatever you could to get her to walk away.” Nancy carried on ignoring Sara she knew better than to let Sara’s words hurt her at times.

“Yeah but she wouldn’t and then Nick stuck his nose in and I might have implied that she keeps him on side with sexual favours.”

“Sara!” Nancy moved a little so she could look at Sara properly. “That was out of line even for you.” 

“I know and I know I shouldn’t have said it I just needed them to stop.”

“That is no excuse you can’t hurt people and expect it always to be ok because you were mad.”

“I know, I know I messed up and I can’t keep doing this.”

“You need to talk to someone you need to let one person all the way in and right now I don’t care if that’s not me, but it has to be someone. You are the most amazing person I know and then every now and again you are the worst person I know. Whatever it is that is eating you up needs to come out to someone. You wanted to tell Cath but part of you doesn’t trust her enough yet. You don’t trust that whatever it is won’t change us do you.”

“If you looked at me differently just for a second then I’d die.”

“Aaron told somebody didn’t he that’s what you meant on the phone you don’t want Cath to know you think she would use it to hurt you. Which given her track record I get.”

“He broke the only promise I ever needed him to keep and the last thing I want right now is Cath knowing I still don’t know where we stand.”

“For someone that you were pretty horrible to by the sounds of it, she went above and beyond for you today. I’d say you stand in a pretty good place you’re just too stubborn to admit it. What about Sofia?”

“She was the first person I went to see this morning when I was sacked, first person but not the first choice I thought of you before anyone, but I didn’t want to run into Cath. What   
does that say about me really?”

“That it takes you a while to trust someone and you’re there with me very nearly and you could get there with Cath I think but it might take a while with Sofia through no fault of either of you it’s just who you are. You didn’t go back to see Sofia after you left Aarons though.”

“I didn’t want to see anyone after that I felt, I feel broken Nance’ and that’s not a good way to feel around people.”

“Well, I’m glad Cath found you because I don’t care how broken you feel you always belong here and God knows what would have happened to you if she hadn’t it scares me to think about it you know that right?”

“I know but my head went somewhere else for a while, it’s hard to believe that Cath rode to my rescue. It's almost a shame I don't have to see that much of her from now on."

"You still have to be around each other for Lindsey if nothing else, and I think deep down you know as well as I do that even for Cath it's not just about Lindsey when it comes to seeing you."

"It doesn’t even matter anymore. She hates me she doesn't hate me its all the same now. I’m no good for your sister we just seem to bring the worst out of each other.”

"Ok so you two aren’t always the best versions of yourselves around each other but that has gotten a lot better lately.”

Sara shook her head, that really was an understatement where she and Catherine were concerned. Not seeing Catherine every day might be a blessing after all. It would give her a chance to get her feelings under control. Going away after graduation had meant to help with that seeing Catherine everyday at work was a spanner in the works now she didn’t have that problem. She hadn’t lied to Nancy before the crap that seemed to just be her and Catherine was exhausting. Maybe it was time to just concentrate on Sofia and working on whatever it could be between them. Catherine was so many things smart, beautiful, and funny not even beginning to scratch the surface but she was also so much better off without Sara. 

“I get that she’s your sister and you’re going to stand up for her. Right now though if you love her you’ll encourage her to stay away from me Nance’”

“Is this the bit where you tell me I’d be better off without you too?” When Sara didn’t answer Nancy gripped her chin and turned her head till Sara was looking at her. “I don’t know what’s going on with you right now I don’t know what happened with Aaron or what that has brought up for you. I can tell it has shaken you and it has you doubting who you are. Well if you’ve forgotten I’m going to tell you, Sara Sidle you are amazing.” Sara tried to look away tears stinging at her eyes there had been enough crying for one day. It seemed though whether she wanted to hear this or not Nancy needed to have her say and Nancy’s firm grip left Sara with no choice but to listen. “Meeting you is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and you are my best friend. I have no idea what I would do without you.” Nancy leant forward slightly to kiss Sara on the nose. “As for my sister I know she’s not always been your number one fan but she’s human and she makes mistakes. She brought you here today and has been worried about you all morning.” Nancy felt like she was walking on eggshells right now both women had confided in her not knowing that the other had too. Sighing thoughtfully, Sara had Sofia in her life now and she knew that Sara cared for her and of course Sara being Sara she wasn’t one to play around. Sofia was a good person too Nancy had met her on several occasions and gotten on really well with her. She was everything to Sara that Catherine hadn’t been in the last few years. Thoughtful and gentle supportive and kind, Nancy knew her sister could be all those things and more. If push came to shove she would pick Catherine for Sara every time. Maybe though she was a little blinded by her love for these two and maybe Sara should just move on and Catherine was just five years too late.

“She’s really been worried about me?” Nancy had been lost in thought and for a moment had to think about what she had said. 

“Yeah really worried."

Nancy almost wished she didn't know now that both women felt the way that they did about each other. She felt as though if they didn't at least talk to each other about this it was a waste of something special. She knew that her hands were tied though a little nudge in the right direction couldn't hurt. 

"Tell me about Cath."

Sara looked at her a little confused. She knew the whisky had taken its toll so maybe she wasn't understanding the question. 

"She's your sister I think you know her."

"Tell me how Sara Sidle sees her." 

Sara closed her eyes taking a calming breath pulling an image of Catherine into her mind.

"God, Nance', " Sara sighed after a moment. "She is so out of my league, it's scary. She's really, truly beautiful, inside and out, despite her moments of bitchyness. Her hair is a shade I've never seen before, it looks so soft... God, I'd give my right arm to see if it really is as soft as it looks. Those eyes, they really are the most amazing blue ever and do you know they change shade depending on her mood; they get really dark when she's mad and the lightest shade of blue when she's happy. Those lips combine to make a smile that can steal my breath in a heartbeat. The fire, passion she brings to her work, the way she is in those few unguarded moments I get to see her with Lind's are truly treasured moments." Sara stopped for a moment gritting her teeth a little breathing slowly. This didn't seem like a good idea now raking all these feelings up again not now, not with Sofia to think about. It seemed though that now she had started she couldn't stop.  
"She takes cream and two sweeteners in her coffee; she likes wholemeal bread, loves crappy soft rock, hates to be the passenger in a moving car, and the way Hodges sucks up to her, loves it when someone else gets her trace reports from him. She has pictures of everyone but me in her locker; I personally love the one of her and Lind’s on the beach. She has at least thirty pairs of shoes and experimented with a curl in her hair but seems to have finally decided she likes it straight.” Exhaling slowly suddenly feeling like a weight she had been holding was finally put down. "I know that it's never going to happen, and I have Sofia to think about now too. This could be a good thing, in the long run, I lost my job it just means that I can travel again, meet up with my friends, I'm really beginning to feel that I should have never stayed here."

"Sara, of course, you should've, you’re part of the family. We love you, always remember that."


	12. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, and Sara, "Catherine paused as she was getting into her car. "Having a girlfriend is generally the sort of thing friends share." 
> 
> "I know I'm sorry I'm working on it I promise."
> 
> "Lucky for you I can be patient sometimes."
> 
> Or
> 
>  
> 
> Catherine and Sara finally start playing nice

"She's in there I'll leave you two to talk."

Sara looked up at the sound of Nancy's voice and her eyes went wide when she noticed Catherine standing next to her sister. Sara had managed to avoid Catherine in the three days since she had been sacked but it seemed that her luck had run out.

She knew that she needed to say sorry for what had been said but that didn’t mean she wanted to face Catherine.

"Don't look so worried Sara I'm not here to fight," Catherine assured her sitting next to her on the bed once Sara moved to make space. "I've wanted to talk to you for a couple of days now, but you've been very elusive Sara."

"I just haven't seen the point," Sara admitted looking at her hands in her lap rather than at Catherine. The bed shifted slightly and Sara thought she had gotten lucky maybe Catherine was just going to let it go.  She really should have known better just lately it seemed neither of them could let things be between them. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and the next thing she knew Catherine was kneeling on the floor between her legs giving Sara no choice but to look at her.

"That's better." Catherine smiled when Sara met her eye. She rested her hands on Sara's thighs and squeezed reassuringly when Sara's eyes flicked away for a second. "Why wouldn't there be any point in talking about what happened?"

"I was rude actually rude doesn't even cover it and I don't know where I’d start to apologise for that," Sara admitted looking away from Catherine fixing her gaze on a spot on the floor just over Catherine's shoulder.

"Did you mean it Sara do you really think there's something more between me and Nick?"

"No, I was so worried about Aaron and when we spoke that morphed to anger then Nick butted in. I just knew what to say to push your buttons I wanted you to walk away but you wouldn't. I know that’s no excuse for saying what I did and hurting you." Sara shrugged trying not to think about how truly beautiful Catherine looked right now. “It’s all I’ve got right now though.”

"I need to say sorry as well Sara.”

“No, please don’t try and take the blame for my bad behavior I’m just so good at proving to you that I’m the person you always thought I was.”

“No, you want me to think you are to keep me at arm's length but it’s too late for that I’ve seen who you really can be, and I like her. I should have listened to you when you asked me to leave you alone. I just wanted you to talk to me." Catherine leant back a little looking up at Sara.

"You can get up you know I'm not going to bolt out of the door." Sara smiled patting the bed next to her.

"Thank goodness this floor isn't the least bit comfortable." Catherine took the hand Sara offered and slipped to her feet before sitting next to Sara once more. "I wanted something we're not ready for yet but something I really hope we can build to."

"What's that?" Sara barely recognized her own voice as she spoke her throat had dried up at the thought of Catherine wanting to build anything with her.

"I want to be someone you confide in Sara someone you trust, a friend."

"See I knew you hadn't really been wishing me out of existence for the last five years."

It was a good job Catherine knew Sara a little better now it would be easy to mistake this for Sara brushing her off. Knowing Sara was just using humor as a way of defusing the tension she obviously felt in this situation, so she went with it.

"No, only the first eighteen months probably." Catherine joked nudging Sara with her elbow.

"I've grown on you; you actually like me."

"Oh, don't get me wrong you still know how to push all my buttons without breaking a sweat."

"Yeah but that's not a bad thing though is it?"

"No, it's not."

"knew you liked me!"

"This is why I don't tell you things you are insufferable." Catherine was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "Seriously though I haven't been honest with you for a while. I said we should try harder for Lindsey and since then every time I've said or done something, I've made you feel like it was all because Lindsey would expect it. When I should have been telling you that you deserve it. You've been there through thick and thin for my daughter and lately, even me and I don't say thank you nearly enough. So, a graduation cap and a decent party for you are the very least I could do."

"I don't expect anything for what I do I love being there for Lindsey and if I can be there for you too now even better, but I will always do that no matter what no praise needed."

"I'm glad you feel that way I really am, look for what it's worth I spoke to Ecklie about you and him sacking you. He wasn't very receptive at the time but then again Gill did tell him point blank that he wouldn't sack Aaron, so he was angry. I'm going to try again though."

"Don't get yourself into trouble over me, ok no point both of us losing our jobs over it and he was within his rights I was out of line."

"You're worth it so I'm going to try."

  * ●●●●



"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you," Catherine asked again and at this point, she knew she was repeating herself but was past caring and by the smile playing on Sara's lips Catherine guessed the brunette didn't mind.

"I'm guessing you don't trust me to be alone with Ecklie at this point." Sara smiled liking being friends with Catherine it meant smiling, laughing and hand touching and that was very welcome.

"You two are not a good combination I just worry," Catherine admitted.

“You worry that I'm going to lose my temper and make all this worse."

"Well." Catherine crinkled her face up trying not to laugh at Sara. "You don't always know when to stop talking do you?"

"Ok, you have me there." Sara conceded the point after all if she knew when to stop, she wouldn't be here. "But if I hadn't of gotten sacked maybe we wouldn't be sat here today sharing a joke."

"It did spur me on to talk to you-you're right about that but if like to think we could have gotten here without that." Catherine didn’t like to think that Sara losing her job was what it took she hoped that this friendship that she could feel building between them would have come about on its own in the end.

"I'd like to think so too I like this. So, any idea what he wants?"

"No, I was as surprised as you were when you said he had contacted you. I do think you should have someone with you if not me then maybe Gil or and don't bite my head off but maybe Aaron."

"She would rather die than talk to me right now."

Both Sara and Catherine turned at the sound of Aaron's voice behind them.

"Aaron your back?" Catherine flicked her eyes to Sara as she spoke not sure how the younger woman was going to react to seeing her brother. As far as she knew this was the first time they had spoken since the day Sara was sacked and that it seemed was a week ago now. She still didn't know what had been said between them, but Sara had made it clear that she wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

"Suspension ended yesterday so yeah. Sara, can we please talk?"

"No, not right now." Catherine could see Sara’s mood changing right in front of her and she worried about what that was going to mean since she had to go see Ecklie at any minute.

"Wait ok let me get this straight you can sit in here and laugh and joke with her after everything she has said to you over the years, but you can't spare me five minutes of your time."

Sara sprang from the chair she was sitting in and faced Aaron. Angry with him all over again as he spoke.

Catherine moved from her chair too she couldn't see this ending well.

"Sara." Catherine put her hand on the other woman's arm hoping to get through to her before this got too far out of hand.

Sara's initial reaction was to shake of Catherine's touch she didn't want to calm down but then Catherine squeezed her arm running her hand down till she was holding Sara's hand and squeezed again and all the fight left Sara.

"Don't come in here and start insulting Cath that's not fair just because you're frustrated ok." 

"Sara please don't do this now you have to see Ecklie in a few minutes." Catherine was worried that if Sara lost her temper with Aaron now things could go from bad to worse for her and she didn't want that. She really hoped that it was good news for her with Ecklie and this would ruin that.

"I know." Sara turned slightly to look at Catherine so thankful for the older woman's calming presence right now. "But I should."

"Ok but don't be late. I'll go grab a coffee so you can use my office."

"I can't kick you out." Sara protested. 

"I offered plus the door shuts." Catherine smiled.

"Point taken I’ll be good.”

"Yeah right," Catherine scoffed. "Just come find me when Ecklie is done with you."

"Ok, thanks Cath."

"She better not be late," Catherine warned Aaron as she walked past him to leave the office and Sara grinned despite the situation Catherine really was fierce sometimes.

"So, your new BFF now is she?" Aaron asked skeptically as Catherine left them alone.

"Aaron please." Sara already regretted agreeing to this conversation.

"What! She’s been horrible to you for most of the time you've known each other, and she was the one there the day you got sacked. How does she get to say sorry and it's all ok with you two? I made a mistake I know I did but I'm your brother that should count for something, yet you won't even give me the chance to say that I'm sorry."

"Cath and I have been as bad as each other over the years and you know it.  I was rude to her the day I got sacked I apologized not the other way around. So yes, we talked, and we are working on friendship now. Yes, you are my brother that means you know me better than anyone and you know what you said to Griss means to me. You promised not to tell anyone about what happened to us unless we were both ok with it. You told Griss of all people and I'm not ok with that. It is done though, and we must move on I just need you to leave it to me to be ok and let you know what that is." She needed him to know that this had really hurt her, and they couldn’t just get over that in a week.

"We can be ok again though please say we can." He sounded so desperate it broke her heart.

"I hope so because I really love you."

"I love you too."

"I have to go talk to Ecklie now ok?"

"Why?"

"I guess I'll find out."

●●●●

"To Sara.” Nancy clinked her glass of champagne against Sara’s with a smile.

“Yes, to Sara.” Sofia echoed touching her glass to both of theirs before kissing Sara on the temple. 

“Yes, to Sara here’s to keeping her head down mouth shut and off of Ecklie’s radar for at least the next ten years.”

“Thanks for that Az.” Sara smiled but deep down she knew her brother was right she had gotten her job back much to Ecklie’s disgust. He had made it very clear in her meeting with him that it was against his wishes that she was being reinstated. It had been all down to the sheriff and Sara was more than sure that was in no doubt thanks to her Homeland Security connection. She was going to be a good CSI she was sure of that, more importantly to the people that made the decisions she was already very good at making things that they didn’t want to get out disappear. Losing that would be a blow to there operation so it seemed for now she wasn’t expendable. She was sure though that even the sheriff couldn’t save her if she didn’t learn to rein it in a little especially when it came to Catherine. As her mind flicked to the older woman something struck her. Catherine would be there to drop Lindsey off at any moment and Catherine and Sofia really weren’t the best combination at times. There was also the small fact that Sara was still to mention her relationship with Sofia to Catherine.

“Yeah well, one step at a time.” Nancy smiled. “Sara come help me in the kitchen.” Nancy had noticed something change in Sara during their little toast and she wanted to make sure she was ok.

“What did I do?” Sara asked once they were in the kitchen alone.

“Nothing, stupid.” Nancy hit Sara with the t-towel motioning to the dishes by the sink and Sara groaned at being made to work on her night off. “You looked worried about something for a moment back there. Is it Aaron being here I thought you two were working on things?”

It was true Sara had spoken to Aaron the day after her reinstatement and although things were nowhere back to normal they were at least talking which was an improvement. Sara hadn’t moved back into his apartment she was staying with Nancy which no one had seemed to question least of all Jeremy and Lindsey who both seemed to be loving having Sara around a lot more. Sara though was apartment hunting with the help of her best friend and her girlfriend. This was the first time they had really spent any time together and although it had only in reality been about ten days since there blowout it felt longer and everything regarding Aaron still felt strange.

“No, it’s kind of cool having him here I just hope things stop feeling so weird around him soon I miss my brother and he’s in the next room. I know I’m the one that made things this way and he’s trying his best I just don’t know.”

“I don’t know what happened and that’s between the two of you. But whatever it was will take time and that's ok you’ve just got to let it work it’s self out and not force it. If it’s not Az though what’s up?”

“I was thinking about Cath; she’s working tonight which I’m assuming means Lindsey’s coming here and I just don’t think I’m up for Catherine and Sofia being politely awkward to each other.”

“Have you told Cath that you and Sofia are together.”

“No, I tried but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I just know they don’t get on and Cath and I are just getting good at this being friends thing so I don’t want that to all go to waste if she insults my girlfriend.”

“Well yeah, she’s dropping Lindsey off but don’t worry I think she’s going to play nice.”

“I hope so.” Sara frowned highly doubting it.

“Sara!” Their conversation was cut short as an explosion of energy and blond hair bowled into Sara.

“Lind’s” Sara dropped to her knees and pulled the young girl into a tight hug. “How’s my favourite blond?”

“I’m good, I had an amazing day at school today the teachers all loved our project.”

“Yes!” Sara held her hand out to Lindsey for a High five.

“Favourite blond?” Sofia questioned walking into the kitchen.

“Sorry baby.” Sara scrunched her face up at her girlfriend over the little girl’s head. “She’s always going to be my favourite blond.”

“Don’t worry you’ll get used to it,” Catherine told Sofia coming to stand next to her. “I’m used to being the second favourite in my daughter's life.”

Sara’s head snapped up at Catherine’s comment ready to defend herself but Catherine just smiled at her though Sara could tell that it didn’t reach the older woman’s eyes. Sara put that down to the fact that Sofia was there and she was going to play nice it seemed just as Nancy had said she would.

“Champagne.” Nancy pulled her sister in to hug.

“I’m working remember.”

“But we’re celebrating.” Nancy pouted.

“I know Sara got her job back and that’s amazing but don’t fancy losing mine the same week.”

“Good news travels fast.” Sofia smiled and Sara could see the tension in it.

“Sara told me herself.”

“You did?” Nancy threw Sara a look that said we’re talking about this later.

“Yeah well, you did coach me, on the whole, talking to Ecklie without shouting so it only seemed right.”

"Seems like I did a good job then.” Catherine smiled.

“And you did put a good word in for me so I should probably be thanking you.”

“No need.” Catherine crossed the kitchen to stand by Sara and Lindsey putting her hand on her daughter’s head. “Go put your stuff upstairs now you’ve seen Sara and you can show her your certificate.”

“Ok.”

Catherine couldn’t help herself as she watched her daughter leave the kitchen she touched Sara’s arm taking great delight in Sara’s skin it felt warm and soft under her fingers.

“I really am pleased you’ll be coming back to work. I think we might have to maybe keep you out of Ecklie’s way for a while he wasn’t exactly singing your praise's this morning.”

“Funny Aaron said the same thing.” Sofia had a look on her face that Sara didn’t like. It was the look she got when she was working a case and she was on the verge of working something out.

“Great minds think alike.” Sara shrugged moving away from Catherine heading over to Sofia entwining her fingers with her girlfriends brushing her lips first over her knuckles and then her wrist. Happy when the look on Sofia’s face went to one of utter contentment she tugged on their joined hands pulling her into a tight embrace.

“Is Sofia your Girlfriend?” Lindsey asked as she came back in the kitchen with her cousin at her side.

“I hope so because they are always kissing when they think I’m not paying attention.” Jeremy stuck his tongue out at Sara as she shoved him gently.

“Yes, Lind’s Sof’ is my girlfriend.” Sara bit her lip as she looked at Lindsey, she had wanted to tell the young girl herself about this but with everything that had happened the moment had never come about. It was easy to tell that Lindsey was a little hurt by this and that broke Sara's heart.  Lindsey really was so important to her and hurting her was never Sara’s intention.

“You kept that quiet.” Sara couldn’t read the look on Catherine’s face and that surprised her because she was sure she knew every emotion Catherine displayed. The little reassuring touch on Catherine’s arm from Nancy didn’t go unnoticed either. Sara raised an eyebrow at Nancy who just shook her head. If there was something there she needed to know she wasn’t going to find out from Nancy.

●●●●

"Cath can I have a quick word?" Sara caught up to Catherine as the strawberry blond was about to leave the house.

"Sure, " Catherine stopped by the door and tried to pay no attention to the way Aaron Nancy and Sofia all tried not to look like they were paying any attention to them when clearly, they were. Catherine guessed that Sara felt the same as she nodded to the door before holding it open for Catherine then followed her out. "You ok?"

"Yeah, " Sara smiled looking down kicking at the path with the bottom of her shoe. The concern that Catherine had shown lately was something Sara was slowly getting used to. "Well, I think I am. Is Lindsey ok has she been ok?"

"Funny you should ask because I was going to ask you if you would talk to her, she's not been herself the last couple of weeks."

Sara tilted her head back and looked up to the sky trying to run things through in her head. If Catherine was being general with her timing, then it would probably put Lindsey’s change in mood to around the time that they had gone to the play palace with Sofia.

"Damn." Sara wasn't aware she'd said it out loud till Catherine stepped closer and put a hand on her arm.

"What?"

"The first time she met Sofia she went quiet on me and I told her if she needed to talk, I'd be here. Then I got sacked and Az and I imploded for a while so my head was all over the place. I think maybe I've let her down a little bit, I'm really bad at this."

"No, you're not." Catherine squeezed Sara’s arm. "You've had a lot going on you can't get it right every time but now you know there's something there talk to her. I know you two and I know you can get through to her she loves you so much she probably just needs to know that it won't change on your end."

"Why would it change?" Sara didn't understand how anyone could think that.

"Talk to her Sara."

"I'll head up now."

"If you need me you can call me, " Catherine insisted.

"I'll probably be sat in your office in a couple of hours." Sara smiled.

"Oh, and Sara, "Catherine paused as she was getting into her car. "Having a girlfriend is generally the sort of thing friends share."

"I know I'm sorry I'm working on it I promise."

"Lucky for you I can be patient sometimes."

Sara watched Catherine pull away before she turned back to the house.

"You ok?" Nancy asked the moment she walked back in.

"Yeah, I need to go talk to Lind's though," Sara announced heading to the stairs.

"You sure you're ok?" Sofia met Sara halfway across the room concern for the brunette evident in her posture.

"I will be I just really need to talk to Lind's."

Sara took the stairs two at a time heading down the hall to the door marked with football memorabilia that could belong to no one else but Jeremy. Sara knocked and pushed the door standing in the doorway.

"Lind's can I borrow you for a minute." Lindsey just nodded and followed Sara to Nancy's room. Sitting on the bed Sara patted the space next to her for Lindsey to join her.

"We need to talk Lind's."

"Why?" Lindsey didn't look at Sara turning her head away a little as she pulled her legs up hugging herself resting her head on her knees.

"Because I want to make sure that you are ok with me dating Sofia. I love you so much and anyone that comes into my life has to be comfortable with the fact that you're my priority, but you have to be comfortable with them too."

"I don't want to lose you," Lindsey admitted looking at Sara this time. Sara held her arms open and was thankful when Lindsey wrapped her arms around her.

"That is never going to happen you really don't have to ever worry about that. I have been wrapped around your finger from the first moment I laid eyes on you. You own me kiddo you really do."

"I know that Sofia has to be important to you now and you have to spend time with her. I don't want to be selfish."

"You are not being selfish kiddo I promise ok Sofia is going to be a big part of my life but that isn't going to change us. You must tell me though if you're scared or if you think I'm not doing the things you need. Don't go quiet on me because I get scared and think of all sorts of crazy things."

"I promise that I'll talk to you, can't have you going crazier on me."

"Crazier!" Sara huffed throwing Lindsey to the bed before tickling her. Loving the sound of Lindsey's laughter after what she felt was a real rocky moment for them.

●●●●

“I bet you’re relieved that it’s not you that’s messed up this time.”

Catherine had just wanted to be alone but looking up to find Sara standing there looking at her wasn’t the most unpleasant feeling she had ever had to deal with. Suddenly she felt safe like somehow it didn’t matter how the reporters had gotten their hands on the memory card from her camera Sara was here how bad could it be? “I come in peace.” Sara held her hands up in surrender she just wanted to make sure Catherine was ok.

“I’m sorry I’m just annoyed with myself for letting it happen.”

“It’s really not your fault, it was a sealed crime scene and you had every right to feel safe leaving your camera for a moment.”

“I won’t be doing that again anytime soon though.”

“Well, I’m told that’s how we learn and grow.” Sara smiled and Catherine couldn’t help but laugh and that was something she certainly hadn’t felt like when she had stepped into her office. “Seriously though I’m glad Ecklie isn’t busting your chops over this.”

“You’re not upset that he’s backing me after everything he’s said to you?”

“No more than anything I’m glad that just because you have backed me lately it hasn’t backfired on you and Ecklie hasn’t used this as an excuse to make a point to you.”

“You do know that you’re a very extraordinary person Sara?”

“Not so much.” Sara ducked her head a little never very good at taking a compliment especially not one from Catherine. “But between you and your sister, you seem hell-bent on making me realize it.”

“Of course, we both know we are lucky to have you in our lives both lucky that our children have you to look up to.”

“You really think that Lind's is lucky to have me?” Sara questioned really needing to hear Catherine say it out loud. It didn’t feel like that long-ago Catherine felt like Sara shouldn’t be around her daughter.

“I think I messed up big time ever trying to keep you two apart. She is a much better person when she has you to talk to and I’m really sorry that it took me so long to see that.”

“Don’t apologize you did what you thought was best for Lindsay and as her mom, you had every right to be skeptical of me and why I wanted to spend so much time with your daughter.”

“If you don’t mind me asking what was it that made you want to spend time with her?”

“You have every right to ask,” Sara assured her taking a seat at Catherine’s desk. It seemed that this was going to be a lot more than just popping her head around Catherine’s door to make sure that the older woman was ok. Not that it mattered talking to Catherine was no longer something to be avoided in fact lately it was something to be looked forward to. “The first time I saw her I knew she was your daughter and I knew I was in so much trouble. Not just because I knew you would react exactly the way you did when you found out. Which you had every right to.” Sara added as Catherine went to but in. “Mostly because she’s your daughter Cath she gives me the exact same look you do when I do something stupid. I never thought that I would want to spend so much time with a child well two children because I love Jerry too. But they make it easy I feel like I get them if that makes any sense, I know what they want from me and I know what they need for me to be. With Lind’s though I also get her when she’s acting out, I see so much of me I want to make sure she doesn’t end up anything like me.”

“I hope she does I hope you carry on being the influence you are on her because from where I’m sitting Lindsey being like you won’t be a bad thing for her. Look at you- you’ve been through college and now on the road to becoming a fine CSI.”

“That got her job back by the skin of her teeth and really can be downright hurtful when I want to be. Cath, I like that you’ve become one of my biggest fans I just don’t think I’m the person you want or need me to be.”

“I want and need you to be you and I want to know who that is completely. I hope someday you can trust me enough to talk to me about anything you want to. I know you have Nancy and you have Sofia, but I want to be on the list of people you trust.”

“I want there to be a list.” Sara laughed sardonically.

“It takes a lot to put your trust in someone after Eddie I wasn’t sure I ever would again.”

“But you do there’s someone you think you could do all that with again.”

“Well hopefully without the heartbreak and cheating but yeah.”

Catherine couldn’t add that the person she wanted to do that with was sitting opposite her and she wanted more than anything to have the chance to see something between them grow into something a lot deeper than friendship. She also didn’t miss the look of panic that crossed Sara’s face at the mention of there being someone in her life. Catherine put that down to the fact that Sara didn’t want to miss out on a moment with Lindsey, it couldn’t be anything else, could it?

Sara wasn’t sure why she felt like she wanted to cry but she did. It wasn’t fair that she should expect Catherine to never date anyone again after all wasn’t that what she was doing with Sofia. The thought of someone else being there for Catherine and Lindsey made her jealous there was no other word for it. What if someone else took them to the park and brought ice cream and made Lindsey laugh and got to have Catherine look at them with utter joy in her eyes. Sara had so hoped to put her feelings for Catherine behind her once and for all but was beginning to realize that they were going nowhere, and she was going to have to learn to live with that.

“That’s good then you deserve to be happy.” Sara finally managed and she hoped she didn’t sound too strange.

“So, do you, Sara, I’m glad you have Sofia I just hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.”

“I definitely think it’s the other way around I’m lucky she puts up with me. I’m not sure I’m very good at this whole being someone’s girlfriend thing.”

“I bet if you asked her, she would say you were very good at it.”

“I hope so. I’m just pretty sure that when you date someone they expect to be higher on your priority list than behind a couple of 4th graders.”

“I’m sure she understands how much they mean to you and I think it’s really sweet how they are your priority, they certainly don’t have to be.”

“Of course, you think it’s cute you’re Lindsey’s mom I’m sure you’ll be the first to tell me if you think I’m neglecting her. I’m sure you’d hate me too sometimes if you felt you came second to a pint-sized blond.”

“I already know I come second to a pint-sized blond and I can’t find it in me to hate you.”

“Anymore.” Sara smiled.

“Anymore.” Catherine agreed.

●●●●

“That’s your phone baby.” Sofia’s sleepy voice made Sara jump she had been sure that her girlfriend was dead to the world and she didn’t blame her. Moving into her new apartment had been a tiring experience. Even with Aaron and Nancy helping it had taken a lot out of them all and it hadn’t taken long for relaxing with a glass of wine to become Sofia quietly snoring. Sara slipped her hand between herself and Sofia and pulled her phone out of her pocket. A quick check of the caller ID told her that Catherine was calling, and she couldn’t hide the smile that spread over her face at the thought of the strawberry blond.   

“Catherine, I take it by that smile.” Sofia rolled her eyes and moved away.

“I don’t have to answer.” Sara sighed why did the mention of Catherine always seem to lead to tension between them.  

“Of course, you do you always will I think I liked you two better when she couldn’t stand you.”

“Sidle,” Sara answered her phone as she watched Sofia head to the kitchen she couldn’t really blame the blond for her feelings towards Catherine just because she was friends with her now didn’t mean that Sofia had to be and Sara knew she had a habit like it or not of always making time for Catherine when she called or text.

“Hey, just wanted to check in see how your move went.”

“Well if you had been bothered to help, you’d know wouldn’t you.” Sara teased.

“That’s right blaming me for having to work.”

“You’re literally the boss Cath I think you could have managed it.”

“I’m one insult away from hanging up Sidle.” Catherine mock warned.

“No, you’re not you think I’m adorable and you know it.”

“Moving agrees with you-you're in a good mood.”

Sara thought about it for a moment she hadn’t noticed till Catherine had pointed it out but yes, she was in a good mood, but she didn’t think it had anything to do with moving.

“What can I say I like talking to you these days.”

“As opposed to talking to me say six months ago.” Catherine chuckled.

“Well we weren’t exactly healthy were we.”

“No, but we are never going back to that so let’s not dwell.”

“I put money on me pissing you off at some point I just can’t seem to help myself.” Sara chuckled at Catherine’s knowing groan. “Did Lind’s get off ok today I really missed little bit today.”

“She did yeah but she really didn’t want to go in the end she wanted to stay and see you and your apartment,” Catherine told Sara thinking of the pout on her daughter’s face as she had dropped her off at her friend’s house.  

“I’m glad she went as much as I would love her to have been here these are the memories she needs to be making.” It was so important to Sara that Lindsey had the best childhood she could Sara never really thought about her own and she wanted Lindsey to have good things to remember.

“I know I tell you this all the time, but I love the way you love my daughter.”

“Well, she’s easy to love.”

“Yeah don’t know where she gets that from.” Catherine laughed.

“Well, it definitely wasn’t Eddie so that kind of only leaves one other place.”

“Sara, are you saying I’m lovable?” Catherine teased.

“No, I’m saying Eddie wasn’t.”

“That’s it I’m hanging up.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Honestly I should go though I just wanted to check you got all moved in ok. I have work to do and I need to check on the boys. I will see you soon Sar’”

“See you soon Cath.”

Sara hung up the phone and went in search of her girlfriend. Finding her curled up on the bed Sara slipped onto the mattress behind her and wrapped her arms around her.

“Catherine finished with you has she?” Sofia asked drowsily. Her words were harsh, but she snuggled back into Sara pulling Sara’s arms tighter around herself.

“Why does she wind you up so much? You two have never gotten on have you.”

“I’d say you know what she can be like, but it seems you’ve forgotten.”

“I know she’s not a saint but nor am I I’ve said some horrible things to her in the past.” Sara sighed pulling Sofia closer kissing the back of her hair. “let’s not spend the first night in my new apartment talking about Cath ok. It’s been a long day and we’re both tired let’s just make this bed properly and then mess it up again and let it just be me and you tonight.”

“Me and you.” Sofia echoed Sara’s words turning to face her placing her hand on Sara's face.

“Yeah no matter what else happens were here together right now and that’s what matters.”

●●●●

“Put me down.” Sofia giggled as Sara had her perched over her shoulder and was now proceeding to tickle her.

“Not till you say that I am the superior CSI.” Sara laughed as Sofia wriggled against her.

“No way Sar'!”

“Who found the vital piece of evidence to crack open our case?” Sara questioned smugly as she let Sofia gently back to the floor making sure the blond was snugly between herself and the car they had been examining. Leaning forward she pressed a gentle kiss to Sofia's lips.

“You are so full of it.” Sofia laughed leaning forward to recapture Sara’s lips as the brunette moved away from her a little.

“Yeah well, you make me very happy so it’s kind of your fault.”

“I’m very glad I make you happy because you make me happy too.” Sofia wrapped her arms around Sara’s neck pulling her flush to herself.

“You are so beautiful,” Sara whispered almost reverently.

“You say it as you’ve never seen me before.”

“I'm pretty sure making out against the evidence is considered contamination.” Catherine’s voice behind them made them jump a little but neither woman made any attempt to move.

“I’m pretty sure no one is getting hurt.” Sara told her finally turning to face Catherine and since you’re not the boss of me then I don’t have to worry.”

“Let's go ask Gil then shall we?” Catherine challenged.

“Lets, that’s a conversation I’d love to see.” Sara smiled as Catherine just glared at her.

“Just be more professional please you two.” Catherine shook her head turning on her heels and moving quickly from the room.

“Someone’s a little jealous I think.” Sofia smiled and it grew wider as Sara turned her puzzled gaze her way.

“Why I honestly doubt Catherine wants to be making out with either of us.”

“Sara you really are a clueless idiot sometimes.” Sofia laughed shoving Sara playfully.

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Sofia told Sara doubling over with laughter at Sara’s frown.

●●●●

Sara slammed her locker shut and slumped down on one of the benches in the locker room. Leaning forward resting her head in her hands taking a shaky breath trying to fight back the tears that had been threatening to fall since this case wrapped. Ending up in a mental hospital had not been on her agenda for the rest of her life having been in them one too many times in her younger years.

_“When our father died, our mother came to a place like this for a while for evaluation. It looked the same, it smelled the same. It smelled like lies.”_

Sara thought about her conversation with Grissom earlier and that really had been an understatement, to say the least. She had been a lot younger when Aaron had taken her to see their mom, but those memories never left her. They were ingrained in her along with every raised voice and fist from her father as they were growing up.

It wasn’t lost on Sara though how out of all the things that could have broken her today it was the least expected event that had brought her to the edge. The memories had been expected the feelings that came with those had been prepared for the only thing she hadn’t made plans for was being held captive by their suspect with a shard of broken porcelain held to her throat. She could almost still feel it there as she swallowed pressing into her skin threatening to draw blood at any moment.

Kneeling on the floor if that tiny office so many thoughts had rushed through her head. The obvious one was that she really was a rubbish demon hunter these days Faiths voice had been so loud and clear in her head saying that she’d gone soft.

Sofia had been in her head to the soft just woken up totally content smile that never failed to make Sara thankful to be exactly where she was, had drifted through her mind. It had been her subconscious minds decision to conjure up Catherine’s face that had thrown the biggest spanner in the works. She was suddenly plagued with thoughts of Catherine not ever knowing how she felt about her if something had happened to her.

“What happened? I’ve just spoken to Griss and he couldn’t have been more cryptic if he had tried.” Sara looked up to find her brother on his knees in front of her and she hadn’t even heard the door open. There were no words to tell him everything that she was feeling at that moment and he seemed to sense just that. To her eternal gratitude, he just opened his arms and she fell willingly into them finally letting the tears she had been holding on to so tight fall. It suddenly didn’t matter what he had or hadn’t done over the last few weeks she just loved him so much and was more than happy to have his love and support in return. No one knew her like he did no one ever could. They’d seen and done it all together everything that she had been through it was always Aaron who went through it with her.

“What did Griss tell you?” Sara asked him once she had cried herself out and had gotten her breathing back under control.

“That there had been an incident while you were working your case and I should probably check on you if I could.”

“You know where my case was?”

“Yes, I wasn’t happy when I found out where it was,” Aaron admitted as he got up off his knees and took a seat on the bench next to her. “I know you remember Mom being in a place like that.”

“Of course, I do not really the sort of thing you forget is it.”

“What happened?”

Sara dropped her eyes to the tiled floor as she thought about being trapped in that room again. Taking a deep breath, she told him how she had been lost in her own little world and hadn’t noticed as someone had come into the room they were checking for evidence and cornered and then overpowered her. Her voice broke with emotion as she told him he had held her captive with something to her throat and just because it was Aaron she wasn’t afraid to tell him how she had been worried for a moment that she wasn’t going to make it out of there in one piece. Aaron moved to straddle the bench and Sara felt his fingers ever so gently touching the red marks that had been left on her skin.

“They really aren’t as bad as they look.” Trying to reassure him and maybe even herself a little bit but her words sounded empty even to herself.

“He should have taken you out of that situation.” She could feel him getting agitated by her side and knew he was probably more upset with himself than he ever could be with Grissom for her being in that situation.  He was the sort of brother that just needed to protect, and she had never had a problem with him being the way he was how could she when she was wired the same. It did mean though that he spent a lot of time beating himself up. He knew that her getting hurt was part and parcel of being her brother. Today was a situation that had been causing her trouble from the moment she walked through the doors he knew that as well as she did, and she could tell from just the tone of his voice he was already blaming himself for not being more supportive.

“I told him I was ok, told him I wanted to finish the case.” Sara pointed out trying to defend Grissom.

“I don’t care right now.” He snapped.

“No right now you just care that I got hurt and you foolishly thought that it wouldn’t happen if I was here with you in Vegas.” She shook her head he was a dope if he thought she could stay safe all the time.

“You just said you remember mom being in somewhere like that and I know you hated it.”

 “I know and it scared me it’s like I told Grissom crazy people do make me feel crazy.”

“Exactly that’s what I wanted to protect you against I’m your brother it’s what I meant to do.” He got up pacing a little before hitting the closest locker in sheer frustration.

“I’m not that scared little girl any more I can’t be and I love that you will always look out for me but it’s not always your fault and I shouldn’t be seen as a responsibility.”

“But you will always be my little sister and I will never stop looking out for you I can’t help it and I wouldn’t change that for anything or anyone.”

“Az.” Sara went to move closer to her brother but he took a step away.

“Just give me a minute ok.” He stepped away again kicking the locker this time.

“Do you two need a minute.”

They both turned at the sound of Catherine’s voice behind them. Sara had to smile Catherine looked a little awkward in the doorway to the locker room not quite sure if she should enter or not.

“No, we’re good.” Sara smiled at her. The thought that it might be uncomfortable being around Catherine after her afternoon’s revelation had crossed her mind. It was pleasing for her to find that it wasn’t the case at all, in fact, there was something comforting about her presence. It was reassuring and now that they argued so much less having Catherine around was comforting.

“Ok, what’s going on?” Catherine questioned looking between them both for answers.

“Word hasn’t gotten around?” Sara’s hand instinctively went to her throat as she thought about her day.

“It’s you,” Aaron shrugged. “Griss and Brass wanted to keep it just between them.”

“I wondered why ‘Fia wasn’t blowing my phone up.”

Catherine stepped into the room coming to stand closer to Sara and the concern in the blue eyes that met Sara’s was almost too much too real Sara nearly had to look away.

“Please tell me you’re ok?” Catherine almost begged her.

“I’m fine really,” Sara tried to assure her.

“Don’t play it down, Sara.” Sara could hear the bewilderment in Aaron’s voice as he spoke. “You could have had your throat slit by a psychiatric patient.”

“Aaron!” Sara could see Catherine stiffen in front of her at her brother's words. She knew he was still upset but she didn’t need him freaking Catherine out. “Go walk it off now.” She told him turning away from him not even bothering to see if he was moving, she was more worried about Catherine. “He’s making it sound worse than it was.”

“So, you were never in any danger of having your throat cut today?” Catherine asked reaching out a tentative hand to the angry red marks on Sara’s neck. 

Sara took the hand that the older woman had stretched out and kissed the palm before guiding it to her cheek. “Maybe a little bit but see I’m ok alive and kicking.”

“Yeah, but you could have been...” Catherine trailed off, but Sara caught her meaning. She had never seen Catherine this rattled, and She was glad her brother had left she wanted a moment alone to try and calm the other woman down.

“Don’t think like that ok I’m fine. Sara took the hand she was holding and moved it to her pulse point in her neck. Sara could tell the moment Catherine felt her heart beating under her fingers because the older woman visibly relaxed. “Feel that it’s my heart beating strong and fast I’m here and I’m ok. Not going to lie there was a moment back there when I didn’t think I was going to make it out, but you’re stuck with me being the bane of your life for a while longer.

“There you are.” Sofia’s voice made them both jump they had been so wrapped up in themselves that they hadn’t heard Sofia enter the room. “Your brother said I should come and find you,” Sofia told Sara eyeing her and Catherine with an air of suspicion. Sara wanted to cross the room and pull Sofia into her arms she also knew that Catherine needed her proximity right now.

“I bet he did.” Sara shook her head with a roll if her eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Put it better than Aaron did.” Catherine drew her hand from Sara but didn’t move she didn’t care what Sofia thought right now she needed to be close to Sara to remind herself that the younger woman was ok.

Sara had no idea why she felt the loss of Catherine’s touch so keenly. It felt like something was missing from her she didn’t like it Catherine wasn’t hers to miss. It appeared her body was being treacherous and after going so long without having felt Catherine’s fingers on her skin it didn’t want to miss a second of it now.  

“There was an incident at the mental facility, and I ended up being held by one of the patients for a while.”

“Oh my God, are you ok.” Sara moved this time crossing the room quickly her long legs seeming to eat the ground and she pulled Sofia and to her arms as close as she could feeling warm contentment as Sofia rested her head on her shoulder.  

“I’m ok baby honestly.” Sara pulled away from Sofia a little and cupped her cheeks kissing her forehead. “A little bruised and very tired all of a sudden but I’m going to be ok.”

“I’ll take that for now but I’m not letting you out of my sight for at least a week.”

Sara laughed “That actually sounds very reasonable.”

“You should get some sleep,” Sofia kissed Sara gently trying not to pay any attention to the way Catherine was watching them. “And I’m pretty much insisting I stay at yours tonight.”

“Is there really much sleep involved in that scenario?” Sara smirked.

“Tonight definitely.”

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Catherine told them quickly putting her things in her locker. “I really am glad you’re ok Sar’.” She added touching Sara’s arm gently as she moved past the pair. Sara didn’t even think she just instinctively reached out for the hand that was on her arm.

“Thanks, Cath.”

 

 


	13. Temper Temper!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara didn’t answer for a moment suddenly more worried about doing something stupid like kissing Catherine than she had ever been about losing her temper. Taking a deep shaking breath, she bit her lip and tried hard not to look at Catherine’s lips.
> 
> or 
> 
> When Catherine gets hurt Sara comes close to crossing some lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this chapter just wouldn't come out as I intended but rather than delet the whole thing and give up writing forever (I get very dramatic.) I decided to post it anyway and hope it really isn't as bad as I think.

“Thank god you’re ok.” Sara let herself be pulled into a bone-crushing hug by Nancy. There had been no doubt that this was coming knowing that Cath had more than likely gone to Nancy’s after work and told her about what had happened.

“I’m ok really.” Sara tried to assure her, but she knew that Nancy wasn’t listening to her for the moment she just needed to see for herself.

“If you’re ok why was my sister here in floods of tears because you were hurt.”

“Cath was in tears?”

“Of course, she was you idiot, she cares about you and you know that.” Sara shook her head as Nancy hit her gently and then pulled her into another hug. Sara found her mind wandering to the thought of Catherine being that upset over what had happened.

“I know we’re friends now and she was upset when she saw me earlier, but I didn’t expect tears.”

Sara tilted her head after a moment of silence from Nancy who took the opportunity to tentatively run her fingers over the marks on Sara’s neck. Biting her bottom lip Sara let Nancy do what she needed having learnt the hard way that it was just best to let Nancy be at times like this.

“These look sore have you been checked over?”

The change in subject wasn’t unnoticed but Sara was happy to allow it for the moment. There was no way Catherine would have been happy that Sara knew that she had been crying over her and Nancy was probably regretting her slip. Sara did know though now, and it was almost like an alien concept to her. The last time Sara had been in any kind of danger around Catherine had been when she had jumped in to try and save Eddie and Catherine had been so mad at her it was hard to believe they had come so far in their friendship.

“It’s just going to be a bit of a bruise in the next couple of days there was no need to be checked over.”

“You are a stubborn pain in the arse Sara Sidle do you know that?”

“You’ve told me that more than once,” Sara pulled her closer. “But you love this pain in the arse and you know as well as I do, I hate hospitals.”

“Yeah OK, fair point but still you have to look after yourself Sara you’re important to a lot of people not least of all me.”

“And your sister it would seem.” Sara raised her eyebrows to emphasize her point.

_‘I’m one bad decision away from just telling her how I feel and losing her for good.’ Nancy watched as her sister sat hunched forward on her couch cradling a probably now cold cup of coffee in her hands. ‘She could have been killed and I couldn’t think straight for a minute Nance’. I thought about the time she had jumped in to try and save Eddie and I realized that I was mad then because I could have lost her then too and that scared me even then.’_

_‘How do you know you’d lose her Cath I know Sara pretty well and even if she doesn’t share your feelings I doubt she’d cut you out of her life. What you two have with Lindsey is special and she treasures it but that’s not just about Lindsey you’re a massive part of that too.’_

_‘As Lindsey’s mom.’ Catherine sighed dejectedly looking miserable._

“Hey, Nancy where did you go?” Sara was concerned that she had upset Nancy.

“Sorry I was just thinking about something Cath said she really was worried. You both still doubt the strength of the bond you have don’t you?”

“I guess it staggers me sometimes how far we’ve come and I guess we still have ways to go.” Sara half-heartedly shrugged. “If you had said about a year ago that I would be dating Sof’ and Cath and I would actually be friends I’d have called you a liar.”

“You and Sof’ are happy aren’t you.”

“We really are I’m finally moving forward I felt like I was trapped in the same head’s pace for a while there your sister being at the centre of it. I can see a way through and I’ll probably always have the biggest soft spot where Cath is concerned but I think I can live with that now.”

“I’m really happy for you,” Nancy said the words and for the first time in the years that they had known each other Sara didn’t believe her.

●●●●

Standing in the doorway to the breakroom for a long moment Sara watched Catherine pour herself a coffee and stir it till there was nearly no spoon left. There was obviously something bothering the older woman Sara wondered if it had anything to do with her and what had happened at the hospital a couple of days ago. It had been hard to get what Nancy had said to her about Catherine being in tears over the whole thing out of her head.

“Hey.” Sara pushed off the door frame and into the room, there was no way she was going to find out what was going on if she just stood there watching.  

“Sar’” Catherine turned at the sound of her voice with a smile one Sara noticed didn’t reach her eyes it was a reflex more than the actual desire to smile. “How are you doing?”

“Much better,” Sara assured her and didn’t complain as Catherine made her way over to her and looked at her neck, in fact, it was becoming a regular occurrence in the last few days everyone feeling the need to touch her. “How about you I haven’t seen you or Lind’s in a couple of days,” Sara asked catching Catherine’s hand in her own and holding her hand.

“Lind’s is ok, really mad at me for not seeing you in a couple of days which is my fault."

"Why? You know she can see me any time she wants night or day I'm always here for her and you." Sara added before she could think about it. She realised what she had said as Catherine worked a quizzical eyebrow at her.

"I am." Sara simply shrugged realising she meant those words more than anything she had possibly ever said to Catherine.

"I wanted you to have time to deal with what happened. I know you would come for Lindsey no matter what but sometimes I just don't know how to ask."

"Am I scary Cath?"

"You wish." Catherine smiled for real this time and Sara realised it lit up the room. Sara couldn't wrap her head around the different flex of blue that was in Catherine's eyes when she smiled like that and that smile was something she wanted to see over and over again.

"Honestly though Lindsey knows she comes first with me. I really appreciate that you wanted to give me that time but being around her helps me heal she's an amazing kid You have done a great job with her Cath you really have."

"I've done a great job with her Sara I couldn't do it without you."

"Me?" Sara questioned shocked that Catherine would let her take any credit for her daughter.

"You are so good with her and she listens to you she looks up to you."

"She looks up to everyone she's only short."

"Sara!" Catherine shoved Sara gently tilting her head back and laughing. That sound Sara could never get sick of hearing. "You know what I meant she thinks you hung the moon."

Catherine bit her lip and looked away from Sara _'Don't tell her you think she hung the moon too.'_ Catherine scolded herself, Sara, was with Sofia and obviously happy she had no right to try and come between that but my god Sara was beautiful when she was that relaxed and she could always make her feel better. "And she misses you." Catherine went with a neutral comment trying to keep things under control.

"How about I come around then?" Sara asked before she could think better of it. "If you want that is, I could look after her if you're working or if you want to go out or something."

"You don't have to wait till I've gone out to come around you know that right? I thought we were moving past that."

"I," Sara paused she had never thought about her relationship with Catherine in context of the relationship she had with Lindsey Sara wasn't sure she could cope for the next few years if she had to interact with Catherine and Lindsey together. Catherine really was an amazing mother and Sara found that one of many amazingly attractive things about Catherine and realised she probably always would.

"Talk to me what's going on in that big old brain of yours."

"It's just I never thought about spending time with you and Lindsey I just always assumed you'd never want to I love helping out with her and I can't wait for her to see my apartment but I guess I'm still wrapping my head around the new dynamics of our relationship."

"I know me too sometimes but I would really like the three of us to spend some time together you shouldn't feel like you only get to see Lind's when I need you to have her you deserve better than that. She deserves better you two have such a brilliant relationship and I'd love for the three of us to have something good too."

"Yeah," Catherine would have thought she'd just told Sara she'd won the lotto the way her face lit up. She couldn't help herself she moved closer to Sara she needed the younger woman's body wrapped around hers knowing that wasn't going to happen though she settled for the warmth she could feel radiating from Sara the closer she got. " I'd really like that."

"Good. Now we better get out of here before Grissom starts an investigation into your disappearance."

●●●●

Sara rolled over careful not to wake her sleeping companion unable to sleep herself that didn’t mean depriving Sofia of some much-needed rest. It was becoming a common occurrence now that Sofia slept over at Sara’s not that the brunette had any reason to complain waking up to Sofia was fast becoming addictive. Especially on days like today when there was absolutely no rush for once. Watching Sofia sleep was becoming her favourite thing to do she really was beautiful even more so when she was free from the stresses of everyday life. They both had the same day off which was a rare happening as it was. They hadn’t made plans for the day but Sara really wanted them to spend it together.

“Do you ever sleep?” Sofia’s sleepy voice made Sara smile it seemed no matter how hard she tried waking Sofia had been inevitable.

“The pull of the beauty sleeping next to me was too much to resist,” Sara told her sliding closer pulling Sofia flush to her. Smiling as Sofia’s long blond hair fell into her face.

"I don’t want to move today." Sofia stretched sleepy and Sara helped with her hair battle by pushing some stray hair from her face and tucking them behind Sofia's ear. Taking a deep breath just content to watch Sofia for a moment.

"You need less hair or bigger ears." Sara teased as Sofia's hair fell back over her face.

“What were you thinking about just then?”

“You,” Sara told her honestly running her fingers over her girlfriend’s cheek. “You looked so peaceful I really didn’t want to wake you.”

“I’m glad I woke up I don’t want to miss a moment of my day off with you even If I still don’t want to get out of this bed.”

“No one said we have to get out of bed just yet,” Sara smirked and Sofia kissed her there was something so loveable about this playful side of Sara.

“What did you have in mind?” Sofia laughed at the look in Sara’s eye. “Once we got out of bed.” She added knowing exactly what her girlfriend was thinking.

“Well if you’re up for it I really want to go for a hike today we haven’t been in a while. Tonight, though I want to take you out for dinner I have a table booked but no pressure we can do whatever you want.”

Sara scooted up the bed, resting herself against the headboard. Sofia followed her movement and then moved to straddle her thighs.

“I like the sound of both those ideas spending the day with you is always a good day,” Sofia assured her placing a feather-light kiss on Sara’s lips.

“I’m glad you still feel that way I know I’m not always easy.”

“Sara you do yourself a disservice baby It’s not always meant to be easy but with you, it’s worth the work.”

“I think that this, us is well worth any hard work and that’s why I want to make sure that on days like today we get to spend some time together.” Sara rubbed her nose over Sofia’s with a smile. “I suppose we should think about getting up," Sara said half-heartedly, placing her hands on either side of Sofia's face, pulling her in for a kiss. Pulling Sofia’s bottom lip into her mouth, raking her teeth along it the answering groan was swallowed by their kiss. Sara trailed her hands down Sofia's arms letting them rest on her hips, pulling the blond flush to her body.

"Get up, huh." Sofia panted as they rested their foreheads together.

"Hell no," Sara growled flipping them so she was pinning Sofia to the bed. “Hiking can wait,” Sara told her as she trailed kisses down Sofia’s throat biting down on her collarbone electing a hiss from her companion.

●●●●

After a long day of making out and finally a little hiking Sara looked around her empty apartment with a sigh. Two things hit her firstly she really needed to do some unpacking she had lived here for about six weeks now and was still mainly living out of boxes. Something Sofia had teased her about on more than one occasion. The other thing was this was probably the first time she had been on her own here since the hospital incident. Sofia had been true to her word and it had been just about a week and Sofia had gone back to her own place for more than just a change of clothes. Smiling to herself at the thought of dinner she checked her reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of her bedroom door. Having gone all out to secure them a table at the Eiffel Tower restaurant there seemed no point in not looking her best for the occasion. Smoothing her hands over her fitted pantsuit and adjusting her hair a little she headed to the door picking her car keys up on her way out of the apartment. Slipping into her car placing her phone in its holder she jumped a little as it rang but smiled when she recognized Catherine’s number.

“Hey,” Sara greeted as she picked up. “Just to warn you I’m driving so you’re on speaker.”

“Just don’t shout at other road users then.” Sara could tell that Catherine was only half teasing knowing how irate Sara could get at some idiots with cars.

“I make no promises.” Sara laughed. “So, did you need something or did you just miss the sound of my voice.” Sara loved that they were so at ease with each other now and that Catherine never seemed to call her out on her low-key flirting.

“Yeah, it’s exactly that I can’t cope here without you.”

“Alright, no need to be that sarcastic.” Sara feigned hurt.

“I was actually a little worried I tried to call you earlier and I just went straight to voicemail.”

“Sof’ and I went hiking so I guess I was out of range,” Sara told her as she pulled out of her parking spot and headed off to pick her girlfriend up. “Everything OK you didn’t need me did you?”

“I’m fine Lind’s is fine I just wanted to talk to you but it was nothing pressing. It’s OK having the boys here but I just wanted a different perspective. I also wanted to ask you if you fancy a couple of drinks when I get off work but I remember now that you’ve got big plans with Sofia tonight.”

“Yeah well, there is definitely no point in dating someone if you don’t make it very special at least once in a while and it’s just an added bonus that Sof’ looks like a goddess in a dress.”

“Lucky you then.” Sara knew Catherine enough to know there was a little extra bite in those words. Not sure why though it wasn’t like Catherine didn’t know she looked bloody good ninety-nine per cent of the time. Her date with Sofia tonight was also the worst kept secret in the crime lab it was surprising to her that Sofia herself didn’t know where they were going.

“OK, what’s up?”

Sara didn’t let the silence at the other end of the phone unnerve her she knew Catherine was still there just weighing up her answer.

“Nothing honestly, I’m fine it has been a long few days, a long week if I'm being honest and I just need to unwind.”

“You sure because you know I’m here for you.”

“Just not tonight, sorry that was not called for. Go have a good time I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Catherine hung up and Sara just listened to the dial tone for a moment not sure what had just happened. The idea of phoning Catherine back ran through her head the whole rest of the journey deciding against it as she pulled up outside Sofia’s. She tried to put the whole conversation out of her mind as she made her way to the door and knocked.

As Sofia opened the door Sara’s mind went blank for a moment the beauty stood in front of her nearly floored her. The flowing green dress hugged her in all the right places and her hair fell naturally around her shoulders.

“You look amazing.” Sara managed after a moment of silence the radiant smile on Sofia’s face told her she had said the right thing.

“Thank you,” Sofia beamed. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Your chariot my lady,” Sara bowed dramatically motioning to her car. Making her way to the passenger side she opened the door for Sofia before getting in herself and heading off again.

“What happened?” Sofia asked after they had been driving in silence for a few moments.

“Nothing I’m fine.” Sara lied still a little preoccupied with her earlier conversation with Catherine but she wasn’t about to tell Sofia that. Her poker face obviously wasn’t as good as it once was. Sofia just looked at her and Sara had to give a wry smile at the look on the blond’s face.

“This is not you fine, I left you fine, this is you on edge.”

Seeing no point in trying to lie to Sofia any more Sara slapped the steering wheel lightly and turned slightly towards the blond.

“Cath phoned me on my way over she was in a very funny mood,” Sara recounted the story of her conversation with Catherine. “Then just hung up on me I guess she has got to me more than I thought.”

“What was she in a funny mood about? Was it our date?”

“This date is the talk of the lab she helped me decide where to take you. So, I don’t think that’s it something is going on with her and she won’t talk to me.”

Sara bit the inside of her lip as she watched Sofia sigh and look out of the window for a moment.

“Do you want to go see her.”

“No!” Sara was adamant. “Of all the things I’m thinking right now it’s not that I need to go see Cath. You in that dress isn’t making me want to go see anyone else.”

“As long as you’re sure that this is where you want to be.”

“Positive.”

●●●●

"Can we talk?” Sara found Catherine in her office lights off blinds closed head in hands. If she hadn’t already been convinced that there was something wrong with Catherine, then this was proof enough. On and off since dropping Sofia off after dinner the evening before Sara had been trying to call Catherine only to get the older woman’s answer machine.

“Not now Sara please I have a lot to take care off.” Sara was reminded of the bad days between them when she would be dismissed without so much as a glance. Sara had always felt though back then that she was being dismissed her presence was no longer required, this felt different. Catherine felt different this was more just flat out trying to avoid talking to Sara than not wanting Sara there.  

"Will you please talk to me Cath you’re worrying me," Sara asked and as the older woman looked up she caught the emotion flick across Catherine's face before she schooled her features. Catherine had been caught off guard Sara could literally see the internal debate rage in her before she spoke.

"I'm ok," Catherine assured her but Sara knew she was lying it was hard to remember a time the older woman sounded so tired and sad. Taking a moment to weigh up what was best to do next not knowing whether to push or hold back. The decision was made almost instantly though Sara needed to know if Catherine was really ok she couldn't in good conscience walk out of the room knowing that Catherine wasn't ok and not have done anything to try and help.

"You don't have to talk to me," Sara told her stepping closer to Catherine, crouching down in front of her placing her hand on the older woman’s arm. "But I know you're not ok, I've pissed you off enough times to know what you look like not ok."

"That's very true." Catherine agreed holding the hand that Sara placed on her arm. Running her thumb gently back and forth over Sara's hand. Sara just looked at their hands for a moment her skin seemed to tingle where Catherine touched her. "I'm just tired though and I have this case now.”

“Was tired and this case the reason you hung up on me last night?”

“I was being a brat and I don’t want to be that around you anymore.”

“I’m glad that’s how you feel but when do we censor ourselves for each other if you needed someone to sound off too then I’m probably the one person that’s going to take it.”

“Sara,” Catherine moved forward a little in her chair so many words just fighting to push their way out of her mouth. It was getting harder and harder for her to not tell Sara how she felt. All the reasons she shouldn’t say anything were real, Sara was happy with Sofia, they were only just really making being friends work, Sara was much younger than her and if something went wrong between them what effect would that have on her daughter’s relationship with Sara. Then again none of that mattered when Sara was looking at her the way she was right now. It made her believe that it wouldn’t matter what she said Sara would listen she would understand.

“Yeah.”

“It doesn’t matter I’m going to be ok I have a couple of things to work out but I have to do that on my own but I know if I need you I can count on you.”

“Always, I mean that. Well at least I know I get to keep an eye on you I think we're working the same case I know Griss called you into work the Granger case."

"You’re working on that too?" Catherine questioned slipping back in her chair the last thing she wanted was Sara anywhere near this.

"Yeah, you ok?" Sara noticed Catherine’s whole demeanour change almost instantly.

"Yeah, I just didn't realise we would be working together. I'll see you in a few minutes then." Sara knew she wasn't getting anything else out of Catherine at the minute but guessed whatever it was about this case had her more on edge than any of the reasons Catherine had given her a few moments ago.

●●●●

"Mr Novak, my name is Gill Grissom, this is Sara Sidle and we are both with the crime lab."

"And I'm detective Vega." The detective finished the introductions.

"Was it necessary to show up at my office? Try the phone. I'm an officer of the court."

"Mr Novak ... do you recognize this telephone number?" Grissom asked, ignoring Novak’s outburst.

"That's my work number." He answered nonchalantly.

"Did you write it on the matchbook?" Sara asked, speaking for the first time. She had been sitting back trying to work out just what it was that had made her instantly dislike this man.

"I may have. What's this about?"

"A homicide-That matchbook was found in a dead woman's pocket," Vega informed him.

"Is this the only evidence linking me to the victim?" Novak asked casually.

"This will go much easier if you just answer our questions." Vega shot back.

"Oh, yeah? - Easier for whom?"

"Why didn't you write your name on it?" Sara asked

"I'm a memorable guy." He shrugged.

_'I've finally worked it out. He's an arrogant asshole.'_

"Why not your home number or cell phone number?"

"This is getting tedious, at best. Look, I give out my work number to weed out the crazies."

"Or," Sara smiled "Mrs Novak doesn't like the other ladies calling."

Shooting Sara, a look, Grissom showed Adam Novak a driver's license:

NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE:

GRANGER, ALICE

7748 CANYON AVENUE

LAS VEGAS NV 89101

"This is Alice Granger's. Do you know her?"

"I bought her a drink last night," Novak answered, acting like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Okay, why don't you, uh, walk us through your evening? Start with "I left the office..." Vega prompted.

"I was deposing a witness. Left the office late. Stopped at the Peppermill for a burger, medium rare, no onions. Got to the Highball around 11:00. Met this redhead. Bought her a drink and ..."

The whole room's attention turned to the door as Catherine walked in.

"Mr Novak ... I'm Catherine Willows, CSI."

Sara watched as Novak looked up at Catherine and a look of recognition washed over his face.

"You want to know what happened next- Ask the redhead," Novak said, with a smug smile on his face, thinking that was his trump card to get out of this mess.

Sara's jaw hit the floor. There was no way Catherine picked that up in a bar. So many things she didn’t want to suddenly start to make sense. If there were any doubts the look on Catherine’s face told her all she needed to know. Looking at Catherine properly now Sara noticed the bruise that she had missed in the dim light of Catherine’s office earlier in the night. It stood out like a beacon against the older woman’s skin. It was obvious to her now that there was only one way that it had gotten there and it made her blood boil. The low life thought it was ok to hurt Cath. Knowing where the situation was going to end if she stayed Sara made her decision in an instant. Standing up from the table making her chair fool backwards to the floor Sara looked between Catherine and Adam Novak before leaving the room.

Making her way out of the room Sara headed down the corridor ignoring the first couple of rooms heading around the corner and ducking into one of the empty interrogation rooms. The thought of talking to either Catherine or Grissom at that moment made her stomach churn so she hoped the extra moment it took to find a quiet room would give her the privacy she craved.

Making her way to the back wall she slammed her hand’s palm flat against the wall in anger.

“So, this is where you're hiding.”

Catherine’s voice was unwelcome but not the least bit surprising right now. Of course, Catherine wouldn’t just leave her for a moment to cool off.

“Not very well obviously.” Sara sighed turning to face Catherine. “Honestly Cath believe me when I say not right now.”

Sara didn’t see this ending well white-hot rage was burning inside her at that moment and it never seemed to go well when her temper and Catherine mixed. Not that she was mad at Catherine for any part of this but for the situation that they seemed to have found themselves in. The fact that there was a smug slime ball sat in interrogation who thought that it was ok to treat a woman like that and once again Catherine had settled for a low life.

 _'God- what must she think of me now.'_ Catherine thought to herself as she watched Sara from the doorway of the room she had obviously sort out to hide in. This exact situation had been inevitable it seemed since Sara had mentioned that they would be working this case together.

“I’m not walking away from you right now I think we need to talk about this you need to talk to me.”

“I need to calm down OK nothing good is going to come from this right now and we both know it.” Sara went to take a step towards the door but Catherine blocked her way.

“No, no more hiding and not talking to me we are done with that. OK, I get that you’re mad with me right now what I don’t get is where the double standards come from. You’re allowed a girlfriend but I can’t go out and have fun.”

“That logic works for a second till you realise I’m not mad at you Cath I’m really not. I mad as hell that he thinks it’s OK to treat anyone like that but especially you and of course I’m trying to work out how on earth you thought that he was an attractive prospect. I’m not mad at you though and I’m sorry if you thought I was.” Sara took a step back from Catherine running her fingers through her hair. She bit down on the inside of her mouth and took a couple of deep breaths she really needed to calm down before she did something stupid.

“I was Lonely and he seemed charming and harmless,” Catherine admitted looking away from Sara.

Sara took a step closer to Catherine gently gripping her chin and turning her head till their eyes met.

“Why are you a jerk magnet?” Sara asked truly puzzled. Before turning Catherine’s head, a little more so she could get a good look at her bruised cheek. “I’m being a selfish jerk worried about how I feel. Are you OK how did this happen?”

“You’re not selfish Sara I’m worried about you though.”

“I’m OK, you’re changing the subject which leads me to believe he did this.”

Sara ran her thumb just under the spot Catherine's bruise had formed. Taking another deep breath trying to remember one of the relaxation techniques Oz had taught her. He had joked once that her temper was like having a wolf inside and she needed them as much as he did. There really was no telling what would happen to Novak if her temper went.

Catherine could also feel the tremble that ran through Sara as she tried to keep her control.

"Hey calm down." Catherine put her hand over Sara's on her cheek and squeezed. Keeping Sara from getting into trouble for losing it with Novak was her aim at that moment. There had been glimpses of Sara’s temper in the past especially with her not being one to always bring out the best in Sara. Although Sara had never once scared her Catherine feared what Sara could do to someone like Novak if she lost her temper right now. "He's not worth it ok."

"You," Sara locked eyes with Catherine she really needed the other woman to understand how much she meant the next words she had to say. "Catherine Willows are worth it over and over again and again you'd be worth it, now did he hurt you."

Catherine almost felt as if there was no choice in the matter looking into Sara's intense brown orbs, it was if she couldn't tell a lie while looking into those beautiful eyes.

"Yes." Catherine's reply was scarcely a whisper. “I wanted a drink and a little flirting end of story he walked me out to my car and we kissed.” Catherine couldn’t help but notice the hitch in Sara’s breathing as kissing Novak was mentioned. _The brunette wasn’t jealous was she? Surely not with Sofia in the picture. Sara wasn’t the least bit interested in her like that was she?_ “I said no he didn’t like it and my face met my car door as I was trying to move away from him.”

Sara caressed Catherine's cheek a moment longer building the courage to ask the other thing that bothered her, "Did he try anything else?” Sara asked before quickly adding, “Not that this wasn’t enough.”

Catherine took a breath and chewed the inside of her mouth as she looked up at Sara. It wasn’t hard to tell that the younger woman only had a thin grip on her temper. The situation needed defusing before Sara snapped. It was hard to get Sara to listen sometimes the brunette had a habit of only hearing what she wanted to when upset. At this point though honesty was the only option. It was a little confusing where this reaction from Sara had come from Sara really cared about Lindsey and would do about anything to keep her safe that was a given. Although they had moved past the putting up with each other for Lindsey sake stage this level emotion because she had been hurt was something hard to know how to process.

“No, he called me a few names but didn’t stop me from leaving. To answer your earlier question, I don’t know why it’s only bums I seem to attract.”

“That makes me mad,” Sara admitted trying to take a step back from Catherine but the older woman read her intentions and closed the gap between them till they were millimetres apart hands palm flat on Sara’s chest.

“Why?” Catherine questioned feeling the tension in Sara ramp up a notch as she ran her hands up and found Sara’s pulse point. It was fast becoming the only thing that could ground her the feel of Sara’s heart hammering hard and fast under her fingers.

Sara didn’t answer for a moment suddenly more worried about doing something stupid like kissing Catherine than she had ever been about losing her temper. Taking a deep shaking breath, she bit her lip and tried hard not to look at Catherine’s lips. The need to kiss the older woman was burning in her veins demanding to be obeyed. Closing her eyes, she ran her lips over Catherine’s forehead before resting their heads together.

“There are people in this world that would do about anything to show you want it meant to be treated properly but you seem content with jerks like that.”

“Why does it matter so much to you how I’m treated.”

Sara opened her eyes running her nose over Catherine’s gently a soft sad smile on her face. She seemed to be moving on auto piolet her entire being seemed drawn to kissing Catherine no matter what that might mean in the long run. The thought of answering Catherine’s question with her lips on the older woman’s was fighting to be heard. It didn’t seem to matter that she knew that it would open a whole can of worms and break Sofia’s heart.

“Sara.”

Sara was pretty sure she had never been that happy to hear Grissom’s voice in her life. It was like a bucket of cold water over her. Stepping away from Catherine not able to look at the older woman.

_‘What was I about to do?’_

There really was no excuse for it she was just a horrible person sometimes. “Sara I think you and I need to talk, Catherine can I have a moment with her, please. Ecklie wants to talk to you.”

“What just happened?” Grissom asked her once they were alone. Sara looked at him for a long moment not sure what he meant. Surely he wasn’t asking about what he had just walked in on. The look on his face as he arched an eyebrow at her told her he was talking about her walking out of the interview room.

“He is a douche and I want to hit him in his whole face. He hurt Cath and that’s not OK with me.”

“Sara.” He sighed and she knew he was a little disappointed in her and her reaction. It was funny what a different perspective could mean because she was on the other hand very proud of herself for walking out of the room. “You have to learn to handle situations like this better. There are going to be hard cases and you can’t let your emotions rule that’s how mistakes are made. I know you are already on the way to being a brilliant CSI but you let yourself down every now and again.”

“I let you down and I know that I can’t always just walk out of interviews when I don’t like the way they are going but I’m not going to say sorry for being upset that my friend got hurt and I think it’s best if I don’t go near him again.”

“You want off this case?”

“I think it’s for the best I know I can’t pick and choose my cases but I’m asking for this one thing.”

“Do I really have a choice I can’t run the risk of you assaulting a suspect really can I, but Sara you really have to work on this or it will always hold you back from reaching the potential I know you can.”


	14. El jurko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sara." Catherine's voice was quiet and scared, catching Sara's attention straight away.
> 
> "Cath, you ok baby? You sound scared." Sara didn't even notice that the pet name had slipped out.
> 
> "I am! I’ve just got home and Novak is at my house with my mom and Lindsey. Can you please come over?"
> 
> or
> 
> Catherine's in trouble and Sara is on hand to help.

"You look miserable," Nancy commented as she opened her door to find Sara standing there she stepped aside and let her friend enter.

"Miserable doesn't even cut it right now." Sara sighed taking off her jacket and slumping down on Nancy's sofa. 

“Ok, what’s going on?” Nancy sat on the coffee table in front of Sara and shook her head if she had a dime for every time they had ended up like this she would be rich.

“Have you spoken to your sister lately?”

“Mom has been having Lindsey the last couple of nights so I’ve not spoken to her, why what has happened.”

“She went out after work last night and picked some low life up in a bar.”

“Ok,” Nancy looked puzzled. “Nothing new there my sister is an attractive woman and people tend to notice that. I get it might sting a little for you but I don’t see why it is laying on my couch looking so miserable worthy.”

“The guy she picked up hurt her and he's now a person of interest in a case we are working and in the last twelve hours, I've nearly kissed your sister and had to have my self-taken off the case.

Sara smiled at the stunned look on Nancy's face that was more like the reaction she was looking for.

"Slow down a second you nearly kissed Cath, what happened?" Nancy slid forward slightly on the table she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"The guy, el jurko we'll call him, for now, was being questioned by Grissom and me when Cath came in and from their interaction, it took me about thirty seconds to work out what had happened and I left the room."

"I bet you wanted to make his face meet the table."

"Exactly." Sara threw her hands up finally somebody got it. "So I went to cool down a bit and she came after me we talked I tried to comfort her and, " Sara paused hiding her face in her hands.

"And what Sar'" Nancy squeezed her knees encouragingly.

"And she was so close and she smelt so good and I just wanted to kiss her and I'm not sure If Grissom hadn't of walked in when he did if I might have."

"And that scares you?"

“No the part that has me freaking out is that I really don’t think she would have stopped me if I had tried. If anything I think she wanted it as much as I did.”

Sara rested her head back and squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could. If there was a way right then to get the look that Catherine had in her eye just before Grissom had walked in, out of her head she would have done it. That complicated the hell out of everything. Catherine ever wanting to be anything more than friends with her wasn’t something she ever put thought into. Yes, she had a crush on the older woman but till very recently the relationship she had shared with Catherine generally had her fantasizing about smothering the older woman not kissing her.

“That thought really never entered your head till now has it?”

“You know it hasn’t I’ve only just got my head around the fact that she sees me as someone more than the idiot that got arrested on her first night here. I wouldn’t say that everything that I’ve done since is because I thought that Cath was a hell of a lot smarter than to want me but there would have been a couple of different decisions made if I’d have known.”

“Like maybe not dating Sofia?”

Sara felt a little faint at the thought of her girlfriend as suddenly a couple of the blonds comments made a lot more sense.

_‘“Someone’s a little jealous I think.” Sofia smiled and it grew wider as Sara turned her puzzled gaze her way._

_“Why I honestly doubt Catherine wants to be making out with either of us.”_

_“Sara you really are a clueless idiot sometimes.” Sofia laughed shoving Sara playfully._

_“Why?”_

_“I’ll tell you when you’re older,”’_

It was pretty obvious to her that Nancy knew a lot more than she was letting on it seemed so too did Sofia. Was she the only one that had no idea what was going on?

“I actually don’t think I can look at Sofia in the eye anymore. How messed up am I?”

“Sar’ listen very carefully to what I’m about to say.” Nancy slid closer to Sara holding her hands in her own. “You are not messed up at all it’s not like you’ve gone out of your way to actively try and make something happen between you and Cath. You just happen to be an amazing human and my sister has pulled her head out of her arse long enough to notice that. What happens next defines you as a person OK.”

“I don’t plan on cheating on Sofia if that’s what you’re alluding to.”

“Never thought you would but at this point, someone’s going to get hurt whether you want them to or not.” Nancy went quiet for a moment before asking something different. “Does thinking Catherine feels something for you change the way you feel about Sofia?”

“It shouldn’t I didn’t think at any point Sofia was second best I love being with her I just don’t think I love her. I thought maybe that was just me that I’d lost my chance at feeling like that again.”

“Cath makes you feel something different?” Nancy hated doing this to Sara she could tell that her best friend was struggling but Sara needed pushing at times or she would just coast letting everyone else but herself be happy.

“I felt more than I wanted to and I can’t unfeel it now can’t take it back. I also don’t even know where to start to make sense of any of it. Sofia deserves so much better than this.”

“She deserves to be your first choice and if she’s not regardless of who potentially could be she deserves you to be honest with her. Right now, Sara the right choices might not be the easy ones but you deserve to be happy too. Have you spoken to Cath about what happened?”

“What do you think?”

“You’ve probably been actively avoiding her.”

Sara’s phone rang on cue and Catherine’s number flashed up on the screen. Sara just looked at it for a moment before Nancy took it from her.

“Grow up Sara!” She scolded before answering the phone. “Cath It’s Nance’.”

Sara knew Nancy was right she just didn't want to hear it right now. She had told Catherine that she was a selfish idiot at times and right now was proving that point. She watched Nancy slide back on the table phone to ear and just look at her steadily and not for the first time Sara wondered how on earth this amazing woman put up with her.

“Is Sara ok why do you have her phone?”

“Yeah she’s sat opposite me are you ok?” Nancy knew her sister and could hear the strain in her voice as she spoke.

“I really need to talk to Sara can you put her on?”

“She wants you.” Nancy shoved the phone at Sara giving her no choice.

"Sara." Catherine's voice was quiet and scared, catching Sara's attention straight away.

"Cath, you ok baby? You sound scared." Sara didn't even notice that the pet name had slipped out.

"I am! I’ve just got home and Novak is at my house with my mom and Lindsey. Can you please come over?"

The desperation in Catherine's voice made her sound alien to Sara's ears. Sara was used to bold, loud and normally always needing to be right, Catherine Willows. For her to be scared and calling Sara for help threw Sara for a moment.

"I'm there ASAP. I promise just hang tight." Sara said, snapping her phone shut.

"What’s wrong with Cath is she ok?" Nancy asked as Sara got up from the couch and headed to the door. She hadn’t liked the tone of her sister’s voice and coupled with the look on Sara's face right now she was worried.

"No." Sara sighed, pausing for a moment. "I've got to go she needs me there ok I'll call you later."

"You better!" Nancy called after Sara as the brunette rushed out of the door.

●●●●

Catherine snapped her phone shut already feeling a lot safer at the thought that Sara was on her way. It hadn’t taken much consideration to call Sara her major concern had been whether the brunette would answer rather than if she was the right person to call. Sara hadn’t spoken to her since Grissom had walked in on them earlier and although Catherine couldn’t blame her for needing a moment to get her head together she was keen to talk to Sara before whatever they had shared at that moment together wore off.  Despite how unsettled she was feeling at that moment; she couldn't forget the sound of Sara calling her baby. In another time, she might have taken forever to ponder both of those points and she was sure that sometime tonight she probably would, but there was no time now. The only thing that mattered was the fact that Adam Novak was at her house with her baby and he was going to pay for that.

"I see that beauty runs in the family." Catherine was nearly sick at the sound of his voice, as it filtered through her open window.

"No." her mom laughed.

Picking up her phone once more Catherine called Brass this time knowing that he would want to know what was going on and thinking it was best all-around if officers were on their way. Getting out of the car she slammed the door and unsnapped her gun. He had come to her home; she was going to make sure he realized that he wasn't going to get away with that. She approached the others, taking slow deep breaths to steady herself.

"Mom, Lindsey, go inside please." Catherine calmly gave her daughter a little nudge toward their home with her hand.

"Believe it or not, Catherine does know how to say, Hello, how are you? Would you like a cup of coffee?" Catherine's mother admonished her daughter, embarrassed that Catherine had forgotten her manners.

"I was talking to your mother about the case we're working on." Novak smiled and Catherine so wanted to shoot him.

"Mom, please just go inside, take Lindsey with you," Catherine told her mom, giving her mom a look before shifting her eyes over to Adam Novak, god she hoped her mom would get her point and take Lindsey inside.

"I don't, I don't want to." Lindsey looked up at her mom, pouting.

"Lindsey," Catherine warned, trying not to snap at her daughter, the last thing she needed was to have Lindsey upset.

"Are you going to go out again?" Lindsey asked, disappointedly.

"No. I'm coming in. I want to hear all about your day." Catherine smiled softly at her daughter, hoping for a little understanding from Lindsey at that moment.

Finally getting the message Catherine had been sending them, Lindsey turned towards the house while Catherine's mother bided good-bye to Novak.

"It was a pleasure meeting you," Novak told them as they walked to the house and he turned to Catherine.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Catherine demanded, fire in her eyes.

"I want to know why you're setting me up, manipulating evidence to make me look guilty. All because I came on a little too strong."

"I want you out of here." Catherine ignored his questions, seeing no need to play his stupid game.

"I didn't get my signals crossed. You changed the rules in the middle of the game, and now you're screaming foul. That's some power trip, babe. Who's the guilty one here?"

"You want to talk to me, call your lawyer. Set up an appointment down at PD." Catherine tried to keep her temper in check.

"You think I killed her?" Novak demanded, taking a step closer to Catherine.

"Back off," Catherine warned.

"Fuck that! You don't get to play your little games with me, bitch. I'm not one of your past boy toys who'll just crawl away when you demand it, especially not after you used your position to play a power trip with my damn livelihood and personal life." Novak spats as he walked closer to Catherine.

"Back the fuck off!" Catherine warned again, not moving, showing none of the fear she was feeling in the pit her stomach.

"You have no idea who the hell you are dealing with! There's no way in hell I'm going to just sit back and let you ruin my life. I promise you, I'll make damn sure I destroy you first and you friends over at the lab will finally have a real reason to come after me instead of because I had the misfortune to talk to a bitch in heat who’d sex anything that moves." Novak continued to move towards Catherine, getting closer to her as he spoke. Seeing no fear of him in her eyes, he snapped and raised his hand, like he was going to punch her, needing to see the fear in her eyes.

Realizing his intention, Catherine instincts overpowered her fear, she pulled her gun out from her hip, aiming at him and holding steady." I said BACK THE FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!" Catherine hissed.

Seeing the stunned look on his face, bottling her fear, Catherine decided to give him a few home truths," FYI, you narcissistic bastard, I didn't have anything to do with your questioning. I'd have gladly spent the rest of my life happy if I had never seen your ugly mug again after I left you that night. But unfortunately for me, you're connected to the murder case, and in my line of work, I'm forced to deal with the scum of the earth, so you're just one in a long line that I've had to deal with so now lets try this again, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

In a screech of rubber Sara pulled up outside Catherine's house, Sara immediately saw Catherine holding Novak at gunpoint. If the son of a bitch thought he could intimidate Catherine, Sara was glad to have him find out that he was wrong. But still, Sara knew that at any moment the scene in front of her could get out of hand and for once she needed to be the calm one. Abandoning her car making her way up towards Catherine and Novak, keeping Novak insight she moved slowly stepping between Catherine and Novak, she turned to face Novak, moving towards him, forcing him to take a few steps back.

"You need to back up." She told him taking another step toward him making sure he was not in touching distance of Catherine. Sara was at this moment thankful to all the sparring sessions she had taken part in with both slayers they had helped her to stand her ground even when the guy standing opposite was bigger than you.

"You Bitch!" Novak hissed, faced with two women, one with their service weapon trained on him, ready to shoot him where he stood.

"You came to my house." Catherine pointed out reasonably, like that was all the explanation needed for him to be faced with a gun pointing at his heart. What had he expected turning up at her house with her daughter there? There was no parent Catherine knew that wouldn't kill for their child and she was no exception.

"Big mistake by the way," Sara told him turning slightly so she could keep an eye on him but see Catherine too. "Cath give me your weapon please." She asked the other woman holding her hand out.

"No!" Catherine told her standing firm there was no way she was giving up her advantage.

"Cath, please," Sara sidestepped a little closer to Catherine. "What was it you told me today he's not worth it. I'm here now you know he's not getting anywhere near you or Lindsey so you don't need the gun." Sara reached her hand out again and was grateful when Catherine slipped the safety on her gun and holstered her weapon. She let out a slow breath as the distant sound of sirens grew louder.

"Why? Are you going to stop me?" Novak taunted, getting over his fear when he heard the sirens, knowing that sound was his safety net; the reason neither Catherine nor Sara would hurt him.

"If I have to," Sara told him coldly, with a slight smirk, looking at him straight in the eye, not blinking, daring him to give her a justifiable reason to hit him. "I will do whatever is necessary to make sure that they are ok."

"Kill for her, would you?" Novak took another step back suddenly not so sure that the sound of sirens would stop the woman in front of him if provoked.

"In a heartbeat," Sara confessed without hesitation, there really was nothing she wouldn't do to keep both Catherine and Lindsey safe. Sara felt Catherine's hands grip her from behind holding tight. Any response from Novak was cut off as two squad cars pulled up and the cops got out.

"Mr Novak, accompany us to the station please.” Brass said in a conversational manner but with steel behind the words.

"I'm just having a quiet chat with a friend-no need for law enforcement." Novak smiles charmingly toward Brass and the cops.

Mr Novak, I'm sure you see the lines around my eyes, so you know damn well that I wasn't born yesterday. Now stop playing games and let's go to the station. Get him out of here, boys," Brass told the officers from one of the squad cars.

"Are you ok?" He turned to Catherine. He was surprised to see that she had not moved from her spot behind Sara. Brass had known Catherine a while and that woman was no shrinking violet and knew how to take care of herself. He smiled inwardly to himself it didn’t take a lot to work out what would make Catherine turn into a damsel in distress for Sara.

Catherine didn't answer Brass's question, she was too busy tracking Sara's movements as the younger woman turned herself around, pulling Catherine into a hug. Catherine fell into Sara's arms in relief and in unending gratitude for the way that had ended. It could have gone a lot worse than it did no one was hurt and Lindsey was safe to her that was a good night.

"Cath, did he touch you?" Sara asked the question that she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to. She wondered what it would look like if she suddenly let go of Catherine, rushed down the stairs and started to beat on Novak. Lucky for Sara, Catherine quelled her fears.

"No, thank god you got here, he scared me," Catherine admitted to Sara's chest as they held each other tight. Catherine realised that this was probably the first proper hug she had received from Sara. _'God did it feel good to be in Sara's arms'_ she thought. Sara's arms felt strong around her, she knew she was safe and secure; nothing would or could hurt her there. This was the place she never wanted to leave. Unfortunately, she knew she was going to have to.

"Well you're safe now I'm here ok nothing is ever going to happen with me around. I promise." Sara reassured Catherine while kissing her forehead softly.

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me ok, wasn't like I could have turned you down." Sara teased a little, trying to lighten up the dark tone of the moment.

"You both need to make statements." Brass broke the moment.

"We will later," Sara said grabbing Catherine's hand, entwining their fingers she squeezed lightly looking at Catherine. "We need to check on Lindsey first." Sara continued, needing to check on Lindsey for Catherine's sake as well as her own.

"Don't leave it for too long." Brass reminded them.

"We won't," Sara assured him, heading closer to the house letting Catherine enter before her.

Catherine's head was spinning, this was all too much; Novak had come to her house and Sara had been her first thought. When Catherine had seen him there with Lindsey every other thought than keeping Lindsey safe had fled her mind and it was as if she had always known next to her Sara was Lindsey's best hope.

Sara would flip, Catherine had been sure of that fact if anyone laid a finger on the little girl. From the moment she had seen them together, she had known that this was the person to care for her daughter, to be the parental figure Eddie never was. Tonight, just went to prove that as Sara's only thought now was to make sure Lindsey was safe before anything else happened. She hated herself at that moment for pushing Sara so far away that she was in someone else's life and not her and her daughter's.

●●●●

After checking in on Lindsey and a rather strained conversation with Catherine's mom that had left Sara feeling as if the older woman really didn't much care for Sara or her presence in her daughters and granddaughter’s life. Sara stood in the doorway to the Breakroom watching a rare sight. All the night crew members, former and current were together, hanging out. Most were taking a few moments to check on Catherine after the events of that night. It really hadn't taken long for the news of what had happened, to filter throughout the lab.

Sara got lost in thought watching Catherine, so many conflicting emotions battling away in her she wasn't even sure which way was up anymore. Catherine had called tonight and she had once again dropped everything to be there for her and although Sara was sure that she would do the same for any of her friends it always felt different when it was Catherine. A little more frantic a lot more important and there was no length to which she wouldn't go she was sure of that. She took a moment to take in every inch of the other woman, Catherine was tired, her hair was a mess, her clothes were now creased from all that hugging, and her make-up had disappeared, she looked perfect to Sara though, more beautiful than ever. The very real thought that at any point she could lose Catherine forever and she would never know how Sara really felt about her she would never know that Sara didn't want to be part of a world without her. Her resolve wavered a little bit surely fate wouldn’t be so cruel. Give her someone she could so easily fall in love with again to only snatch them away far too soon.

As she stood pondering that very thought part of their conversation caught her ears.

"So, Swings all but through. You want to go eat?" Nick was asking Catherine. Catherine who for the second time that night totally blocked out someone in order to take note of Sara, Nick followed her gaze and shook his head. "Did your mom never teach you it’s rude to listen in doorways?"

Sara didn't answer she just exchanged glances with Aaron, a look of pain crossing her eyes. A look that Catherine picked up on.

"Nick, you can be a real arse." Catherine shot walking over to Sara. "You're done with Brass?" She asked, stopping with just millimetres between them. She could smell her shampoo, shower gel and the coffee on her breath. The heat from her body seemed to be breathing life into her, so much, so that the hairs on the back of her neck were standing up.

"Yeah, just gave my statement. Griss wants me to take the rest of the shift off."

"Fancy giving me a lift home?" Catherine asked not ready to let go of Sara just yet.

Sara bit her lip and looked down she knew it probably made sense after all they had driven over together the older woman was technically stranded. On the other hand, Sara really needed five minutes to herself to try and filter through her emotions she knew now more than ever that she really had to start making some solid decisions.

"You don't have to." Catherine took a step back after a moment of silence trying not to let the hurt show on her face.

"It's not that I don't want to." Sara placed her hand on Catherine’s arm halting her retreat. She knew she had stayed quiet a moment too long and had hurt Catherine. "There's a lot going around in my head right now."

"Well stop overthinking it and talk to me." Catherine squeezed the hand that was on her arm.

"In the car," Sara told her flicking her eyes around the rest of the room not wanting an audience.

"Good point." Catherine smiled.

"Sara," Sofia brought them both crashing back to earth.

"Yeah," Sara sighed guiltily, turning to her girlfriend, taking a step back from Catherine, immediately feeling the loss of her body heat.

"Can I have a word?" Sofia asked.

"Of course." Sara pulled her keys out of her pocket and handed them to Catherine. "I'll meet you in the car."

"Why do I have to hear about things that are going on with you from Grissom or Aaron? Sara I'm meant to be dating you I should be a little higher on your priority list."

Sara was glad they were out of earshot of the rest of the team right now but just to make sure they would get the privacy they needed Sara guided Sofia into one of the empty labs and pulled the doors closed.

"You're right of course you should be my number one priority."

"I never said your number one priority I know that there is a certain young blond that even beats Catherine to be your first priority."

"Why is this about Catherine?"

"Oh, Sara please stop avoiding the obvious are you really telling me that it wasn't because of Catherine you asked to be taken off the case or it wasn't Catherine that you ran to tonight when might I add we had plans."

"Plans? Oh, God." Sara realised she had totally forgotten that she had promised Sofia that they would watch a movie before work that night. "Sof' I'm so sorry."

"I know you are, look you better go Catherine’s waiting."

"No look one of the guys can take her home we need to talk about this."

"Yeah just not now I have a case and I think Cath really wants it to be you."

"We are going to talk about this though."

"I'm sure we will." Sofia headed to the door and stopped. "I trust you ok I know if there's something I need to know then you will let me know. Sometimes you have to work them out for yourself first though just don't take forever even I'm not that patient."


	15. Maybe I should have been meaner to you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She broke up with you?" Catherine sat back in her seat trying to work out what had happened between Sara dropping her off last night and now. 
> 
> "Yeah, it turned out we wanted different things." Sofia chuckled dryly that was an understatement, to say the least.
> 
> "Like?"
> 
> "Well I wanted her and she wants you."
> 
>  
> 
> Or
> 
>  
> 
> Sara and Sofia have broken up and Sofia decides it time to have a little chat with Catherine.

Unlocking Sara’s car and slipping into the passenger's seat Catherine’s mind was running wild. Sara Sidle was going to be the death of her at this rate. They had nearly kissed earlier she was sure of that and Sara’s avoidance of her since that moment only went to further prove the point. The real question was whether it had been a heat of the moment accident on Sara’s part or did the younger woman share some of the same feelings Catherine herself felt. She would never say that Novak turning up at her house was a good thing but in the end, even that cloud had a silver lining as it now gave her the opportunity to talk to Sara about it. The brunette would have been as elusive as ever over the coming days that was for sure now though there was no excuse for Sara not to talk to her. Well apart from the fact that talking to Sara was sometimes as frustrating as pinning down water.

There was no way Catherine would want Sara to cheat on Sofia and no way that she wanted to be a cause of distress for Sara. Nevertheless, it seemed that knowing if there was a chance for the two of them was the only way Catherine was going to get any piece. The thought that she could miss out on being happy with Sara by not asking the difficult questions was not something she was willing to live with.

The car door flying open brought Catherine from her musings and the strawberry blond watched on as Sara slipped into the car and slammed her hands on the steering wheel. She couldn’t help but smile as the realisation as to just why her car was open dawned on Sara and the younger woman turned to look at her.

“You’re going to want these.” Catherine held Sara’s car keys upon her index finger and let them swing a little and was thankful when Sara couldn’t seem to stop the smile from forming on her face. Sara had a habit of making her smile despite herself so she was glad to see that it seemed to go both ways.

“If you needed to stay and talk to Sofia I’m sure one of the boys would have driven me home you didn’t have to.”

“No, I didn’t but I chose to.

They sat in silence for a moment or two Catherine could tell that Sara was trying to figure something out though she wished that Sara could maybe do that without drumming her knuckles of off the steering wheel it was slightly annoying, to say the least. “I always choose to that’s the trouble.” Sara broke the silence after a moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Catherine asked Sara was always there for her no matter what and Catherine wanted her to know that it went both ways.

“Not really.” Sara slumped further into her seat. “Not much to say really I’m the world’s worst girlfriend.”

Catherine quietly regarded Sara for a moment not sure what to say for the best not sure what exactly was going on in Sara’s head right then. Saying the wrong thing could make Sara retreat further into her shell.

“Why are you the world’s worst girlfriend?”

“It doesn’t matter right now OK let’s get you home.” Sara started the car pulling out of the lot and into traffic.

“It matters to me Sara I don’t like you thinking you’re the world’s worst anything.”

“I really liked my life better when you thought I was the world’s worst human.” Sara sighed. 

“I never once thought that ok, I know I’ve been hard on you over the years and that is all my fault but I really didn’t realise till very recently that through it all you’re my constant and I wouldn’t be saying that if I didn’t mean it you know that.”

“Constant pain in your arse.” Sara chuckled humourlessly.

“Why is it hard for you to take a compliment is it just from me or a general dislike for having nice things said about you?” Catherine snapped before she even had a chance to think about what she was saying.

“I don’t feel like I deserve nice things right now.”

They drove in slightly awkward silence the rest of the way to Catherine’s House the only noise was the occasional ticking sound of Sara’s indicator. By the time they made it to her house Catherine had given up any hope of Sara talking to her, there was obviously more going on in the younger woman’s head than she was ready to share right then.

“Would you like to come in?” Catherine’s mouth wasn’t working in collaboration with her brain she decided as the question tumbled out even though she knew Sara wouldn’t. “I know no matter what we said before we left Lindsey will still be awake and she would love to see you.”

 _‘Why can’t you just stop talking?’_ Catherine thought to herself as her mouth just kept spilling words to fill the silence.

“You know I love that girl to pieces and normally I would do anything if I thought it would make her happy but right now I just can’t.” Sara slumped in her seat once more running her hands through her hair.

“Sara, what happened something upset you?”

“I just need a minute to think.”

The uncertainty in Sara’s voice was like a physical blow to Catherine. There was so much going on behind those turbulent brown eyes.

“Did tonight change anything between us?” Catherine turned her eyes toward Sara as she asked the question.

“Well I’d say that we’ve established I will drop absolutely everything and drive across the city when you need me so if you want to put that down as a win you can.”

“Sofia was upset with you for that wasn’t she?” Catherine was starting to piece together what had upset Sara so much it was sometimes very hard work trying to get the information you needed or wanted out of Sara and Catherine realised it was something she was going to have to work at.

“That’s not your fault if that’s what you’re thinking that was all on me. I upset her before you even called me like I said I’m a rubbish girlfriend.”

“Sara stop beating yourself up ok, please. I don’t care what Sofia thinks of you tonight because you were my hero and I won’t let you sit here putting yourself down.”

“Your Hero?” The surprise in Sara’s voice was unmistakable but It was the way Sara manipulated her lanky frame, to look at Catherine a little better, in such a tight space that made Catherine shake her head. Catherine could only imagine how very odd it must be for Sara to hear Catherine say she was her hero. “Anyone would have done the same for you tonight.”

“I suppose they would have but it was you there in the end.”

“Because you called me you could have just as easily called ‘Rick or Nicky.”

“Yes I could have but I called you didn’t I Sara and I would call you again if faced with a similar situation because I realised today that no one could have made me feel safer than you did, then you always do.”

Catherine bit back a sigh as Sara went back to drumming her knuckles of off the steering wheel as she thought tonight over.

“I’d always come too but I think you already know that don’t you.”

“I wouldn’t say I knew that before tonight I’ve always known you’d come for Lindsey but for me no.”

“Well you know for what it’s worth, I love your daughter but you are important too I just wish you would choose to date someone that thought so too.” Catherine couldn’t take it anymore as Sara once again sighed and drummed her knuckles off the steering wheel. Reaching over and taking Sara’s hand in her own Catherine entwined their fingers and squeezed.

“Please stop drumming your knuckles it’s driving me insane.”

“Sorry.” Sara smiled sheepishly. “Nervous habit.”

“You have never liked anyone I have dated have you?”

“You pick jerks that it’s easy to hate.”

“Well, I’m really hoping that my choices are improving.”

“Well, you are possibly the most beautiful woman created so why you only pick out jerks I don’t know.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” Catherine sat patiently as Sara bit her lip and shook her head something about the way Sara shook her head told her that she probably wasn’t meant to hear that.

“Let’s just forget I said that right now ok that is probably a conversation for another day. When we are both less tired and I haven’t just upset Sofia."

"I don't want to forget you said it though I want very much to remember that you think I'm beautiful because I was pretty sure that you just thought of me as Lindsey's mom."

"Yeah, and I was always so sure that I was that annoying stray your daughter picked up."

"Sara that is never what I thought of you I really need you to know that. I was scared and I was stubborn and because of that I treated you badly and that is no excuse and I know it and I'm sorry. I know that we are friends now and I really love that fact.” Catherine paused for a moment deciding if she should say anymore right now. Sara was obviously trying to work through something in her head now was probably not the best time to pile more on her. Not saying anything felt alien to her.

“What is it Cath?” Sara’s voice broke into her thoughts and she looked up to find concern filled brown eyes looking at her.

“It doesn’t matter tonight we’re both tired and it’s been a stress full day. I think maybe you were right when you said that we should talk another time. I think we need to talk though.”

“I know and I know I need to talk to Sofia too I know I need to be fair to you both.”

“You need to be fair to you to Sar’ what you want is as important as anything and I’m sure Sofia would agree with me on that.”

“You and Sofia agreeing on anything would be a miracle.”

“Sofia and I were never going to be best friends really.”

“I’d ask why but I don’t think I want to know the answer right now so I definitely think I should go now.” Sara smiled squeezing Catherine’s hand before pulling back.

“I wish you’d come in.”

“Not tonight I don’t think that it would be a good idea. I really should go tell your sister that you’re ok though you should call her I was with her when you called me earlier and I just shot out.”

“My sister gets your company though.” Catherine sat back in her seat closing her eyes Sara was infuriating and loveable all at once most of the time.

“Nance’ I trust to see me at my worst.”

“And we’re not there yet?”

“We’re making progress.”

●●●●

Catherine watched as Sara reversed her car out of the driveway and drove out of sight. She sighed digging her keys out of her bag and unlocked her front door as quietly as possible. Waking her mom was not on her to-do list that would only lead to a lengthy explanation about what was going on. Tiptoeing across the living room she made it to the bottom of the stairs and what she thought was safety till her mom’s voice broke the silence.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back tonight.”

“We had to give our statements and I had to wait for Sara to be ready to drive me back.”

“Vegas run out of cabs?”

Catherine didn’t have to be able to see her mother at that moment to know the sarcastic look plastered on her face.”

“Sara didn’t mind driving me home so what does it matter.”

“Do either of my daughters think straight where this woman is concerned?”

“Can we not do this tonight it’s been a very long day.”

Catherine turned back towards the stairs walking away from her mom effectively ending any further debate before it could start.

She headed down the hallway to her room sitting on the edge of her bed. It was ridiculous how much she missed Sara’s presence and she hated the empty feeling she got when she thought that Sara could be too far out of reach. It was hard for her to tell if she had said far too much or not enough this evening. Her need to tell Sara everything was growing stronger by the day and it had been fuelled by their moment earlier.

"Did Sara not come back." Catherine turned at the sound of her daughter's voice and smiled she knew that no matter what they had said Lindsey would be awake on the off chance of seeing Sara.

"She couldn't she has some things she needs to take care of but you know that we can see Sara whenever we want to." Catherine made her way over to her daughter pulling her into a hug.

"Can I sleep in here with you tonight?"

"Of course, you can."

Catherine led her daughter to her bed and then went about getting herself ready to join her. Just as Catherine thought her daughter had fallen back to sleep a little voice asked, "did Sara have to go see Sofia?"

Joining her daughter under the covers Catherine ran her fingers through the younger blonde’s hair before she answered. "I don’t think she did she had to go see aunt Nance’. I’m sure she would go and see Sofia at some point though." 

"I wish she didn't have to go and see Sofia."

"I thought you liked Sofia?" Catherine kissed her daughter's hair she couldn't really say that she disagreed with her daughter at all.

"Sofia is nice I just wish Sara could be here all the time I miss her as I miss you when you're not here." Lindsay yawned and Catherine could still see the little girl her daughter used to be. Catherine didn't know what to say to that for a moment. After all, she too wished more and more with every passing day that Sara could be there with them more but she knew it wasn't fair to put that on her daughter she knew that no matter what she wanted from Sara would and never could impact on Lindsey.

“Sara’s still always there for us no matter what. We are very important to Sara and you shouldn’t ever forget that baby OK.”

“OK mommy,” Lindsey replied half asleep a moment later and Catherine watched Lindsey’s chest rise and fall for a few moments as her daughter fell asleep. It was hard to tell as she watched Lindsey wriggle in her sleep who had needed to hear the words more. Sometimes Catherine herself needed reminding that even if Sara had Sofia there was still room in the brunette’s life for her and her daughter.

●●●●

“I regret saying that my door was open anytime day or night.” Nancy yawned as she let Sara in. In truth, she hadn’t been in bed just dosing on the couch hoping that Sara would be true to her word and come let her know that everything was ok.

“No, you don’t.” Sara managed a small smile as she slipped past Nancy into the house.

“Was everything ok with Cath?”

“In the end yes the jerk from the bar was at her house shouting about how she was trying to set him up he’s at the station now though.”

“And out of everyone she could have called she chose you.” Nancy led Sara through to the kitchen this sounded like they were going to need coffee.

“She said she would always choose me and we both know I’ll always go.”

“You know that at some point you have to start being honest with yourself right for everyone’s sake.”

“I hurt Sofia tonight and not just because I rode to Cath’s rescue. I forgot I’d made plans with her can you believe that? I was so focused on nearly kissing Cath that I forgot that Sof’ and I were meant to be watching a movie this evening.”

“What did she say when you saw her?”

“She was mad but I think she seemed resigned. She said she trusts me to tell her if there is something she needs to know.”

“Can she, because the fact that you just don’t love her is something she needs to know. I’m not suggesting that you drive there now and tell her that it’s over but would you want to be someone’s safe choice while they sorted them self out?”

Sara knew it had been a rhetorical question and she didn’t bother to answer just set about making herself and Nancy coffee as the kettle boiled. She let the mundane task distract her from her thoughts for a moment. Handing one cup to Nancy before taking a sip from the other Sara couldn’t stop thinking about Sofia how had she managed to mess it up so badly. Should she have not even bothered to try and build something with the blond? No that wasn’t it what she should have done was talked to Catherine properly before all of this and maybe she might have known that there was something there on Catherine’s side too.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to talk to Sofia tonight.” Sara saw no point in putting it off at this point she was just being stubborn and that was no reason to keep dating someone. There was no point in saying she cared for Sofia if she didn’t prove it by doing what was best for her for once and while there were doubts about what could happen with Catherine stringing Sofia along wasn’t fair.

“You sure you don’t want to sleep on it? Emotions are obviously running high tonight.”

“No if I sleep on it I’ll find a way to talk myself out of it and that’s not fair on any of us. Catherine said that what I want is as important as anything and if I’m being honest once I put my fear to one side I want to know if this can be something with Cath so I can’t really keep Sofia hanging can I.”

“I tell you that and you don’t listen Cath says it and it’s gospel.” Nancy shook her head with a smile. “You have to do what you feel is best and I’m always here no matter what.”

“I know and I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

“Yes, you could it's just easier when you can share.”

●●●●

"Well, it can't be good news if you're here at this time of the morning."

"I really think we need to talk."

Sara wasn't sure that this was the right time or place for the conversation that she felt they needed to have she did though know she couldn't put it off and now that she had made up her mind it didn't seem fair on Sofia to string her along.

"Well nothing good ever came from those words couple that with the look on your face right now and I'd say it’s nothing good." Sofia slumped back in her seat and looked up at Sara who she decided looked terrible. "Have you had any sleep?"

"No, I couldn't sleep I knew we needed to talk and I knew it couldn't wait. Let's not talk here though."

Sara could already feel that they were getting some attention and the last thing she felt she needed right then was Hodges sticking his nose in. Once she was sure Sofia was going to follow her Sara headed out of the break room and headed off in search of somewhere that they could have a quiet moment in the middle of such a busy crime lab. It wasn't till Sofia snorted with laughter that Sara realised where she had taken them.

"Really Catherine's office is the best place for this conversation."

Sara hadn't thought about it in that sense she knew it would be empty right now and no one else in their right mind would barge into Catherine's office without prior invitation.

"Well, she's not using it right now."

"And she's never far from your mind."

"This isn't about Cath." Sara sighed knowing that it probably was as much about Catherine and Lindsey as it was anything else at this point. Sofia did deserve a medal for putting up with her for this long.

"At this point you know that's a lie as much as I do. Let's be honest with each other if this is it if this is where we end let's do it honestly."

Sara was silent for a moment just watching Sofia. She really was one of the most beautiful women she had ever met and part of her wished she could just shut the rest of it out of her head and love this woman the way she deserved to be loved. She knew now that she couldn't and more than anything that wasn't fair on Sofia she deserved the best and she deserved Sara to be grown up enough to stop hurting her and let her find someone who could love her like that.

"I don't want this to be about Cath then ok I don't for once for just a moment I want this to be about us."

"It's not just about us though is it I can say that there is at least five of us in this relationship."

"Five?"

"Me you Catherine Lindsey and Nancy."

"Nancy! She's my best friend and I talk to her about everything but why is that an issue?"

"It's an issue when your best friend is the sister of the woman you're dumping me for."

"I'm not dumping you for Cath that's not what this is I'm just trying to be fair on you right now and I know I haven't been."

"Oh, come on Sara please I've walked in on you two over the last couple of weeks and felt like I shouldn't be interrupting these private moments between the two of you. I shouldn't feel like that I'm meant to be your girlfriend and you talked about our future but I don't think the future you want is with me."

"We don't break up today and this time tomorrow Cath and I are dating that's not what this is. Cath and I are mostly still trying to make a friendship work I have realised though that it's not fair on you to have to feel like you're sharing me while I try and work it out. I don't want to hurt you. They weren't ever my intentions when we started this I had no idea that Catherine and I could even do friendship and when I spoke of the future I was thinking of you. You are amazing and beautiful and make me feel so special and I wanted to take that step with you."

"I know you never wanted to hurt me, Sara, I know you don't have a mean bone in you I think if you thought of yourself more we would have been over a while ago but you wanted to make me happy didn't you?"

"Of course, I did and that won't stop I still want you to be happy and I'm sorry you deserve so much better than this."

"The trouble is all I want is this and I know now I can't have it. I can't have you! There's no point in fighting this fighting you. I want you I want us I think you are without a shadow of a doubt the most amazingly loving and beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. That means nothing though because you want her. I know it's complicated between you two there's so much more for you to think about especially with Lindsey involved I know how much you love her too. I think it's one of the things that you liked about us were not complicated but you need to feel about someone the way you feel about Catherine for it to get complicated. Funny thing is at this point the only people that don't really know how you two feel about each other is you two. For the love of god Sara put that woman out of her misery."

"I think even we are starting to work it out."

"Did something happen yesterday?" Sofia wasn't even sure she wanted to know the answer to that question she realised that this conversation was pretty much the end of her relationship with Sara but she wasn't sure she wanted to know if something had happened between Sara and Catherine to prompt this.

"No God no I took her home and I drove to Nancy’s then here I promise but I'm not sure if she had of insisted that I go in I'd have said no and I'm not sure what might have happened and I really don't like myself for that at the moment."

"You can't blame yourself for the way you feel about someone and I told you that I trust you nothing has changed that at least you're being honest with me about all of this. You just need to be honest with her too now and at least give the two of you a chance."

Sara pushed off the desk she had been leaning against and pulled Sofia into her arms.

"This really sucks." Sara sighed pulling Sofia a little tighter kissing her hair. "I really never meant to hurt you."

"It really does suck I never wanted to lose you and this is going to be difficult for me. Especially if you do end up with Catherine seeing you two together is going to remind me of what I've lost."

"What can I do to help?"

"Just give me some time, ok I know we can work out a way to work together."

"Time is the least I can do for you," Sara told her pulling her tighter once more squeezing her tight.

"That's your phone." Sofia pulled away from Sara a little and looked at her. Reaching into her pocket Sara fished out her mobile noticing Catherine’s number instantly. "You should get that." Sofia pulled away from Sara a little more.

"She can wait for just this once I think this is a little more important don't you."

"We have to break up for you to think that." Sofia rolled her eyes at Sara.

"I have no defence for that." Sara sighed placing her phone on the desk and running her fingers through her hair just as the ringing stopped only to start again a moment later. "I've been a rubbish girlfriend."

"You." Sofia stepped closer to Sara once again and gripped her chin so that she couldn't look away. "You haven't been a rubbish girlfriend honestly I've loved getting to know you better you have so much to give Sara you just have to find someone you want to give it all to and we both know who that is I think." Sofia made her point looking at the phone as it stopped ringing again.

●●●●

Nancy watched as Jeremy and Lindsey chatted animatedly as they went upstairs and then turned her attention to her sister.

“I’ve missed her being here the last few days.” Nancy pulled on her sister's arm leading her into the kitchen.

“Yeah well as nice as it was that mom stayed over I’m so very glad she’s gone home.” Catherine smiled teasingly at her sister.

“For someone who’s relieved mom’s gone home you don’t look very happy.”

Catherine’s shoulders slumped and she sighed heavily as If the mention of not looking happier had knocked the last of the fight from her.

“It’s Sara,” Catherine admitted.

“Well, there’s a surprise. Though the way she took off out of here yesterday after you called she can’t be in your bad books.”

“She wasn’t if anything after yesterday I had real hope for us and the future.”

“After you’re near kiss,” Nancy asked with a waggle of her eyebrows.

“She mentioned that to you?”

“Of course, she did. Cath I know you really want this but you’ve got to let Sara work this out for herself OK.”

“Even if that means I lose her for good.”

“You can’t make her come to the decision you want. She’s going to ware herself out trying to work it out as it is, don’t put extra pressure on her.”

“I’m not talking to her at all at the moment so it doesn’t matter.”

“What happened?” Nancy was sure these two were going to cause her to go grey sooner.

“She hasn’t taken my call once since she left me last night and Lindsey really wanted to see her this morning. So, unless the earth has opened up and swallowed her I see no reason for her to be like that.”

“I know you two run at all or nothing but please talk to her before you lose it with her.”

“I just can’t stand that she pulls away and won’t talk to me. I know that she came here last night after she left me and I know she told you how she was feeling, but she won’t talk to me properly.”

“I know it must frustrate you but you need to let her open up to you in her own time saying she can be stubborn is like saying the suns warm, you know that as well as I do. She needs to learn to trust you though and frankly after everything you two have said over the last few years it’s going to take some patience on your part.”

“I know it’s just all so frustrating.”

“I know and I know you when you want something you’re not normally patient at all but be careful with Sara.”

●●●●

"Hey, " Sara finally pulled her head out of her locker at the sound of a voice behind her. "You look as good as I feel." Sofia sighed resting herself against her locker looking Sara over.

"Hey." Sara looked down suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable at the sight of Sofia. "Yeah, I really didn't get much sleep I don't know about you."

"None at all really but I'm ok," Sofia assured her when she saw the concern in Sara's eyes. "It's just all so fresh."

"If you need I can talk to Griss make sure we don't get paired up."

"No, it's ok we have to get used to it right."

"Ok this is just weird and I know that's my fault."

"Sidle you are alive then I was beginning to wonder I mean you haven't answered my calls at all today." Sara and Sofia both turned at the sound of Catherine's voice behind them.

"Well, it can't have been life or death as you’re stood there." Sara sighed turning back to her locker slamming it shut. The last thing she needed right now was Catherine pissed at her but it seemed that it didn't matter what she wanted.

"Well, you'd have known what it was if you had answered but I guess Lindsey and I know where we stand on your priority list."

Sara saw the look of surprise on Sofia's face and shook her head at her. _No, she hadn't told Catherine what had happened._ "I just hope whatever you were doing was worth it," Catherine told her and Sara could see that her silence was annoying the older woman but this wasn't the time for that conversation not with Sofia obviously still hurting over what had happened standing there too. Sara was grateful when Catherine didn't say anything more just walked out of the room.

"Why didn't you tell her why you didn't answer?"

"Right then she wasn't ready to listen I'll wait a while and try later." Sara shrugged she was after all an expert at dealing with a pissed off Catherine.

"It's just another day for you two isn't it?”

"Pretty much." Sara shrugged.

"And to think that's you're future now. Maybe I should have been meaner to you." Sofia stepped closer to Sara placing her hands-on Sara's face she was trying to make her smile but it wasn't working.

"You," Sara placed her hands over Sofia's and squeezed. “Are an amazing woman and that's who you should continue to be ok. I don't deserve you being so nice to me but you deserve someone much better than me and I pray that you find them."

"You deserve to be happy too and if you like the mean lady you shouldn't give up on her." Sofia was happier to see a small smile on Sara’s face this time.

"I'm just going to let the mean lady calm down first."

●●●●

"Catherine, can I have a word?" Sofia wasn't sure what she was doing right now or why she was doing it all she knew was she didn't like the thought of Sara getting so much grief from Catherine for no good reason.

Catherine looked up from her paperwork and rolled her eyes. Of course, Sofia had come to tell her off for being mean to Sara what a protective girlfriend she was. Catherine knew she had blown off at Sara and it wasn't called for Sara wasn't at her beck and call but she really didn't need Sofia to tell her that right now.

"I'm kind of busy," Catherine told her looking down at her paperwork effectively cutting her off.

"Nice try but you're going to hear me out if we have to sit here all shift."

"What is it that's so pressing right now Sofia really?" Catherine slammed her folder shut and threw her pen down on the desk.

"If you had asked Sara what she was doing this morning instead of just going off at her she would have told you what was going on you know that."

"I don't need to know anything ok; I know everything I need to know. Whatever you two were doing was obviously more important than anything else."

"We were breaking up Catherine and yes for us right then that was more important than anything else."

"You two have broken up?" Catherine sat up straighter pulling her glasses off placing them on the desk. So many things whirling through her head. Sofia was right if she had just spoken to Sara and asked why she didn't answer she would have known what was going on would have known that Sara was probably hurting right now. Then there was the fact that Sara could have told her what had happened at any point today but she chose not to. Then there was the fact that Sara was single now Sara wasn't seeing Sofia could there be a chance that Sara and herself could maybe someday be together though Catherine realised that if she flew off the handle like she did today many more times that was never going to happen. No Sara obviously still didn't trust her enough or she would be hearing this from the brunet herself.

"Yeah, this morning you couldn't have had worse timing if you had tried when you called. Look I just wanted you to know because she may have been the one to end things but I know she's hurting too and I don't want you making it worse."

"She broke up with you?" Catherine sat back in her seat trying to work out what had happened between Sara dropping her off last night and now.

"Yeah, it turned out we wanted different things." Sofia chuckled dryly that was an understatement, to say the least.

"Like?"

"Well I wanted her and she wants you."

"Me!" Catherine's face mirrored the surprise she felt at that moment as she took in Sofia's words. "That's not even funny."

"No and I'm not laughing the only thing I still don't know is if you really don't see the way she looks at you or you choose not to? Do you know what I probably don't want to know. I just want to see her happy she deserves that." Sofia stepped back towards the door. "I really just thought you should know she's going to need a friend maybe you can be it."

Catherine watched the space that Sofia had vacated long after she had left not quite able to wrap her mind around what had just been said to her. It was one thing to feel like Sara shared the feelings she had it was something totally different to be told that this was true and by all people, Sara’s now ex-girlfriend. Sofia had pretty much just implied that Sara had broken up with her because the brunet wanted her and not Sofia. That made her feel even worse about what she had just said to Sara. Nancy had told her to talk to Sara before snipping at her but that advice had fallen on death ears. Her sister had been right though when she wanted something there was nothing subtle about her. Knowing she could lose Sara because she pushed when the younger woman just needed some time was a startling thought and, to be honest knowing how to best handle what had to happen was perplexing. If Sara wasn't ready to admit that there was something there then pushing wasn't the answer at this moment because Sara would retreat into herself and Catherine would lose her totally. Deciding for now for once she would have to tread softly and just hope that they could build enough trust for Sara to confide in her. The first step on that road, she decided, getting up from her desk, was to find Sara and apologise for overreacting earlier. Squaring her shoulders with a clear goal in sight Catherine headed out of her office.

 


	16. Date Meal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was amazing thanks Cath." Sara felt bad for teasing Catherine about always doing takeout when she was there as she was obviously an amazing cook. 
> 
> "This is normally moms date meal at which point I have to go stay with Nancy or Grandma," Lindsey announced to Sara. "I'm glad it's not a date meal tonight and I get to see you, Sara." 
> 
> Sara bit the inside of her lip and tried so hard not to laugh at the look of pure horror on Catherine's face at her daughter's words.
> 
> Or
> 
> Catherine cooks dinner for Sara and they both really enjoyed the experience.

“Ok, what’s going on? I can’t take much more of this Sofia’s wandering around like someone kicked her puppy and the guilt rolling off you is like you kicked said puppy.”

Sara looked up from the photos she was analyzing and frowned at her brother as metaphors went that was a rubbish one. He wasn’t wrong though she did feel awful about everything she had put Sofia through.

“Sofia and I broke up.” Sara was grateful when Aaron stepped into the room and pulled her into his arms wrapping her tight and kissed her head.

“When you say broke up, I’m assuming you did the breaking.”

“Yeah.” Sara sighed pulling closer to her brother.

“And does that have anything to do with a certain strawberry blond that for now will remain nameless.”

“Well, apparently I can’t do anything that isn’t connected to said nameless strawberry blond.”

“Hey look I think you have to do whatever you feel the need to do if Sofia isn’t the one don’t beat yourself up I know you and I know you wouldn’t have dated her if you didn’t think it could work. I also know you can’t stand still if you’re not happy and You know what will make you happy.”

“It’s scary though.”

“Hey, look at me little bit.” Aaron stepped away from Sara a little so that he could see her face. “I know you probably haven’t felt the way you do about Cath in a long time and I know how much it broke you when Star died. You have to trust that this will be better though I don’t think that Sara then would recognise you now.”

“I kind of just meant Catharine’s scary.” Sara nudged him with a shy smile she really did appreciate his words she just couldn’t ever tell him how much especially not right now.

“With you lately not so much.”

“I don’t think I’m scary at all.” Catherine smiled as both Sidle siblings jumped at the sound of her voice. She didn’t know what they had been talking about before she had entered the room, but she could tell by the look on Sara’s face right now that Sara was hoping she hadn’t heard.

“How long have you been there?”

“Just long enough to hear you think I’m scary but Aarons not so sure anymore.”

“Ok.” Sara looked up at her brother trying to gauge whether or not he believed her when Aaron just shrugged she relaxed a little.

“Was it me or little bit you wanted?” Aaron asked and Catherine laughed as Sara groaned and pushed him.

“Don’t call me that at work or ever I’m a grown-up now.”

“You’ll always be my little sister.”

“Don’t laugh Cath you’ll encourage him.” Sara didn’t like the thought of Catherine seeing her as Aarons little sister.

“I’m not laughing at that it’s what you call Lindsey and I think that’s cute. And it was Sara I wanted.”

“You can go now then she doesn’t want you.” Sara shoved her brother encouraging him to leave the room but didn’t protest as he kissed her forehead brushing her hair behind her ears.

“Give it a chance.” He whispered before heading out the door Catherine was standing by.

“So am I really scary?” Catherine asked stepping closer to Sara.

“No, not so much anymore I just wanted to stop him talking about something else.”

“Good the last thing I want is to be scary well to you at least.” Catherine stepped even closer to Sara and couldn’t help but notice the way Sara swallowed and looked down at the photos in front of her once again. “With that in mind, I owe you an apology about earlier tonight. I was out of line I shouldn’t have said what I did I know you and I know where Lindsey and I come on your list of priorities and if you didn’t answer it must have been for a really good reason and I should just have asked.”

“You and Lind’s really do mean the world to me.”

“I know and I shouldn’t have suggested otherwise let me make it up to you.” Catherine stepped closer to Sara so that they were standing side by side placing her hand over Sara’s Catherine squeezed.

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” Sara assured her turning her hand over so that she could entwine their fingers together. “You’ve said sorry that’s more than enough for me.”

“I want to.” Catherine insisted. “Are you off in the next few nights?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Sara answered looking over at Catherine wondering where she was going with this.

“Brilliant so am I, do you want to come and have dinner with me and Lindsey? I’ll even cook.”

“Dinner at yours normally consists of you plating up take out.” Sara teased squeezing Catherine’s hand.

“Well I’ll make you a deal you bring the wine and I’ll actually cook that is if you want to come.”

“I’d very much like to have dinner with you two.”

“Good now solve your case or you won’t be having any time off.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

●●●●●

“Hey.”

Sara didn’t have to look up from the fingerprints she was running to know that Catherine was looking at her from the doorway of the print lab.

“Do you have eyes in the back of your head?” Catherine chuckled as she came to stand closer to Sara.

“No, it would seem I have a sixth sense where you’re concerned though.”

“Gained through years of trying to avoid rooms I was in.” Catherine joked.

“You said that not me!” Sara was quick to point out. “I wasn’t going to go with that.”

“I’m joking calm down.” Sara jumped a little as Catherine’s spoke directly into her ear her breath caressing her skin the older woman was that close. Catherine squeezed her shoulders and it was hard to suppress the shudder at the older woman’s touch. “I’m done for the night I just wanted to come to check that you were still OK for tomorrow?”

“I’m most definitely still good for tomorrow,” Sara assured squeezing Catherine’s hands before moving in her chair so she could get a better look at the strawberry blond. There was no point pretending to pay any attention to the prints while Catherine was touching her so why not give the older woman her full attention.

“Good Lindsey and I are both really looking forward to you coming over.”

“Good because I am too. I know you said wine but did you want anything else.”

“Just you.” Catherine smiled and Sara shook her head at the obvious double meaning in Catherine’s words.

“That can be arranged.”

“Sara those samples we gave to Mia have been bounced to Hodges I’m on my way there now any luck on the prints?” Greg asked as he entered the room paying little to no attention to the tension emanating from the two women. Sara wasn’t surprised tension between her and Catherine was nothing new to the rest of the lab even if it certainly had a very new feeling to her right now.

“I’m running them now should find out either way in a moment,” Sara answered him not peeling her eyes from Catherine once.

“I thought you were long gone.” Greg acknowledged Catherine. “I saw Nick leave a while back.”

“Paperwork,” Catherine shrugged. “And I needed to talk to Sara.” For the second time that week Catherine found herself ruing the arrival of one of their colleagues. Although it seemed that Sara wasn’t using the distraction to put any distance between them this time. “We’re good?” Catherine looked at Sara.

“We’re good.” Sara nodded her affirmation.

“I’ll see you later then Sidle.”

“Bye Cath.”

“Ok, that was surprisingly amicable.” Greg blocked Sara’s move as she tried to turn back to the computer running her prints.

“We can be nice to each other.” Sara sighed looking up at him.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Look Greg Cath and I are friends we’re still going to have disagreements but that’s just part of who we are.”

“So, nothing to do with the fact that you broke up with Sofia.”

It was no great surprised that he knew even though the only people to be told so far were Nancy and Aaron. Catherine didn’t even officially know yet, but Greg seemed to have a way of finding almost everything out somehow.

“Sofia and I just weren’t working out and it was best for us both to end it now before anyone really got hurt. That doesn’t have anything to do with anyone but me and Sofia OK.”

“it’s OK I know you’ll tell me in the end.” Greg smiled as he headed to the door. “Now wish me luck I’m going to talk to Hodges.”

●●●●●

Sara pulled up into Catherine's drive and cut the engine. She sat for a moment just looking at Catherine’s house drumming her knuckles of the steering wheel she caught herself with a smile. It had driven Catherine crazy a couple of nights ago not that she even really noticed till Catherine pointed it out. It was a nervous reaction and nerves were on the verge of getting the better of her once again. In fact, all the times she had made the drive from her own apartment to Catherine's house she didn't think she had ever felt as nervous as she did right then. Her heart was trying to beat out of her chest, her hands were sweaty, and she felt a little sick. It wasn't even the first time she had eaten at Catherine's house since they had originally called their truce, which felt like a lifetime ago now, Sara had regularly had dinner here. Normally it was before Catherine was about to go out for the evening or go to work and all very low key. This felt anything but low key and there wasn’t normally the possibility of them spending the evening together. Sara wasn't sure that feeling this sick at the thought of spending the evening with someone you wanted to hopefully be spending a lot of your free time with was a good thing.

Slipping out of the car Sara gave her outfit another once over and picked invisible lint off her pants. It was something else that she had stressed over this evening normally it didn't matter what she was wearing when she went to Catherine's house and mostly, would settle for turning up in joggers. Somehow that felt wildly inappropriate today and Sara had spent far too long trying to figure out what was best. In the end, settling on a pair of black pants and a black shirt that she had been told looked good on her more than once.

With one last look at herself in her side mirror, she rolled her neck trying to relieve a little of the stress she was feeling and headed up to Catherine's house.

"Sara." Catherine greeted her opening the door. Sara's breath caught in her throat as she caught sight of Catherine. Sara didn't know what it was about Catherine this evening, but the older woman looked amazing. The tight blue jeans and red sweater that hugged her in all the right places was enough to render Sara speechless.

"Wow." Sara closed her eyes and shook her head that was not what she had meant to say.

"Like what you see Sidle?" Sara knew that she was being teased and just shook her head. "I wanted to look nice for you," Catherine told her leaning into Sara to kiss her on the cheek. If Sara had thought she had felt tense before she knocked the door it had nothing on the way her heart was pounding like a snare drum in her chest as Catherine's body pressed against her and soft lips skimmed her cheek. "You don't look too shabby yourself Sidle." Catherine smiled pleased with the slight tinge of red on Sara's cheeks as she stepped aside to let Sara enter her home.

All lingering stress dissipated from her as Lindsey hugged her the moment Sara was in the house.

"I thought mom was joking when she said you were coming over for the evening."

"I thought she was joking when she asked." Sara smiled squeezing Lindsey tight it seemed that with every inch that Lindsey grew Sara's love for her grew too.

"Ok, you two are very funny." Catherine glared at them both as she headed towards the kitchen.

"I come in peace I brought wine," Sara assured her, "though I have left it in the car." Sara shook her head she was rubbish at this.

"Ok so you go get the wine and I'll go check on dinner."

"What time is delivery?" Sara winked at Catherine and laughed at the indignant look on the older woman's face.

"You really better hope that's good wine Sidle." Catherine tried to come across as stern, but her smile gave her away. She shook her head Sara Sidle was so damn cute when she was being playful.

"I've woken up in bizarro land." Lindsey looked between the two adults this was weird to say the least.

"Homework young lady and be thankful were being nice."

Sara left the house and slipped into her car taking a long look at herself in the rearview mirror running her fingers through her hair. Inhaling a deep calming breath through her nose letting it slowly out of her mouth, deciding that with hindsight leaving the wine in the car had been a very good move. After all it gave her a moment to catch her breath which was much needed. Lindsey was right they were in bizarro land and if pigs started to fly past her window right now it would be a lot easier to understand over the picture of domestic bliss she had just stepped out of.

'Was it really that bad though?' She thought to herself and without a doubt, the answer was no. If she was being honest then it was more the fact that things seem to switch between them so fast. One moment they were at each other and the next it was all wine and dinner. The scariest part was the fact that she could see herself doing this over and over again. Catherine cooking Lindsey doing her homework even if this was it even if all they could ever be was really good friends as they watched Lindsey grow then Sara was sure she could learn to live with that. Not that she had any plans to settle for friendship alone just yet. Although with her and Catherine friendship really was the best place to start.

Realizing that she had probably sat in her car for far too long Sara grabbed the wine and the book she had brought to give to Lindsey, from the back seat and headed back into the house. Placing the book on the coffee table and taking the wine through to the kitchen Sara smiled when Catherine jumped a little as she set the wine down on the counter next to her.

Catherine had been so lost in her own thoughts that she really hadn't heard Sara re-enter the house. In fact, Sara had been outside for so long that Catherine had started to think that the brunette wasn't coming back in.

"Something smells amazing?" She felt Sara's body meld to hers from behind as the younger woman peered over her shoulder. "I wasn't sure if you like red or white so I got both." Sara was so close to her that Catherine could feel her breath on her cheek as she spoke. Catherine inhaled sharply and bit her lip. She couldn't tell right now if Sara was purposely trying to get a reaction or was just being Sara either way though Catherine realised there would be a lot of cold showers till this was resolved.

"I don't mind either really but the red looks amazing why don’t you pour us a glass and then you can help Lindsey I know she'd love that." Catherine prayed her voice didn't shake as she spoke she really needed Sara to take a step back otherwise she would be blurring the lines of their friendship sooner than planned.

"Sorry." Catherine felt Sara move back a little and you didn't have to know Sara the way Catherine was beginning to realise she did to know that the younger woman was now worried that she had overstepped some boundaries.

"Don’t be sorry." Catherine turned to face Sara stepping closer placing one hand on her chest. "I'm not I may though burn dinner." Catherine was happy to see the smile pull at Sara's lips as the words seemed to sink in.

"Ok, I'll pour wine and be on homework duty."

"Thank you."

If Catherine wasn’t mistaken Sara's eyes flicked from her lips back to her eyes before she shook her head and took a step back.

Sara realised that kissing Catherine with Lindsey in the next room wouldn't be her finest moment. She hadn't even officially told Catherine that she was single again although it wasn’t a wild guess to assume that Sofia must have spoken to Catherine. There weren't many other plausible reasons for Catherine's sudden change of heart a couple of days ago. It was just another thing that made Sofia an amazing human that Sara felt she had never really been worthy of. Sara took another step back so much had changed in just two days and it felt like that was only the beginning of things.

"Sara I need help," Lindsey whined from the other room breaking the moment.

"Give me a second little bit," Sara told her reaching for the wine just behind Catherine. "I'll pour some wine and go help her before she gets too stressed."

"You ok I lost you for a second there?" Catherine asked concern etched on her face.

"Yeah, I was just thinking," Sara assured her heading to the cupboard grabbing two wine glasses.

"I'm beginning to realise that it’s not really a good thing at all you get lost in your head sometimes."

"Why miss Willows have you noticed things about me?" Sara tilted her head and smiled.

"More than you will ever know but probably nowhere near enough."

"You noticed that's enough anything else there's still time to pick up on we can both learn as we go right?"

"I'd like to learn more."

"Good now I better go and help Lind’s learn something before she burns her book."

●●○●●

"That was amazing thanks Cath." Sara felt bad for teasing Catherine about always doing takeout when she was there as she was obviously an amazing cook.

"This is normally moms date meal at which point I have to go stay with Nancy or Grandma," Lindsey announced to Sara. "I'm glad it's not a date meal tonight and I get to see you, Sara."

Sara bit the inside of her lip and tried so hard not to laugh at the look of pure horror on Catherine's face at her daughter's words. Sara filed that away for a later date not only the fact that Sara had been treated to Catherine's 'date meal' but the very beautiful shade of red that had now twice tinged her cheeks this evening.

"Well, I don't care why it normally gets cooked I'm just very glad it got cooked for us tonight. That really was amazing, now you need to go relax while Lind's and I tidy up."

"Sara no! I didn't invite you to my house just to do the tidying up you're a guest."

"Must only be Az that actually invites me with the sole intention of having me tidy up then." Sara smiled. "I'm not letting you clean up you cooked and that's not fair scoot we are perfectly capable of not wrecking the kitchen while we tidy right Little bit."

"We are a dream team." Lindsey beamed.

"So, go drink wine relax we'll be done in no time."

Catherine was thankful she had an uninterrupted view of the kitchen from her lounge when the doors were open so she sat back on the sofa and enjoyed the view. All the times that Sara had been to her house before Catherine hadn't ever really taken the opportunity that it gave her to really watch Sara and Lindsey interact. Sara was without a doubt the best thing that could have happened to her daughter and together they were beautiful. Somehow watching Sara spray water at Lindsey as they rinsed the dishes, before putting them in the dishwasher, made the way she felt about Sara even stronger. Two things struck her the first being that she didn't think two people could make more mess trying to tidy up than these two. Plus, the fact that there was a time when she would have flown of the handle at Sara right now for getting her kitchen wet. Now it was probably the on the list of top five moments she had spent with Sara. God she wanted more moments with Sara she realised with shocking clarity that she wanted this all the time. Wanted to be able to look up at any moment and find Sara and Lindsey there with her this was her family and she would fight to make it happen.

"Hey, you ok?" Catherine looked up into concern filled brown eyes and she wanted to cry this woman-owned her and she didn't even know when or how it happened.

"I'm fine." Catherine smiled trying to reassure Sara a little.

"You sure because I called you a couple of times and we've been finished for a few minutes."

"I was thinking and I must have zoned out but honestly I'm fine."

"Ok." Catherine could tell that Sara wasn't going to push her right now but she wasn’t convinced either.

Sara sat on the sofa next to Catherine and cast a concerned eye over the older woman. It was easy to tell that Catherine had been lost in thought. It wasn’t so easy to work out if they had been happy or not.

"Where did Lindsey go?"

Sara watched as Catherine scanned the area for her daughter and smiled. She really must have been lost in thought to have not noticed Lindsey go past.

"She went to get changed she wants to watch a movie with us before bed if that's ok?"

"I really like that idea." Sara really wished Catherine came with an instruction manual right now. That look in her eyes the way she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and raked her eyes up Sara's body as she curled herself up resting her head on her arms, that all meant something right?

"Cath?" Sara realised that there was only one way to know if it all meant something and that was to ask. She knew she had to be as honest as she could with Catherine too and that started by telling her about Sofia whether Catherine knew or not.

"Yeah."

"I think we need to be honest with each other that's what good friendships are built on right honesty and trust?"

"That's what any relationship is built on." Catherine nodded.

"Ok, so I think it's only fair that you hear from me that Sofia and I broke up. I think you probably already know that but I wanted to make sure I don't want there to be any doubt."

"Thank you, Sara, I think there could have been a lot more communication between us up to now."

"We're good at one half of effective communication maybe we need to work on the listening portion."

"Yeah because you've got the yelling down."

"Thanks, Lind’s." Sara smiled up at her noticing her for the first time. "You ready picked a movie."

"School of Rock." Lyndsey smiled shoving the DVD in Sara's face.

Sara groaned and shook her head. "Really Lind’s you want to punish me?"

"You'll love it, she'll love it won't she mom you like it don't you?"

"It’s an epic." Catherine rolled her eyes and smiled at Sara. Sara knew no matter what they were both going to watch this movie and they would enjoy it like it or not because Lindsey was between them and she was all that mattered pretty much all the time. It was funny to think that their mutual love for Lindsey was probably the thing that had helped bring them to this point.

"Before we start the movie I brought you that book you wanted to borrow," Sara told the young blond picking up the book she had brought in of off the coffee table and placing it in Lindsey's hands.

"Cool thanks Sar'" Lindsey smiled. "You left a bookmark in here." Lindsey pointed out.

"Grab it for me," Sara told her smiling at Catherine nodding to Lindsey trying to convey that she would want to see this.

"No way." Lindsey squealed flinging herself at Sara. "You are the best. Look, mom." Lindsey let go of Sara with one hand and gave her mom the items she had pulled from the book.

"Sara you shouldn't have."

Sara tilted her head a little she wasn't sure if that was you shouldn't have because that's what people say when you buy their children a present or this was really you should not have done this.

"When we used the gift certificate that I got for my graduation Lind's loved sky diving."

"I know Sara I've heard all the stories a lot of times."

"So, she's been on about it ever since as you know and I said no until she had been behaving better on a consistent basis. As far as I'm aware she has so I thought the three of us could go together, should I have asked you first?"

"You want me to come?"

"Well yeah I hoped you'd want to but I have to say right now it really doesn't feel like I thought this through at all."

'Can I please have the manual now.

"No, you thought it through perfectly." Catherine slid closer to Sara and Lindsey placing her hand on Sara's arm rubbing gently. "I'm just a little shocked you want me to come too."

"I really would love you to come with us I think it would be an amazing day for us to share and I know Lindsey agrees don't you kiddo."

"Yeah mom you'll love it I can't wait to see you skydive."

"Well, in that case, I really can't wait we just need to actually get the same day off."

"Yeah, maybe we can get people in Vegas to stop committing crimes for a weekend," Sara suggested with a smile.

Catherine really couldn't even tell you what had happened in the movie if her life hung in the balance. Twenty minutes in and Lindsey had fallen asleep curled up on Sara's lap within a few minutes Sara was asleep too. Catherine had never seen anything as amazing as Sara sleeping holding Lindsey protectively in her arms.

"Why am I even still watching this," Catherine mumbled reaching for the remote.

"Hey, it's a good movie," Sara answered her voice thick with sleep. Catherine didn't think she had ever heard anything like the sound of Sara's voice thick and raspy having just woken up. She wanted so badly to reach over and kiss Sara awake and even more than that she wanted to hear that sound every morning from here on out.

"Whatever Sar' you saw about thirty minutes of it."

"I'm sorry." Sara yawned and Catherine couldn't take it any longer the urge to touch Sara was too strong so she slipped forward on the sofa and brushed some of the hair that had fallen into Sara's face behind her ears and brushed her lips over Sara's forehead.

"Don't apologise you can't help falling asleep you're tired."

"Well, I'm sure that you didn't plan on spending your evening with Lindsey and I sleeping." Sara placed her hand over Catherine's that was still on the side of Sara's face squeezing.

"Was it how I planned on spending my evening? No, probably not but would I change a moment of it now? No not for the life of me.” Catherine bit her lip and looked into Sara's eyes she could see so much doubt rolling around in the depths and decided that full disclosure was the only way forward. “Watching you sleep with Lindsey in your arms could become my favourite pastime.”

"You need to get out more.” Sara smiled shifting her body so she was sitting up with Lindsey in her arms. “I’ll carry her up if you like?”

“Please.”

Catherin watched Sara carry Lindsey up to her room until they disappeared out of sight before setting about clearing away the wine glasses. A smile spread as thought of the evening came to mind, it hadn’t been a lie when she told Sara she wouldn’t change a moment of it. Lost in thought Catherine jumped a little as warm arms wrapped around her from behind but she instantly relaxed into Sara’s embrace feeling Sara’s lips brush her temple.

“Thank you for a wonderful time this evening Cath and I really am sorry I fell asleep on you.”

Turning in Sara’s embrace so they were facing each other Catherine placed a hand on Sara’s cheek.

“Will you please stop apologizing for that Sar' you do look exhausted though.”

“I haven’t slept properly in a couple of days,” Sara admitted leaning into Catherine’s touch closing her eyes she really wasn’t sure she had felt this tired in a very long time. It would be so easy to just let Catherine hold her now and fall asleep. It was far too early in things between them for that to happen, but it was so tempting. “Is it ok if I leave my car here?” Sara found herself asking when all she wanted to do was stay.

“Huh?” Catherine had been so fixated on Sara having her arms around her she really hadn’t put much thought into Sara leaving and she suddenly felt very sad at the thought of it.

“Well I’m tired and I’ve had a drink so.”

“One Sidle with a DUI is enough.”

“You know about that?”

“Grissom and I spoke about it.”

“Oh, well yeah I don’t want to test my luck.”

“Probably a good idea.” Catherine sighed pulling herself closer to Sara resting her head on Sara’s chest. Why was it suddenly so hard to think about Sara leaving her it wasn’t like she was never going to see her again they would cross paths at work, and she had a feeling they would spend more time together out of work. It was like suddenly though knowing what she could have had made the thought of maybe never having it so much more painful.

“You ok?” Sara was worried something had changed in Catherine’s mind.

“Yeah.” Catherine nodded. “I’m just suddenly very attached.”

“I have no problem with you getting attached.” Sara smiled Kissing Catherine’s hair. “I have no problem with that at all.”

 

 


	17. Last First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara took a deep breath and ran her nose lightly over the strawberry blonds before brushing her lips lightly over the delicate ones on offer.  
> “Kiss me.” Catherine murmured against Sara’s lips.
> 
> Or 
> 
> Catherine and Sara finally share a kiss.

“I hoped Sara was still here when I saw her car,” Lindsey said around a mouthful of pancakes, Catherine couldn’t answer for a moment as she wondered how her daughter could possibly make words with that much food in her mouth.

“No baby she was very tired last night and didn’t want to risk driving,” Catherine answered before taking a bite of her own food. There had been an emptiness inside her since Sara had left yesterday evening that pancakes weren’t going to fill but she couldn’t insist that Lindsey ate if the young blond saw her pushing her food around her plate.

“I had a good night with you and Sara being here.”

“Well, I’m glad because I really hope we can have lots more times when Sara can come over and spend time with us.” Catherine never had any doubts that her daughter would love Sara spending time with them, somehow though hearing Lindsey say it made her feel better.

“Mom?”

“Yes, baby.” Catherine noticed the slight change in her daughter's body language as she put her fork down and purposely looked away.

“I know Sara and Sofia broke up does it make me a bad person because I’m kind of glad?”

“No baby.” That was one thing Catherine could say she was sure of as she squeezed her daughter's hand. There was no one on the planet happier that Sara had broken up with Sofia than her and she knew it didn’t make her a bad person just human for wanting this for her and her daughter. “Sara knows that you want her to be happy.”

“I want her to be happy here with us,” Lindsey admitted almost ashamed to say the words.

“Sara is happy here with us she loved being here last night and loves getting to do things with you. I can honestly say I don’t think anything or anyone could change that fact.”

“I guess.” Catherine watched her daughter quietly sit and mull something over for a moment or two. “But what if she meets someone she wants to start her own family with and then she doesn’t do things with us anymore because we’re not part of that.”

Catherine was quiet for a moment as she thought about what to say. Obviously, it didn’t seem right at this point to tell the young girl that she intended to do everything in her power to make sure that Sara was their family from here on out. The thought of calling Sara crossed her mind these were fears that Sara could so easily quell but it didn’t seem fair to disturb her she was so tired the night before and needed rest. Sara’s voice was so clear in her head at that moment though she could hear exactly what Sara would say if she was here now. Sliding on to the floor to kneel next to Lindsey Catherine said all the things she thought Sara would.

“You are Sara’s family and anyone that comes along would have to be happy to have you in their lives too. Sara has and always will put you first and I don’t think anything will ever change that. If you want to though maybe you should tell Sara how you feel.”

“She does say I can tell her anything.”

“And I’m sure she means it let’s get you to school and then later we can call her and maybe she can come to see you when she’s free.”

“Thanks, mom.”

  * ●○●●



“Knock knock.” Sara had really hoped to find Catherine alone in her office and was more than a little disappointed to find Nick in there with her. Biting down on her disappointment she rested against the doorway and smiled at Catherine.

“Hey what are you doing here?” Sara smiled at the concern in Catherine’s eyes as she looked up at her. “Grave doesn’t start for another few hours and you were dead on your feet last time I saw you." Sara had been more than a little worried that things might be different at work today than they had felt the night before. It seemed though that the woman sitting at her desk was the same woman that had told her last night that she was getting attached and being at work or Nick being here wasn’t going to halt that.

“I’m fine honestly,” Sara assured her with a smile. It probably wasn’t the time to say that the twelve hours sleep she had the night before was the most she had had in months and it was mostly down to the blond sitting across the room. “Vartan has run down a lead on the case we’re working so he wants me there and I thought if I was coming this way I’d bring coffee.” Sara winked crossing the room.

“You brought me a coffee?” Catherine smiled looking from Sara to the cup the brunette placed on her desk.

“Yeah.” Sara shrugged shyly.

Catherine took a sip from the cup and closed her eyes letting out a hum of appreciation as she tasted the perfectly made drink.

“Is this from Avery’s?”

It was without a doubt her favourite coffee shop and she wasn’t aware that Sara had known that. It blew her mind how many other little details did Sara know about her.

“Yeah I know you like their coffee and it wasn’t totally out of the way.” Sara smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“You're sucking up to the wrong supervisor Sara.” Nick shook his head at her.

“Well, I have Griss under mind control so I may as well move on.” Sara smiled at him winking at Catherine. “I should head out.”

“Sara wait,” Catherine called as Sara reached her office door. “I’ll be back in a second Nick.”

“You alright?” Sara questioned when they were alone concern obvious in her words.

“I was going to ask you that.” Catherine stepped closer to Sara placing a hand on her arm. Squeezing gently trying to convey so many things with a touch. It really had meant so much to her that Sara had gone all that way for coffee.  “You really didn’t have to go so far out of your way to bring me a coffee you know that right?”

“I wanted to.” Sara ducked her head pushing some hair behind her ear. “I really wanted to come to say hello, and I really wanted to say sorry again for falling asleep on you last night.”

“Will you stop saying sorry for that I told you I really don’t mind I liked getting to watch you sleep.”

“I...” Sara paused she wanted to say so much right now and she wasn’t sure if any of it was things that should be said at work or at all at that moment. Blurring the lines between friendship and something more seemed scarier than it had the evening before.

“Hey what’s up you went somewhere then?” Catherine asked concerned.

“I’m just thinking probably too much at the moment.”

Why was it so hard for her to think like a rational human when Catherine was so close these days? The strawberry blond smelt amazing and she was so close it would be easy to just pull her that little bit closer and press their lips together. Thoughts of what Catherine would taste like flooded her head and a little lower down. Would she taste sweet or a little bitter from the coffee? Groaning internally and biting her bottom lip she tried to focus on her breathing and not Catherine’s proximity to her.

Catherine knew something was going on in Sara’s head and wanted it to be her but she wasn’t naive enough to think she was all Sara thought about.

“Well you broke up with your girlfriend a couple of days ago you’re allowed to not be ok,” Catherine told her knowing that even if Sara had been the one to end things the whole situation still had to be raw. Maybe like it or not Sara might need some time and space to move on properly.

“I cared about her I really did and I miss her just being there and being so her. It’s not Sofia that has my head spinning right now though.”

“What has your head spinning?” Catherine asked flicking her eyes around the corridor making sure they were alone before she moved closer to Sara using the hand on her arm to pull her flush to her body. It seemed that no matter what her rational mind told her once Sara said something like that which so clearly had another meaning Catherine was incapable of giving Sara space and time.

“You, it always has been you that makes my head spin in ways I never knew it could.” Sara brushed her lips over Catherine’s forehead. “Now go back and finish up with Nick before I do something wholly inappropriate for where we find ourselves right now.

  * ●○●●



“I’ve brought coffee this time sorry though it is just the break room sludge.” Catherine apologised handing the mug over letting her fingers brush over Sara’s as she did so.

“I drove out of my way for you and I get sludge in return.” Sara teased with a smile taking the mug letting her fingers lace with Catherine’s for a moment before taking a sip.  

“It's your own fault I’m here at all I meant to talk to you about this earlier but you made it hard to concentrate.”

“Really.” Sara’s smile was so smug Catherine was torn between wanting to kiss it off her face or throw something at her.

“So dam cocky Sidle.” Catherine’s words only made Sara smile more.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Sara cleared her throat a little as her mind once again wandered to kissing the older woman.

“It was Lindsey actually.”

“Is she OK?” The concern in Sara’s voice never ceased to amaze her.

“She’s OK I think she just needs a little reassuring that no matter what you’ll always be here.”

“Oh!”

“That’s surprised you hasn’t it?” Catherine could tell by the puzzled look that Sara was sporting that she had been thrown for a loop.

“Yeah, I know when I started dating ‘Fia that she was worried but I thought she understood that she comes first no matter what. You guys both do its one of the reasons Sofia and I didn’t work out she felt like there were far too many people in our relationship. Did Lindsey tell you she was worried.”

“Yeah her exact words were something like what if Sara meets someone and has a family we’re not a part of.”

“What did you tell her?” Sara was curious as to what Catherine might have said.

“That she’ll always be top of your list and that you wouldn’t date anyone that didn’t think she was pretty amazing too.”

Sara wanted to tell her right there and then that she didn’t plan on dating anyone that wasn’t already in the room they were in but somehow that felt a little too soon after one successful dinner together. Sara didn't even really know what Catherine wanted this to be yet. The attraction was now so obvious that blindness was pretty much the only excuse for never seeing it before. That though didn’t tell her if the older woman wanted something permanent or just casual.

“I don’t think I could have a family that doesn’t involve you guys at this point,” Sara finally admitted after a moment. “I will talk to her try and quell some of her fears. I know she still thinks about Eddie and I know I’m in no way a replacement for the void his death left in her life but I can see how the thought of me just going away could play on those feelings.”

“I think you play your role in her life down and I think you’ve gone a long way to helping her heal after Eddie,” Catherine told her and wondered if she may have said the wrong thing when Sara bit her lip and looked down. Moving closer to the brunette Catherine reached for her entwining their fingers and squeezing. “What?”

 “Do you ever think it’s a little surreal how much things have changed between us compared to the way we were before?”

“In a good way yeah, I have to pinch myself sometimes but I like what we have.”

“I do too I just guess I get scared that it’s all too good to be true.”

Leaning up on to her tiptoes Catherine kissed Sara on the cheek before wiping her lipstick off Sara’s cheek.

“Not that I mind but what was that for?” Sara asked turning her face to Catherine smiling lopsidedly at her.

“I like that you don’t mind telling me that you’re worried about this.”

“I have the DNA report but you’re obviously busy so I’ll come back.” Sofia’s voice brought the pair crashing back to reality with a bump. Sara took a step away from Catherine closing the gap to Sofia who held her hand up in a halting motion before turning away and heading back the way she came.

“Is she ok?” Catherine asked moving closer to Sara but not touching her this time.

“Would you be?” Sara asked running her fingers through her hair. This was hard on Sofia that went without saying walking in on her and Catherine like that even if they were only talking about Lindsey wasn’t going to help. Sara didn’t know what to do for the best. Maybe it was time for her to move shifts she didn’t think that working with Catherine was a good idea just then but that only left days. Without some sort of explanation, she didn’t see herself getting a transfer and once she explained she was sure Ecklie would make sure she stayed on grave out of spite.

“No, I wouldn’t.” Catherine's answer brought Sara from her thought’s “Go talk to her I can tell you want to. We all have to work here and I wouldn’t know what I’d do in her shoes.”

“If you had to work with your ex.”

“If I lost you.” Catherine corrected before heading out of the room.

Only Catherine could blow her mind with four words she decided as she headed out in search of Sofia. There probably wasn’t much she could say to the blond that was going to make the situation easier but not even trying didn’t sit right with her.

“Don’t ask me if I’m OK Sara please.”

Sara finally found Sofia in the bathroom splashing some cold water on her face.

“I won’t then because it’s obvious that you aren’t.” Sara stepped into the room but stayed by the door not wanting to crowd the blond.

“I told you it was going to be hard for me seeing you two together.” Sofia didn’t look at her as she spoke.

“If it’s any consolation we were only talking about Lindsey.” Sara knew it probably didn’t matter what they were talking about for Sofia it was more seeing them than the content.

“You are free to talk to her about anything you want Sara. I’m guessing you two are definitely upgrading from friends?” Sofia asked turning the taps off and grabbing some paper towels wiping her face. Scrunching the towels into a ball Sofia threw them at Sara who caught them easily and dropped them into the bin next to her.

“Not yet but we’re working on it,” Sara admitted wondering why it was still so easy to talk to Sofia.

“I need to tell you something, Sara,” Sofia announced looking away from Sara.

“Ok you know you can still tell me anything.”

“I'm leaving.”

“The lab or Vegas?” Sara asked stepping further into the room standing by the sink next to the one Sofia was resting against.

“Both I’m transferring out to Boulder City as a detective.”

“You miss police work.” It was more of a statement than an actual question it was something they had talked a lot about when they were together.

“Very much, I also don’t have to have a ringside seat as you start to date, Catherine.”

“When do you go?”

“I told Grissom I’d see this case out.”

“I really hope Boulder City is good to you if it means anything I’m going to miss you. I really wish things could have been different between us.”

“So, do I but I really hope Cath makes you happy when you two finally work it out.”

  * ●○●●



“You're taking Catherine and Lindsey sky diving?” Nancy scrutinised Sara suspiciously over the rim of the cup she was drinking from. “Scrap that you’re taking my sister sky diving?”

“I know blowing my mind too. I brought three tickets on a whim and I never thought that I’d have the nerve to ask her. When I went over for dinner it just felt ok to ask.”

“I'm not sure it’s that you asked her that I’m struggling with more the thought of my sister willingly going skydiving. She really has it bad.” Nancy grinned putting her cup down on the table and laughing at the look on Sara’s face. “Come on you’re not telling me that you haven’t worked out that my sister has about the same size crush on you as you have on her.”

“I may have noticed that she seems very open to the idea of there being more between us but I think subconsciously we are both trying to make sure that being friends works for Lindsey’s sake as much as anything.”

“I guess that makes sense and I’m a grown-up I can wait a little longer.”

“Did she tell you she has feelings for me? Wait you don’t have to answer that I wouldn’t want you to betray your sister's trust in you. All your little hints make more sense now though and so does the look you gave her when she found out about me and Sofia.”

“How is Sofia?”

“Leaving.” Sara looked down hurting Sofia wasn’t her finest moment. “Probably actually left I wasn’t expecting her to come to say goodbye. It can’t be easy to walk into a room and find me and Catherine there looking all cosy.”

“How are you doing?” There was something in the way that Sara had answered that had Nancy worried.

“I,” Sara thought about brushing the question off then realised that there was no point she was talking to Nancy and there was no room for anything but one hundred per cent truth. “I feel like I hurt her for no reason because I should have known that we were never going to work.”

“Look at me, Sara.” Nancy reached over the table and squeezed Sara’s hands trying to offer some comfort. When it came to self-deprecating Sara could win medals and Nancy didn’t want her to be beating herself up about this when she should be moving forward. “We had that conversation remember and we both said that it was ok to see someone as long as you didn’t set out to hurt them. I know you and I think I got to know Sofia a little too and you guys were good together and I know you wanted to give the two of you a chance. It just so happens that my sister chose about the same time to start to put words to her feelings and then no one else stood a chance. Be happy ok you deserve that much.”

“I’m not always sure I do so thank you for telling me all the time.”

“Well, it’s one of the things I’m never going to stop telling you that and just how much I’m thankful to have you in my life and that I love you.”

  * ●○●●



“Now carry the seven and what do you have?”

“A lot of numbers that don’t make sense.” Lindsey rolled her eyes at the smile on Sara’s face. “I hate this.”

“You’ll get it kiddo your already so much better than you were,” Sara told her ruffling her hair. It was funny to watch Lindsey try and move out of her reach. The young girl hated it now when Sara messed her hair which just made Sara want to do it more.

“I guess.” Lindsey groaned shaking her head.

“let’s take a break.” Sara laughed getting up from the table and heading to the fridge to get two bottles of water. “I wanted to talk to you anyway,” Sara told her getting serious as she sat back down. “I spoke to your mom and she said that you were a bit worried about some stuff.”

“What did she tell you?” Lindsey asked picking nervously at the edge of the table.

“Not a lot because I wanted to hear it from you,” Sara told her stilling her hand.

“I feel silly,” Lindsey admitted.

“Nothing you want to tell me is silly.”

“When you told me that you had broken up with Sofia I was kind of happy and that’s not nice.”

Sara’s heart broke at the look on Lindsey’s face it was obvious that the young blond was struggling with this.  Sara wanted to make sure that she knew that no matter what it was ok to feel the way she felt.

“That’s OK little bit honestly I’m not mad and I know it’s not because you don’t want me to be happy I know you’re just worried that someone could stop us from seeing each other. You have to know now though that’s never going to happen no one will ever stop me being here for you.”

“Mom did and I hated it.”

“And that will never happen again,” Catherine assured them both from the doorway to the kitchen. “I was being stubborn Lindsey and I didn’t think through the impact of my actions properly but I know both of our lives are better with Sara and I’d never stop that.”

“And no one else ever could Lind’s; I don’t have any family, not blood family apart from Aaron, my best friends I stayed with before here are the closest I ever got. You and your mom have become my family without me even noticing. So never doubt that whatever I do next you two will be the biggest part of.”

“Sar’” Catherine didn’t know what to say to that actually didn’t want to say anything to that all she wanted to do was pull Sara close and kiss her senseless then maybe tell her that anything that they did next it should be together. Not convinced that Lindsey was ready for that let alone Sara Catherine knelt between the two of them and squeezed Sara’s leg.

“I know.” Sara smiled.

Catherine wasn’t convinced that Sara knew everything she wanted to say at that moment but was content to just share this moment with her daughter and the woman she was going to struggle not to fall in love with.

  * ●○●●



“You really are the best Sar' I love you so much.” Lindsey threw her arms around Sara from the back seat as they pulled up in Nancy’s drive. “I had such an amazing day.” Lindsey kissed Sara’s cheek and hugged her tighter.

“I had an amazing day too you know any time I spend with you is pretty much my best day and I love you too kiddo.”  Sara pulled Lindsey’s arms tightly and kissed her hand. “Now go announce your arrival to Nancy and tell her your mom will be there in a minute.”

Sara smiled as Lindsey seemed to fly from the car in a bundle of arms and legs.

“You aren’t coming in?” Catherine asked unbuckling her seatbelt and turning in her seat so she could look at Sara better. Catherine had herself had an amazing day and was nowhere near ready to see Sara leave yet.

“No, I’m going to see Aaron before he starts work he wants to play Xbox which is Aaron code for I still don’t feel like we're ok. So I don’t want to make him feel any worse than he does.” Sara smiled moving in her seat mirroring Catherine’s position.

“I was hoping to spend a little more time with you,” Catherine admitted not quite able to look Sara in the eye as she said the words.

“I’m not exactly happy to be ending our time together.” Sara cupped Catherine’s cheek tilting her head so their eyes met. “If things weren’t still a little strained between Aaron and I believe me I wouldn’t be going anywhere. Its Aaron though and I need to do as much as I can to put this right.”

“You two seem ok.”

“We mostly are it just takes the time I guess and we need evenings like this. Believe me, though I’d much prefer to be following you in there I can’t wait to play twenty questions with your sister.” Sara smiled letting her hand fall back to her lap now Catherine was looking at her.

“Yeah, I get to face her questions on my own thanks for that.” Catherine teased. “Sar' can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“The other day when you brought me coffee and we were talking you said I should go back before you did something wholly inappropriate for where we were what were you thinking.”

Sara bit her lip, of course, Catherine was going to call her on it. Sara had so badly wanted to kiss Catherine then and many moments before and since if she was being honest.

“Can’t we just say I was probably thinking exactly what you think I was thinking.” Sara sighed raging an internal battle between wanting to just pull Catherine into her arms and kiss her and still worrying that this was all a little too soon to be making out in the car.

“No, misinterpretation and assumptions got us to the point that they did and I really don’t want that to be how we move forward do you?”

“No, when you put it like that I don’t.”

“So what were you thinking?”

Sara didn’t answer just shifted forward in her seat and when she was within touching distance of Catherine she beckoned the older woman towards her with her index finger. Sara was mightily relieved when Catherine seemed to take the hint and met her halfway.

“I was thinking that I really wanted to kiss you and I didn’t want to get busted by Nick of all people.”

Sara couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this alive her heart was pounding and her brain was firing so fast it was probably hazardous. The older woman’s lips were millimetres from hers she could feel her breath on her lips and the anticipation was killing her. There was no rushing this there was never going to be a second chance at a first kiss with Catherine Willows. Sara took a deep breath and ran her nose lightly over the strawberry blonds before brushing her lips lightly over the delicate ones on offer.

“Kiss me.” Catherine murmured against Sara’s lips and Sara didn’t need a second invitation she pressed their lips together gently at first but deepened the pressure when Catherine pulled her closer. Feeling Catherine’s teeth nip her bottom lip Sara granted entrance to her tongue allowing the other woman to set the pace. Just as she was deciding that she needed to save every moment of the kiss to memory just in case it never happened again she felt gentle fingers slide under her t‐shirt and brush over the sensitive skin on her side.  

“Fuck.” Sara hissed as a wave of pure pleasure ran through her and she took the opportunity to kiss Catherine’s neck scraping her teeth lightly over creamy soft skin placing kisses on the skin her teeth had abused.

“Sar'" Sara heard Catherine calling her and she pulled away taking a deep breath.

“Sorry.” Sara ran her hands through her hair taking a deep breath. Kissing Catherine was a lot better than she could ever have imagined.

“Don’t apologise for kissing me like that Sara I haven’t felt like that in a very long time I just don’t want anything else to happen in the front seat of your car.”

“That’s a fair point and you do deserve a lot better than a fumble in my car.”

“We both do.”

“Yeah.” Sara sighed sitting back in her seat. “You should probably head in before Nancy comes to find us.”

“I really wish you were coming in now.”

“Stupid Aaron.” Sara smiled. “Probably good I’m not though gives you a minute to think all this through.”

“Do you think I’ll change my mind about this?” Catherine wasn’t sure who Sara was doubting herself or the blond.

“Do either of us know what this is yet?” Sara pointed out closing her eyes breathing deep. Her heart really did need to slow down before she had a seizure.

“What do you want this to be?” Catherine asked sliding closer to Sara drawing random patterns on her leg with her index finger. It felt so good to be able to touch Sara without reproach.

“More than anything right now I want to get to know you better and you get to know some more of me and with a bit of luck we both like what we find." Sara tried not to let her voice betray just how much Catherine’s touch was affecting her.

"No matter how much I tried not to... I like what I've found so far.” Catherine told her with a smile as Sara entwined her fingers with the hand that was on her leg bringing their joined hands up to her lips kissing Catherine’s knuckles.

"What... like a pig-headed rude pain in the butt?" Sara chuckled.

"No...I like beautiful, kind, warm, funny, loving, gentle, opinionated, stubborn and talented Sara Sidle, who yes, can sometimes be a pain in the butt."

"Beautiful?" Sara raised an eyebrow. "You sure you mean me?"

"Yes," Catherine smiled reaching over to Sara she slowly traced her finger over Sara's eyes. "You have beautiful eyes and they can be so expressive. They are what I look at when I need to read you... you can school your body, but never your eyes. They say so much." Tracing her finger down, Catherine ran it lower on Sara's face. "Your nose is possibly the cutest nose ever; it wrinkles when you concentrate and it takes all my will power not to kiss you." Going lower with her finger, both women sighed as Catherine's finger found Sara's lips. "God Sar' what I dreamed of these lips doing to me, just watching you talk can turn me on."

"That." Sara smiled "I will have to remember."

“I want to get to know everything there is to know about you. I want to be able to be someone you want to come to find when you’ve had a bad day. I want to be the arms that make you feel safe, be someone you confide in. Often just lately you have been my first thought when something has happened good or bad I've wanted to talk to you about all of it.”

Sara couldn’t say anything for a moment just laid her head back on the headrest and looked at Catherine. Had this amazing creature in the front seat of her car just said all these things to her. That wasn’t right surely she was going to wake up in a moment. Everything Catherine had just described sounded very much like a relationship and she wanted that with her. Sara hadn’t even dared to dream that it could be something Catherine wanted too. She was willing to be about anything Catherine needed to be but to find out that they wanted the same things was amazing and scary all at once.

“I said too much didn’t I.” Catherine wasn’t taking Sara’s silence as a good sign.

“No, that’s not it I just didn’t ever think that all the things I want for us would be all the things you want too.” Sara moved as close to Catherine as the centre console in her car would let her and cupped the other woman’s cheeks. It seemed that now she had kissed Catherine once there was no turning back the feel of her lips against Catherine’s was addictive. Once she was sure that there was going to be no protests from the older woman, sliding forward a little more closing the gap between them pressing her lips firmly to Catherine’s. “That’s something I can get used to.” Sara smiled leaning back into her seat.

“Sara out of curiosity if I didn’t want the same things if all I was ready for right now was something casual what would you have said.”

Sara looked away from Catherine staring out of the windscreen she read and then reread the number plate of the car parked a little further down the street. The answer to the question was easy enough she was willing to be anything Catherine needed to be the chance to be with Catherine was enough. At this point, she knew enough about Catherine to know though that was going to be the wrong answer. “Sara,” Casting her eyes back in Catherine’s direction at the sound of her name it wasn’t hard to read the questioning look Catherine was sending her.

“I would have to accept it if that’s all you wanted I can’t force you to want more force you to want me.”

“Do you remember when you came to see me during the Eiger case and we had that conversation in my office?” Sara couldn’t help but notice that Catherine’s voice had taken the tone it took when she was explaining things to Lindsey.

“I remember most of our conversation,” Sara admitted.

“Then you’ll remember me saying that I was ready to do it all again with someone.”

“I remember feeling sick thinking that there was someone out there you wanted to share your love with and even though I had Sofia in my life I wanted it to be me you wanted.”

“I really hope that you’ve realised that it’s you I want more than anything. If it wasn’t though you’d still be sat here today wouldn’t you? You tell me enough that I don’t set my standards high enough and that I pick jerks you Sara Sidle are an actual idiot.” Catherine told her reaching over to hit Sara on the arm. “You actually think you could be filler for something better. If anything, anyone I’ve slept with in the last five years has been filling in for you. I didn’t realise it till Novak but all I wanted was to fill the void you have left in my life. You had Sofia and I didn’t think I stood a chance trouble was I’d seen you by then and I knew what I was missing. That ended in such a Stella manner and it was once again you that had to pick up the pieces. I want all of you I know that I haven’t always given you cause to just be you around me but that’s what I need. We need to get to know each other properly if we are going to see if the feelings we have for each other can grow into something more. My daughter loves you because you are always one hundred per cent honest with her good or bad and I need that from you now too.”

“So, I’m an idiot.” Sara smiled rubbing the spot on her arm where Catherine had hit her. “But not a jerk, well I certainly don’t think I’m a jerk.”

“Definitely not a jerk.” Catherine smiled leaning over pressing a gentle kiss to Sara’s lips. “I think you should go before I lock this door and make you stay.”

  * ●○●●



“Where are the kid’s?” Catherine asked as she walked into her sisters if she was being honest she was a little disappointed not to see then in the vicinity as she walked in. If they were there then it would mean Nancy was less likely to ask so many questions.

“Jerry had something that he couldn’t live without showing Lind’s.” Nancy smiled at her son’s behaviour. “I think Lind’s was holding out to see if you could talk Sar’ into coming in I think she’s going to be disappointed that you couldn’t but by the look on your face you are too.”

“Very,” Catherine admitted following her sister through to the kitchen hoping this meant she was at least going to get coffee to go with her interrogation. “Not a lot you can say when she says she’s going to see Aaron though is there.”

“Well no they are still a little of kilter and I know that they both just want to put whatever happened behind them and nights like tonight go a long way in doing that.”

“She never told you what happened between them?” Catherine was surprised and a little dubious. Was she meant to believe that there were things Sara didn’t even tell Nancy?

“Well as shocking as it seems for you to believe no she hasn’t told me what Aaron told Mr Grissom to make her so upset.”

“Does it bother you that she keeps things from you?” Catherine knew it was going to bother the hell out of her if Sara kept secrets going forward. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting full disclosure next time they met but surely getting to know each other meant telling each other about themselves.

“With Sara not so much, I know that she has to be ready to tell me not just me being ready to hear. I mean whatever this was it stopped them talking for weeks I mean we’re talking Az and Sar’ that’s got to be big hasn’t it?”

“It must be massive,” Catherine sighed. “I want her to want to tell me not just tell me because I’m making her but I just want to know her what makes her tick I know sometimes something happens and she’s not here she goes somewhere and I don’t want to lose her there someday.”

“It will happen Cath I’m sure but as I told her with this whole thing with Aaron you can’t force it. As horrible as it is sometimes you have to do the hard bit in the middle.”

“I know.”

“Plus, I think she didn’t come in for another reason.” Nancy teased trying to lighten the mood. Her smile was wicked at her sister’s groan.

“Why is that then?”

“Oh, come on it doesn’t take that long to say goodbye and maybe ask her in. unless there was some making out going on.” The blush on Catherine’s face told her everything. “Knew it!”

“We may have kissed,” Catherine admitted begrudgingly.

“And knowing Sara she’s now giving you some time to process that.”

“That’s exactly what she said I could use this time to think this over.”

“I’m not sure what I want to know more if you need to think about this or if Sara’s as good at kissing as I think she should be.”

“You’ve never kissed Sara?” That really was something that surprised her Nancy was so close to Sara she found it a little hard to believe that they hadn’t even tried it once.

“Yuck no not even thought about it! I know we have this mild flirty relationship but that’s it we’re friends best friends never anything more.”

“But you’ve thought about how she kisses?” Catherine quirked an eyebrow in question.

“She’s so passionate about everything she does so I guess she must put that into kissing too. That blush on your cheeks tells me that she’s very good at it. Seriously though do you need time to think about what happened and what happens next?”

“No.” Catherine didn’t even have to think about it. “Sara and I want the same thing we know we need to get to know each other better if we’re going to let this thing grow. What are you grinning at?”

“You big sister because I know you already have it bad for her and I find it incredible that we’re talking about Sara like this considering the conversation we used to have.”

“I know and I know that I’m very lucky after everything I have said and done I have a chance with Sara.”

“It hurt you when you saw her with Sofia didn’t it?”

“I think if I’m honest it hurt me way before that seeing her at her graduation party with Faith I really started to realise that it was jealousy that I was feeling. All the times we spoke and she told me that there was someone out there that would treat me the way I should be treated and I wanted it to be her never actually believing that it ever would be.”

“She already treats you better than anyone you’ve ever dated she is just that person. Jerry and I have always been so thankful for the way Sara came into our lives and changed them for the better. He looks up to her so much there’s nothing he doesn’t do that isn’t somehow influenced by her in some way.”

“You love her don’t you?”

“Pretty much from the moment I met her but don’t worry it’s purely platonic always has been she’s my best friend and I would do anything for her. That includes kicking your arse if you fuck this up no matter how much I love you.”

“I don’t intend too I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park I know Sara and I will continue to press each other’s buttons that’s just the people we are I’m not letting go without a fight though.” Catherine’s declaration was more impassioned than she had meant it to be but lingering thoughts that this could slip away plagued her.

“Don’t worry I know exactly what she’s like and I’ll be kicking her arse too.” Nancy sensed her sister’s unease. “I have great faith in you two though I know you both know you can have what you want and I don’t think either of you will intentionally be sabotaging this.”

  * ●○●●



“Why do you look like you solved a triple homicide only to work out you were the killer.” Aaron smiled as he poured two glasses of juice handing one to Sara. “You’ve been bouncing in that way you do when you can’t decide if you want to stay or run and I’m worried.” He added getting serious. He had asked Sara here so they could hang out for a while but now it seemed that she obviously had something on her mind and she needed to talk whether she wanted to or not.

“I spent the day with Cath and Lindsey.” Sara sighed taking a sip from her juice and nervously bouncing from one foot to the other. She hated her brother for knowing her so well sometimes. She hadn’t even noticed that she had a nervous bounce and now she was annoying herself with it.

“Yeah I know you took them back to skydive I hear Lindsey loved it the first time.” Aaron stepped around the counter placing both of his hands-on Sara’s shoulders she was making a little queasy with all the bouncing. “I would have loved to see Cath skydiving.” He smiled and was relieved when Sara managed a small smile in return.

“It was a sight to behold.”

“I’m sure it was, I’m also sure that it’s not the reason you’re so on edge.” Aaron took Sara by the hand and led her over to his sofa pulling her down next to him. “What happened.”

“I just dropped her off at Nancy’s and when Lind’s went inside we talked and then we kissed,” Sara told him placing her juice down placing her head in her hands. “We kissed she kissed me back.” Sara looked up at him and his heart nearly broke at the look in her eyes. He could tell that she wanted to be happy but the pain in her eyes was real. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it Catherine kissed me back Catherine Willows kissed me after everything we have said to each other. I was flying and then halfway here I remembered.”

Sara dropped her head into her hands again and couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. She sobbed and Aaron pulled her close kissing her head and soothing her best he could. It took him a moment to figure out her train of thought.

“You remembered Star!”

As she starred to sobbed harder he guessed he was right. He shook his head and pulled her tighter his heart-breaking all over again for the fragile state his sister was in. They hadn’t spoken about Star in such a long time and although he knew deep down she still hadn’t dealt with what had happened to her girlfriend that night, he had let himself believe that it was all going to be ok.

“Sar' you didn’t do anything wrong by kissing Cath and I think there’s a massive part of you that knows that. That’s the part of you that you’re mad at right now because you know that you could be happy with her.”

“I don’t deserve to be happy and I can’t believe that I let myself think that I do.” Sara pulled herself away from Aaron she was so full of self-loathing that she couldn’t stand the thought of her brother trying to comfort her right now. It all suddenly felt suffocating and she couldn’t stand it.

“Hey out of all the people I know you are probably the most deserving of a little happiness and I know without a doubt that Star would feel the same. She wouldn’t want you to be this unhappy because of her. I know you blame your self for what happened and I know that when she died part of you lost a light. But you have to let go of some of that guilt and start to move on or you’ll be stuck in that parking lot forever.”

“If I stop if I let go then she really is dead and I’ve let her down all over again.”

“If that’s really how you feel if you can’t let go of her then you need to tell Cath that you had a lovely time today but you’re sorry you shouldn’t have kissed her because you don’t want to be anything more than friends with her.”

Sara’s head shot up at his words that really wasn’t what she had been expecting him to say but then again he really wasn’t anything if not honest with her. “What not what you were expecting? It’s true though look what happened with ‘Fia when you weren’t one hundred per cent committed she’s hurting and you have more guilt. Do you want to put Catherine and Lindsey through that?”

“No,” Sara admitted with a shake of her head. “I really didn’t have any intention of hurting Sof' I thought we could make it work I never guessed that Catherine would take over so much of my life.”

“Exactly now try doing that with Cath being the one that looks like you broke her heart every time you talk to her.”

“I couldn’t do that to her or Lindsey. I really want to not feel like this every time I kiss Cath though and I don’t know what to do.”

“Stop blaming yourself for what happened to Star. I believe without a doubt she doesn’t blame you.”

"I couldn’t save her and she died…” Sara stopped the words burning her throat as she thought about it. “In my arms and I, all I wanted to do was die too better that than actually live without her.”

Aaron pulled her tighter remembering the look in her eyes as she had been pulled away from Star on graduation day. Something in her had broken and it wasn’t until very much later that she had even started to come back from that. She still wasn’t there he didn’t think but he had a feeling that Catherine could help her with that help put that smile he hadn’t seen in nearly ten years. 

“You are alive though but you have to live and you have the right to love again. I know what you had with Star was special and she was special but she loved you and she wouldn’t want you to stay single forever just so you never have to talk about her, I remember her telling you that all she wanted was to see her Sidle, Sara Sidle happy."

"She did."

Sara was trying so hard not to cry as she remembered that night on the beach, Aaron was home for the summer and he had given the ok for a night visit to the beach. Somehow the conversation had come to dying (just for a change in Sunnydale) and all Star had said was if anything happened to her all she would want was for Sara to be happy.

"And do you really think she would want this, you to be unhappy just because you don't want to talk about her?"

"No, she would want to be remembered but not to get in the way," Sara admitted knowing deep down that if Star could see her now, she would be angry with Sara for letting her memory affect her life in such away.

"Talk to Cath, don't throw it away, you don't get many chances with people like that. Star was special, Cath is too though."

"If I want to explain it all properly I have to talk about Mom and Dad."

"So do it, tell her, let her help you heal, God knows you won't let anyone else."

"You help."

"Sar' I'm as messed up as you are."

"Then we're both screwed," She observed.

"Talk to her."

"You don't mind me telling her about what happened to us. After the way I reacted."

"I'm saying it's ok... I told Griss and you weren't ready but I'm telling you to do it, you need to trust someone. Hell, I'm lonely here being the only one inside your walls."

“I need to do something I really liked Kissing Catherine.”

“Yuck I don’t need to think about it ok.” He smiled shoving her gently. Grateful when she smiled a little bit. “I know that one conversation isn’t going to unburden you of ten years of guilt but I really want you to be happy little bit.”

“I know and It's not going to be an overnight cure but I think you’re right Catherine can help if I let her.”


End file.
